Mr. Hussein's Shack of Mass Destruction has received a large number of emails regarding Katie Season. Here is a large portion of the debate about Katie Season, now digitized for your viewing pleasure. The reason there is only a large portion is because putting the whole thing on would be prohibitively time-consuming and tedious.

Subject: Re: Katie season opens June 1st, 1999!

First of all, the entire idea is stupid. There are two reasons for hunting things:

1. You want them dead. This reason will be discounted because the entity proclaiming Katie season has said not to kill Katies and so, although I don't really care what said entity says I should or shouldn't do to whom, this is clearly not a reason to participate in this quasi-official event.
2. Because you want to chase them. This is perfectly legitimate. However, it makes a bit more sense to chase a person based on their personality/looks/brains/other inherent quality than based on the fact that their name is a derivative of, or has a linguistic relation to, Katherine. (Or, to prove I'm unbiased, Lawrence or Christ) Also, people who want to chase Katies, for any reason, have been doing so for centuries and, at least in most cases, haven't cared whether said entity sanctioned it.

Also, in addition to the fact that there is no logical grounds for Katie season, its implementation is getting on my nerves.

1. If it's a season, it should have an end date. If it's NOT a season, it should not be called a season.
2. The website explaining it has at least one grammar error.
3. I'm sick of hearing the entity discussed above refer to himself in the plural. (see the website)
4. The email announcing Katie season was sent May 27, has a subject header proclaiming that it starts June 1, and contains a statement that the Katie hunt has begun, thereby blatantly admitting either carelessness or hypocrisy, both of which are really annoying.

THEREFORE, I will not participate in, endorse, or condone the event and/or activity commonly termed "Katie season." -LCL

Subject: Re: Katie season opens June 1st, 1999!

HUMOR!!!!! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!!!

In a rebuttal toward this email, I, as official representative of Mr. Hussein's Shack of Mass Destruction, say that I never actually said Katie season started May 27. I insist that it is going to be June 1st, and therefore, your accusation on that ground is completely false.

This season is actually targeted toward a different audience; however, we thought that you would enjoy this and find it funny! To satisfy the criticism, though, we have concluded that Katie season will officially end June 3, 1999.

Subject: Re: Katie Season Opens June 1st, 1999!

Dang, I was just about to make a funnier rebuttal than that. But now it is too late. Oh well. So it goes.

GZT

ObHumor: The Other White Meat.

Subject: Re: Katie Season Opens June 1st, 1999!

-HUMOR!!!!! IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUNNY!!!

hence the fun in taking it seriously.

-In a rebuttal toward this email, I, as official representative of Mr. Hussein's Shack of Mass Destruction, say that I never actually said Katie season started May 27. I insist that it is going to be June 1st, and therefore, your accusation on that ground is completely false.

no, you didn't. however, you DID say that "the Katie hunt has begun" and, since it was and is not yet June 1, that must mean that the start date was inaccurate. and thank you for, for once, refraining from referring to yourself in the plural.

-Happy now?

yes. i provoked a response.

Subject: Re: Katie Season Opens June 1st, 1999!

I cannot in proper conscience speak for the entity responsible for the initiation of Katie season, but I can and do speak for myself when I say that whether or not you condone Katie season has absolutely no bearing on life, the universe, and everything in relation to myself and I am therefore mystified as to why you bothered to send me notification of your state of non-condonance. (Yeah, I know. Oh, well, now it's a word)

Aside from this, several of your allegations against Katie season were either irrelevent or hypocritical, no offense intended. For example, you, also, used a grammatical error, or at the very least, an uncomfortable sentence, which as you are well aware I consider a sin of grave degree. Also, nowhere in the definition of "season" do I find any reference to a set end date. If there is any basis for your complaint in this quarter, I would like to see it produced. Another complaint I have is with your statement that "it makes more sense" to chase someone for a reason other than their name. This is not only your personal opinion stated as fact, but also implies that participants in Katie season have no sense, that anyone who does not concur with said opinion has no sense.

I hope you will find this a rebuttal worth consideration, at least in part, in response to your refusal to participate in or condone Katie season. If the whole or any part of this letter has offended you, I apologize and assure you that there was not offense intended. I stand by Katie season.

-MCK

Subject: Re: Katie Season opens June 1st, 1999!

Before I get on with my plans to give a new definition to the term 'teleological suspension of the ethical' during the weekend, I shall be forced to butt into this argument.

<>

And now they do. After a few millenia of randomly deciding to chase Katies, we have finally decided to get organized. If there be no reason given for the season opening, that does not mean there is no reason at all.

<< However, it makes a bit more sense to chase a person based on their personality/looks/brains/other inherent quality than based on the fact that their name is a derivative of, or has a linguistic relation to, Katherine.>>

This has little bearing on the issue.

<>

Why do logical grounds need to be there? What is wrong with the defense provided? Laura has not disproven the statement that there are too many Katies. Laura has only said that hunting people named Katie because one wants to hunt people named Katie makes less sense than hunting intelligent people. It should be 'are,' by the way.

<<1) If it's a season, it should have an end date. If it's NOT a season, it should not be called a season.>>

End dates need not always given with the season's opening date. Since the issue is population control, the season continues until Dexter ends it.

<<2) The website explaining it has at least one grammar error.>>

Same with Laura's e-mail. More than one, actually.

<<3) I'm sick of hearing the entity discussed above refer to himself in the plural. (see the website)>>

That's your fault.

<<#4. It isn't hypocrisy. If intended, it is stupidity. If not, carelessness. >>

<< I simply do not see any reason to make a special point of doing any of the above to Katies.>>

The point. A considerable part of humor is proposing absurd things for little or no reason. Attempting to dismiss the proposal using reason only makes the reasoner look like a humorless git. For instance, suppose Bishop Dargason said, "Let us purchase inflatable underpants!" (As a joke, of course) If somebody then said, "Let us not purchase inflatable underpants, there is no good reason to do so and I already own some," the person would be hit over the head with a frozen chimp.

Learn to live with humor. (This message was paid for by the Bishop Dargason Humor Award Committee. Support your local Humorist for the Bishop Dargason Humor Award.)

Reply to Dexter's message: --In a rebuttal toward this email, I, as official representative of Mr. Hussein's Shack of Mass Destruction, say that I never actually said Katie season started May 27. -- Nobody disputed the starting date. Read more carefully. If you are illiterate, write to me for a free brochure on reading.

Subject: Re: Extension of Katie Season

I, AndyKatie, do hereby render the following objections:

1. I repudiate your claim to trademark on the name Katie. The United States Patent and Trademark office will verify this first thing in the morning, or whenever they get around to it.
2. Laura is not a derivative of Katie
3. All of Laura's objections
4. I would find it highly objectionable to leave an unconscious Katie/Laura in a ditch and walk off--something nasty might happen, and then I would feel guilty--not that I woulnd't already feel guilty about the whole unconscious bit.
5. Hugging is _not_ an act of violence, and I object to your implication that it is.
6. According to many people I am now a senior, so I shall attempt to use my seniority to intimidate Dexter--look at me fail

Subject: Re: Katie Season Opens June 1st, 1999!

In response to the recent flood of e-mails regarding the opening of the newly named "Katie-Season", I hearby appoint myself keeper of the peace. Consequently, I have established the list of arguments, which may have little or no relation to the topic currently being debated:

#1. I am a vegetarian, so obviously I find it disgusting when people eat meat. However, usually I keep this to myself and do not try to hunt the person, or even try to guilt-trip them into not eating meat. Usually if there is an argument, I do not expect it to go anywhere because no matter how they try, they can't convince me to eat meat, and whatever I do, it won't convince them to stop eating their beloved burnt animal flesh.

Argument #2 excised by management

#3. It is almost impossible to type an e-mail without getting at least one typo or mistake. Therefore, I do not see the direct connection between typos and being totally wrong on this issue. (For example, Laura and Dexter were insinuating that since the other had typos in their e-mail, they were unable to convey their message properly, and as a result of that should be killed or some other cruel and unjust punishment method used.

Any complaints may be directed to the management, saris83@hotmail.com

Subject: Re: Katie season opens June 1s, 1999!

1) I repudiate your claim to trademark on the name Katie. The United States Patent and Trademark office will verify this first thing in the morning, or whenever they get around to it.

I have no trademark on the name Katie. The trademark belongs to my good friend and colleague, who may be reached at mckolner@aol.com. Don't yell at me!

The trademark notice was posted on _your_ page, without any notification that it belonged to somebody else. So now you're commiting trademark infringement, eh?

2) Laura is not a derivative of Katie From what I've heard, it is. What you've heard from whom? You're concealing your sources and your evidence only because YOU HAVE NONE! 3) All of Laura's objections

Read Geoff's email.

Geoff's email was a bunch of political blither tiptoing around the objections in question and I refuse to dignify it with a response.

Hasn't something nasty already happened? so don't feel guilty!

huh?

Define "violence".

vi·o·lence n. 1. Physical force exerted for the purpose of violating, damaging, or abusing. 2. An act or instance of violent action or behaviour. 3. Intensity or severity, as in natural phenomena; untamed force. 3. The abusive or unjust exercise of power; an outrage; a wrong. 5. Abuse or injury to meaning, content, or intent.

7) I would like to meet these top research experts. They apparently have learned logic from Mr. Chuck Achter. This is "arbitrary and capricious"

Ask Laura. She's the one that told me.

Oh really . . . Laura, I'm curious . . . I shall await a response.

This is not intended to be spam, it is merely intended to inform that the Katie hunt has begun.

but it's so tasty!

Spam, spam, spam, spam,

Spam, spam, spam, spam,

Wonderful Spam!

Hello, I'd like a glass of Spam, please...

AndyKatie Defender of Truth (as he sees it)

The line you added really is redundant, except in such cases as there is a conflict of opinion between myself and she who appointed me. AndyKatie Defender of Truth in Email

Subject: Re: Katie Season Opens June 1st, 1999!

LOL! I am laughing SO hard I'm crying! (well, almost) hahahahahaha! This whole katie season debate is so frickin' HILARIOUS! ok, ok. comments for all:

Everyone:

Ok people. face it. You are not going to rule the world someday. You MIGHT end up working a burger joint somewhere, or you MIGHT be CEO of a company. NEITHER is ruling the world. However, if you think sitting in a tiny cubicle all day then coming home to a family to which you are the sole bread-winner is ruling the world, you just be happy with your little dilusions of grandeur. Also, because I'm Janice, I have to throw this in: the main reason this is SO hilarious is all the hidden love triangles within! hahaha! (don't I know I"m inviting critisism with THAT one! well, I'm braced.)

Dexter:

Where the heck did you come up with this ide anyway? and what made it so dang interesting that everyone picked up on it? hahahaha! I laugh at you

Laura:

ok. umm... I had something I was going to say to you and I just forgot it. anyway, as far as I know, Laura is NOT a derivative of Katie. unless, in some fouled-up foreign language it is. but then, andy is not a derivative of Katie either.

Sarah:

Ok, I don't know what to say to you that you won't be upset at me about (since everyone else is probably hopping mad at me already) except maybe that I respect your decision to be a vegetarian.

Mary:

FIRST, see above under EVERYONE. Next, I don't really follow your trademark logic. For some reason, I thought you were 1) smarter than that and 2) not dumb enough to join in the entity-bashing.

Andy:

Ahhh, andy. we made it to you. I found your responses the funniest of all. in fact, I laughed the hardest when you actually looked up violence. lol! that was pretty good. However, I have to wonder about alterior motives (as always).....

Ok. I'm done. PLEASE remember I'm not truly serious about anything I said, take it all in fun it wasn't meant to hurt. Take it in the spirit of the event. Oh, and sorry my response took so long. I was only now able to check my email

bye now!

~~~>Kae, Gwen, Mustard, Janice, whatever.

And on and on, ad nauseum.