(10:03:14) lilartchicky: haha...only LOSERS sleep past 6 AM!!!
(10:03:14) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(10:03:30) lilartchicky: i had a spooky dream
(10:06:19) lilartchicky: i was in this dark basement on this really narrow bed, and i couldn't get up. an older lady walked in with a wheel chair and rolled it to the end of the bed where i was laying, and said to me : "that won't be good for the baby." i was confused, but way too fatigued to get out of bed and ask her what she was talking about. she walked away and as she did, my eyes followed her out of the room. it was then that i noticed i was hooked up to an IV...and sitting on a little wodden crate beside my bed was cocain being melted in a Coke can.
(10:06:19) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(10:07:15) lilartchicky: hope your dreams are a bit more pleasant...and less puzzling
(10:13:37) lilartchicky: while your lazy bum is in bead, i managed to achieve going shoppin for some last mintue school supplies, going to Mc Donalds cause my 6 year old bro Brett wanted to exchange his toy, and cleaning my room. ha...you've acheived absolutely nothing since 6 this morning.
(10:13:37) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(10:13:57) lilartchicky: it is now 11:10 my time
(10:14:17) lilartchicky: *wonders how long it will take you to wake up*
(10:15:57) lilartchicky logged out.
(10:38:12) lilartchicky logged in.
(10:38:24) lilartchicky: i wrote you a poem:
(10:38:24) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(10:38:36) lilartchicky: matt, you're too lazy; you sleep in
(10:38:38) lilartchicky: too late
(10:39:04) lilartchicky: you're a little bit crazy; but that i
(10:39:07) lilartchicky: don't hate
(10:39:15) lilartchicky: the rainbow you wear
(10:39:22) lilartchicky: and to that you declare,
(10:39:43) lilartchicky: "i dont hear what folks say,
(10:39:55) lilartchicky: and quite frankly don't care."
(10:40:21) lilartchicky: you do what you want and you say
(10:40:24) lilartchicky: what you please
(10:40:24) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(10:40:33) lilartchicky: when you get what you want
(10:40:37) lilartchicky: your mind is at ease
(10:40:53) lilartchicky: you have friends named kat and erynne
(10:40:55) lilartchicky: and keith
(10:41:03) lilartchicky: and you have shiny braces all over
(10:41:05) lilartchicky: your teeth
(10:41:15) lilartchicky: you pout when im near you
(10:41:19) lilartchicky: about how i fear you
(10:41:27) lilartchicky: and you say that you love me
(10:41:36) lilartchicky: when i dont have a clue
(10:41:51) lilartchicky: i think you're a great friend
(10:42:01) lilartchicky: but that all depends
(10:42:12) lilartchicky: on the type of IMs you tend to send
(10:42:41) lilartchicky: :-D
(10:42:41) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(10:42:47) lilartchicky: pretty good, eh?
(11:03:24) lilartchicky logged out.
(11:39:12) lilartchicky logged in.
(11:41:44) lilartchicky: LOSER
(11:41:44) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(11:41:51) lilartchicky: its 12:38
(12:06:50) lilartchicky: *eyes clock irritably*
(12:06:50) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(12:06:58) lilartchicky: it is 1:03
(12:23:26) lilartchicky: you've been online for 23 hours and 25 minutes...and you've been sleeping for 8 hours and 36 minutes
(12:23:26) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : sleep.
(12:23:45) lilartchicky: why dont you just sign off when you go to sleep?
---- New Conversation @ Thu Aug 7 15:13:15 2003 ----
(15:13:15) lilartchicky: haha...its like you knew id be talking to your away message
(15:13:15) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : Have fun talking to this away message. It's a better orator than I.
(15:13:21) lilartchicky: where did you go?
(15:13:32) lilartchicky: you've only been idle for ten mins
(15:13:43) lilartchicky: so it couldnt have been too far
(15:14:02) lilartchicky: shoot...at least you used proper english
(15:14:10) lilartchicky: most people would say
(15:14:23) lilartchicky: 'its a better orator than me'
(15:14:26) lilartchicky: but not you
(15:15:25) lilartchicky: you are never on when i want to talk to you
(15:15:25) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : Have fun talking to this away message. It's a better orator than I.
(15:15:33) kandykai: do you want to talk to me now?
(15:15:33) lilartchicky: its upsetting
(15:15:41) lilartchicky: lol
(15:15:44) lilartchicky: yes
(15:15:56) kandykai: yay
(15:15:59) lilartchicky: ive been wanting to talk since 11:00
(15:16:06) kandykai: 10, my time
(15:16:10) kandykai: i liked the poem
(15:16:12) kandykai: :-D
(15:16:14) lilartchicky: haha
(15:16:27) lilartchicky: yeah, i was bored and had nothin else to do
(15:16:36) kandykai: heh, that makes me feel special
(15:16:37) kandykai: :-/
(15:16:42) lilartchicky: i came up with it in like 45 seconds
(15:16:50) kandykai: hahahahah
(15:16:55) kandykai: you probly spent all last nite writing it
(15:17:18) lilartchicky: yeah right! i was too busy dreaming that i was in a scary basement
(15:17:28) kandykai: you know, there's a saying
(15:17:36) lilartchicky: ...
(15:17:36) kandykai: "everyone you dream about is you"
(15:17:45) kandykai: a reflection of yourself
(15:18:05) lilartchicky: did you get the first im i sent you
(15:18:12) kandykai: about the dream?
(15:18:16) lilartchicky: yaeh
(15:18:18) kandykai: si
(15:18:18) lilartchicky: *yeah
(15:18:29) lilartchicky: haha...im not a cocain adict...and im not pregnant
(15:18:37) kandykai: maybe its what you want?
(15:19:15) kandykai: you wanna have kids
(15:19:18) lilartchicky: laura said i had the dream because i watched pulp fiction the other night...and the baby part bc shes pregnant
(15:19:18) lilartchicky: i like her answer better than yours
(15:19:18) kandykai: you wanna try drugs
(15:19:20) kandykai: *shrug*
(15:19:25) lilartchicky: no and no
(15:19:34) lilartchicky: not currently
(15:19:34) kandykai: i hope i dont know this laura
(15:19:41) lilartchicky: my step mom
(15:19:43) lilartchicky: so no
(15:19:44) kandykai: nod*
(15:19:57) kandykai: you never said you watched pulp fiction
(15:20:00) kandykai: i'd say thats the answer
(15:20:21) kandykai: i watched that movie when i was like 7 or 8
(15:20:27) lilartchicky: i was going to tell you something last night but i forgot what it was
(15:20:30) kandykai: and i was so confused for the next week
(15:20:38) kandykai: do you remember now?
(15:20:39) lilartchicky: oh i saw it for the 1st time
(15:20:41) lilartchicky: no
(15:20:44) kandykai: ic
(15:20:56) lilartchicky: yep
(15:21:18) lilartchicky: hmm...i think it had something to do with that PM you sent me
(15:21:24) lilartchicky: *shrug*
(15:21:26) kandykai: the humpy one?
(15:21:31) lilartchicky: yeah
(15:21:34) kandykai: :-D
(15:21:37) lilartchicky: thats the only one you sent me
(15:21:45) kandykai: *humps your leg*
(15:21:49) lilartchicky: oh....i remember
(15:21:52) lilartchicky: haha...
(15:22:04) lilartchicky: ok, would you seriously want to do that with me?
(15:22:12) kandykai: hump your leg?
(15:22:15) lilartchicky: no
(15:22:16) lilartchicky: silly
(15:22:17) kandykai: ...not particularly
(15:22:45) lilartchicky: answer honestly. im really interested in what you're gonna say.
(15:23:02) kandykai: okay, there was a time when i thought i did want to
(15:23:14) lilartchicky: but then i told u the truth
(15:23:16) kandykai: but then i realized that i want more than that
(15:23:18) lilartchicky: and now you dont
(15:23:20) lilartchicky: oh
(15:23:29) lilartchicky: explain
(15:23:40) kandykai: what im trying to say is
(15:23:47) kandykai: i am attracted to you
(15:23:51) kandykai: sexually
(15:24:01) kandykai: (i'd say in every way possible, actually)
(15:24:11) kandykai: but i think it wouldnt be right to do it
(15:24:17) kandykai: at this point in time at least
(15:24:26) lilartchicky: and why is that
(15:24:37) lilartchicky: besides the fact that im a few hundred miles away
(15:24:45) kandykai: ...i could stretch it
(15:25:07) lilartchicky: riiiiiiiiiight
(15:25:09) kandykai: seriously though
(15:25:10) lilartchicky: ...
(15:25:37) kandykai: i dont really know how to explain it
(15:25:40) kandykai: its just something i feel
(15:26:02) kandykai: like explaining happyness, or anger
(15:26:07) kandykai: hard to do in words
(15:26:14) kandykai: its just something that doesnt seem right
(15:26:29) lilartchicky: i understand completely
(15:26:50) lilartchicky: i couldnt agree with you more
(15:27:00) kandykai: yayee
(15:27:10) kandykai: *gasp* we agreeee?????
(15:27:32) lilartchicky: haha....that we dont want to have sex? yes
(15:27:41) lilartchicky: most definately
(15:27:45) kandykai: (on a side note, its raining here and it sounds really nice)
(15:27:45) kandykai: :)
(15:27:56) kandykai: i would...
(15:28:00) kandykai: just not yet
(15:28:12) lilartchicky: oh
(15:28:14) kandykai: and the fact that youre thousands of miles away
(15:28:16) kandykai: :-P
(15:28:50) kandykai: i just think that you've been takin advantage of so much
(15:28:57) kandykai: i dont just wanna be another guy that pulls that shit
(15:29:23) lilartchicky: hmm...well, im sick of guys, to tell you the truth. and i'd be fine without any sexuall contact for another 5 years at least. im just so bored with the idea
(15:29:26) lilartchicky: that too
(15:29:43) lilartchicky: ive learned to move on
(15:29:49) kandykai: thats good
(15:29:55) lilartchicky: so its not so much having to do with my past anymore
(15:30:08) kandykai: nod*
(15:30:10) lilartchicky: its just theres not that curiousity anymore
(15:30:40) lilartchicky: theres no "special" feeling or whatever there was the first time
(15:30:47) lilartchicky: and i dont know if there will be again
(15:30:50) kandykai: heh *really doesnt want to be a 22 year old virgin*
(15:31:15) lilartchicky: haha
(15:31:35) lilartchicky: it fascinates me that u talk as if you want to lose your virginity to me
(15:31:44) kandykai: lol
(15:31:52) kandykai: itd be nice, but i have a feeling its not going to happen
(15:32:13) lilartchicky: i'd feel guilty if it did
(15:32:20) kandykai: i wouldnt
(15:32:21) kandykai: ;-P
(15:32:25) lilartchicky: i know you wouldnt
(15:32:29) kandykai: why would you?
(15:33:33) lilartchicky: it just....wouldnt be special...i cant explain it. but like i said...it would be nothing new to me, and for you , its like giving yourself to me--when i've already been taken
(15:33:53) kandykai: nicely said
(15:33:57) lilartchicky: its not fair to you
(15:35:31) kandykai: but would it be better for me to give myself to someone i really dont love?
(15:35:53) lilartchicky: i just know how important it was to me to be with someone i
(15:35:59) lilartchicky: i dont know
(15:36:04) lilartchicky: do you really love me?
(15:36:13) kandykai: yes
(15:36:15) lilartchicky: you could love other people
(15:36:24) kandykai: i dont know if it would be the same
(15:36:27) kandykai: i wish it could be
(15:36:40) lilartchicky: well, ya never know.
(15:36:53) kandykai: i guess time will tell
(15:36:58) lilartchicky: i guess so
(15:37:28) lilartchicky: im just tryin to be as realistic as humanly possible....im going to live here for at least 5 years
(15:37:41) lilartchicky: im going to meet guys...you're going to meet other girls
(15:37:53) lilartchicky: if the right one comes along
(15:38:01) lilartchicky: i dont want you to hold back
(15:38:04) lilartchicky: because of me
(15:38:15) kandykai: and you dont want to be held back by me
(15:38:17) kandykai: i understand
(15:39:23) lilartchicky: im not going to be held back...
(15:39:28) lilartchicky: ok
(15:39:32) lilartchicky: let me explain
(15:39:41) lilartchicky: i had to tell the same thing to brad
(15:40:00) lilartchicky: plain and simple: I AM FED UP WITH GUYS
(15:40:03) lilartchicky: period
(15:40:13) lilartchicky: im not going lesbo on ya
(15:40:22) lilartchicky: i just need a break to focus on school
(15:40:28) lilartchicky: and getting that scholarship
(15:40:43) lilartchicky: im not going to be looking for a guy while im here
(15:40:48) lilartchicky: its a waste of time
(15:41:04) lilartchicky: i've decided that i'll meet a guy when God decides its right for me
(15:41:14) kandykai: i hate to blame others, but it really pisses me off that some pricks ruined it for people like me.
(15:41:18) lilartchicky: and i dont need to LOOK for him...he'll just show up
(15:41:32) lilartchicky: even if they didnt...id be here
(15:41:44) lilartchicky: so it doesnt have too much to do with them
(15:41:55) kandykai: and if they didnt, maybe id be there too
(15:42:09) lilartchicky: lets be real about this
(15:42:14) kandykai: ive been real
(15:42:16) lilartchicky: where the heck would you stay?
(15:42:20) kandykai: im not talking right now
(15:42:24) lilartchicky: where would you live?
(15:42:30) kandykai: i do graduate high school this year
(15:42:42) lilartchicky: who would pay for your out of state tuition?
(15:42:47) kandykai: grants
(15:42:48) kandykai: loans
(15:42:54) lilartchicky: which costs tons more
(15:43:00) kandykai: i could stay there and become a resident
(15:43:01) kandykai: get a job
(15:43:09) lilartchicky: where would you liv
(15:43:10) kandykai: do what people do when they move out of state
(15:43:34) kandykai: i wouldnt go there w/out finding an apartment or something first
(15:43:36) lilartchicky: how would you support yourself? how would you get money to buy a car to get yourself to work?
(15:43:50) lilartchicky: where would you get the money to get that apartment?
(15:43:51) kandykai: i have a car right now
(15:43:58) kandykai: save money
(15:44:00) kandykai: get a loan
(15:44:07) kandykai: do what people do when they move out of state
(15:44:11) kandykai: its not that uncommon
(15:45:20) kandykai: if you think its impossible for us to be together, it is
(15:45:24) kandykai: so im just gonna stop trying
(15:45:52) kandykai: because it seems like no matter what i do, or what i say, or what i feel. it always ends up with you saying no
(15:45:57) kandykai: so im gonna stop
(15:46:19) lilartchicky: im a realist
(15:46:29) lilartchicky: sorry, i cant live in a dream world
(15:46:29) kandykai: i think when i said that last to you
(15:46:36) kandykai: you got pissed at me
(15:46:44) kandykai: because i wasnt being optimistic
(15:46:50) kandykai: well now its my turn.
(15:47:05) lilartchicky: when did you say that last to me?
(15:47:14) kandykai: last year
(15:47:24) lilartchicky: im sure it was under different circumstances
(15:47:31) kandykai: it was
(15:49:03) lilartchicky: ...
(15:49:11) lilartchicky: so whats your point
(15:49:20) kandykai: my point is, now the tables have turned
(15:49:28) lilartchicky: how so
(15:49:37) kandykai: im the one being optimistic
(15:49:38) lilartchicky: what do you want me to tell you?
(15:49:54) lilartchicky: you said youre going to california with keith
(15:50:02) kandykai: n
(15:50:03) kandykai: o
(15:50:04) kandykai: im not
(15:50:14) lilartchicky: thats what you said
(15:50:22) kandykai: and now we're supposed to go to florida
(15:50:26) lilartchicky: o
(15:50:30) kandykai: think of it this way
(15:50:37) kandykai: keith is gonig wherever malorie goes
(15:50:40) kandykai: they want me to come with them
(15:50:51) kandykai: but malorie changes her mind every week
(15:50:56) lilartchicky: that is so stupid!
(15:51:03) kandykai: oh, i know
(15:51:06) lilartchicky: they are in HIGHSCOOL
(15:51:16) kandykai: you act as if nothing can last
(15:51:28) kandykai: and if my love for you doesnt matter because im in high school
(15:51:28) lilartchicky: i think its so stupid when highschoolers "know" they;
(15:51:40) kandykai: if i tell you the same thing next year, would you believe me?
(15:51:41) lilartchicky: are gonna stay together
(15:51:54) kandykai: because you dont now
(15:53:17) kandykai: so im going to wait a year
(15:53:22) lilartchicky: I don't need a guy. its not anything against you...trust me. brad has been telling me the same stuff you've been telling me. trying to convince me that people can be in love and it can work out when people are this young
(15:53:38) lilartchicky: ill believe it when i see it
(15:53:50) kandykai: im going to wait a year, and graduate high school
(15:53:54) kandykai: and when i feel the same way still
(15:53:59) kandykai: im going to tell you
(15:54:02) kandykai: in person
(15:54:06) lilartchicky: good luck
(15:54:09) kandykai: and then, maybe you'll beleive me
(15:54:19) lilartchicky: its not that i dont believe you
---- New Conversation @ Thu Aug 7 15:54:34 2003 ----
(15:54:34) lilartchicky: you are the only one who knows how you feel
---- New Conversation @ Thu Aug 7 15:55:03 2003 ----
(15:55:03) lilartchicky: its just...i know how i feel...and i don't love ANYONE who is not in my family
---- New Conversation @ Thu Aug 7 15:55:15 2003 ----
(15:55:15) lilartchicky: or my close circle of friends
(15:55:28) lilartchicky: (who by the way, are both girls)
(15:56:13) lilartchicky: i dont even know what love is
(15:56:23) lilartchicky: i thought i did once
(15:56:43) lilartchicky: but since then, forgive me for being realistic
---- New Conversation @ Thu Aug 7 16:01:54 2003 ----
(16:01:54) lilartchicky: dont you have anything to say?
---- New Conversation @ Thu Aug 7 16:09:34 2003 ----
(16:09:34) lilartchicky: im bored with this. im out.
(16:09:34) kandykai <AUTO-REPLY> : drowning in self-apathy.