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Humor Addict Newsletter
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Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah”, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don’t even have a car to go with it” The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"


You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the heck she is. Ellen DeGeneres
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done. Steven Wright
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes. Frieda Norris
 

"Seven out of ten people suffer from hemmorhoids." Does this mean that the other three enjoy it? Sal Davino


When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Yogi Berra
Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. Woody Allen
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? Spike Milligan, from "The Goon Show"
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. Ellen Parr
Q. Why did the student eat his homework? A. His teacher said it was a piece of cake.
A high-school student came home from school seeming rather depressed. “What’s the matter, son,” asked his mother. “Aw, gee,” said the boy, “it’s my marks. They’re all wet.” “What do you mean, “all wet”?” “I mean,” he replied, “below C-level.”
When the fellow called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depended on room size and number of people. "Do you take children?' the man asked. "No, sir" replied the clerk. "only cash and credit cards."