We here at GodCo believe that if our products aren't produced from the finest materials, that's good enough for us. We are commited to quality and service, as well as exploiting your simple-minded nature as much as possible. God would've wanted it that way.
As much as we love the Bible, there are those of us who are tired with the same old stories. Ever think it would be cool if Noah took a Rocket Ship instead of an Ark? Ever wish you could choose what God did on that seventh day? Well, wonder no more: your prayers have been answered by God himself †. For example, you can choose whether Jesus heals the blind man, or hangs out at the mall with his friends. Should God be the supreme being? Or a rap star? In this story, you play God, and it's up to you to decide the fates of men! Order yours today!
Upon hearing the voice of God, Mary was sure to pick up one of these hot items at her local GodCo merchant. A purple cross means pregnant, while a black upside down cross means something else. Order yours today!
Ever feel that not getting a complete breakfast is a hell-worthy trespass? Well, it is! But God has informed us your salvation lies within GodCo brand cereals. And they're good for you too, guaranteed to give your skin a holy glow. Now in two divine varieties: Lucky Psalms (with marshmallowy bits of God in every bite) and Sin-Amen Toast Crunch (non-believers can't see what makes Sin-Amen Toast Crunch so delicious!)
What's a Savior to do stuck in California? What else? Go shopping! Malibu Jesus comes complete with a real working credit card, so you can purchase all the newest styles! Or why not get a tan at the Malibu Jesus Real Working Tanning Salon? We simply borrowed the lightbulb from the EZ Bake Oven, and viola! Instant cupcakes, I mean, tan.
Only available at Disney's GodCo store June 3rd through June 3rd, Life Size Princess Jesus comes with Shroud of Tarin and tiara... that you can wear ‡!
Many of you have been requesting a cuddlier form of the man responsible for our Lord's painful death. We here at GodCo are proud to announce Tickle-Me-Judas! Squeeze his tummy and hear him chuckle! Squeeze it again and he laughs while shouting "You're next you dirty Jew!" Supplies are limited. New Jersey residents need not apply. Void where prohibited.
After hearing your complaints, GodCo has decided to reach its Holy hand into the candy market. We know, you're sitting there, eating your Skittles, wondering, "Is this what God wants me doing with my life?" The answer is no! He wants you eating Gummi Saviors, a Great Flood of flavor in every bite. In addition to Gummi Saviors, we offer Jesus Pesus (Pieces), Lucifer Lollipops with "blood" filled center, and God Gum with Holy flavor crosses.
You've heard your children talk about them, you've seen the movie, now own the merchandise! That's right, Biblimon is here! Join our young biblimon trainer Nebachadnezzar as he sets out to be the best Biblimon Master in God's Kingdom! Marvel at the cuteness of Pikajew and his friends the Virgin Marill and Susej. If your child dies young, you want the best for him in Heaven, right? Then you must buy all 667 Biblimon, and to keep them safe, their Bibliballs. Of course, remember that the super rare 667 Biblimon can only be purchased in Botswana, so fly over, or you're going to Hell. And we know from experience!
With the ranks of Agnostics and Jews growing greater and greater as each day passes, God can count on only one man to stop this threat: G.I. Jesus! Watch as he converts the unfaithful with his Kung Fu Grip**! Also available: Stealth Jesus! Watch as he moves in mysterious ways!
Having trouble looking for food for your pet lemur? Always wanted a llama? Look no further than Noah's Pet Shop and Supplies! We carry everything from Chimpanae to Chimpanzee. And we offer a variety of name brand foods for your furred ones. Whatever you need, we got it. Just look for the 30 cubit high store in the shape of an ark off of I-666 near the Highway to Hell.
GodCo's most famous product, the Beanie Bibles have inspired many to give money to their Lord's pocket. Made from the holiest materials possible and assembled by un-Godly savages in one of our many sweatshops in Venezuela, the Beanie Bibles might just be your ticket out of Hell, and into enjoyment!
God didn't impregnate Mary just because she had a nice personality. No, heavens no. It is a well known fact Mary, Queen of the Universe, had one hell of a rack. Her secret? Prayer? Nope. It was the GodCo brand Lingerie, Forbidden Fruit of the Loom. If gravity makes your breasts sag down below, seek help from above! Also available, Satan's See-Through Thongs for Men. "The devil made me do it!"
Expanding on the devilishly popular craze that's hitting the nation, we here at GodCo present yet another product your kids will gamble/kill for:"Hey You! Pikajew!" Based on ideas stolen from Japanese businessmen, "Hey You! Pikajew!" uses a microphone to allow you to talk to everyone's favorite schlemiel, Pikajew! Shout anti-semitic phrases at Pikajew and watch him obey without so much as an "Oi!". Want a schtickle of cream cheese on that bagel? Just shout a few offensive phrases or racial slurs Pikajew and presto! A schmear of schmutz! Ever forget your homework? Now you have a dirty Jew to blame things on! And he'll take it! Kids! Get your parents to buy things for you! Or show some real maturity and take their wallets for them.... while they're not looking! Anti-semetic fun is just around the corner with "Hey you! Pikajew!"