Apologize

I can't get Ace off my mind as I lay in my bed trying to get some sleep. It was cold night so I had the fire place in the bedroom lit. I remember the first time Ace was over in the new house. She was laying across my bed in a pair of camo pants she got from Realtree and one of my big sweatshirts. That was the night we shared our first kiss together that I know was more the friendship I can almost taste her again on my lips the smell of her perfume mixed with my sweatshirt. The sweet smile we shared when we broke apart. Her soft hair I was able to run my fingers through.

*************Flashback*******************

"June it is freezing in here."

"God Ace you are so smart why do you think I have the fireplace in the bedroom"

"Well knowing you it for some kinky fetish you have you know like the mirrors over the bed." she cut hers eyes over at me as I just stand at the door

"Give the ACE one point I have just silenced the June" I can't help but want to kiss her as she slides on my sweatshirt over her t-shirt and relaxes back across my bed. I go and start the fire I can here her whistle as I bend down to get the wood. As the fire starts I walk over to her laying there looking up deep in thought. I can't help but lay next to her as she automatically cuddles to my side. With a slick move my arm was pulling her closer I could hear her yawn

"What are you thinking about" I say in a whisper.

"All my dreams June they are finally coming true I am working PR for a race team I am in law school getting my degree I have close friends that make my life special I have everything I ever wanted." Her eyes look up to me

"Tell me all your dreams" she says in a soft whisper. I can't control not kissing her I gently lean down and capture her soft lips I can feel her tense then relax and roll back over so she has her arms around my neck the kiss deepens as it feels like I am in heaven kissing angel.

"June what just happened" I see the confusion in her eyes but her smile is what is speaking to me.

"I don't know. I just...just.. Oh yeah I got you something from the cruise it is in the living room" that was smart Junior change the subject and bail to the living room.

"Close your eyes and hold out your arm."

"June"

"Close em Ace" She closes her beautiful blues as her long eyelashes brush across her cheeks. I take the beautiful bracelet with diamonds and ice blue stones.

"Open" I have to admire the way it looks on her arm it my way of claiming her in away showing love but her not knowing

"June this is so pretty Oh My God thank you." Before I know it she throws her arms around me and we tumble back on the bed this time her lips land on mine for a brief moment.

Later on that night she feel asleep talking her head on my chest and our fingers interlaced. I knew she was with Curt but he used her he had a girlfriend that gave him the physical part of the relationship but Ace was his emotional reserve he could say jump and would be like how high. I knew it was bringing her spirit down. She just wanted to be love I could be the one to love her.

"Ace you are my dream" I whisper as she snuggles deeper into me.

Your love's never been better

So good it's a sin

But it's time for a decision

Is it me or him?

Before you make your mind up, hear me

I just want you to see things clearly

This should be about love, not money

Don't let him try to take you from me

I don't wanna have to apologize

I don't wanna feel I've been penalized

Just `cause I can drive in a better car

Live in a bigger house just like a superstar

He says that I can only give you

Material things, but that's not true

You see my heart is rich with love for you

Don't let him make you doubt my love for you

Yeah, baby

God there she is sitting behind her cherry desk her brownish auburn hair pulled back my favorite way I can see she has the bracelet I bought her on her fair skinned arm as she is in deep thought typing on the computer with the picture of us together in the front of DEI on one side then on the other the man that has never fully gave her his heart just only toys with her emotions. I look once more at the picture of us. I have her in my arms her smile I know is like mine full of love that is secret and forbid.

"ACE" I say as a smile spreads across my face as her deep blue eyes glance up and she give me that warm smile her full lips drawing back showing her sparkling pearly whites.

"June" the way she says my name makes me what to grab her and pull her deeply in my arms and just once show her all the love I have for her.

"You just going to stand there or you going to sit." she starts to laugh as I am plop down in the chair in front of her desk.

"Ace what are you doing tonight. You know you want to come a watch a movie and do you favorite thing." Hoping if I play it off as the best friends that she believes we are she will come over and I can finally get my balls back and tell her I want more.

"I can't tonight Dawn is out of town and Curt wants me to come over." she says in a excited tone

"Oh" It feels like I have just hit the wall at Talladega.

"Dang June don't sound to happy for me that means he wants me." I can see the doubtful smile as she is looking for me to except her decision.

"Ace just be careful okay you are starting to put you heart into I know you say you aren't but you are falling for him when he has a girlfriend." I know I am wasting my time she is as stubborn as I am when it comes to advice.

"June you know I love you like you are my brother and you are out to protect me but Curt wants me now. He is all about me now. That is why he wants me to come over tonight." she is searching for my approval

"He is using you Ace. He knows you are always there for him and he is going to use that. I don't like him" I can tell that her temper was about to show. She remind me so much of Daddy her eyes would turn to ice in a heartbeat when she got angry. The way her eyes are turning now as she is about lower one down on me

"Well that is good Dale he doesn't like you either and if I am being used that is fine if it is by him. You don't know him or this relationship so back out it." I knew she was pissed when she called me Dale.

"I just want to protect you Ace. Remember who is the one that is there when he hurts you and promises you everything and then the next second is all over Dawn. I see how it pisses you off." She just turns and starts to type back on her computer. I can't leave her when she is mad at me the only thing I know is that I want her to turn around and let me see those eyes one more time. I gently get up and head behind her as she types. I lay my hands on her shoulders and she looks up with tears in her eyes.

"Ace baby what is wrong" I just called her baby. All she does is stand up and come into my arms. I am taken back as she snuggles deep into them I can feel her grip on my back.

"I hate arguing with you cause you are right you suck. He tells me you just use me and buy me nice things so that you can keep me around kissing your ass. He said all your money was handed to you and you are just living on coat tails. He doesn't like our friendship." My own temper cranks up

"Ace never would I use you never I don't use people especially people who are my best friends." She wraps her arms around me tighter and gently kisses me on my cheek when she pulls away and looks at me.

"I will talk to him tonight" she says as she wipes her cheeks and heads out to the door leaving me standing her office alone with a empty feeling.

I work hard for my money

No one gave it to me

But some fools think the deeper the pocket

The smaller the heart will be, not true

I'm only tryin' to share me with you

Look at all the lovin' we do

Find the meaning in the words I'm sayin'

I'm not just another player playin'

I don't wanna have to apologize (or give a damn)

And I don't appreciate being criticized (for who I am)

Just `cause I can buy you a lotta things

Or take you anyplace

That's just what money brings

He wants you to believe that I'm tryin' to buy your love

`Cause that's what he would do

He thinks since he's a man with nothing

That he's got better love for you

No way

I can hear Ace yelling inside her house I notice Curt's truck in her yard.

"Curt what the hell is your problem with June"

"June Ace god you even have a little pet name for him"

"We aren't together remember Curt you are with Dawn I am not good enough unless you want attention or you want some to jack you off what am I just a friend with benefits"

"No Ace that is you and Junior I know you slept in his arms one night.

"Well Curt I know you are cheating on your girlfriend with me and If I want to ruin your life with that I can but somehow deep down I can't hurt you why I am not sure."

"You are falling in love with Junior aren't you"

"What"

"Damn Ace you are in love with him. Come on lets get real I am the best thing you can have hell I look just like him. Remember Ace he dates models and beautiful women why would he settle for plain Ace."

"Plain Ace"

"Hell Curt you wanted it"

"Cause I knew what I wanted you would give to me. Just like Junior knows he can get anything done to him from you cause you are "friends"

"You know what we just need to end this cause I am the only one getting hurt. So my advice to you is get the hell out of my house before I call Dawn."

"Wha..."

"I said get out."

I can hear Curt storm out her back door to his truck. I slide behind the porch as he comes around and high tails his truck out of her driveway. I hear a big thud I know Ace has just slammed something against the wall in her anger. Her stereo cranks up as I see her walk out to the dock.

Tell him now, let him go

Or I can no longer be yours

Tell him how you feel about me

I can't keep standing on the side

Don't let him fill your mind with lies about me

Leave him with his fallacies

I don't care what bull he believes

Tell him that enough is enough

Just don't return a disbeliever

You've always been a willing receiver of my love

I don't think I have to apologize (I work for this)

I don't wanna feel like I'm penalized (for being rich)

Doesn't bother me where he thinks I stand

I'm bein' my true self

Just doin' what I can

He thinks I won you with materiality

But honey, you know that's not so

And even if he understood me

It's simply time for him to go---so let him go!

"Ace" I walk up behind her trying to find my voice as she has her feet dangling off the dock with a Jack Daniels bottle in her hand not opened.

"I can't do it anymore. I can't be his seconds I just wanted to beloved by someone be someone's one and only. I thought if I changed he would love me he would want to be with my not Dawn but no matter that I did he always loved her." I slide down next to her taken the bottle away.

"Ace you didn't drink it did you." she was a recovering alcoholic I knew he had pushed her to drink several times but I was the one that changed her to stop partying away the pain now she was back to that low point she was always so strong now she is just broken.

"I couldn't I kept thinking of you and not wanting to let you down June you are the only one I can trust and who loves me for a best friend I just want to be loved for being someone's girl you know."

"Ace I need to tell you something"

"Yeah"

"I love you"

I love you to June"

"No Ace I love you I want you to be my girlfriend kind of love. I know I can buy you everything you heart desires but all I want is your hear to desire me. I don't want to use you like he did I want to love you. "

"You love me"

"I love have loved you for along time."

"Kiss me"

"Huh"

"Damn it Earnhardt Kiss me" I pulled her up into my arms and pulled her lips to mine. I feel her hands go into my hair as we deepened the kiss. I knew I would never have to apologize for being who I was with her.

I don't wanna change you

`cause I'm in love with who you are

So I don't wanna apologize for bein' a superstar

Haven't I proved that I'm here for you?

What am I guilty of?

What did or didn't I do?

Maybe I can't be myself with somebody

Who believes such things are true

I'm losing self-respect from trying

I'm losing my desire too---I can't do it

I don't wanna have to apologize (or give a damn)

I don't wanna feel I've been penalized (for who I am)

Just `cause I can buy you a lotta things

Or take you anyplace

That's just what money brings

He wants you to believe that I'm tryin' to buy your love

`Cause that's what he would do