Some of you may wonder, "How did GodCo get here? Why is it here? Where can I can I get a brand new, slightly dented oven for half the price of its dent-free counterpart?" We have the answers to those questions and more. Join us as we take a look back at our history and how we overcame ridicule and adversity to become the largest religious business stationed in Oviedo. God bless free-enterprise.
There was nothing but petrol stations and barbershop quartets. Josh and Elliott grew up together homeless in the same alley between two competing fast food franchises. Being the schoolyard scamps that they were, often their teachers would bring the two back to the alley by their ears, and could be heard quite frequntly saying to the very poor and very ugly parents, "Those two will never amount to anything. I suggest you save your money and tie those two to a train." And they did. Elliott and Josh were sent by rail to Hollywood, or would have, had they not been ejected somewhere near Topeka for not having tickets. Elliott, being the more decisive and gung-ho of the two, decided to head south (or what was presumed to be south). Little did they know, approximately 500 yards to the west was a train that would have taken them directly to Oviedo, where they would start their business. But due to Elliott's stubborn nature, they were forced to take the long way, a journey that would let them witness such historic events as the loss of the Alamo, the first flight of the penguin, the last flight of the penguin, and the making of Gone with the Wind... the book.
During one of the countless parties attended by GodCo's future founders, now bona fide sex freaks, Josh developed an addiction to spray deodorant. He'd roam the countless aisles of gym lockerooms, assualting small children to find that substance he craved so much. Says a former victim,"I was just tying my shoes when he used his mighty hands to snap my neck... it was horrible, and I said God would get even with him."
Desperate for an outlet to his addiction, Josh joined a local sewing club with a few old women. While he was there, he met a charming seamstress by the name of Satan. It was during the Quilting Club coffeebreaks that Josh and the elderly Satan grew "accustomed" to each other. What would become of this steamy love affair? Only God knows.... oh, and a few other people.
The story begins like any other. Josh, happily involved in his Quilting Club, began to show signs of faltering. His addiction had returned, and he had turned to perverse comments for amusement. After awhile, the Quilting Club could no longer tolerate the often said phrase "Is that a sewing needle in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" And thus, Josh was banished from the pearly gates of the Quilting Club. But what of our other hero, Elliott?
"And so what if it was pornography... it's Disney." -Elliott
Elliott, while humble and mild-mannered in appearance, led a secret, and sometimes dangerous, double-life. Few knew behind that pair of wire-rimmed glasses, into the world of candy canes and lollipops. Evil candy canes and lollipops. Laced with LSD, cocaine, heroin, and the highly addictive spray deodorant, Elliott was driven deeper into the crazed world. Though he had a brief career in acting (starring in such films as The Janitor's Closet and Having Sex with Lots of People Who I Just Met, two of Disney's most unseccessful films, next to The Story of Menstruation and Pocahontas 2: Journey to a New World), his passion was in gingerbread houses, laced with LSD, cocaine, heroin, and CBS. He sold his creations on eBay, to other ginger druggies looking for a new high.
This went on for several years before the cops finally busted him in his Palm Springs trailer. Police found over one thousand pounds in ginger bread, and nearly twice that in CBS. After spending 6 months in prison, he was let out for rolling doubles in one of three turns, escaping the 50 dollar penalty. Heading for Rio, he found God in the desert and became a missionary for Him in the heartland of America, Oviedo. And soon Elliott would start a fantastic journey, for he would be joined again by his long lost companion, Josh, who was recovering from his adiction to the WB.
All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy. All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.
But the land of milk and honey was not quite yet in reach for our duo, as Josh had once again given in to the temptation of his dark addiction. He gave in, and turned to God... more or less. While roaming local churches in search for sex, Josh discovered the mind numbing effects of holy water. Just a few drops of God's favorite beverage and Josh was transported to a psychadelic dreamworld... he saw the light.
It had been months since the Great Flood of 86' which seperated our intrepid heroes, but at last they had come home... and they had a plan. Their vision: a company whose purpose was to enlighten the unfaithful, oh, and to make lots of money, too. They called it GodCo, and it was good. They rested. In fact, they rested until noon that morning... then they watched cartoons. There was a slight problem in their plans, however, how could they get started? Luckily, they found salvation... was it Jesus? Ha! Of course not. It was good ol' fashioned ingenuity. And, as the title suggests, GodCo was born... well, not born, that's just sick. The point is, these few enlightened moments started what is now the world's leading manufacturer of biblical merchandise. And the rest, as they say, is history... in fact, we'll tell you about it. Later...