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Okay, now to thank you for sending me your brother's piece.  Great stuff.
 I am glad that I wrote to you before seeing it, because writing you made
me think through what the Bros.3 had been doing, and Dave's piece just
further expanded and confirmed what I had thought.  It is a great
systematic argument.  And it is good for me to have it more clearly taken
apart into sections to handle, step by step.  And it encourages me to see
how Dave seems to agree that "cult" isn't the word for the experience Jim
& I had.  The hard part, for me, and Jim hasn't gotten to read it all yet
to comment, is that my personal responsibility for changing what went on
there was very limited, especially as a sister.  I wasn't just a stupid
victim, no, but I was clueless as to how to change anything.  When Jim
and I left, and then came back, we were so outnumbered that we had no
chance but to leave again.  Now, we are so glad we did leave when we did,
we don't know how anyone could have stood the continuation of all the bad
we saw.  But it did so hurt to leave the good we saw.  And like Dave, we
wouldn't have traded that either.  Without bragging, we do seem to have a
depth that we don't find in many others from the "healthy" churches, who
like Dave aptly described were raised by mushy, indulgent
churches/parents.  Jim has a friend who is good at "coining a phrase" who
used to describe liberal church youth group leaders as encouraging "Six
Flags Over Jesus," (referring to the "Six Flags over Georgia" theme park
we lived within driving distance of in NEGA).  Being entertained
constantly doesn't rate the same experience of witnessing on the streets.
 We were so serious!
The church we are in now has a pretty good balance.  They are still too
much American Christianity for me, (like the marshmallow eating  and
donut eating contests they had at the Fall Festival), but they do great
outreaches to senior citizens cleaning or painting, and to mentally
retarded camp, and to Children's Hospital visitation, so on, for the
youth.  But it just isn't the same as when in the 70's we hit the streets
and malls with our bibles.  Still, how many people say "yeah, a long time
ago someone practically chased me down the street with their bible, and
it just kinda turned me off..."  and inside you think, "Hmmm, I wonder
who they may have talked to from COBU..." at least in the Northeast.

So, that may be why you don't have as many female correspondents, bro.
As sisters we were second class citizens, and I'm not pulling a women's
lib number here.  We may have stayed IN for reasons other than brothers
did.  While brothers were busy discussing theology, we were doing dishes,
food room cooking, laundry, cleaning machines, making tons of sandwiches
for the next day... (did I ever tell you how Jim got two pieces of white
bread with only mustard in-between one day?) and attending those
incredibly waste of time sister's meetings.  Not to mention looking for
jobs, working at jobs, calling Pop Ups, answering phones, babysitting,
hey, we were lucky to find time to read our Bible.  We were more brown in
general, and our purpose, remember was to "be devoted to Jesus and the
fellowship of the brothers."  Whatever that meant.

Hey, I remember it was a big deal for my own mom in the early 70's to
wear a "pantsuit" to work instead of a dress.  We were pretty
conservative and basically traditional-role women.  And the Eve teaching
was that we were idiots, only brothers could think for us, put us in our
place for our own good, and we couldn't trust "our own sight" about
anything, so we NEEDED the Fellowship for that true view, or at any
moment we could get into or cause sin, even inadvertantly! Forget any
leadership role, except maybe "being a Silver."

Women become co-dependent for reasons other than men do.  Shame is a
definite factor.  It either lasts longer and hurts more, or we are prone
to throw it totally to the wind because it does hurt so much to be
controlled by it.  What Dave wrote about "controlling shame" is true.  I
think it was doubly true for the COBU women.  If you truly think about
it, most of the COBU girls were nice young women who wanted good for
people.  They put in long hours of hard work, making personal sacrifice
for the good of the whole, and to see people come to Jesus. There were a
few "trips" but the majority were just marriagable aged women who were
willing to join what they thought was the best church experience they
could fit into that they knew, and submit to the "direction" they
received there.  They were trying to trust God's oversight of them, and
they were compared to a "flock of a 100 sheep" going in different
directions, so they were taught not to trust their own minds, but rely on
everyone else's view.  They were taught that they were inherently "prone
to mistakes," when they wanted so much to be "good."  It was a lose/lose
proposition either way.  Just as the bros. were destined to become older
bros. we were gonna "be exposed" for the real trips we knew ourselves to
be inside our heart of hearts.  So we surely deserved any "beatings" we
took.  At least someone "cared" enough to tell us the truth about
ourselves, right?  Dysfunctional, not mystical here.

It doesn't surprise me that Carol and I are the only 2 girls to write,
because I think sisters are even more reluctant to "go against" the
things we're trying to sort out about ST since he was supposed to be this
almost "magical" figure that knew you better than you knew yourself.
That's probably still a subconscious thing.  And women that "complain,"
well, you know the word for that ... no, not that worldly word, bro, I
mean the dreaded: "contentious."

You see these battered women in the news, and you ask yourself, why
doesn't she leave the bum?  The sad answer is that familiar abuse is less
scary for some women than entering the unknown territory of loneliness,
meaninglessness or purposelessness.  Theology aside, sisters weren't only
there for the "true teaching."  The psychological factor ran very deep.
ST was sort of accurate on things, then the individual sisters even got
"addicted" to having someone so "worthy" to please.  Our worldview became
saturated with analysis on behavior.  We had catch phrases that summed up
whole psychological factors and motives like "the Big A" (for a person's
seeking attention), or "food browns," for someone who used food as a
comfort and/or obsession.  We checked ourselves for any traces of these
terrible spiritual diseases, especially the inescapable Eve that we
couldn't control. We transistioned into adulthood under this constraint.
For our own good, and the good of humanity, we needed to be controlled by
something outside ourselves!

We did develop a COBU mind-grid through which to process our experience.
I think the Bros. 3 are trying to run their present experience through a
modified grid.  A lot of us seem to have a propensity towards trying to
make sense of things - hey, isn't that why we agreed to name the thing
COB Understanding?

So I will contend, bro.!  Just call me Warrior.  Nah, I'm not that much
of a Xena, but down on my knees I can weild a sword in humility.
Remember that dream I wrote to you about, where Jesus took off His helmet
and shook out His hair?  "She laughs at the time to come."  I'm still on
the right side!  That feels good, but I don't always HAVE TO BE RIGHT.
That feels even better.  I can hide behind that shield and the flaming
darts just bounce right off.  "Pushy" and "Contentious," "Useless,"
"Unlovely" or whatever can hurt a sister most are doused by His rain of
love for me.  Isn't He good?  your sis
 

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