I had just unloaded my last box and locked the door to my first house. I went to pull up jeans that is when I realized they were Juniors. Of all the times for me to wear something of his it had to be this one. I had ran out of the house so quick. The feelings of wanting him were so strong still. I could feel his hands on my skin and his lips. The imagine of him laying on bed was burned in my brain. I had to sit down. I fell down into the old furniture Kelley had given me from Jrs old house. It sill had the scent of him. I laid my head back against the armrest. If I closed my eyes maybe I could still feel Juniors hands on me the way he told me he loved me. He was my June again. The one I was willing to give everything for. There was someone pounding on my door as I tried to roll over and go back to sleep. I had fallen sound asleep and it was now 3am.
"I am coming hold on" I pulled up Junior's jeans as I walked the bottoms of them dragging the floor. I pulled my hair down brushing with my fingers as I opened the door.
"June" There he was standing there with bags under his eyes and a small box in his hand with a orange bow.
"Avery. Don't slam the door in my face. Just let me come in" I moved out of his way as he carried the box in. As he walked past me the scent of his skin filled me up. I just wanted to have him like he was with me earlier today.
"Umm about earlier today... I think it was"
"It wasn't a mistake. Maybe the timing was off but I wanted you Avery I still want you more than just getting each other off." I had to laugh at him as he stood there. His white legs hanging out of his baggy shorts.
"Nice way with words there June" He was so close our breathes were mixing. I felt his soft hand touch my cheek. I couldn't help but turn into it.
"How are you really doing" The concern in his voice was making fall again. Into his trap. I had to snap out of it.
"Fine. What is in the box?" I pulled back turning my back to him I felt him touch my shoulder then let his hand drop.
It took me by surprise
When I saw you standing there
Close enough to touch
Breathing the same air
You asked me how I'd been
I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine
Oh, but baby I was lying
Well it is something you always wanted" If he knew what I always wanted he would have been in that box.
"And what would that be" I turned to find him holding a black lab pup.
"June he is so cute. Where did you find him at." The pup lick his face causing both of to smile as I wrapped my hands around the animal causing me to touch Junior. There was a shock there something that was more than just chemistry. I sat down on the floor as the pup ran to me. Junior stood there and with a flash he had taken a picture.
"Come back home" I wanted to be back home. I wanted every night to sleep in his arms wake up to him and his wild hair. Be there in the middle of the night when he would wake up and talk to me not knowing I wasn't asleep and pour out all his worries and doubts. Then fall asleep telling me he loved me.
"I can't." I looked down as he pulled my chin up to look at him.
"Why" He knew I would lose my ground if I looked in his eyes.
"June..." I couldn't tell him that it broke me to the core every time I saw him with another girl. This way my form of dealing hiding from it. That if I was with him another night that what almost happened early would happen all the way then what I would just be another notch on his belt.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
That's what I really meant to say
"June... I need you to leave" What was I thinking or saying I was asking him to leave.
"If that is what you want then" He was giving up. I was the one that was suppose to cave not him. His eyes were focused on me.
"I don't know what I want anymore"
"Then come home. Come back to me. We can start over." He had that smile that made my heart melt.
"We can't. There isn't a we. It is Avery and Junior. There never can be a us."
"God Avery give me a chance please I promise I ain't going to hurt you" He never got it that he had hurt me already.
"You already have" I opened the door and stood there it was almost like a stare down.
"Screw this Avery I thought of all people you would understand me but you didn;t you fucking didn't. I love you damn it don't ask me why but I do. I can give you want ever you want."
"Junior I just want you. I want you. But I don't won't to be hurt by you. You don't even get it do you June."
"I guess I just don't." I watched him walk out and down the steps as the clouds of a thunderstorm rolled in. I slammed the door before the tears started to come what was I thinking. I had him just then and turned it away.
And as you walked away
The echo of my words
Cut just like a knife
Cut so deep it hurt
I held back the tears
Held onto my pride and watched you go
I wonder if you'll ever know
I ran out of my house. I had to get to him as I ran a huge thunder clap happened. He was just getting into his truck when I got to the door. I grabbed his arm as I did a heavy rain pour started.
"Don't leave please." My hand slide down his wet skin to his elbow gripping it so he wouldn't turn away from me.
"I think you made it pretty clear that you don't want this" that was it I had ruined it. He had finally got my point but now it was to late for me to take it all back. His blue eyes were burning into mine. His white t-shirt was soaked to his skin and his hair was curlier than ever.
"Dale Earnhardt Jr. I love you and I can't stop loving you no matter how bad you break my heart." I leaned up and kissed him. I felt him grab me up against him and deep the kiss until neither us could breath and had to break apart. When we broke apart he smiled.
"Avery I need to tell you something"
What I really meant to say
Is I'm dying here inside
And I miss you more each day
There's not a night I haven't cried
And baby here's the truth
I'm still in love with you
I stood there waiting on him to tell me he slide his hand threw my hair that had curled up as I stood as soaked as him.
"I miss waking up to you I miss holding you at night. I miss you waiting on me when I get home from the races. I miss you. I do love you. I know you don't believe it. But I will do anything to prove it to you just come home."
"Then why are we standing out here then" I watched him run up to the house soon the puppy was in his arms as he sprinted back to the truck. I rode the whole way in his arms back to the house.
What I really meant to say
Is I'm really not that strong
No matter how I try
I'm still holding on
And here's the honest truth
I'm still in love with you
I woke the next morning in a pair of his pj pants and a tank top. His arms were tightly wrapped around me. I looked over and watched him sleep. When we got home we both changed and feel into each others arms just holding each other talking would come later but feeling him and watching him hold me and love me was what I wanted the whole time. What I wanted to say was that I loved him for life. But that would come right now I wanted to lay in his arms and never move.
That's what I really meant to say
That's what I really meant to say