Quotes

1. “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.”
   -Ted from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure

2. “The last man on earth sat in a room… There came a knock at the door.”
   -The shortest horror story in the world from After the First Death by Robert Cormier

3. “Outnumbered, but never outgunned.”
   -?

4. “Too many poos, we all lose. Hold it in, we all win.”
   -Crank Yankers

5. “Jello wrestling. Yet another sport brought to you by alcohol.”
   -Dave Attell from Insomniac with Dave Attell

6. “A real friend stabs you in the front.”
   -Oscar Wilde

7. “Midgets smell different things in crowded elevators.”
   -Crank Yankers

8. “I think we should see other people.”
   “I’m schizophrenic. I am other people!”
   -?

9. “All these calls are real… the names have not been changed… screw the innocent.”
   -Crank Yankers

10. “At least fat people are harder to kidnap.”
    -Bumper sticker in Spencer’s

11. “Never go for the kill when you can go for the pain instead.”
    -Vengeance demon on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

12. “I have these two friends. One of them is a midget and the other is an albino. Together, we call ourselves the Three Unfuckables.”
    -Dave Attell

13. “Which of these can you find most likely to be in your room? D: My personal vote for the second amendment- fully loaded.”
    -Emode 7 Deadly Sins Quiz

14. “Don’t wait for the destination when the road there is just as fun.”
    -Nine Days

15. “I get to travel to a bunch of over-seas places like Canada.”
    -Brittany Spears

16. “Inflammable is not a challenge.”
    -?

17. “Excuses are like assholes. Everyone’s got one.”
    -Dad

18. “Fraternity love: guy meets girl. Guy pukes on girl. Girl fucks guy’s best friend.”
    -Dave Attell

19. “Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”
    -Gimli

20. “...When your mother sends back all your invitations…”
    -Bob Dylan

21. “If you found a spider on the wall, what would you do?
    A) Kill it
    B) Run away screaming
    C) Pick it up and take it outside
    D) Make it radioactive, have it bite you, and become Spiderman.”
    -Emode Are you Evil? Quiz

22. “The leprechaun told me to burn things.”
    -Ralph from The Simpsons

23. “I got four pounds of pickled herring for free!”
    -Little Amish boy from The Finkle Files

24. “I woke up this morning with an urgent need to pee. That’s how late I slept and I hope every day is like that for all of you until September.”
    -John Mayer

25. “This is the outfit Eminem wore to the VMAs. (Points to Christina Aguilera’s outfit) No, not really. That’s just me wanting to get written into one of Eminem’s songs.”
    -John Mayer

26. “When you laugh, the world laughs with you. When you cry, the world laughs harder.”
    -?

27. “You shouldn’t let life suck. Always take the good side of a bad situation, and if you can’t find one, make your own.”
    -Courtney

28. “You can’t live life looking through a mirror.”
    -?

29. “If you win in your mind, you can be burning to death while maggots chew on your eyes and still have a sense of accomplishment.”
    -Forget Life Sucks

30. "Cynical? That's my fascination. I do hateful things for which people love me, and loveable things for which they hate me. I am the friend of enemies, the enemy of friends; I am admired for my detestability. I am both poles of the Equator, with no Temperate Zones in between."
    -E. K. Hornbeck of Inherit The Wind