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Jim was really struck by how you talked about how ST never really lived
in community with any of us.  He never really knew any of us.  He was
just a vacuum cleaner nerd living on a bus in poverty with his wife and
kids when it occurred to him that maybe he found his dream of never
having to do an honest day's work again....Nobody ever knew him either,
and he liked it that way. I mean, even though it was the early 70'so what
kind of person lived on a bus with all those little kids? Think about
it-this was the same person that made all those married couples live
without bathrooms or privacy in the lofts.... His second wife was so much
younger, how could she ever really "know" him either... talk about never
being truly intimate psychologically... its gotta be really lonely, but
he projected all that garbage onto the older bros that he himself was
doing...  He never let anyone else in, no real fellowship.  He never was
actually IN fellowship.  He ran the Fellowship, but none of us had
"fellowship" with him as a person.  He was the king above the law.  He
still may think he is.

I remember the Camden fellowship Loft building.  There were no windows in
a huge old brick ex-factory building right next to a railroad track that
was right downtown in one of the worst areas of that violent city.  The
basement was totally spooky, and there were probably rats.  No windows
also meant endless bugs in the summer.  I lived in Allentown when they
got this facility, but was there for some Center meeting.  The
Hillenbrandts had to bring their daughter, Audrey, who was then about two
years old, to Allentown, quickly, while I lived there, because the Health
Dept. found out where they lived and the Social Services was about to
take her into a foster home for her own safety.

One time, I was "out sick" of the endless "Dip"  Mtgs. in NYC, and at the
next one, suddenly we were going to be buying a helicopter. Before I
realized the ramifications of what I was asking, I blurted out
publically, "When did we vote that we were buying a helicopter?"

What blasphemy!  To question the powers that be!

"Sit down, Pushy! Where were you at the last meeting?" came from ST
himself.  I stammered to explain I had been sick.  Of course, I was wrong
for not having gotten the information from someone else, like a missed
class... but no one else seemed to think it was all that definitive
either... we all just had to go along with what was decided behind closed
doors, especially on how our own money was spent. Like it or not.  Don't
question ST's authority!

In debating class, attacking the person, not what they are saying, but
some characteristic about them that you can make appear as a flaw, is
called a "straw-man argument."  It is a weak argument, really, but is
pretty effective in flustering the "opponent."  ST became a master at
this cowardly device.

One terrible consequence of this money control was how we all had to
submit "special requests" to our moneyhandlers.  For brothers this could
be so humiliating.  Here they were working 15 or more hours a day, and
they have to scratch out on paper to some sister that they need to buy
some new underwear.  Jim still laughs about making a list... "Well,
sister," (imagine some sister predisposed to not like brothers anyway)...
"I have 3 socks, that I wash out by hand and hang up to dry, nightly, and
I was hoping to buy one more so I could have two pairs.... I know maybe
that's indulgent, and that people in Haiti maybe don't even have one pair
like I have... yes, sister, I will try to get a good deal on a sock at a
discount store in the garment district the next time I am escorting
there... I was kinda hoping to buy a new comb or a towel also, but I
could wait... if you think that's asking too much..." (gotta laugh to
keep from cryin'...)

Jim relates being on a carpet job with a brother who got so "worked over"
(as we said) and "into his head" because he was so greedy as to have
packed himself TWO peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that day!

One brother told me his testimony.  He had been the leader of a gang
before he got saved.  I was amazed that this gentle, Jesus-loving brother
had held such a position of power and violence.  He related about the
time he was shot in the stomach during a robbery escape.  He didn't even
know he had been wounded until he could taste the gunpowder in his mouth,
he said.  I was astonished that the same person I was now talking to,
could have been that "old man" back then.  I had absolutely no fear of
this brother, even though he had told me this.

Later, after we left COBU, we found out that this brother abused a young
sister and ended up in jail.  Inwardly I grieved that such a person,
(whose actions I totally will not even begin to justify), had not been
helped along in who he was as a brother in Christ by the de-masculizing
factor of having to do stuff like submitting "special requests" instead
of being empowered as a leader, raised up to do ministry.  I wish he had
gotten saved in someplace like Nicky Cruz's crusade, and maybe we should
pray that he can repent and have a jail ministry.  I don't want to say
his name, as those of us who knew about it, know, and I don't want the
sister shamed any further. Here's another one I blame ST's lack of
pastoral care for - where was he in hearing any one's testimony?

I guess hearing testimonies is one of my favorite things about being a
Christian.  I truly delight to see how personal Jesus is as Savior to
each of us a individuals, and from each of our backgrounds.  He has such
a way of redeeming things and turning them around where the devil meant
them for evil.  I love to listen to see each story, and I look forward to
doing so in Heaven. And I think it is so good for people to process
themselves what God has done for them. That is why I am glad to see
brethren reuniting on this site.  COBU is part of who each of us are.
There was a lot of good.  People really did get saved.  That is why, I
don't believe that it was a cult while Jim & I were there.
No, I am not in denial.  It sure has changed so much for the worse and we
thought it was bad enough and unsalvageable (for us) back then, so those
who can call it "cult" could be a lot more accurate than I know.  I think
at that time, (Jim & I were both IN from early '76 thru late '79) it
would accurately be called a "sect," because it was definitely Christian.
 I don't think you could say that now if they don't even teach the new
birth.  And I remember disagreeing personally with some strange teaching
that there was no Trinity, not that there weren't the 3-in-One, but that
there was some sort of power-order or whatever, it was gobbledy-gook ST
stuff.  Talk about straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel... let's
split some theological hairs but let's not face the issues that brethren
were submitted to the conditions we lived in.

Well, all for now.  So many brethren who honestly fought the fight and
wanted so much for there to be an ideal Christianity - it was a grand
experiment for a while there - one that many Christians in history have
tried, and some good legacy should come of it.  What good can we learn
from it?  What can I teach my children about who I was back then, and
what my dreams are, and were? Were Mom and Dad only idiots or were we
idealists that maybe got a raw deal from what we had hoped to see turn
out so much better?  Maybe we wore the rosy glasses of the young back
then.  I don't want to ever squash someone's dream, or become cynical
just because I've had to become a little "older and wiser."  I've seen
people get saved on the sidewalks on their faces.  Not every Christian
can say that.  Nowadays that's called "awesome!" your sis - Nancy