Everybody Sucks.
I've come to realize everyone in this world blows in his or her own way. Just watch an episode of Seinfeld,
I'm sure you'll agree.
There's close-talkers, mouth-breathers, snot-pickers, flesh-eaters, non-bathers...
...intelligence-droppers, back-stabbers and your run-of-the-mill idiot. Every person in this world has to deal with one of these genetic wastes of time on a
daily basis. And if you don't, you're one of them. I have been trying to find a reason as to why we are forced to listen to their idiotic dribble so often. I have come to the following conclusion:
Somebody told these morons their opinions were important.
Every government agency, every advertising company, every fast food restaurant with a comment box expresses the same loving idea: your opinion matters.
I got news for you people.
Most of the time you suck. This implies that most of the time, so does your opinion.
I have compiled a list that I think can be used as a strategy guide for building a better future.
Public Education: Only for the Deserving
Public Education is a stupid idea to begin with. It is only a tool used by politicians to encourage voters. "Vote for me, Joe Blow, because I promise to throw billions of your tax-dollars into our education, so one day our children can reach great success in all the fields that aid humanity!" Bullshit. Do you know how many kids go to school without even the slightest intention of going to class? Why are we bothering
to print out report cards that show little Jimmy's absolute failure to even show up? I think parents of a dumb child should get "Your kid's a dumbass" scrawled on a square of school t.p. because that's all their kid deserves. Report cards cost alot: there's the cost of paper, the cost of ink, and the cost of teacher's bitching. T.p. costs a buck for twelve rolls if you know when to buy it. Seriously, sometimes it's that cheap. I think the kids who do shitty in school, skip class, and "start shit" with other students should be moved to Malaysia where they can work in a panty factory making "fashion panties" for girls sizes 7-16. In turn, a bunch of Malaysian kids get tested for raw i.q. power. If they can think the right way and show that they learn fast, it's a free trip to free education. This way we can stick to only training people with potential. Once we have gotten rid of all the Canadian morons, and filled our great big country
with immigrant geniuses, everyone's opinion will matter, because we will know that everyone is smart enough to formulate one. I was going to say we should have our voting system the way the States have theirs, but I realized something. If everyone is a McGill, Queen's, or McMaster level thinker, then we all count equally. In essence, dumbasses deported, geniuses imported. This is what I call real economy.
Honest Infomercials: Getting the Idiot to Accept Themselves
....as idiots.
I'm sick of this bullshit "you can be whatever you want" crap I see on t.v. There is actually a test they adminster in schools to determine your raw potential. This test is in existence for a reason: guidance teachers want to be able to point their students in the right direction. This is a wonderful, wonderful tool, but I think we should expand. Instead of giving the idiot a false sense of infallibility, we should let them down gently. Let's make these tests available for parents at the time of birth. When the kid is eight years old, the test is adminstered. If the kid's a genius we can encourage, and support, and nurture the child's interests in the academic or artistic fields. If we find out the kid is a moron, I think the encouragement should stop there. Tell them early that they're retarded so they can accept their fate and pick a menial task he or she can perform for the rest of their lives. The infomercial's slogans should be "do what you can; aim low to avoid disappointment", "you may be a moron, but we still need pizza delivery guys", or "learn to serve your superiors, they usually tip well." This way, the retard grows up knowing it shouldn't be bothering
the gifted, and finds its place in the social hierarchy ladder much quicker. Finally,
Nerd Martial Law
Any card-carrying academic is granted one firearm. Glock, Ak-47, hell even a musket for the "historian" of the family. Anytime a person takes a cell phone call
in a movie, says Ottawa is not the capital of Canada, or uses the words: yo, guy, or quotes a rapper a certified Nerd can shoot them. This includes popular rappers themselves, as we all know they are full of crap. (Oh rap. You used to be a vessel for the African American person to vent their political views on the world. Like black punk... now it's about the bitches,
the blunts and the bling bling. And for this, you must die.) The way I see it, we let the Nerds be the Police, and the whole world will be a much smarter place.
All this leads to one thing.
I'm going to assume that if you've read this and managed to not be offended, you yourself are brilliant. If we follow my rules, you, my fellow genius, will never be annoyed by the common asshole again. If they're not deported, they'll be put in embarassing demeaning positions, like a McDonald's employee... or a clown with a silly hat. How many times have you wanted to see that idiot jackass in your science class who laughs at the word "organism" in a clown costume with a silly hat? How many times have you wanted to boot someone in the face for talking on their cell phone during the best part of a
movie you payed twelve bucks to see? I know you're with me, which is why I ask you to vote me for first Jewish female Prime Minister of Canada. The country will be a much smarter place.
....if not smarter, more violent... those Nerds are fucking trigger happy....
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