12:58:56 AM CDT
Feeling Happy
Hearing Thousand Foot Krutch "This Is A Call"
*New*
"And now I'm calling out to you, this is a call, this is a call out, 'cause everytime I fall down I reach out to you" -->Thousand Foot Krutch "This Is A Call" Since January 6th, the last time I posted, I went up, and came back down, and am on my way back up on what has been called my "emotional rollercoaster." From about January untill April I was on a spiritual high, so into Jesus, learning and studying about him, my head in the right places, and along came a drop off...not even knowing, not even SEEING it, I took my mind off what it needed to be on (God), and put my head in the WRONG places. I drank, I got involved in a bad relationship, I listened to bad music, I went through a suicidal stage, rebelled against my mom, hated her, and I was always worried about something. Then I realized it, there needed to be another change again, another one in my life, I needed to make the decision and commitment to go back to Jesus and to stay, to continue my walk with him. I started thinking one by one about what needed to change, the first thing that went was the suicidalness, knowing that I had something to live for, then I got rid of the bad habits, -music, cussing, etc., and then I got rid of the bad relationship, and now I'm gaining things, like a relationship, a close and personal relationship with God. I made the commitment this weekend to stay sexually pure untill marriage, I made the commitment between me, God and my future husband. I signed a card, and I prayed about it. And now I'm calling out to you Jesus, I fell down and now I'm reaching out to you..
Sunday, June 27, 2004
10:00:34 PM CDT
Thousand Foot Kructh "New Design"
Wait, I might hesitate, am I a minute too late? Please Lord, I need to know. This pressure's
got me letting go. If I'm wrong, will I still carry on and end up where I belong? I've never
felt this way before. I've never come so close, I've never worn so thin. I'm steeping out
instead of closing in. I left myself behind when I made up my mind. No turning back this time,
this is my new design.
Sometimes, I feel so alone, it feels like I'm standing out here on my own, and I've never felt
so far from home. It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone. Cause sometimes, I
feel so alone, it feels like I'm standing out here on my own, and I've never felt so far from
home. It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone.
I see what you're doing to me, could have been you so easily, but you look the other way. Even
thought we were close the other day, and I'm still tryin to get up this hill. I need you just
like a pill, and I've never felt this way before.
Sometimes, I feel so alone, it feels like I'm standing out here on my own, and I've never felt
so far from home. It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone. Cause sometimes, I
feel so alone, it feels like I'm standing out here on my own, and I've never felt so far from
home. It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone.
Do ya get the feeling everything will be alright? I'm moving, so pleased to meet you, but I'm
movin on, tried to pass it to another, but it's comin on. I can't wait to find out, break me, I
can't seem to climb out of this hole. I'm stuck again, if I'm not out in a minute, I'm jumpin
in. Let's start again, I'm sick of this, let's just get it out. Are ya feelin it? Move back, ya
wanna feel how real it is? Let's just get it out. Are ya feelin it? Move back, ya wanna feel
how real it is?
Sometimes, I feel so alone, it feels like I'm standing out here on my own, and I've never felt
so far from home. It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone. Cause sometimes, I
feel so alone, it feels like I'm standing out here on my own, and I've never felt so far from
home. It's coming on, it hits me when I step outside my zone.
Tuesday, January 6, 2004
7:26:13 PM CST
Feeling Sad
Hearing nothing
..IDK!...
yeah..my mood is somewhere between depressed and uh, cold! I just feel bad...I don't know why, I'm really congested too. Anyway, I've been really obsessed with my self image lately..
oh and my best friend(guy friend) keeps ditching me, but on the phone and at school, he acts like my best friend. gosh, i dont feel like typing..when i come back ill type about my lil identity crisis!! heeh..love y'all!..:)
Tuesday, December 16, 2003
9:58:43 PM CST
Feeling Chillin'
Hearing [Nirvana]
...intro?...
me and my mom got in a fight last weekend, she found some conversations on the computer (saved) about me & a guy, and about my true feelings about her and rick. [rick is her boyfriend that moved in the 3rd week in november..and i resent him, he is basically stealing my mother from me and I dont think i need a guy like that in my life.] well i was @ new braunfels and she called me and was like yelling at me for all these conversations and such, but the first question she asked me was 'are u pregnant?'..there's the hint about the guy...but anyway, she asked me that and I was in like 100% shock, argh..ew..oh my gosh, :\ I said no, [and im not] and she was just like "okay". but LALA, anyway, we kinda fought about rick and she told me she wanted me to go to oklahoma [to live with my daddy].. and i was like fine..yeah..of course. I called my daddy and we made plans for me to move up there. but me and my mom kinda made up since then, and there's only 1 thing still in the way...she wants me to get counseling, she thinks im depressed [okay..explaining this now...I am a sensitive person and if i have a fight with a friend or something, it gets me down..but at the same time, if something little that's good happens to me, im super excited! now because of all that, she thinks it's my depression, ups and downs, mood swings and such...she's worried though, because it does kind of run in my family..but I broke the curse of depression...thru prayer and such]..but yeah that's the 1 thing in the way, she wants me to go to counseling, and i'm..no..no no no no no...no! I refuse, I don't need counseling, all I need is God..no counseling. im trying my best to behave around them, i think ill just quit telling my problems to my momma and all...
Thursday I am going somewhere, me, my mom, rick and his 2 daughters..and Justin [justin's like my brother, he's so cool, he's only been my friend for about half a year, but me and him just like clicked..as like best friends!]..let's PRAY it works out, and PRAY everything is OKAY. We are all going to see this christmas lights thing...
