I admit in one of my letters that I was living with a guy when I got
saved. I came very close to marrying him, until God gave me a dream not
to do so, but to move into the Camden Fellowship.  It is true that the
Fellowship offered me an alternative, a place of refuge and holiness, but
mainly I knew that it was a way to go on with God.  If you ever saw the
Camden Fellowship, (and this was before it was in the Loft-like condemned
factory, when it was in a big house in a relatively safe part of Camden
known as Rosedale), you could believe it took a supernatural "call" to
get me to live there.  The fellowship leader was Paul Davis.  He was very
nice, but he was also kind of nuts, and unkempt.  He seemed to be in love
with Millie Brocco, and they had a tumultuous, on again-off again type
"thing" going on.  Me, the incurrable romantic, I thought they would have
been better off married, but hey, it was the Fellowship, what chance did
they ever have?

So, back to why we joined.  I lived in Allentown for about seven months,
moving there when I was saved for about six months.  One dear brother
there was Mark Cooper, a black brother.  Although, I never really thought
about how Mark was black, (except that was part of who Mark was) until
one day we were walking downtown witnessing, and some white people
started saying all kinds of weird, racist remarks, and some of them were
directed toward ME.  I guess, because we were walking along laughing,
maybe it looked like we were "together" like as a couple!  But see, that
is part of why I joined.  We were, as a whole, generally so into Jesus
that we were unself-conscious about stuff like race.  Yes, brothers and
sisters were very nervous about our sexual differences (as in vive la
difference!), but still I got very close to brothers as friends when I
wasn't concerned with all the "relationship possibility" stuff.  And we
had deaf people, and other nationality people, messianic Jewish people
(although we didn't know to call them that then), handicapped people and
genius-y, art talented people.

We had the unity of the Spirit, in the bond of peace.  And one trip to
any of our houses let you see that.  And guess what?  Most of us didn't
have a clue who ST was back when I "joined" in 1976.  Or any of the older
brothers, except maybe your own fellowship leader, and a couple of other
ones from your center.  Mainly, it was so much fun to talk to other
zealous young people with the same desire to see Jesus work out our
salvation in our everyday lives, and we joined into a "team" in the
Kingdom of God.   I guess that's why I went on to get my degree in
"Interpersonal and Group Communications."  Maybe it's the old trekkie in
me, but it takes each one of the crew to make that starship fly.  Each
individual holds a piece of the puzzle. I liked that.

And it feels weird to read the "Pappie Papers" on the Documents section.
See, the outside world would have seen it that way -- that some cult
members went into the legitimate "ministry" of a homeless place for
runaways, and then funneled them, even going so far as to transport
minors across state lines, into the slave labor of the carpet business.
On the Fellowship's end, we all know that somebody met one of those
runaways, who probably got saved, and they thought it would be a much
better life for others to get saved and find a home in the Fellowship,
than live in a runaway shelter. (Sometimes those runaway shelters exist
as a bed and breakfast for kids who are out on the streets learning
prostitution, they are so secular).  The carpet business was a given for
all of us.  The living conditions were a given for all of us!  Those
milkcrate beds with the foam mattresses were the norm!  Mostly all we
owned were clothes (that, where I lived, we often shared around with
other sisters which was fun) and books.  That was okay with most of us
back then.  I gave up the contents of my whole apartment, furniture,
kitchen stuff, record collection, everything, when I "joined."  I
"counted it dung compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus
my Lord."  I was happy to do it.  It was an anti-materialistic act for
many of us.

As a Mom now, I would be suspicious of a place that was so chaotic, and
yes, the conditions were ceretainly not favorable to Health codes.  (My
teenagers rooms aren't that much different at times, but we don't have
those NYC roaches, thank God).  So, I can understand now how bad we
looked from the outside. (I do painfully remember when Terri and I swept
behind a couch in one of those "brownstones" that was condemned not much
later, and found about a whole broom-shovel full of "mouse turds."  We
did have the sense to bandanna our faces so we didn't breathe the dust.
That was not, thankfully, a building with a "food-room,"  nor did we
sleep on the floor in that one!  Personally, I only lived there for about
three days in transit).

And when I read about how brethren were "knocked down" I remember with
sadness that those were the times when anyone so "lowered" would be what
we referred to as "more real."  When someone was considered a "trip" that
usually meant they had to rely on Jesus Himself instead of the system,
and their humility tended to make them more "approachable" as a
human-being.  Alas, how short the duration of such a strength!  Most
would try to strive and grid their way back to the top, and my head was
sometimes a stepping stone.  So, I guess I did sometimes get my feelings
betrayed.

But mostly, I loved to study the Bible.  I loved that you could talk
about the Bible all the time.  One time I overwore my hard contact
lenses, and had to keep my eyes shut for 24 hours straight by doctor's
orders.  A younger sister came and sat with me, and for the entire day,
I gave her an overview of the story and timeline of the whole Bible.  The
Holy Spirit used the experience to give me a lot of insight about the
Word, but it was amazing that someone would sit with me for hours to
discuss the Bible in depth that way. That type of intensity is a zealous
fire that is rare, precious and valuable.

Anyway, it seemed to me that the quality of brethren changed over time
also.  I hate to say it, but a good many of the talented brethren got
burned off, and then who was left?  If your'e going to raid the homeless
shelter, you have to question the motivation of why some of the people
joined.  In Camden we did have some false brethren.  One guy actually
robbed my brother, but thankfully his checking account had a security
feature that didn't allow the guy to get away with cashing a check, and
as the guy was on camera, the bank took care of it legally.  We also had
freeloaders, but none of them lasted extremely long.  The sacrificial
lifestyle did eventually weed them out.

(One thing that hurt the Fellowship's credibility to my brother was that
he was giving in his paycheck thinking that the Camden fellowship "money
handlers" were making his truck payment as promised.  Then the bank
wanted to repossess his truck.  My brother also bought eye-glasses for
twin brothers who were in need.  I always admired him for that -- being
empathetic as a glasses wearer myself.  My brother almost lost his
eyesight in a bad fight before he was in COBU.  His back was badly hurt
-- he had to be in traction -- from working in the glass  factory that
many of the Philly brethren worked in at one time.  Personally, I would
like some of those leaders from Camden (Bob you know who you are) to
offer an apology to my brother... it was really wrong he was treated that
way, and that Fellowship benefited from him a lot).

I do remember one dear, huge brother, who was a bit mentally slow, but
who did get to come to NYC.  Eventually he was misunderstood in some
fellowship and went home to his parents, where I saw him again in Camden.
But he was never a slacker, he just found it too difficult to find a job
of the caliber that was expected of him once the business decided that
some brothers needed to go back to getting jobs "in the world."  He was a
sincere brother, and I hope he has found a church home.  I do wish he had
found a bit more kindness and understanding at the time.

There were, however, to its credit, many handicapped people who were
treated with respect and dignity in the Fellowship.  Well, as much as any
of us were afforded dignity that is.  I guess you could say they had the
chance to suffer at the same level of insult as we all did, in spite of
any disabilities!  We were, at least, all equally treated with distain!
My dear therapeutic partner at the "Y" swimming pool you know who you
are!  You are missed and still admired for your wisdom and yes, bravery
of spirit.

And our dear messianic Jewish brethren.  I knew "Dr. Seif" back when bro.
I am very proud of him, (just so long as he's not too proud of himself).
You know your wild spiritual testimony? You got nothing on that boy.  (Or
on my Jim, if you heard their whole stories).  Jesus Christ is Lord, born
of a Jewish mother.  Charles and Jay Edleman -- they were the sons of
thunder there.  You never met them if you came in when you did I bet.
Both of them had jet black hair, and eyes of pure blue.  They reminded me
of a matched set of Husky dogs, because of their eyes and their motion.
They were identical twins, and they were wonderful creative people.  It
was a true tragedy to hear that Charles died.  I forget the circumstances
now.  I believe Jesus saw him covered by His blood.  Those brothers could
certainly pray.

Anyway, that's why I joined bro.  To go on with God.  I wouldn't have
"lasted" in a milky church.  Jesus proved Himself over and over to me.
Totally without ST, and thankfully in spite of him.  Maybe I was just a
mixed up kid who wanted to live in a commune so as to escape a bad
relationship.  Maybe I found a pearl in a field and sold all that I had
to gain that great treasure.  In the end, only God can judge with right
judgment.

Love always - your sis