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Tuesday, 24 February 2004
use once and destroy.
i got a new journal. it can be found at www.livejournal.com/users/pxpxpaul
this angelfire crap did me in...goodbye my sweet sweet seldomly available "404 page not found" journal. ill miss you.

Posted by pro/position at 8:54 PM EST
Updated: Wednesday, 25 February 2004 5:35 PM EST
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Saturday, 14 February 2004
educated guess.
so this afternoon i opened my cream soda to find, 'your life will be full of true friendships' under the cap.
and i laughed.
max said, "must mean after high school."
and im hoping thats true. cause as of right now, 'full' is closer to empty, than it is to full.

Posted by pro/position at 7:10 PM EST
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Tuesday, 10 February 2004
konstantine.
"and if i hurt then im sorry. please. dont think that this was easy..."

Posted by pro/position at 10:09 PM EST
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Tuesday, 3 February 2004
pretend you dont know.
[x.] name = paul
[x.] birthday = 4.18.86
[x.] piercings = not anymore
[x.] tattoos = none
[x.] height = 6'
[x.] shoe size = 13
[x.] hair color = light brown
[x.] length = short
[x.] siblings = 1 sister
[x.] pets = 1 dog

LAST:
[x.] movie you rented = rules of attraction
[x.] movie you bought = st. elmos fire
[x.] song you listened to = ‘lost in me’- time and distance
[x.] song that was stuck in your head = ‘milkshake’
[x.] song you've downloaded = ‘everything about you’- 3days grace
[x.] cd you bought = 3days grace
[x.] cd you listened to = ‘blood loss for an excuse’- time and distance
[x.] person you've called = marisa
[x.] person that's called you = marisa
[x.] tv show you've watched = while you were out
[x.] person you were thinking of = marisa

[x.] you have a bf or gf = no
[x.] you have a crush on someone = of course.
[x.] you wish you could live somewhere else = yes, boston.
[x.] you think about suicide = of course.
[x.] you believe in online dating = yes, but not for me.
[x.] others find you attractive = you want my top 5 list?
[x.] you want more piercings = just two.
[x.] you want more tattoos = just one
[x.] you drink = beer? not often.
[x.] you do drugs = not in a while.
[x.] you smoke = never again.
[x.] you like cleaning = when im pissed.
[x.] you like roller coasters = i do, but the first one always gets me nervous
[x.] you write in cursive or print = both, intertwined
[x.] you carry a donor card = no

for or against..
[x.] teenage smoking = if you want to smoke, thats fine. just don’t try and kiss me.
[x.] doing drugs = i have nothing against drugs. theyre nice when you need them.
[x.] premarital sex = as long as you love the person
[x.] driving drunk = against
[x.] soap operas = against

best..
[x.] tv show = rosanne
[x.] thing in the world = spooning
[x.] thing to collect = photos, letters
[x.] colors of all time = grey
[x.] thing to do on a rainy day = sit on your windowseat and watch the rain...too bad i
don’t have a windowseat.
[x.] feeling in the world = love...or so I’ve heard

favorite...
[x.] food = vanilla cream pie
[x.] song = ‘konstantine’
[x.] sports = tennis
[x.] drinks = orange juice and milk, 2%
[x.] clothes = sweaters and jeans.
[x.] movies = rules of attraction, donnie darko, igby goes down...so many more.
[x.] band = get up kids
[x.] holiday = yom kippur?

have you...
[x.] ever cried over a boy = i think i have, actually. but not for the reason this is implying.
[x.] ever lied to someone = yes.
[x.] ever been in a fist fight = once.
[x.] ever been arrested = arrested? no. pulled over? yes.

number...
[x.] of times I have been in love?: once. i dunno if you can call it love though...
[x.] of continents I have lived in?: one
[x.] of drugs taken illegally?: oh man...
[x.] of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends?: three
[x.] of people I consider my enemies?: many
[x.] of cd's that I own?: many
[x.] of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: a few
[x.] of scars on my body?: a few.

Have you ever...
[x.] Fallen for your best friend? yes
[x.] Made out with JUST a friend? yes
[x.] Been in love? i think
[x.] Cheated on someone? never.

Who was the last person...
[x.] You touched? my dog...wait, person? who knows...
[x.] You talked to? marisa. i don’t consider my parents people.
[x.] You hugged? hugging is corny.

Have you/are you/do you....
[x.] Considered a life of crime? no
[x.] Considered being a hooker? hey, if you need the money...
[x.] Considered being a pimp? no
[x.] Are you psycho? not really
[x.] Split personalities? no
[x.] Schizophrenic? YES!
[x.] Obsessive compulsive? yes
[x.] Panic? not really
[x.] Anxiety? not really
[x.] Depressed? frequently
[x.] Suicidal? seldomly
[x.] Obsessed with hate? i wouldnt say im obsessed
[x.] Dream of mutilated bodies, blood, death, and gore? every once in a while. blood is beautiful.
[x.] Dream of doing those things instead of just seeing them? ?
[x.] Understanding: usually
[x.] Open-minded: yes
[x.] Interesting: not hardly
[x.] Hungry: not usually
[x.] Friendly: depends who you ask
[x.] Childish: most of the time
[x.] Healthy: i dunno?
[x.] Difficult: yeah, i try.
[x.] Attractive: haha. are you kidding me?
[x.] Thirsty: a lot
[x.] Responsible: not usually
[x.] Sad: about 50% of the time
[x.] Happy: about 50% of the time
[x.] Trusting: always
[x.] Talkative: not really
[x.] Lonely: a lot
[x.] Floss daily? not daily.
[x.] Own a webcam? no
[x.] Ever get off the damn computer? only when im sleeping.

Currents
[x.] Current Clothes: hoodie, gym shorts
[x.] Current Mood: drained
[x.] Current Taste: i taste tongue. unfortunately, its my own.
[x.] Current Hair: light brown, short
[x.] Current Annoyance: my parents
[x.] Current Smell: ?
[x.] Current thing you ought to be doing: american idol
[x.] Current Book: lies and the lying liars that tell them
[x.] Current DVD In Player: its empty.
[x.] Current Refreshment: milk
[x.] Current Worry: im not saying what i want to say. not on this. in the real world.
[x.] On a scale of one to ten how much do you like your crush: 10
[x.] Would you ever ask them out: im not the, ‘hey, will you be my girlfriend,’ type. let
things develop. its better that way.

On Dating....
[x.] Long or short hair? i like bald girls (ani, sinnead)
[x.] Dark or blond hair? who cares
[x.] Tall or short? who cares
[x.] Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny? both
[x.] Good boy or bad boy? good girl with bad tendencies.
[x.] Dark or light eyes? who cares
[x.] Hat or no hat? who cares
[x.] Pierced or no? who cares
[x.] Freckles or none? i don’t like freckles. but who cares.
[x.] Stubble or neatly shaven? hopefully theres no need to shave...

Posted by pro/position at 8:04 PM EST
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Saturday, 24 January 2004
"the greatest"
everyday.

they ask me whats wrong
i say 'nothing.'
ive been dead for so long
over 'nothing.'
'nothing's a problem.
'nothing' is wrong.
my lifes going great
things are moving along
but how do i deal?
as im starting to see
i mean nothing to you.
and youre 'nothing' to me. -1.22.04

so i wrote this poem about the love of my life. but it doesnt matter. if you dont understand: every 'nothing' means 'everything'. "nothing" is just what i say when people ask me whats wrong. i actually mean that 'everything' is wrong. and you are everything. confusing? i know...

Posted by pro/position at 8:40 PM EST
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Sunday, 28 December 2003
friday im in love.
its hard sometimes to find song titles that i can use as titles, but today it was easy.
so i dont do this very often, im not sure why, but my new years resolution is going to include, among several other things, doing this more often. and if im slipping, you have permission to beat me.
so lets recap my vacation so far.
day 1: christmas eve--uneventful
day 2: christmas day--uneventful
day 3: dyed renees hair, went to kings, watched the rules of attraction
day 4: went to visit rachel on her break because she begged me to, kings and thomas's with chichi
day 5: nothing, plans with jess in about an hour

my life is pretty boring except for a few unboring parts...

Posted by pro/position at 3:47 PM EST
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Thursday, 4 December 2003
a response...
a response to the annonymous comment left under 'clarity'...how dare you badmouth me on my own page. how dare you try to pass off your twisted little assumptions as facts. how dare you comment without leaving a name. are you so f'ing retarded that you didnt realize the box titled "name" is where you state your name? are you!? or do you just lack the balls and bravery needed to tell a sick-ass skinny kid what you think? so please do me a favor and f' off. you make me sick.

Posted by pro/position at 10:04 PM EST
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Tuesday, 2 December 2003
twisted nerve
its tuesday night and im sitting here listening to john mayer. i just ate soup and i have nothing better to do. i just realized that im pretty much incapable of loving anyone without a last name starting with the letters h through k. with a few exceptions. when i think back, only two in the course of my life have been exceptions to this rule. i just thought it was interesting...
another funny thing is that i have never been involved with most of the people i claim to love. which means its probably not love. which means most of these people that i would give anything to be with barely know i exist. i make myself sick..

Posted by pro/position at 6:54 PM EST
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Monday, 17 November 2003
clarity.
for everyone who thinks i made the site i listed on my last posting, you are wrong. i dont have the time, or the hatred needed to create a site like that. all i had was a few minutes to go to a link someone directed me to, and laugh my f'ing head off.

Posted by pro/position at 5:00 PM EST
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Sunday, 16 November 2003
we write the wrong.
standing in the parking lot
my hands get moist. my stomach knots
i feel the words, stuck on my tongue
my quiet song remains unsung.
i want to whisper in your ear
the words that until now seemed clear
and cup your hands within my own
but i dont. and im left there, all alone.

Posted by pro/position at 7:57 PM EST
Updated: Sunday, 16 November 2003 7:58 PM EST
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