I’m tired of writing about you,
of thinking about you.
You tear me apart—
I want you, I hate you.
You save me, you slaughter me.
You display your fury in a spectacular display,
a bit too theatrical for my tastes.
The rules you’ve imposed are deeply ingrained in
my skin, scarring me, they’ve become my identity.
There’s got to be more than you,
but there you are, everywhere,
blocking my view.
Your voice echoes, it
floats around in my head, freeform.
My mind has been incarcerated,
reeducated – by you.
I spout your words,
I defend you to others, while you
threaten me with a machete.
How dramatic.
I’m bored with you and your idle threats.
If you’re going to kill me,
go ahead and do it already.
While I fear you, I do so partly out of needing something to fear.
I play your victim,
we go through a farcical routine.
While you rest, I think, I plot.
I will make my escape,
drama at it’s highest, as I kick you on my way out the door.
~~~~~~~@~~~~~~~
I know I’m doing the right thing,
but letting go of you is so hard.
You comfort me, you whisper soothing things,
you stroke my cheek while wiping away my tears,
but you also hold a whip in the other hand.
You tap your foot to a secret rhythm,
I prance around wildly, trying to match the beat.
Your voice in my head,
sweet when I’m good,
severe when I’m bad,
you sing your song,
"It’ll all be ok when you’re thin…"
and I try to sing along, off key, but you cut me off with a glare.
I feel like imposition on your greatness.
Leaving you, giving you up… it’s like leaving a friend,
but I’ve had this type of ‘friendship’ before.
It won’t be until I’ve left you that I will see your
malicious grin.
You wake me in the night,
keep me tossing and turning, and wondering
how many calories I burn by doing this…
you torture me in my sleep, tempting and teasing.
But I love you.
You are my addiction,
you are my love,
I don’t know life without you.
I talk about you having me chained, shackled,
but maybe it’s me who has imprisoned you, dragging you with me,
like a toddler with her teddy bear,
and I howl if they try to take you away.