Are You Ever Gonna Love Me

I was laying on the couch when I heard Junior come in. I quickly wiped my tears away so that he wouldn't see them. I doubt he would even care. One day I was the one and only for him then the next I was just there as Avery the best friend not the one he loved or said he did. I don't know what to say to him or what to do to make him love me like he says he does.

"Shh... I don't want to wake my roommate up." I heard him whisper then the sound of him breaking his kiss from the girl by his side. I just laid there as I heard her and him laugh on there way up the steps to his room. I knew that we had never declared us being in a relationship or that I was even his girlfriend. But I thought when he told me he loved me that night on the steps that he really did not that he was just saying that to make me feel easier. I didn't want to go to my room or be upstairs to hear what was going on. I headed down to the basement and spent the night.

"Avery baby why you sleep down here." when I woke there was a sleepy Junior only in his boxers his hair everywhere. I almost forgot how bad he hurt me last night bringing the girl back home until I saw the hickey on his neck and some marks on his shoulder.

"I didn't want to hear you and your girl last night I needed some sleep." I sat up against the couch pulling my hair back waiting for a answer hoping it would be something good that would erase the feelings.

"Courtney" he stood there not smiling just saying her name in a monotone voice as he scratched his head.

"Whatever it is not like I care." my angry was rising as he wanted me just to except the fact and not care he told me he loved me held me and kissed me. Making me feel like I was the only girl he wanted. I stood to walk past him when he grabbed my arm sending me into his bare chest his lips landing on mine as we feel back. I just stared at him as he broke away and kiss me one last time then climbed the steps.

"Dammit what game is he trying to play?"

Tell me what else can I do

Tell me what else can I say

The closer that I get to you

The further you push me away

Till I don't know where to go

And I don't know why I stay

Do you even care

Or am I some little game you play?

I heard Junior whisper he loved me as he rolled out of my bed and headed downstairs. Last night when he came home from being out with Courtney he came up to my room telling me he needed someone to talk to. Which more or less we ended up falling asleep and waking up in each others arms. I just wanted him to want me and when he reached out to me last night I couldn't’t be a hard ass. I headed down stairs in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt looking for my flip-flops.

“Av where are you going” I looked in the kitchen to find Junior leaned up against the counter eating a bowl of cereal.

“Out to think” I shut the door behind me and got in my truck. The truck that was a random gift from the Earnhardt’s. Me and Kelley had became extremely close. I knew June always turned to her but more and more I was turning to her and Delana. I sped down the windy country road heading to the lake. I knew Junior loved me he had to. He would treat me the way he did or tell me he did if he didn’t.

“Hey Stranger” I looked up from the picnic table I was sitting on and say Martin.

“Martini” He sat down beside me and handed me a Krispy Kreme dough-nut and some chocolate milk

“I thought you might need some breakfast.” I just smiled and nodded. I felt him wrap his arm around my shoulder as he pulled me close. I just let all my pain out in tears on him as he held me and let me cry.

“Avery I am sorry he is making you cry but I know he loves you” Martin had become like my brother.

“Martin why does he treat me like this then if he loves me.” I looked up at him as he wiped away my tears with his thumb.

“Avery. He is afraid.”

“Afraid my ass that is always his excuse Martin.” I stood up throwing a rock in the lake watching it ripple.

“Avery you know him like I do he always runs and does something to make the other person stop loving hoping it will make him. He is afraid because he loves you and you actually love him back.” I felt him turn me so I looked at him.

“Then why does it hurt so bad if he loves me? Answer me that why am I the one who is getting hurt when he is out screwing some other girl and taking her to the track and I am at home waiting for him to come and love me like I love him with all of my heart. Huh Martin. Why?”

Are you ever gonna need me baby

Like I need you

Are you ever gonna want me baby

The way I want you to

I know that you love me

oh baby down deep inside I know that you do

But are you ever gonna love me

The way that I love you

I walked in the house that was dark. For the first time this week I was smiling. One of my guy friends had come up from Georgia and we decided to go out. Tonight I never had time to think about Junior.

“I had a really great time James” I reached my arms around his neck.

“Avery you know we had a good thing back in the day” I just smiled as he leaned in a kissed me on the lips softly then pulled me into a hug.

“I will call you if that is okay” He had my hand in his as we stood staring at each other. For the first time I noticed how much he looked like Jr. He had the blue eyes and the body type just a tad bit taller and more buffed out. But the smile and personality was almost the same.

“I would like that. Avery I still want to get back what we had. But when you are ready I will be hear just don’t let anyone break your heart.” He kissed me on the cheek and turned around. I closed the door behind him laying against with a smile on my face.

“What the fuck was that Avery.” I shot my eyes open to find Junior standing by the stairs with all the lights turned on.

“What was what Dale” I walked past him going to the kitchen to get a beer. I knew we were about to get into it. I needed something to help me.

“You know you are to young to drink that.” he said taking the bottle and throwing to the floor making it shatter.

“No Junior if you remember correctly I am 21. I am not Courtney who is what all of 16.” My temper had shot through the roof as I was staring at him. His eyes iced over like mine. “

What were you doing with him. I thought you loved me. I was the one you wanted” He shot me the Earnhardt glare.

“Oh shut the hell up with that bull okay. What do you want me to do stand her and watch you run around with some girl. It breaks my heart Junior. I love you and for some reason I think you love me to at least you say you do but right now all I can think of is that I am wasting my time because you seem to only love me when it is convenient for you. I am not a fucking mind reader Junior. I don‘t know what you want from me. All I want is you to love me like you say you do." I stormed out before he could answer. I grabbed the keys to the camaro we had restored with just the engine. I needed to be away from him I wanted to hurt him like he had hurt me.

I never know how you feel

Cus baby I can't read your mind

Do I just keep waiting

or am I just wasting time

I sat outside on the porch watching the sunrise. I had came home seeing that Juniors bedroom light was still on I didn’t want to see or talk to him. Had to start making decisions cause I can’t keep having him hurt me.

“God. Is Junior every going to love me the way I love him” I asked the sky as the sun rose. Little did I know that Junior had been standing in the door way watching me for hours since I got back.

Are you ever gonna need me baby

Like I need you

Are you ever gonna want me baby

The way I want you to

I know that you love me

And oh baby down deep inside I know that you do

But are you ever gonna love me baby

Are you ever gonna love me baby

The way I love you