Kelley : "Dale, Chandler, anyone home?" She has to step over the empty cans that are all over the floor with the mail from the past 4 days that is spread everywhere on her way to the bedroom.
Kelley : "Dale get up"
Junior : "Huh leave me alone"
Kelley : "Dale Junior get out of this bed lets go"
Junior : "Chandler".... my eyes shoot open when I feel someone shaking me to get up. I can feel the little man is back in my head jumping on my brain.
Kelley : "Aww Dale you look horrible come on lets get you something to eat.
Junior : "I am okay I just want to be alone."
Kelley : "You have to leave today for the Richmond"
Junior : "Richmond?"
Kelley : "Yes"
Junior : "Wait today is Thursday?"
Kelley : "Yeah Dale. Hey what is going on?" I get up and walk away from her. Talking right now is not something I want to do especially about Chandler.
Kelley : "Aren't those the clothes you had on Sunday? Dale it Thursday have you even had a shower?"
Junior :"Um I can't remember." I scratch the now beard that has happened on my face.
Kelley : "You Can't Remember?"
Junior : "Kel don't yell man God. I have a headache"
Kelley : "You are going to have more than a headache if you don't tell me what is going on and why you can't remember from day to day. You look like crap and you smell like an empty liquor bottle." I walk out of the room heading to the living room. I fall into the chair and start flipping through the channels
Kelley : "Don't walk away from me Dale, where is Chandler?"
Junior : "Damn it Kelley can you keep your mouth shut for 2 seconds please?"
Kelley : "Don't you yell at me. Where is Chandler? Why are you like this?"
Junior : "She is gone Kel Gone vanished took all her stuff. You happy now that you have your answers?"
Kelley : "Gone?"
Junior : "Yes how hard is it for you to understand she's gone?" I raise up and chunk the remote at the wall it shatters in to pieces
Junior : "There is nothing on TV. I need a drink." She steps in front of the doorway of the kitchen
Junior : "Move"
Kelley : "No"
Junior : "Damn Kel Move or I will move you."
Kelley : "No you are going to listen to me."
Junior : "Move damn it" about time she moves she is hot on my heels as I go to get a beer. Finally Budweiser had sent me a shipment back.
Kelley : "I don't know what your problem is but you need to fix it fast. You have me worried and the crew worried. Teresa and Ty, plus Jade and J.R. all pissed at you cause you have not gone to any appearances this week and have been unable to get reached. You friends are worried that is why they called me. You need to get over you like pity party and get your head back on straight. But that beer down you have to be on the track tomorrow without a hangover."
Junior : "You want me to put the damn beer down Kelley? Fine I will put the damn beer down." My eyes go from blood shot to red I chunk the beer bottle close to Kelley and let it shatter against the wall.
Junior : "You happy now?"
Kelley : "Are you?"
Junior : "Sure Kel I am just great the only person that I finally let in to my heart other than you. Goes and just disappears on me without a good-bye. I can't make the pain go away. I can't drink the pain away and sure as hell can't smoke it away. So how is it going to go away? Oh yeah that is right it won't. Cause she still has my heart. I can have any woman in the world Kelley and I want her, I need her. She is my baby girl. I can't do this anymore."
Kelley : "You don't have to. I am here for you. I am always here Dale no matter what even when you are a mean little prick I still love you and we will figure this out together." She pulls me into a hug. My mind wanders real quick to back when we were little I could always go to Kelley and she would know how to handle it and make it all better I hope she knows how to now.
Delana : "Hey Junior...Is Chandler okay?"
Junior : "De... Um Chandler had to go back home. Her grandmother was sick it was real last minute. I meant to call you but a lot of things came up." that sounded believable semi at least.
Delana : "Oh no prob I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Work was slow anyway. When you talk to her tell her I will call her"
Junior : "Sure" if I ever talk to her again.
Delana : "Ya'll are so meant for each other."
Delana : "Good Luck Tonight"
Junior : "Thanks" I just want to hurry up and get into my car and run this race. Everyone all weekend has been asking where is Chandler, I miss seeing Chandler. Tell Chandler this. If only they knew those were the same questions I am asking myself.
Tony, Sr. :"You ready Junebug?"
Junior : "Yeah Pops"
Pops : "Go kick some ass for your little lady at home."
As soon as the green flag falls Chandler is finally off my mind I throw myself into the race and get into my zone. Everything was going great until the rain delays began. I didn't have a distraction and my heart kept going back to Chandler and how much I wanted her beside me holding my hand snuggle on my shoulder in one of my hats and jackets. The way she smelled when she would wear my shirt and the drakker would mix with her perfume. I put out the cigarette I was about to light. Chan hated it when I smoked. When the race resumed it didn't continue to much longer until NASCAR called another caution which was the end of the race. Now I had no escape. Wonder do I every cross her mind anytime.
Chandler : "Shhh guys he is on TV." I tell the servants in the kitchen. August was in his office doing some paperwork. I was fixated on looking and my bug being interviewed after the race. He looked horrible his eyes were red almost blood shot he was scruffy from not shaving. When his interview finishes they show the dash I notice the picture of us. It is the one taken in front of the tahoe. I want to take him in my arms and share one our earth shattering kisses. I am left with this life. I have to protect him.
Bonnie : "Miss Chandler. Mr. Busch needs you in his office"
Chandler : "Thanks Bonnie." I grab an apple from the bowl and head to his office. The office that he had beat me senseless. The office that my superman come and saved me from.
Chandler : "'What?"
August : "Sit"
Chandler : "I rather not"
August : "Do whatever you wish"
Chandler : "What do you want August?"
August : "I just wanted to tell you that you are going to Michigan in June.
Chandler : "Why" Oh my God Bug will be in Michigan in June. Maybe I can see him or at least see him from a far.
August : "Cause I said so. I want you to see what you have now and what you use to have."
Chandler : "So I have to go to Michigan for that"
August : "Yes we are going to visiting the racetrack. We might even get to see your favorite racer."
Chandler : "You are such a prick" I get to see my bug my love my superman my angel
August : "I know honey but I love you remember that, oh yeah look at these." he slides a manilla folder to the end of the desk.
Chandler : "What is this"
August : "Open it Chandler"... I open up the folder
Chandler: "WHAT THE HELL?"
The pictures of Junior and several girls fall out on the floor and onto the ground by my feet. I look up and see August smirking.
August : "Looks like he didn't love you after all?"
Chandler : "You made these so they would look like this" I don't want to believe that is him. He has a girl on his lap just smiling. Looking at her like he did me.
August : "No honey I can honestly say I had nothing to do with this. It was all him"
Chandler : "Why would he?" I mumble under my breath as I grab the pictures up and head up stairs. I hear August just laugh as I top the stairs. My mind is racing plus my heart is confused. I am the one left. Why am I shocked he has moved on already? Why would he not? He is one of the top men in NASCAR and wanted by millions nearly. I was lucky to have him. I fall back on my bed. The pictures fall beside me. There is one that caught my eye. Junior is just sitting at the bar with a beer in his hand. The _expression on his face breaks my heart his eyes look so empty and lost. I might have hurt him more by leaving then letting August get to him. What have I done? Part of me wants to be mad that he is with other girls so soon but part me understands I left him. I left my bug. I curl up with his shirt and the picture of him beside me. Soon he is filling my dream.
Junior : "Chandler?"... I raise up out of bed. The nightmares are back. I haven't had them since Daddy. I can't sleep. Every time I try to close my eyes she is there I try to reach for her as soon as I touch her she just disappears. I look over at the clock 5am Monday morning great. On my day off I have to be up this early. I head and get an early shower. When I close the curtain. I remember when Chandler surprised me in the shower that one night. The memory lingers long enough for me to start to miss her more. I don't know if my body aches from the race or the punishment I have put it through for the last week. The water beats down on my back hoping it would take away the tension and pain in my heart and body. She was my heart and soul.
When I get out of the shower I try to find something to wear. All I have is my last pair of boxers. I just shake my head as I pull up my Sponge bob boxers. I guess I need to some laundry. Red is just laying in a pile of my clothes sound asleep. As my eyes look around the bedroom the destruction of the last few days is clear. Empty cans and beer bottles, shattered picture frames and empty Winston boxes are everywhere. Chandler would kill me if she saw this. I start to clean it up hoping maybe she would come home if I did things she would want to be done. I had all the laundry done the house finally clean and the cigarette smoke gone when I head someone behind me laughing as I was spraying Lysol in the bathroom in the hall from a recent domination.
Shane : "Yo Martha Stewart what is going on?"
Junior : "Nothing dumbass just getting this shit up"
Shane : "About time it looks better than it did a couple nights ago." he says as he grabs a beer from the fridge.
Junior : "Dude thanks man for Wednesday getting me out of there."
Shane : "No problem man. Just tell me what is going on"
Junior : "I don't want to talk about it. Hey where are the rest of the guys?"
Shane : "Out in the shop"
Junior : "Dude why are we here?"
Shane : "I don't know Martha Stewart."
Junior : "You are a dumbass" I slap him on the back as we head out to the garage.
The next morning I was up and packing. Kelley thought it would be good for me to get away awhile so she booked me and the DMP a cruise. She told the DEI that is was a test run for my cruise that coming up that winter. I left a note on the coffee table for Chandler just in case she came back and I was gone. The pain in my heart hurt just as bad as it did when I found her note a week ago. I still had hope.
On the Cruise Mother's Day
Josh : "Dude man come on this is our last day of paradise lets go do something."
Shane : "Like what?"
Josh : "That" we all look up the beach at the buggy jumpers.
Junior : "Dude you are a dumbass. I am not doing that"
Josh : "You scared?"
Junior : "Nah I ain't scared of shit" my mind quickly reverts back to a discussion with Chandler about me being scared, God I miss her. This morning I sent flowers to my Mom and hers. I miss her the way she looked in the morning. During the night when she would roll over and lay on my chest. I even miss when we fight.
Shane : "Junior you there?"
Junior : "Yeah sorry. Hell lets do it." We all pile on the lever and get harnessed up. The whole way Chandler was still on my mind. This week in paradise was hell. Every woman looked like her she was in my dreams at night. She was there when I woke up. I was going to marry this woman. I loved this woman.
Worker : "Okay who is first?"
Junior : "I'll do it"
Worker : "Hey you are Dale Junior"
Junior : "Yeah" I walk to the edge of the platform that is high up in the sky. I pause for a moment as I look down
Worker : "The hardest part is letting go." Those words linger in my head as I move to step off the ledge maybe it is time to let Chandler go.
Junior 's POV
I swing my truck into the driveway as I drive up closer to the house I see the door open. Red comes running out. The all to familiar long legs and creamy skin of Chandler steps out with Bud in her arms. I can't get out the truck fast enough. My legs can't carry me fast enough up to the porch before I get to the steps Chandler is in my arms and our lips connect. I lift her up into my arms and swing her around. Her brown hair is falling around my face as she looks down in my eyes. I love.....
Jade: "Junior wake up man we are landing" I jerk the hat down over my eyes as I slide back into the seat. We were landing back in Michigan for the next race. I keep going through the motions. After getting back from the cruise letting Chandler go never entered my mind again. I love her to much to give up hope. I am not even angry. If I get my prayers answered all I want is to have her just in my arms. No words just holding her again and letting me love on her. Jade is talking about some kind of appearance tonight as we drive to the track. My mind is where it has been for the past month and a half. I slide my wallet out of my pocket at glance at a small picture of her and Hannah sitting on the couch. I knew then she was going to be the mother of my kids.
Jade : "Junior man, what is on your mind?"
Junior : "Nothing just ready to get in the car man."
Jade : "I like that attitude keep it for tonight. You have been acting depressed lately."
Acting who is acting? My baby is gone. I slide the headphones in my bag on and turn the music up so Jade would leave me alone. I look at the trees as we pass by. My mind is still on Chandler. After a 3 hour signing coupled with a Q & A. I just want some sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see her. I flip on the TV and find one of those all country stations that plays. I have start just listening to country it was her favorite. I still held hope that if I did things she did it would bring her back. One of her favorite groups was playing for the first time I listen to what they were singing as I tried to drift off to sleep.
Tell me you've had trouble sleeping
That you toss and turn from side to side
That it's my face you've been seeing
In your dreams at night
Tell me that you wake up crying
And you're not sure exactly why
Tell me that something is missing
In your life, in your life baby
Tell me you've had trouble sleeping
That you toss and turn from side to side
That it's my face you've been seeing
In your dreams at night
Tell me that you wake up crying
And you're not sure exactly why
Tell me that something is missing
In your life, in your life baby
The Rascal Flatt song fills my earphones as I stare out the plane window. I looked down at my watch we have been in the air for an hour. We should be landing soon on the airstrip next to the track. I jump when August touches my leg. I move away from him and slide my headphones down.
Chandler : "What?"
August : "We are landing sweetheart get ready to see your little lover boy."
Chandler : "You are such a sack of shit, shut up August"
August : "That is right baby I am" he grips my arm and jerks me to him.
August : "Kiss me"
Chandler : "Burn in hell"
August : "Do it"
Chandler : "No" he jerks my face towards his and lands his lips solidly on mine. I jerk back and slap my hand across his face
Chandler : "I am Juniors not yours" I raise up out of the seat thankfully we have landed already. As I walk in front of him off the plane he slaps my ass. I turn around and shoot him the glare Junior had taught me down to perfection. We all piled into the limo that August of course had waiting. There was me and him plus 3 bodyguards to keep me from leaving and going back with Junior. My mind was already thinking of a way to get around that. We arrived in Brooklyn around dinner time. August of course found an expensive restaurant that he could throw his money around in. When we were seated I excused my self to the bathroom.
Chandler : "I have to use the restroom"
August : "Okay Hunter go with her"
Chandler : "No I am going by myself"
August : "If you aren't back...."
Chandler : "I will be back, but not by choice." as I walk down the small hallway to the bathrooms. When we walked in I noticed the pay phone on a little cubby hole by the bathrooms. I look back to make sure August doesn't see me. He is to busy looking at the menu I slide behind the corner and grab the phone. After 2 rings a familiar voice fills my ear.
Delana : "Hello?"
Chandler : "De?"
Delana : "Chan?!?!?"
Chandler : "Yeah"
Delana : "Oh my god it is you. I have missed you. Wait where are you?"
Chandler : "Hey slow down girl I have missed you too. How is Junior?"
Delana : "Horrible he just mopes around and the month of May was really hard on him. Even the racing suffers. Where are you, What is going on?"
Chandler : "I can't talk long and I will explain everything soon I just need your help
Delana : "Anything"
Chandler : "I need to see Junior" I sniffle back the tears that threaten to fall
Delana : "Oh Girl"
Chandler : "Please help me I need to see him just from a far." the tears start to fall
Delana : "You know I will help you"
Chandler : "Meet me at the concession stand on the level below the suites for the track at noon,"
Delana : "I will be there"
Chandler : "Please don't tell Kevin Love ya De bye" I hang up before she can ask anymore questions. When I get back to the table my eyes are still red and I am sniffling
August : "What is wrong with you"
Chandler : "Allergies" I just get a nod as August falls back into the conversation he was having with the guards. Tomorrow was going to be a rough day.
That night I laid in the bed looking out the open blinds over the speedway I could see the Budweiser Hauler, all the memories that I had shared with Junior. What if I ruined it all protecting him. I just need to see him. As soon as I closed my eyes it seem as if I had to open them again. The sun was beating down from the open blinds as I rolled over to look at the clock. 9am in 3 hours I go into the jungle to see my Bug. I head out into the living area of the suite August is there dressed in a suit with his bags packed and his briefcase.
August : "I have an emergency back at the company I have to go back. But you get to stay here and watch your little lover boy with Hunter." He points over to Hunter who is almost asleep on the couch.
Chandler : "Are you coming back?"
August : "If I can, but you don't worry cause you aren't going anywhere"
Chandler : "Just leave already"
August : "Oh yeah don't even think about leaving with Earnhardt"
Chandler : "Screw You"
August : "Please do" I hear him say as I turn around and walk back into my bedroom. I laid across the bed and watch Happy Hour take places. The tears came when I saw Junior drive out. The pain and love mixed together was hard to handle. I was ready by 11:45 to head down. Knowing Delana she was already down there. I had on a Budweiser hat a pair of sunglasses, jeans, and a black tank top that was one of Junior's favorites. I slid the cap down far as I cracked my door. I could hear Hunter snoring on the couch. I snuck past him to the door. He stirred a little as the door squeaked as I opened it. I glance back. God give me strength and protect me through this. This was my silent prayer as I quickly walked down the hall watching my back the whole time.
There are a lot of fans walking around as I get to the level where I am supposed to be meeting Delana. I look around the concession stand. I notice a lady with braided pig tails coming out from under her Goodwrench Plus hat, jeans and the same tank top that I had on.
Delana : "Chan?"
Chandler : "De" no one realizes who she is as we walk and hug each other in the middle of the walkway.
Delana : "Oh my god it really is you. I have missed you so much."
Chandler : "I have missed you too." We both have tears running out from under our sunglasses
Delana : "Please tell me what is going on?" We begin to walk towards the pit road entrance that all the fans use. Delana had got us pit passes that could get you anywhere. We looked like just another group of female fans headed into to the Busch race. Once we got down on pit road we walked over to the media center where other fans were seated at the picnic tables
Delana : "Okay Chandler tell me what is up"
Chandler :"I had to leave."
Delana : "Why?"
Chandler : "I just had to"
Delana : "Get a better answer come on tell me."
Chandler : "I am back with August"
Delana : "What the hell?!?!"
Chandler : "I have to be or he will hurt Junior"
Delana : "Wait what Chandler back up and tell me it all." After filling Delana in on everything that had happened and the reason's behind it we were both in tears. A fan that had passed by asked us if we were okay. Delana reassured me if I ever need her and if August ever laid another hand on me she would kill his ass before anyone else. We got up and headed to the coaches. Junior and Kevin were out with Mikey Tony and Ryan doing a special appearance for the Victory Junction Gang. They would be gone until 6pm.
Delana : "I will be in our coach if you need me"
Chandler : "Okay" we hug as I stand in front of the door debating. My heart wins over my brain. I open the coach door that was unlocked. I step in and the memories come flooding back. The door closes behind me with a slam I jump about 10 feet in the air. I slide the hat off my head and toss it on the table. The pictures on the counter catch my eye. The last time I was in the coach we had no pictures around. As I scan the pictures they are all of me and him, or me and Hannah and Karsyn. There is one of his family all together and one of my family with him from Easter. I pick up the one of us that was in victory lane for the Bud shootout that was our first race together. I look at our smiles, I want that back again. I sit back on to the couch looking at the picture for a while when I hear paw's coming to me. Red has one of Junior's shoes in his mouth coming from the bedroom. Red jumps into my lap and licks my face
You miss mommy? Chandler you are losing it girl. What are you thinking the dog is going to answer you back. I get the shoe back from Red. I walk down the hall to the bedroom. The scent of Junior is one of the sweetest things I can smell. His Drakker mixed with his deodorant and cigarette smoke fills the air as I get closer to the bedroom. When I walk in I start to laugh. The sheets are pushed halfway off the bottom of the bed he bed spread is all the way off the bed. There are boxers on the floor socks at the bottom of the bed. A wet towel hanging on he closet door and I sure with help of Red shoes from one end of the room to the front of the motor coach. There are about 8 coke cans on the night stand next to a picture. I walk over to the side of the bed to get Red off of it. The picture is of me and Junior. In his yard the first time he told me he loved me. It was the one that Kelley had taken of us. Before the tears came back I decided I was going clean this mess up for my bug. I was heading back up to turn the stereo when something on the bathroom mirror caught my eye. It was a picture he took of me as I was sleeping one night. I glance down into the sink. There is toothpaste in it plus his whiskers. His shaving kit is scattered around the sink. The toilet seat is up, there are wet towels on the floor and some more clothes laying around. Red grabs one of the towels and bolts into the front of the coach on to the couch and cuddles up. I turn on the stereo the CD that his favorite Def Leopard CD is in there. I can almost feel him around me.
After a couple of hours. The coach is back to looking the way it did before I left. I want Junior to know I was here. I pull out the perfume that I always where from my purse and spray it into the air. Red gets a little in his nose and starts to walk around and sneeze. I decided to make him a cake. I made his favorite double chocolate fudge. I was actually surprised to find some food. After the empty Easy Mac packets and Eggo boxes on he counter. The cake was ready around 5 I was starting to get pushed for time. Part of me was hoping he would walk in a take me into his arms. But part of me was hoping he would not come back. As I was icing the cake and writing a message on it. Sweet Lady filled the air. My mind drifted back to my birthday and the way he made me feel. God I want this man back in my life. I snuck back out the coach around 5:45. Delana was out there when I stepped back out. We were walking when I heard someone yell my name. It was Junior. He was trying to run and catch up with me. Delana and I stepped into a pit tour group. I could see him give up and the disgusted look on his face. My heart had to smile he still wanted me. We walked back up to the suites she hugged me and I promised to call. When I slide back in Hunter was sitting there watching TV.
Hunter : "Excuse me where you?"
Chandler : "Getting Ice" I pull the bucket from behind me
Hunter : "Oh"
Chandler : "You were asleep when I went to get it"
Hunter : "Okay I was just wondering"
Chandler : "Is August back?"
Junior : "Did you see her?"
Mikey : "See who?"
Junior : "Chandler! Mikey damn it I saw her walking"
Mikey : "No"
Junior : "She was just... never mind." Mikey and I split ways as we headed towards our coaches.
As soon as I opened the coach door, that smell I know that smell that is Chandler's smell I fly up the steps into the coach. As the door slams behind me I jump from the shock. The coach is spotless. Red is curled up sleeping on the couch. Everything in the front is put away and cleaned. I don't even notice what is on the table. I look into the bathroom on the way back to my bedroom. "I LOVE YOU" is written in lipstick and with Chandlers lips on the mirror. All the towels are hung and the counter is clean. Maybe she is in my bedroom and going to surprise me. I can't get into the door fast enough. She is not here. My heart drops in the middle of the bed there is another note.
Hey bug baby
I had to see you. I need to see you. My heart hurts every day for you. I miss you everyday, every minute, every second. I want to be in your arms. I want your kisses and I want your love. Only god could stop me loving you. I don't know when I will be able just to see you from a far again. I miss you terribly. I love you with all my heart and soul. You are my superman my angel and mostly my bug. You are in my prays on my mind and always in my heart.
P.S. Check the Fridge
I fall back onto the bed. I have no anger this time. She still loves me. There is a weird calm that is holding my heart. I know she loves me and she is trying to get back to me. I have to find her. I have to get my baby girl back. That was her I saw. I knew it. I know her body better than she does. Red jumps into my lap. I can tell he was with Chandler he even smells like her. I head back up to the front. I turn on the stereo. Yea, Chandler was definitely here she had her favorite Def Leopard song on my CD on repeat. I open the fridge I have to laugh as I pull out the chocolate cake that has "I love my Bug" written in red icing with two stick figures holding hands. Daddy please bring her back to me
Shane : "Hey June man come on. Damn, the woman are waiting for some Shane to fill up their life."
Junior : "Damn I am coming keep your dick in your pants." I look one last time in the mirror. Being back in Daytona gave me a way to forget Chandler. Especially after the week we had on the beach me and the boys tore up the clubs and the party's at the condo. There was nothing down here that reminded me of Chandler. I was the old Junior again or maybe I was just numb to my feelings for her.
Shane : "That is what the ladies are going to be saying tonight."
Elliott : "Yeah not after they see me. The Candy Man"
Elliott : "June aren't the triplets coming down?"
Junior : "Yeah"
Shane : "I love me some them Damn triplets I mean Dahm they know they want some Shane Hmiel."
Elliott: "Nah man you know one of em has it in for Junior."
Junior : "What?"
T.J. : "Man quit playing dumb you know Jaclyn wants you. She near was humping you last night. If she was doing that to me I would have sealed that deal."
Junior : "Well it is good you aren't me"
Dave : "Damn June man move on! She ain't coming back so you got a note what 2 weeks ago? If she loved you that much where is she?"
T.J. : "Probably with some other guy and she is giving him some of that fine ass of hers. While you got nothing."
Junior : "DON'T YOU EVER TALK THAT FUCKING WAY ABOUT CHANDLER." I grab his shirt and slam him against the truck.
Elliott : "Hey man come on." I feel Elliott pull me back
Junior : "Elliott fuck off"
Junior : "I don't want to hear a damn thing from any of you about Chandler okay just shut the fuck up about it. If I want the DMP's opinion I will fucking ask for it you all got me?"
Shane : "Yeah ya'll come on, the women are waiting for Shane"
The rest of the night Chandler wasn't a thought. We were all in the club girls everywhere being Dale Junior pays off a lot of the time. The Dahm Triplets start hanging out with us again. I am starting to think the guys were right about Jaclyn. Jaclyn led me to the dance floor. I noticed her barely there shirt and short skirt. I felt her hands drop down to my hips and grind her body up against me. I would be a fool to say it didn't feel nice. I just stood there and watched her as she dropped all the way down my body and back up her short skirt showing that she had nothing on underneath it. She start to dance along with the lyrics of the music as she was backing that thing up right into my crotch. I haven't had my needs melt in what 7months. This new feeling of resentment is startling. I never got to make love to Chandler, well she never wanted it and now I have this playmate all over me wanting me to have sex with her and make her feel what Chandler should be feeling. As the song ends she wraps her tan arms around me.
Junior : "Come on lets go to my room"
On the way up to my room I was pushing Chandler out of my mind as far as I could. We stumble back against the door of the condo. There was no loving caring motions in anything we were doing. It was all out of need, my need, and she was willing to satisfy that need. She pulls me up the stairs up to the room that just a couple months ago Chandler and I were sharing. I grip her close to me again and slam my tongue in her mouth. If I feel this emptiness just enough maybe I can forget Chandler. We fall back on to the bed. She jerks my shirt off as I work hers up and over her head. I look down at her body. It is nothing like Chandler's. Chandler had natural beauty not bought beauty. Before my mind went further she was pulling me down on top of her. My hand skimmed up her skirt and unzipped it as she flipped us over her now nude body was straddling mine. There was no love in my heart just the need of being wanted again. She leans down and slides her tongue around my ear and starts to whisper to me. As her hands travel down my body. I was just laying there my mind was starting to catch up to me that I didn't really want this. I wanted it just not with her. My boys on the other hand were ready to go.
Jaclyn : "Junior baby I like a man that plays rough." I feel her take the soft skin on my neck into her mouth and bite it I moan out from the feeling and the pain not in my neck but the pain in my heart. Before I know it she is kissing down my body as her hands are all over my crotch and in my jeans trying to work the button open and the zipper. Her lips are making me feel good but guilty at the same time as they kiss down my chest. She sticks her tongue out and traces the rim of my belly button.
Junior : "OH CHANDLER" wait she is not Chandler. Damn what am I thinking.
Jaclyn : "What did you call me baby? I can be who ever you want me to me. Let make you feel good." She continues down and starts to slide my boxers down.
Jaclyn: "What baby?"
Junior : "Stop" I push her up by the shoulder and pull my boxers and jeans back up. I slide up off my bed and head to the bathroom.
Jaclyn : "What you don't want this?" she stands up fully nude. Instead of that need I felt I feel like I needed to vomit. I just ruined me and Chandler.
Junior : "I want you gone when I come back out."
Jaclyn : "Why Junior I am to much for you to handle? Oh Yeah that's right you like the virgin."
Junior :"At least she has class and not 200 stds." I slam the bathroom door. I jump into the shower trying to wash the night away and the feeling of guilt that are building up. How could I do this to Chandler? I step out of the bathroom. I can see Jaclyn has left but she has left me a couple messages. There is red lipstick smeared all over the bed sheets and bastard is written in eyeliner on the wall above the headboard. Screw this shit. I grab a pillow and fall asleep in the recliner beside the bed.
The sun was shinning through the French doors right in my face. I looked over at the clock it was around 11 I had to be at the track for my QVC appearance at 12 and then the concert for Daddy started at 3. I was coming down the stairs and found all the DMP passed out on the couch and chairs. By 12:15 were all finally headed to the track. Jade had already called and bitched for us being late. The spot on QVC wasn't going to air live until 1 we arrived at 12:50. Kelley and Jade are both standing on stage when I walk up Kelley takes one look at me I can tell she is about to lay into me. She got that look just like Daddy got when he was about to go off.
Kelley : "Who the hell do you think you are? 25 Cent? The white chocolate version of 50 Cent there is no way you are going on stage acting like you walked straight out of P Diddy's closet. May I remind you we have an image and a reputation to uphold not only for the company but for the family? Look at you, you're wearing shoes you've probably kept since you were in high school and I can smell from a quarter mile away, you're shorts are probably the only real decent thing that you're wearing and that's probably because your fashion expert Chandler bought them for you...."
Junior : "Why did you have to bring her into this?" I am getting my microphone on and Dave is just sitting there watching the Earnhardt temper come out in full force.
Kelley : "You've got a hat and a bandana on hey knock knock Junior we're in DAYTONA its HOT! You don't need to boil your head anymore than it already is. All you're missing is your diamond encrusted chain."
Junior : "You done yet?"
Kelley : "No I am just getting warmed up."
Junior : "Great"
Kelley: "I don't know whether to assume this is a joke or your going through a really early mid-life crisis but whatever it is you best be marching your ass back to your place and rethinking on what you're wearing. Think of it this way maybe somewhere out there in TV land Chandler is watching you and would you really want her to see you as E. Diddy?
Stage Hand: "3 minutes until we are on the air"
Junior : "Fine I will fucking change damn. You have any preferences Kelley since I can't do anything right now. I can't even get laid without Chandler ruining my life."
Kelley : "Stop acting like you're a two year old and grow up a little OK? And don't talk like that about the woman I know you love.."
Once the QVC spot was over. I saw Kelley standing on the end of the stage. When I walked off she took me into a hug. I knew she was just looking out for me and the guilt I was feeling I was taking it out on her again. I had to talk to someone. Kel already knew what was going on. She and Karsyn came back to the condo with me. Kelley went and picked out something she knew would look nice. We talked a while and came back to the concert when we walked backstage before the first act came on I saw Jaclyn hanging all over Elliott. The guilt of almost making a mistake with her came back. I knew I had to tell Chandler the question was would I ever get to see Chandler to tell her.
I slide my earphones off as I feel the plane touchdown on the runway in Long Pond Pennsylvania. I glanced down at the NASCAR Illustrated in my hands with Junior's face on. He was going to be in the same town I was going to be in. The irony was I was going to be at a wedding. A wedding that we were supposed to be going to together. I could picture him catching the garter and me the bouquet. It would have been perfect, but now I was just going to be there with my heart hurting while he was at the racetrack with no idea. This was the first weekend August was not sending bodyguards or him coming. He realized that nothing was going to change my love for Junior and to protect the love of my life I was willing to do anything that meant staying with him. I stepped out of the tunnel and was greeted by my girls. The scene was classic we had a huge scream and hug session.
Jamie: "Chan girl look at you! Have you lost some weight?" What a understatement. I haven't been able to eat since I left Junior. If I eat anything it is something small. August goes off if I put on a pound so losing it kept him from taking anger out on me.
Chandler : "A little I think"
Megan : "Well we are going straight to the altering place for the dresses so we can get ya fitted again."
Dana : "Where is Junior?" At the track with my heart, I want to say. I want to tell them that he hasn't been sick or at signing all the times we have seen each other over the past months. I don't want to tell them I am back with August and I want to be back in my Bugs strong arms.
Chandler: "Guys come on it is Friday where else would he be the track?"
Chandler : "So Megan, you ready to sell your soul to the devil by getting married?"
Megan : "Funny you know, you and Junior have been together what now?"
Jamie : "7 months"
Dana : "You to are serious too! Come on you should be the one getting married. You two are so perfect together."
Chandler : "Yeah we were"
Rachel : "Were?"
Chandler : "Are"
Mallory : "Chan what is going on?"
Chandler :"Nothing I am really worn out from the flight I missed my nap."
Megan : "Come on girls I want ya'll to see the dresses."
After getting everyone's luggage from all of our separate flights we piled into Megan and Stephen's Tahoe headed to the dress shop. We all were joking that if they were bridesmaid dresses from hell we were not going to the wedding. We passed all the signs advertising the race that weekend. There was a huge picture of Junior smiling I looked extra long as we passed by it. The girls noticed it, they just took it as me missing him from not seeing him for 2 days. Not from me not seeing him for 4 months. When we pull up the quiet, small little boutique on the outside of the town. Sweet smells filled the air when we walked in there were tons of wedding dresses hanging everywhere and a small little lady behind the counter who looked very sweet. As I walked by she looked at me a little longer than my friends.
Little old lady : "Excuse me miss but aren't you Dale Earnhardt Junior's girlfriend?"
Rachel : "She sure is"
Little old Lady : "You to are so cute together please tell me he has asked you to marry him and you are coming to get a dress here." I just look at her as I can hear my heart break.
Jamie : "Not yet, but they will. They are to perfect for each other." I just stand there trying to hold back my tears. I can't take it anymore I need him. I really need him
Megan : "Okay guys here are the dresses" I hear Megan yell I bolt out of the conversation before I had to even open my mouth. The girls just look at me like I have a third arm as I sprint off.
Soon we are all gushing over the dresses they are just like Kate Hudson's dress in How to Lose a Guy in 10 days just in lavender.("http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0251127/HLG-KEYART1.jpg" ) After we get fitted we all change back out into our outfits from before. Megan heads back to try on her dress one last time. I need to get out of here before I start to cry again. I head out on to the side walk and light a cigarette another thing I have picked up. It help to calm my nerves or that was the excuse I was going to use. I never bought that one when Junior gave it to me. There it is again he is in my brain so much today. As I stub out my cig a little boy wearing a Dale Jr shirt and hat waves at me as he goes by. I quickly turn around and head into the shop once again. I start to look through some wedding dresses as I rifle through them I come to the one that I would want to wear as I pull it off the rack and hold it up against me I hear the old lady behind me.
Little Old Lady : "You look like a princess. I am sure Junior would love for you to be his wife and wear this dress that day. I wish you to grow old together like me and my late James. I hope he pops the question to you. All the fans miss seeing you at the track."
My eyes stayed on the reflection of myself with this sparkling wedding gown as the sales associate incessantly talked about her husband and herself. I don't know so much if it was how she spoke about her own wedding, or Megan's upcoming wedding, or my own future wedding that overwhelmed me at the moment but my heart was pounding my emotions were going full force. My thought stayed on Junior. I could see him so clearly in my reflection. My eyes had lost that spark he gave me. That feeling that I knew I could do anything. What I said mattered and most of all he loved me. Not lusted after me not just want me for sex he loved me for me and all the baggage I had. He loved me enough to risk his job and his stability for me. Looking at the dress I dreamed of our wedding seeing him standing at the altar as I walked down to him and see that smile I loved. I couldn't keep my tears in any longer. I dropped the dress to the floor as my tears and emotions hit me full force.
The girls : "Oh my god Chan what is wrong?"
Chandler : "Jamie I need him"
Jamie : "Who?"
Chandler : "Junior"
Mallory : "Okay we will get him what is the number?"
Chandler : "No You can't"
Dana : "Huh?"
Chandler : "I left him"
Dana : "What?"
Chandler : "I... I had to to keep him..."
Mallory : "Keep him"
Chandler : "I just had to....Oh god what have I done"
Rachel : "Shhhh Chan it is okay"
Chandler : "I want him back I need him back.. I can't live without him Rachel bring him back"
Megan : "Chan honey calm down come on tell us what is going on" I feel Mallory rub my shoulders as I try to calm down my crying.
Megan : "So Junior hasn't been busy all the times we have met up in St.Louis?"
Dana : "Wait Chandler why have we always been meeting in St.Louis?"
Chandler : "I... I... am back with August"
Jamie : "You what?!?!?"
Megan : "Calm down Jamie"
Jamie : "No! Why are you back with that bastard?"
Chandler : "I have to be" my crying finally stops and I start to calm down a little. I see the concern on all my friends faces.
Megan : "How about we go back to the house an talk this all out."
Chandler : "Ok..."
The rest of the night we spent talking in our pajamas playing cards and video games. We danced around and just acted like we were teens again. I filled them all in on everything that has happened and why on the whole August situation. I told them that I thought of Junior everyday and I need him in my life. We came up that Sunday me and the girl minus Megan we were going to go the race or try to and I was going to find my baby. Around 1 we were all crashed out on he floor talking about our fears.
Megan : "My biggest fear it is July 27 and I am getting married in a couple of hours I am going be someone's wife."
Megan : "Chan what about you?"
Chandler : "That I won't ever be in Junior's arms again, hearing him telling me he loves me."