"bring it on, toosh! bring it on!" -lizzie ann

"i wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot titanium steel pole!" -elissa

"this one symbolizes the essence of my hunger..." -kayla

"what's fecal matter?" -me
"uh... poop..." -kayla

"stupid whore! don't release two shifts at once! you're gonna make us busy, dumb bitch!" -shawna

"the paper needs to be at least three pages long." -mr hoderny
"what? three pages?! we're talking like 18 point font, right?" -shawna

"fecal f... No one likes her!!" -fha

"has anyone ever seen a spotted owl?" -?
"yeah, it took a dump on my car." -?
"i'd have shot the damn thing." -me

"the boy scouts planted these back in the 1950's." -mrs parker
"retards..." -me

"shoot me no-ow!" -beth

"where's your baaaaadge?!" -west security guard

"aw, man, it's only been fifteen minutes since i looked at the clock... i was hoping it was like 1:30..." -me(at 10:15)

"pass this fuck." -beth

"where's my fast break?!" -renee
"shelby took it!" -me
"BITCH!" -renee(to shelby)

"name an example of a renewable resource." -mrs parker
"uh...tires?" -renee

"you think you funny? you pay for napkins!" -renee

"fuck you, fizzle!!!!" -elissa


(singing)"i think i'm gonna vomit!" -me

"does anyone know how the deer population got so high?" -mrs parker
"no birth control." -elissa

"aight lesbiana, don't like it so much!!!!"

"ugh, i think i have fuckin' pneumonia!" -jeremy
"not just pneumonia... fucking pneumonia!" -tabitha

"i don't know math! i had schrief!" -me

"let me tellllllll you something!" -katie & me

"that's right, that's right!" -beth & me

"come on fizzle, i wanna hear you sing." -mr bailey

"christmas is over, fuckheads!!!" -katie & me

"is this a parking spot?" -me
"i don't think so." -pam"
"oh well! it is now!" -me

"i don't understand why you're going to the bathroom when ya gonna be getin ya break in two minutes. it doesn't make any sense, and frankly, i don't wanna tawk about it!" -jordan

"aren't you bored?!" -melissa

ohmy j o n e s03: hey fuck u
hotlikefire15x: hey fuck u 2

"laura, do you piss cranberry juice?" -andrea

"how do you say 'fuck you' in jewish?" -me
"jewish? jewish?! try hebrew, asshole!" -elizabeth

"just a little joke for ya ears, darling!" -jordan

"ooh, too slow for you!" -me

"i thought that was a dude... but it's caitlin blake." -allyn

"i don't wanna listen to her talk at graduation. i'll have to bust out the dictionary to understand her!" -gillian

"what would yo do-o-o-o for a klondike bar?" -katie
"nothing! those things are gross!" -me

"colin sears!!!" -pam & laura

"it's fuckin respecki!!!" -elissa

"beth, i'm starting to drive like you!" -me

"BINGO!" -beth

"yeah debbie!" -jake

"we need to talk about your speed..." -aunt roberta

"aw, i love celine!" -me

"cara, get to the car, that was a cop!" -katie
"i know! i waved to him!" -cara

"hey, you look like avril!" -pam
"avril lavigne?" -amy
"no, avril smith." -pam

"do cops get paid commission? because if they do, i'd totally be a cop!" -cara

"okay, we don't need a narrator!" -abby

"stop! bob the newt!" -megan

"sped kids get lots of candy. it makes me so mad! i wanna be a sped!" -abby

"oh my god, look! she's riding an elephant!!" -me

"you can't get her little ones! she'll leak!" -abby

"turn off your sucky system!!!!!"

"almost time to go! gotta think positive!" -jake

"if it wasn't for fat people, we wouldn't have a job." -me
"if it wasn't for ugly people, we wouldnt have a job." -jake

"oh my god, get this lady off my phone." -beth

"fsg represent!" -jake
"1fp for life!" -jake

""i like shopping for bras and underwear... it's fun!" -katie

"i love decrepid old people! they turn me on!" -me

"uh oh! it's a puzzle! i mean a puddle..." -me

"balls are better." tabitha

"it's like 'freddy got fingered', except it's 'katie got shafted.'" -cara
"that's like a parody, only it's sexual!" -tabitha

"tuuuuuurn fuckit!!!!!!!"

"oops! i almost shifted into neutral!" -katie
"you did shift it!" -stephen

"your car has a definite pull to the right." -stephen
"that was random." -me

"guys, i'm embarrased!" -cara(as katie's car is stalled diagonally across the bayfront)

"i love hearing stories about people getting dicked over! it's the story of my life!" -miranda

"i don't have to go on direct. that means no body flex for me!" -jake

"dude, if she was vice pesident of mellon bank for eighteen years, what the hell is she doing at west?" -me

"laura 4 life!!!"

"i'm gonna miss rumba!" -jake

"i hate tabitha's street. you can't do u-ies!" -me

"what are you doing?" -me
"playing with the zipper." -tabitha
"want me to play with your zipper?" -tabitha

"i want a new job." -me
"i want one of these washers!" -robert

"i didn't fart! it was the fucking motorcycle!!" -me

(singing)"i'm stuck on you!" -me
"well, you better get un-stuck!" -elissa

"they're not just lesbians... they're russian lesbians." -me

"you know it's bad when there's a rebuttal for the e-mail address." -jake

"just keep going until you get to state street." -tabitha"
"tabitha, we're on state street..." -me

"where does your grandma live?" -tabitha
"right there." -me
"what? she lives at the quinn funeral home?!" -tabitha

"ahh! above ground graves!" -tabitha
"those are for people who are afraid of worms." -me

"this random cardboard thing is pissing me off. can i throw it out the window?" -tabitha
"sure! just make sure there aren't any cops!" -me
"okay!" -tabitha

"do you see that sign? we're fucking in ohio!" -me

"let's go to buffalo while we're at it!" -beth

"this is my song... because i have been damaged!" -me

"your dad looks like coach flinn." -cara
"coach flinn is here?!" -katie

"are we still hating rob?" -cara

"you should slash her tires!" -me
"fuck, just fucking shoot her!" -beth

"can i have a straw?" -tabitha
"we don't need these!" -cara(as the throws a bunch of straws out the car window)

"let's have shopping cart races!" -tabitha
"no! let's just ram them into each other!" -katie

"i have chocolate on my nipple." -cara

"i had an epiphany while i was in the shower." -cara

"gotta watch for them open lines!" -jake

"public transportation is for losers and lesbians." -pam

"the roads are brick in jamestown." -pam
"are they yellow?!" -amy

"how do you like your new cd player?" -jenn
"thanks!" -me

"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, we're done!!!" -joanne
"um... dylan's kinda sleeping..." -diana

"you're a pimple on society's ass!!" -joanne

"oh come on dj, you're only pushing 50!" -jenn

"ooh, this bitch in the jeep wants to race!" -me
"yeah, and she's gonna win, too." -katie

"aww, a baby!... kill it." -cara
"cara!!!" -katie & me

"katie, i'm embarrased." -me(as katie's car stalls on peach street)
"are you really?" -katie
"no." -me

"we've been making up for lost time. i'm good at it now!!" -jessica simpson

"steph, can i have one of those cinnastix?" -brenda(as steph finishes putting them in the box)

"that dude was born in 1917! what's he gonna buy a tombstone with that $250 credit limit?!" -jake

"can i tell him his son's a dumb fuck?" -g. scott

"yea red light!" -kim

"now, see, the fireworks look even cooler to them, because they're already seeing ten of everything!" -g. scott

j d u b s 182: can we make your beach a nude beach tonight?!
vencela: ummm
vencela: well as long as its dark enough i guess

"cell one fucks!!!" -holly

"tabitha, is it nude beach time?" -me
"um... sure, just go down there where it's dark." -tabitha

"she was like 'who was that about?' and we were just like 'oh, i dunno...'" -katie"
"ha! i'd have been like 'you, bitch!!!'" -cara
(i laugh hysterically for ten minutes)

"maria sunberg dated YOU?!... i mean YOU dated maria sunberg?!" -jelena

"whatever tickles their pickle." -jake

"we're taking my car to orientation. i wanna see what this bitch can do on the highway!!" -beth

Auto response from w a r g s 17: outside hosing out my mini fridge

"if anyone fucking gets in my fucking way, i'll fucking kill them!!!" -renze
"i think renz is mad." -me

"katie's a high-beam whore!" -me

"you can still have sex with your feet on the floor..." -pam

"moderation's for pansies!!" -laura

"we should throw her a going away party!" -me
"yeah! and not invite her!!" -pam

"guys, we need to decide! the waitress is gonna be back soon!" -pam
"don't worry! i'll just be like 'bizznatch, we need a few mo' minutes!!'" -me

"remember when i threw a paper airplane that said 'fuck you' and he opened it?!" -pam

"she used to sit there and suck on her clarinet!" -laura
::laughing hysterically/spews whipped cream across the table:: -me

::snort:: -laura
"laura just snorted!!!!!!!" -me
::snort:: i did it again!!!" -laura
"was that on purpose?" -pam
"i don't know anymore!!" -laura
(hysterical laughter from everyone at the table)

"road construction blows!" -katie

"slow down!" -random lady in m.i.h.s. parking lot
"no thanks!" -me

"what?" -me(as i come back to the table and don't know what's going on)
"that guy back there is picking his skin!" -kim
"WITH CLIPPERS!!" -elissa

"p-s-y-c-o, psycho!!!" --kim
"uh... don't you mean p-s-y-c-h-o?" -me

ShelRP16: i smell like laundry detergent
j d u b s 182: lol! that was random
ShelRP16: we didn't have any bubble bath so i used laundry detergent

"dj, look at my arm!" -melissa
"wow. how'd you do that?" -me
"uh... i was playing pickle in the middle at college." -melissa

"i hope no one's coming, cuz i'm not yielding!!!" -me

"the best part about fighting is that you get to have make up sex!!" -elissa
"you mean sex with lipstick and eye liner?" -shawn

"joanne, i want shotgun." -julie
"no!" -joanne(as she runs ahead and gets into the car)
"joanne!" -julie(as she sees joanne in the front)
"what?! i said no!" -joanne

"twat? i cunt understand you! oh, it's okay. i'll finger it out!"

"yeah, that's right bitch! you can't take shaqueetah!!" -me(as i pass a thunderbird on state street)

"i don't have a cooter. i sold it on ebay." -elissa

"yeah, commute it up!!" -alexa

"twelve year olds... they're fuckin, they're fuckin!!" -beth

"get a room!!" -beth(as we walk by two peole making out on the bench at the mall)

"do you have a spoon i can gag myself with?!" -me

"do you wanna take my 5-9 for me?" -jake
"fuck no!" -me
"yes you do. i can see it in your facial expressions!" -jake

"hi! this is fecal weasel!! ohh ohh ohhhh ohh godddd ohhh ohhhhhhh!!" -elissa

Lola5757: I have been informed that you make fun of me, willingly and often...If you haven't guessed, my name is Fizel. Fecal Fizel. And I am ever so pissed. Please stop this at once, or I will send all of the engineers at MIT to invent a new torture device and stick you in it. Thank you, and Good Night. LOLA RENNT!!!! ~Mr. F. Fizel

Yankeemac24: she should major in Being Annoying with a minor in Looking Like a Lesbian

w a r g s 17: wth..my hands smell like baby wipes
j d u b s 182: LOL!!!

j d u b s 182: that was so random

"okay, i'll move on to number 23." -dr cupillari
"no, do another one of these ones you stupid slut!!" -brie

"give me your weiner wrapper." -brie

"i wish this was vodka." -shelby

"can i interest you in some free aol?" -me, elissa, jenn & hallie

"free aol! 1045 hours for free! no credit card required! did i mention it's free?" -elissa

"::cough:: i have mono ::cough::" -holly(as we walk by a bunch of people at walmart)
"is it contageous?" -elissa
"yeah, it's really airborne." -holly

"i just looked up and suddenly i was surrounded by carts!!" -holly

"yeah, whack it up! ... wait a minute! that sounded sexual!" -me

"they served weiners at the village tonight. some of them were big and bubbly and one of them was all shriveled and black!" -elissa

"oh god! this is so embarassing!!" -elissa(as she knocks over a rack of pads and tampons at walmart)

::singing::"i'm a bk bitch..." -elissa
"what does bk stand for, anyway?" -pam
"uh... i dunno. burger king?" -elissa

"i have to piss." -beth
(singing)you have to pizz-iss!! -me

"that cat has a hole in its ass!!" -kayla

Yankeemac24: we're going to have more fun than a dingo in a daycare center!

"he's probably too busy scraping the sludge off his teeth." -brie

"i don't do warm water, i don't do rain, and i don't like getting hit by carts, thank you." -steph

"holy shit, let's look before we start backing out next time!" -me

"do not enter my ass!" -katie(as she drives through a 'do not enter' sign)

pLaYbOi4569: reading is for the birds

"he'd probably pull out a knife and shoot me!" -brie

pLaYbOi4569: you know you want to take my shift for the 21st
pLaYbOi4569: just imagine it, you, your cts form, and all them frendly callers, you know how much fun it can be

"pump fourteen, you're now on in the ghetto taurus." -beth

j d u b s 182: west 4 life!
pLaYbOi4569: for life.... and death... hopefully death.... asap

w a r g s 17: her saxophone is in the room
w a r g s 17: i should break it

bMoNeY729: im not a slut
bMoNeY729: im a ho

"look at the makeshift cap on that truck!!" -beth

"i think i might be pregnant." -katie
"really?! yay! can we name the baby dindle?!" -me

"oh balls!!" -shelby(when the professor walks into the room)

"i'm having hot flashes!" -brie

"it smells like poop in here." -kristen(as we walk into the haunted house)

"hold on to your tits, girls!" -brie(as i make an agressive turn)

"is it over yet?" -shelby(after a half-hour of the movie)

"he might take advantage of you!" -liz
"oh, i wouldn't mind." -shelby

"are you in my class?" -dr o'leary
"uh... yeah." -shelby

"oh my god, the light is green!! why the fuck are you slowing down?!?!" -me

ohmyjones03: whats another word for orgasm?
j d u b s 182: climax?
ohmyjones03: GOOD THINKING
ohmyjones03: WOW
ohmyjones03: IM SO IMPRESSED
j d u b s 182: haha!
ohmyjones03: no one could think of one
j d u b s 182: i have a sexual mind
ohmyjones03: its impressive

j d u b s 182: can i have your children?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I think so.

"oh, no! my bibliography!" -brie

"you have to breathe out through your nose..." -stephen

"i'm gonna be like santa, i'm bringing you like a shitload of cds." -katie

ohmyjones03: your so silly
j d u b s 182: no
j d u b s 182: i just have way too much free time on my hands
ohmyjones03: get yourself a rubiks cube

"i almost got blown off the road today!" -me

"what was i thinking not wearing a hat?!" -brie
"not to mention the 50mph gusts of wind..." -sam

"do you have questions?" -dr cupillari
"oh yeah. i have lots of questions." -brie

ohmyjones03: r u aiken 4 clayton
j d u b s 182: you better believe i am!!!!

"i found your milk! i found your fucking milk! i found your fucking milk, damnit!!!!" -kobert

"he is so hot! i just got a boner." -brie

ohmyjones03: u say bad words
j d u b s 182: fuck fuck shit fuck

"that lady was really stupid. she understood me better when i talked like a retard." -chrissy

"my car's broken. it's like unfixable broken!" -sam
"my fence blew over." -brie

"i'm so bored!" -me
"it hasn't even started yet..." -liz

"turn that shit off!!" -shelby(when some girl's cell starts ringing)

pLaYbOi4569: all fat and yuccy.... maby greer can help him......body flex for big jim

"i just farted... it's still going... wow! this is the longest fart i ever did!" -beth

"that was the place to go if you wanted a reefer." -dr o'leary
"the old guy just said 'reefer.'" -me

Auto response from j d u b s 182: fatal attraction came today!! yay! i'm out watching it.
Yankeemac24: I won't be ignored, Dan!. . .iel John!

ohmyjones03: okay shes putting the check in the account tomarow
ohmyjones03: and im gonna buy a surfboard haha

"suga suga, how'd you get so fly?" -katie
"i'm the flyest bitch in the world!!" -me

j d u b s 182: fuck a school
galaxi729: fuck a friends
j d u b s 182: fuck a everything!

"remember when you farted in schrief's class?!" -me
"how could i forget? you ask me every day!" -shelby
"i know!" -me

"tell dufus to shut the hell up." -note from missy

ohmyjones03: ccan i tell you a secret?
j d u b s 182: sure!
ohmyjones03: you have to promise not to tell anyone
j d u b s 182: i promise
ohmyjones03: okay...
ohmyjones03: i...
ohmyjones03: got the magic stick...
j d u b s 182: ohh jesus
j d u b s 182: i thought you were gonna say something serious

Yankeemac24: "Hello. This is Harvard. We regret to inform you that there has been a mistake. You have been accepted. Please consider our apologies and we'll--wait. *papers shuffle* Oh, this is Jenna Fizel? I thought I was calling Jenna Diesel! Oh, you haven't been accepted at all! You still suck, bitch! Have a wonderful day."

"listening to britney spears is so much better than reading!" -me

"ewww! i have shit water in the back seat now!!" -me

j d u b s 182: i'm pregnant
j d u b s 182: and it's yours
ohmyjones03: that was so random
j d u b s 182: it needed to be said
ohmyjones03: what ever you say
j d u b s 182: do you think i'm retarded
ohmyjones03: haha
ohmyjones03: yes
^ soulmates ^

"ha! there's a bus that says inflation crew!" -tabitha

"jenny! jenny!" -kaila
"oh, shit!" -jenn(as she goes to hide)
"she's in here, kaila!" -me
"son of a bitch, i'll kill you!!" -jenn

"you breast hair!" -jenn
"did you just call me breast hair?!" -me

"i'm so bored!" -me
"that's why we could go for a drive." -laura
"to where?" -me
"taco bell!!!!!" -joanne
"they're closed!!!!!" -me & laura
"so? we'll break in!!" -joanne

"we have to be up early anyway to help kristy move." -julie(on the phone)
"fuck, i'm sleeping in!" -joanne

"he's gonna have no balls... fididdle!" -tabitha

"i'd like one vaginal fart please." -katie
"would you like fries with that?" -tabitha

"they had an orgy!" -katie
"yeah orgy!!!!!!!!" -me
"in my ear..." -katie
"orgy in the ear?" -tabitha
"ouch..." -stephen

"you fuck it up, you bought it!" -cara

"hey cara, let's play a game. it's called let's see who can be quiet the longest." -me
"i lose!" -cara

ohmyjones03: DOWNLOAD THEM NOW

a classic memory from senior year...
"hey melissa, plug it in!" -renee
"okay." -melissa
"hey melissa, put the two ends together!" -renee
"okay." -melissa
::a flash of blue light lights up the classroom::

"i'm gonna strangle myself with this scarf... here i go... i'm doing it!! ::gag::" -me

"...push hard and you will please everyone. that's sick!" -brie

"There isn't a spoon in this world big enough to gag me with." -laura's diary

teen girl squad!
"y'all are so wack!"
"wiggity wack?"
"no. just regular type."

west memories...

"you can have this package for under $40. it's only $39.95..." -me(to a customer)
"wow, save a whole fucking nickle." -missy

FINALS = Fuck I Never Actually Learned Shit

Auto response from brie984: looking for my pants

"i'm not hatin... well, yeah i am hatin." de'adra

w a r g s 17: it isnt the size of the penis, its how you use it!
w a r g s 17: hahahahaha
j d u b s 182: ::spits out ginger ale::
w a r g s 17: i made dj spew!!!
j d u b s 182: i cant believe you said that! that was so funny!

"laura has to ride bitch! ... haha! that old lady just heard me say bitch!!" -me

"you live near _____ ______. i'm sorry." -cara
"i don't like her very much." -me
"me and lexi swanson used to call her jell-o legs." -cara
"she has a big ass!" -katie

"is the house with the plastic santas?" -katie
"she probably uses them to masturbate with." -cara

"YOUR LIGHTS ARE FUCKING UGLY!!!!" -me(screaming out the car window)

"who? _____ _____?" -katie
"yeah, she smells." -cara

"look at them saying their oriental prayers!" -cara

"what's that?" -katie
"my charger." -steph
(kaite laughs hysterically for five minutes)

"ew! look at this picture! it look i like i have psoriasis!" -me
"do you even know what psoriasis is?" -katie
"no." -me

"you have cream on your boob!" -me
"sorry guys, i'm lactacting. i left the child at home and forgot to pump!" -katie

"tell him i think he's hot!" -me
"dj thinks you're hot ... no, he's not hitting on you." -cara(on the phone)
"yes i am!" -me

"he wants to take you." -me
"of course he does. he's driving a cavalier." -katie
"your car's fucking ugly!!!!" -me(out the car window)
"yeah, you're driving a banana!!" -katie

"hey cara, guess what i'm getting ____ for christmas?" -me
"deodorant?" -cara

"yeah, she'll be able to buy an '86 ford tempo." -me

"we're like the disgruntled former employees!!" -me

ShelRP16: i don't want to be mean
ShelRP16: so im gonna ignore him

"can i pierce you?" -katie

ohmyjones03: and he got all up in my grill telling me i had to get braces or some chowder talk like that

SuCcUbUsGiRl14: i'll buy you a smiley face cookie
SuCcUbUsGiRl14: tabitha will buy you a water

"do you want to spoon?!" -katie
"no." -me
"okay!" -katie

"let's play the game let's see who can be quiet the longest." -me
"let's play the game turn off the christmas lights." -katie
"let's play the game shut up and stop whining about it!!!!" -miranda

"shut up! it's time to go to sleep!" -me
"oh, you're just mad becasue i won't spoon with you!" -katie
"SHUT UP!!" -me

"most people clone... but i reproduce." -stephen
"you are out of control!" -miranda

"it's wedensday! we should go to the metro!" -stephen
"no. i am not spending my last week home at the metro!" -miranda(laughing hysterically)

"aren't you glad you picked me up first?" -steph

"hi. thanks for matching." -miranda
"thanks for being a bitch." -random ugly chick at eat n park

"do you guys remember lisa frank?" -cara
"the sticker lady?" -katie
"she made binders..." -cara
"what about her?" -katie
(blank stare from cara)

"does your milkshake bring all the boys to the yard?" -random drunk guy
"no. no it doesn't." -stephen

"antonella is coming over to your house later." -me
"yeah, i know. we're making meatballs." -brie

"look at the chink!" -me
"is he really a chink?" -elissa
"either that or he's a really ugly american!" -me

"the 80's called. they want their mullet back." -elissa

"we'll email it to lois fuckin maranachik! fat ass bitch at west dot com!" -beth

"they'll all eventually die and rot just like everyone else... except michael jackson. he's got so much fake stuff in him, he probably won't rot." -dr welker

"shelby, your shoe is pooping!" -me

"you look handsome today!" -kayla
"thanks. i didn't take a shower." -me
"that must be it!" -kayla

"is it okay if i park here?" -miranda(after she turns off the car)

Auto response from Lola5757: Did you know that 1 out of 4 women suffer from PVAC and don't know it? Help stop PVAC (Partially Visible Ass Crack): buy a belt today.

"i'm ready! i'm ready! i'm ready!" -shelby
"shut up!!!" -me

"it's the cheesy popcorn that causes the response." -guy in psychology
"it's not cheese. it's butter, you fucktard." -shelby

YoUrRaPuNzEl85: lol no it was just so surrounded by snow that it appeared to be a lil tunnelesque

ohmyjones03: spacesareagainstmyreligion

j d u b s 182: you know... that midget doesnt have a good voice at all
j d u b s 182: it's all shaky!
OneYellowBanana1: i know!!
OneYellowBanana1: i am like 80x better than her
OneYellowBanana1: and taller
j d u b s 182: LMAO!!!!

galaxi729: at least i don't have a dirty cooch!
j d u b s 182: um... neither do i...

"i left her fucking bologna at home!!" -beth

ohmyjones03: dude i have an idea
j d u b s 182: dude what is it?
ohmyjones03: lets go buy a shit load of mumu's, go live in a van down by the river, and eat anything and everything we want
j d u b s 182: I'M DOWN!!!!!!!!!

"wait, what causes the voluntary reflex?" -shelby
"getting hit in the knee... like this!!" ::karate chops shelby's knee:: -me
"OW!!!!!!!" -shelby

Auto response from galaxi729: here's my beef: why can people come into sheetz and buy: chips, krispy kremes, pop, subs and such, and then fucking pay for them with food stamps, and then, when they cant pay for their cigarettes with food stamps, they walk over to the ATM, swipe their little white trash access card, and then get cash to come pay for their cigarettes.. cigarettes that should belong more to me then to them, cuz my fuckin tax money paid for that shit. Thats bullshit...people on fucking food stamps need to get a fucking job so i don't have to fucking buy them dinner with my fucking tax $$.....and...im done

"due to people being immature shit heads who cant handle a little nipple action here and there, these pictures are now pg rated. thanks." -lizzie ann's profile

"um... you're in the wrong lane." -me
"no i'm not. it's a one way street." -beth
"no it's not..." -me
"oh shit!!" -beth

"holy crap! you're driving like... jane fonda!" -me
"what???" -beth

um wtf151: haha my mom asked me what my sn meant
j d u b s 182: what'd you say to her?
um wtf151: i said, unicorns might win the fight
j d u b s 182: LMAO!!!!!!!!

Auto response from YoUrRaPuNzEl85: i have 9 minutes to get to work, all the way on 12th... think ill make it?? prolly wont make it off campus in that time!? oooo balls, i think im running late!

"poop is an awesome fuckin word." -beth

"okay, where is this stupid broad?" -brie

"because she's a skinny slut punk ass bitch that wears ninja turtle belts cum bucket!!!" -brie(on why that girl was giving me dirty looks)

"is this hush hush?!" -patty
"uh no... it's rush rush." -me

"what about that one?" -me
"oh god, it smells like raunchy ass!!" -patty

"wouldn't it suck if i hit a deer?" -me
"mmm. lunch!" -patty

ohmyjones03: baileys irish creme? tastes like chocolate with that kick
j d u b s 182: i think my mom has someof that
ohmyjones03: okay now do this
ohmyjones03: go get a shot glass and pour some into it...
ohmyjones03: no no
ohmyjones03: forget the shot glass
ohmyjones03: just take it from the bottle
ohmyjones03: its so damn good
ohmyjones03: and smooth
ohmyjones03: you wont be disapointed
^ i heart my lizzie ann!! ^

ohmyjones03: cookies are my favorite food
ohmyjones03: give me pigtales and call me angelica

"okay guys, about an hour and fifteen minutes to go." -warren
"good times at dial america!!" -beth

playing catchphrase...
"they sang smells like teen spirit." -miranda
"the a-teens?" -stephen

"that dude just called me ma'am." -nick
"he called you a tampon?!" -sarah

"what the feces?!" -sarah(after the computer turned itself off)

"yes. easter is the end of lent." -me
"lent? i always thought it was lint." -elissa

"do you know why we're called dial america? because we dial all over america!" -cassandra

"god! he has bigger boobs than me!" -shelby

"it smells like shit." -katie
"well, duh! that's the shit plant!" -me

"hey! your four-ways are on!" -random lady
"oh, thanks!" -me

"um, jordan. last time i checked, sweatshirts were not dial america appropriate." -me
"yeah, well, last time i checked, it was like four degrees in there." -jordan

"don't get mad at the poptart!" -sarah

"let's play truth or hump." -jordan

"_______'s been in a really good mood lately." -katie
"she must be getting some." -me & cara

"hey mom, can we max out your credit card and get stuff for my apartment?" -miranda
"goodnight." -miranda's mom

"they're drifting down towards us." -tabitha
"...the rocks?" -jelena

"there's something in my bra." -sarah
"your boobs?" -me
"no, it's a frito." -sarah

"that's what i usually do, but then jason starts freaking out because there's not enough people on his dialer." -sarah
"and he's standing right behind you." -warren
"so?" -sarah

"i have chinese eyes, but i'm not foreign." -correy

"she's always like 'i used to live in buffalo!'" -beth

"hey tom, can i get a $500 bonus if i clean up all the cigarette butts?" -correy

"the rep said credit card instead of credit limit." -paula
"...yeah..." -kim

"that meat looks really disgusting... i'll just eat the bread." -correy

"don't be mad 'cause i'm not a lesbian." -sarah

"i feel so cool right now." -miranda (as we play with tamagotchis)

"i don't think i'm gonna get anything." -holly
"oh, come on. we have to celebrate!" -miranda
"celebrate what? the demise of america?" -me

k w i zz l e 913: turn on ABC
j d u b s 182: i can't... the golden girls is on

"i'm going to bed." -sam
"okay, we might get drunk again." -brie
"that would be pretty stupid." -sam

"you look like a lunch lady." -me
brienna starts laughing and spits her lucky charms back into the bowl

(listening to madonna)
"is this amanda?" -cara

"is she choking?!" -katie
"i hope so!" -cara (as she whips out her camera)

"she has diabetes?" -cara
"yeah." -katie
"neat!" -cara

"don't they have giant eagle brand chips?" -miranda
"uh... we're in walmart." -me

(as we pull into the east side walmart) "oh! the welfare checks must have been handed out today. this place is jumpin!" -patty

(in the valentine's day aisle) "there's knives at the end of this aisle..." -patty
"how appropriate!" -me

"ha! look at the rims on that 1994 chevy!" -patty

"oh my god, we're in franklin terrace! get the fuck out of here!!" -patty

(listening to 'back that ass up.')
"i got pregnant to this song!" -paula
"wow, i will never be able to listen to this song again." -me

(some random bum on state street is yelling at someone)
"why are you yelling?!" -patty
"his welfare check must have bounced." -me

"she has the whole night planned out. we're gonna go to starbuck's, then go back to her house and watch a movie." -elissa
"yeah right! i'm not watching the lion king." -patty

"we've been here forever! how long does it take to flip pancakes and microwave a damn muffin?!" -patty

"i don't wanna stretch. i might accidentally fart." -jenna

"oh my god, it's a cat!" -elissa
"you almost hit a pussy! a black pussy!!" -patty

"move your piece of shit geo prism!" -me
"isn't that a corolla?" -patty
"no, it's a prism. it's a rip-off of a corolla. -me
"why don't you buy a real corolla?!" -patty(screaming out the window)

"i think i want a quesadilla, but i don't know. a quesadilla will give me the runs..." -me

"why is that woman staring at us?!" -patty
"she wants your pussy." -elissa
"no, she wants YOUR pussy!" -patty

"uh... there's coffee grounds in my coffee." -patty
"oh, the bag must have broke." -waiter

"who else can we think about farting? princess diana! oh wait, she's dead." -cara