My Computer Sucks Ass

My computer is a steamy pile of worthless horseshit. Every time I try to do anything useful with it, it randomly explodes me with errors and viruses. If I’m on the Internet, it contacts porno sites and spawns them endlessly to spite my ass. I want to take this piece of garbage into a field and destroy it with a baseball bat. Packard Bell, those fucking dickwads.

Let’s just take a look at why my computer sucks ass. 64 megs of RAM, 32 bits of memory, and more crashes than Evil Knievel has seen in his lifetime. The monitor randomly turns in and out of focus, it gives me random bullshit warnings, and closes important windows just for the fun of it. It came with well known programs like PHOTOSUITE, and McARFEE Iris-Virus. That virus scanner hasn’t updated in 4 years. What the hell! The icons become randomly unclickable, files aren’t visible in details option, and I had to rewrite this fucking article 3 times because it kept on saying I have preformed illegal operations. SHIT! Go fuck with the CEO’s of Enron and let me continue this damn article!

Well, anyway, I hate every aspect of every feature on this computer. Once I installed a CD-Burner, and my computer erased it’s entire fucking hard drive. (Un)Luckily, I had the CD’s to restore it to normal working order, if you even call it that. My shit is riddled with so many bugs, every time I turn it on, it’s like looking at an ant farm. Simple java arcade games run at 2 frames per minute, and Counterstrike runs at 2 frames an hour. My 56 k connection runs slower than an 89 year old man with no legs, and it stores every fucking piece of information on the web onto my tiny 3 gig hard drive. I have roughly 3% recourses left, i see the blue scrren of death more than my desktop, and it freezes every 5 seconds if you leave it one for more than an hour. Seriously, my computer is a piece of shit.

-Acid Fire