Opening shot panorama view of Istanbul with the words Somewhere in Istanbul in large white letters, with Turkey written below, somewhat smaller.
Close shot of Agent Kuryakin outside of a large, very old building; clearly Byzantine. He is dressed as a Turk, keeping the area under surveillance.
Next shot a young woman, sitting at a table, reading in a large, very old library. Over her clothes she is wearing a full and presently open robe. Out of her sight a man comes out from a passage hidden by bookshelves. He creeps up from behind, she turns just as he grabs her, one hand over her mouth. She gets out a small cry, before being dragged behind the open bookshelf, which then closes.
Outside Kuryakin starts as if he heard something and rushes inside the building. He sees no one. He approaches the table cautiously, and sees the open book and scattered notes. He starts to pick up the notes, looking at them.
Shot of Venice, which comes to rest on a waiting gondolier. It is Mr. Solo. He has out his cigarette case.
Solo: Open channel J. International relay. Illya,
Scene cuts to Illya who has his pen in one hand and gathering papers in the other.
Solo: Things are clear here. Anything happening there?
Illya: I'm not sure. Some...
Illya crumples forward and we get a shot of a man standing over him. Solo's voice keeps repeating Illya.
Opening credits.
Scene returns to Solo.
Act I: I'm a historian...
Solo: Illya... Open channel D, international relay. Scramble.
Mr. Waverly is sitting at his desk, and switches on his pick up.
Waverly: Mr. Solo, what do you have to report?
Solo: So far no sign of THRUSH activity here. However, my call to Illya was cut off.
Waverly: I see. Hopefully he will turn up again. Mr. Solo, reports confirm that the courier taking the security handcuffs to Rome headquarters has been intercepted. Also that a Thrush shipment is headed for Venice as we speak.
Scene returns to Solo
Solo: Understood. Solo out.
Solo puts his cigarette case away and punts off.
Shot of a very 'modern' office. Guards are stationed at the door. The woman is being held with her hands pinioned and a slickly dressed man with waxed mustache stands before her. She is trying to get free.
Judith: Who are you people? What do you want with me? Ouw! You can't do this!
The man: Oh, but we have. Who we are doesn't concern you. As for what we are, we could be very lucrative employers. We want you to do some research for us.
Judith: You have a strange way of offering a job. What do you want with a historian?
The man: We are looking for something that has been mislaid. For the past thousand years.
Another guard enters, pushing before him a dazed and blindfolded Illya.
The man: Who is that?
Guard: He was found snooping in the book room. He had these with him.
Hands over the notes.
The man: How kind of him to bring the lady's notes. Kill him.
The guard holding Illya pushes him away and pulls a pistol. Judith breaks free and bowls him over. The guards quickly get things underhand again.
The man: You really shouldn't have done that. (He lifts Judith's chin with a finger) Working for us is so much more profitable. Oh well. (To the guards) Since she's so drawn to him I think they should get to know each other better.
In stark cell, the guards are finishing handcuffing Judith and Illya to each other, back to back.
The man: Let me remind you dear that if you don't cooperate I'll take it out on your new friend. Which will be doubly disturbing since you won't quite be able to tell what we are doing but will be quite aware of how painful it is.
On this note they all leave, one of the guards removing Illya's blindfold. The last guard locking the cell. Judith and Illya are left standing alone.
Judith: So, what's your name?
Illya: Illya Kuryakin.
Judith: (Becoming a bit hysterical) Just what is going on here? I am just trying to finish up my dissertation and I get captured and then chained to a Russian.
Illya: Calm down ...
Judith: The name is Judith Mccaye. It's just that this is so strange.
Illya: (looking at the way they are chained) Quite. What is your dissertation about?
Judith: Do you know anything about the Umayyads?
Illya: Early Islamic dynasty?
Judith: Same. I was looking for some supplementary data concerning international relations of the period. The period...
Illya: What is on that side of the cell?
Judith: Sturdy cot, sink, the cell door. Oh, and there is a chair.
Illya: I'm going to try to turn around. (they manage that) Now to the chair, your right foot first.
They start for the chair. Scene cuts to Solo. He is watching a boat unload some crates, including one marked Fragile This Side Up. They finish unloading and the boat leaves. One guard is left watching the crates as others take them inside. Solo makes his way closer to the landing. He draws the guard away by the old "sound from elsewhere" trick. He opens the specially marked crate, which reveals something much like a microfilm reader. As the guard returns he puts the lid back on and ducks away.
Act II: And the bookworms shall conquer the earth?
Illya and Judith have managed to sit down, Judith facing the chair back.
Judith: So this Thrush group are trying to take over the world. But why capture a historian?
Illya: Hm.
The cell door starts to open. Illya kind of tenses.
Judith: What's wrong?
Illya: The door is opening. No guards.
Judith: Let's take a look.
They stand, which is an odd looking affair. They exit cautiously.
Shot of Solo, talking into cigarette case.
Solo: What do we have regarding the nest of Thrushes in Venice?
Woman's voice: Not much. We know that the project they are working on is called El Dorado, but we don't know what the project is.
Solo: Isn't that a city that Pizarro was looking for in the Mojave Desert?
Woman's voice: A supposed city of gold, yes.
Solo: Any word from Illya?
Woman's voice: Sorry Napoleon, he still hasn't reported in.
Solo: Solo out.
Solo puts away cigarette case, with a very puzzled look on his face.
Illya and Judith are walking cautiously, Illya first. The microfilm reader is on the table, as is a stack of papers. Illya stops.
Judith: What is it?
Illya: Some sort of a reader.
Judith: Turn clockwise. (they turn around) I suppose that is for the research they want me to do. I'd best start. At least we've got a better seat. My right first, sit, bring other leg in. Let's see what we've got here.
Judith lifts right arm(and Illya's left) and flips a switch. We see a whole bunch of Arabic text. Judith starts reading it.
Illya: What is it?
Judith: Oh, it seems to be microfilm of various Arabic sources. Unfortunately that doesn't tell me what I'm looking for.
From a speaker somewhere in the room.
The man: It is quite simple. History shows that once there was a fabulously wealthy merchant city in Arabia that was lost to the desert . I want you to find where that city is. Before you is microfilm of pertinent documents that have come to the notice of Thrush.
Judith: You expect me to find a city lost to both the Arabian sands and the sands of time? Saying that the city really exists and I have access to the right documents, both of which are questionable, it might take years to piece everything together.
The man: Have no doubt that it exists, and that you have excellent sources. Thrush has been interested in the matter since before either you or Mr. Kuryakin were born. As for the other concern, that is a definite possibility. Thrush considers this matter as a long term plan.
We hear a sort of 'turn off' sound. We get a close up of Judith.
Judith: Hope he doesn't mean to keep us chained like this until I find the city.
A shot of Illya, looking particularly crestfallen.
Shot of Solo, still dressed as a gondolier, now in a somewhat 'unpolished' bar. A number of uniformed Thrush infantry are scattered through the establishment. There are also two belly-dancers circulating the floor.
Guard 1: Do you think Thrush central has forgot about us here?
Guard 2: As long as I get paid, they can forget me as long as they want. (ogles belly-dancer) It's not as if we were in Siberia.
Guard 3: Not too much work, good pay and places to enjoy it. If Thrush hasn't forgot us we better hope no one finds out what a cushy thing we got.
Guard 2 almost catches a belly-dancer, almost.
Guard 2: Yeah.
Guard 1: If we don't see any action soon, Thrush will decide it doesn't need us. And if they close this base down, we'll find ourselves someplace else. I hear they don't last too long at the Nevada station.
Guard 3: You worry too much.
Solo seems to be having problems hearing over the belly-dancers, and moves to a closer table.
Guard 2: ( waiting for a belly-dancer to get closer) Just because we aren't busy doesn't mean we aren't
needed. After all we are if nothing else convenient reinforcements for half a dozen stations.
Guard 3: Or safe harbor. Don't sell that short.
Guard 2 gets real close to catching a belly-dancer, but she spins away and lands in Solo's lap. Guard 2 gets up to pick claim the girl.
Guard 2: You go and find someone else to be with.
Solo: She didn't seem to like your company much.
Guard 2: I warned you.
Guard 2 throws a punch at Solo, who ducks and flips the table up. A major brawl erupts with plenty of carnage and mayhem. In the end Solo is shoved through the door and barely manages not to fall into the canal. Inside the bar the three guards sit down again and order new drinks.
Guard 3: Feel better now?
Guard 1: Yeah.
Guard 2: Good.
It is now quite dark, and we see a number of Thrush agents making their way over a bridge. A few of them have gondolier hats on over their berets. We now have a closeup of Solo, with a bemused expression. Next we see the agents passing a dark doorway, and one of the Thrush men is considerably behind his fellows. Solo strikes him from behind and pulls him in. Shot of the Agents from the front , with one far to the back trying to catch up. As we get a better look we find that it is Solo. They all go inside the Thrush base.
Elsewhere, Judith and Illya are eating pita bread sandwiches. Each is facing to their right with arm bent towards their mouths. View goes to Judith.
Judith: So, Illya, what do you look like?
Shot of Illya, having some difficulty with his food.
Illya: Hm.
Judith: What do you look like? I feel kind of strange not knowing what the person I'm chained to looks like. All I know is that you are blond.
Illya: What does the man who gives all the orders look like?
Judith: About your height, slick dresser. Lots of details. He's kind of swarthy, slicked back black hair and a waxed moustache. The kind that curls up.
Illya: I look nothing like that. (Illya cracks a small grin)
Judith: Just who are you, Illya?
Illya: A very tired secret agent. From U.N.C.L.E. United Nation Committee for Law and Enforcement.
Judith: Chained to a very weary eyed Ph.D. candidate from Ann Arbor, Michigan. Middle Eastern History. Are you done with dinner?
Illya: One last drink. There.
Judith: My turn. Okay, ready to stand?
This takes some doing as they have been sitting for some time.
Illya: I'll lead.
They shuffle back into the cell, the door of which closes behind.
Judith: How does it do that?
Illya: Pressure plate or heat detector relaying back to a guard somewhere.
Judith: So, how do we manage this?
Illya: Hmm. (very puzzled look on Illya's face)
Eventually they manage to get settled in, after one of the most peculiar displays of contortionism. It takes a moment before either can speak. Illya is facing the wall. His right arm (and Judith's left) is extended above his head, while his left (and her right) lie on their sides.
Illya: What do you look like?
Judith: hm, you mean when not recently crushed by a Russian? Long reddish hair, squarish face, with big brown eyes. At the moment though I am quite wrinkled. How long do you think they'll keep us chained this way?
Illya: Until they are convinced you are working as fast as you can and will continue to do so. Unless...
Judith: Unless what?
Illya: Unless they are sadistic.
Act III: Cruel even for a graduate student...
In Thrush barracks Solo is looking around. The sound of sleeping, inebriated men can be heard all around. Very quietly he slips out a pen from under his pillow. He fiddles with it.
Solo:(whispering) Channel D, international relay. Scramble.
Young woman at U.N.C.L.E. Radio sounds.
Woman: Napol (Solo hushes her) whispers Napoleon, Mr. Waverly...
Solo's voice: Can't talk long. I am inside Venice nest. No sign of Pizarro yet. Give Waverly exact message. Out.
Woman contacts Mr. Waverly's office. Scene switches to Mr. Waverly.
Woman's voice: Mr. Solo has reported. He is in Venice nest. Says he has found no sign of Pizarro yet.
Waverly: Is that all?
Woman's voice: Yes. That is precisely what he said. " I'm inside Venice nest. No sign of Pizarro yet. Give Waverly exact message. Out." Nothing else.
Waverly: If he calls again I want an immediate patch through.
Woman's voice: Yes Mr. Waverly.
Waverly: First Mr. Kuryakin and now possibly Mr. Solo.
Mr. Waverly stops to fill his pipe, which he gives full concentration. Once he has it lit he continues.
Waverly: And no sign there really is an El Dorado plan, save as a mirage to swallow Uncle agents.
Illya and and Judith are still in bed. Judith clearly is awake. The cell door is open.
Judith: Illya, our cage is open and it smells like our food dishes are filled. We better get up before they are after us with a magazine.
Illya: Dogs sleep better.
The two get to work at getting out of bed, which results in Judith become quite pressed.
Judith: From now on I get the wall side of the bed. This is cruel treatment even for a grad student.
They sort of stretch as best they can, Judith leading them to the other room. As they sit down scene cuts to Solo, presently on guard duty. A clock behind him reads 4:10. Scene cuts again, to Solo checking his watch. It now reads 8:00. A Thrush guard comes to relieve him. He makes for outside and doubles back around. He starts checking doors.
Illya and Judith are sitting at the reader, Judith doing her best to rub her eyes.
Judith: I forgot how much I hate these machines. Always give me headaches. What are you thinking about?
Illya: How I could do with a shave.
Judith: I'm serious.
Illya: So am I. How's your search for Ali Baba's cave coming?
Judith: Slow. Just as I think I have a concrete reference to the city I find it is an uncommon alternate for Damascus or such. Between that and scribe errors...
Illya: Scribe errors?
Judith: Left out or incorrect letters. Bad spacing. Some of the texts are missing important passages. Material elided for compilation or to save space. Various forms of damage.
Illya: A puzzle without all the pieces. How like my own job.
Judith: Illya, are we ever going to get out of here?
Illya: We can hope.
We get a shot of Illya taking Judith's hand in his, and a glance of her smile. Next scene is Solo in a very dim, very small room, with his cigarette case out.
Solo: Channel D, international relay. Scramble.
Mr. Waverly is sitting in his office. There is the sound of the communication channel which he opens.
Waverly: Mr. Solo, what can you report?
Solo: Not much. So far Venice seems to be a cuckoo's nest; empty. I have heard no mention of an El Dorado plan. Any word of Illya?
Waverly: His pen was found crushed under a desk in an Istanbul library. No sign of him since. Mr. Solo, if you don't find something positive in the next 24 hours return to New York. Understand?
Solo: Received. Solo out.
Mr. Waverly starts to fill his pipe.
Waverly: And if I don't hear something positive in the next day I will have to close Mr. Kuryakin's file.
Scene returns to Solo, who is about to leave the broom closet, when he hears footsteps.
Guard A: Who do you think the prisoners are?
Guard B: How should I know? Though I've heard the one is a researcher.
Guard A: Maybe some scientist whipping up some new weapons, huh?
Footsteps become fainter. Solo exits closet. He doesn't get far before The man stops him. Solo starts assessing his options.
The man: Aren't you supposed to be in barracks by now?
Solo: Was just returning there. I had to sweep up, and just put the broom back.
The man: Very well. Off to your barrack.
Solo walks off with his patented "That was close" look.
In the cell, Illya and Judith are getting into bed, with a bit better grace than before.
Outside we see Solo, once more dressed like a gondolier. He is guiding his gondola around the Thrush building by moonlight. He spots something and goes for a closer look. It is a panel put over a small window. Solo removes it and fancy that we see Judith's sleeping face. He pulls out a small device that makes a low humming noise.
Solo: psst. Miss. psst
Judith sort of awakes.
Solo: Miss. Don't be alarmed. I'm here to rescue you. My name is Napoleon Solo. Have you heard of Illya Kuryakin?
Judith: Do you know a man named Napoleon?
Illya: Napoleon?
Judith: Does that answer your question?
Napoleon is taken aback somewhat and starts breaking out his "Well well" grin. Judith shoots up her left arm, dragging Illya's right along. The handcuffs glint merrily in the moonlight. Illya turns his head a little, enough to catch sight of Solo. Solo deflates a bit.
Illya: The cell is bugged.
Solo: All taken care of. waves device. I don't suppose this is going to be so easy as you two slipping through the window?
Illya: No.
Solo: How chained together are you?
Judith: Four sets of handcuffs. How are you going to get us out?
Illya: Yes Napoleon, how?
Solo: I'm thinking. I'm thinking.
Act IV: Out of the gilded cage...
Illya and Judith are finishing breakfast, and Illya is describing how to make blintzes.
Illya: Got that?
Judith: I understand completely.
Elsewhere we see Solo, back in Thrush uniform, wheeling a laundry bin. He stops near a solid metal door, hiding the laundry bin. Inside the room Illya and Judith are standing on the far side of the door. Illya is holding a strange object in his right hand. Judith has a cigarette lighter in her left. The cell door swings open. Judith lights the object, which they pitch into the cell. The door swings shut. The outer door swings open and a Thrush guard enters to remove the dishes. Illya bashes him from behind, on the neck. Guard falls. Solo rushes in with the laundry bin. We see that Judith's other hand has the jammer in it. Switches it on. Solo pulls a case from the laundry.
Judith: Sure that's waterproof?
Solo: U.N.C.L.E. issue.
Judith: Gather all the papers into it. And the film.
Solo first dumps Illya and Judith into the laundry bin, covering them some. He then puts everything thing in the case and zips both zippers. He hands it to Judith and tucks her in again. Part way through wheeling them out all the alarm lights and klaxons go off.
Illya: Must be a tracer in the film.
Solo: Not much further.
We see a hallway with a main door at the end. Thrush guards step in front of it, rifles aimed. Solo ducks down and presses something inside the bin. The guards get off some shots before the door blows behind them. Solo pushes the bin out the door and follows. There are two splashes. Seconds latter the emergency doors slam shut. Solo pulls himself into a waiting powerboat. Then he fishes Illya and Judith out of the quickly sinking laundry basket, Judith tightly clutching the satchel. They speed away from Thrush. Now on dry land, but still damp from their dip, they are all standing, Judith still holding the satchel.
Illya: Do you think you could do something with these?
Solo: What do you suggest?
Illya: Pick them, take a saw to them.
Judith: We have been chained this way for three days now.
Napoleon bends down to start, and then stands back up.
Solo: We have a little problem.
Illya: Yes?
Solo: What happens if an U.N.C.L.E security handcuff is removed in any other manner than with the right key?
Illya: They explode taking anyone nearby with them.
Solo: And how may they be recognized from ordinary handcuffs?
Illya: They are etched with U.N.C.L.E.
Solo: Look.
He tilts one cuff to catch the light and there are the letters crystal clear.
Illya: I suppose they are the ones being shipped to Rome.
Solo: Which can only opened by Mr. Waverly.
Illya: Best arrange passage on the next U.N.C.L.E. plane.
Judith: Where is this Mr. Waverly?
Solo: In New York.
Judith doesn't look too well. Solo radios for assistance.
Next scene they are all on a plane, and Solo is finishing giving Illya a shave. Gives him a look in a mirror after giving a few swipes of a comb to his hair.
Illya: At least I look presentable.
Solo: Now, Miss McCaye (as he steps to that side)
Judith: Judith.
Solo: Is there anything I can do for you?
Judith: Think you can comb my hair out without scalping Illya?
He starts at that, somewhat inconveniencing Illya. Scene cuts back to them after Judith's hair is finished. The sound of a communicator goes off. Solo answers. Switch to Mr. Waverly's office.
Waverly: Mr. Solo, I understand that you managed to find Mr. Kuryakin.
Solo's voice: Yes I did. He had been brought to Venice.
Waverly: I see. And project El Dorado?
Solo's voice: We are bringing it with us. All of it.
Waverly: Mr. Solo, are you trying to hint at something? Spit it out.
Solo's voice: Part of El Dorado is a Miss Judith McCaye, who was captured by Thrush shortly before Illya. Again from Istanbul and brought to Venice. They are handcuffed together.
Mr. Waverly is about to speak.
Solo's voice: With Uncle security handcuffs.
Waverly: I see. Were you about to retrieve all of the security sets of handcuffs?
Shot of Illya.
Illya: How many sets were there?
Waverly's voice: Nice to hear from you, Mr. Kuryakin. There were four sets.
Illya: Yes, we have all of them with us.
Waverly's voice: Good. I'll see you in my office soon. And Miss McCaye, my apologies for the inconvenience. Waverly out.
Next scene Mr. Waverly's office. Door opens to reveal Mr. Solo wheeling Illya and Judith in on a dolly. Mr. Waverly stands.
Waverly: My word.
Illya: I said we had all of the sets with us.
Waverly: How long have you been chained together that way?
Judith: Almost four days now. Here is project El Dorado. Oh, the notes for my dissertation are also in there.
Waverly sets it on his desk, and starts readying to open the handcuffs.
Solo: It was part of a plan to fund Thrush in the future.
Cuff off Judith's right arm.
Judith: It seems they have been gathering records of a lost Arabian city for more than the past thirty years. Considering some of the documents I would hazard as many as sixty years.
Cuff off Kuryakin's left leg.
Illya: They seemed to think that they had enough to piece together the location. But they needed someone to do the analysis.
Cuff off Kuryakin's right arm.
Solo: So they captured Judith as she was working on an appendix for her dissertation on the Umayyads.
Waverly: And true to her namesake, conquered the conqueror.
Cuff off Judith's left leg.
Illya and Judith turn to face each other and before Illya knows it, he is being passionately kissed.
Mr. Waverly escorts Mr. Solo out. As they go
Waverly: Three days?
Solo: Nearly four.
Scene returns to the kissing Illya and Judith. Credits roll.
