hi again from Nancy & Jim Coogan
this is Nancy writing to you on my lunchtime, having just spoken to
Jim
at his work at lunch. He read me a long list of people who we
left off
last night when we sent the last list. We will send tonight.
It is
funny how this is happening to us to find you at this time when Jesus
is
healing us through the Revival that is beginning at our church.
As I
said, we both fell out in the Spirit on Sun. Night, and we think Jesus
must be dealing with our past hurts more than we know. I just
got done
reading your testimony. Amazing, and you are always welcome
to our
home, dear brother. We think we knew your bro. Dave the most,
as he was
older than you. We left in late 1979 and were married in May '80.
We
remained pure until our marriage, and although we had become discouraged
and left and come back, without sin, brethren treated us like we were
terribly backslidden when we came back. No one asked us why we
had
left, or if we were okay, except Mike & Rachel Sullivan tried to
be nice
to us without being direct. Everyone always assumed the worst
of each
other. My brother was like you in that as he figured if he was
backslidden, as told, he might as well go for the big sins.
He is
living in Gainesville, GA now, and is married with 4 girls. He
works
real hard, I think just to keep from thinking about it all too much.
We
had real theological differences with COBU and didn't just leave to
"get
married" as brethren assumed. We were readers, as you say, college
educated, and loved C.S.Lewis and other Christian writers which we
read
aloud in our apartment. We saw a big discrepancy between the
lack of
love we witnessed, and what Christianity was supposed to be.
That's
where the real discouragement came in. Because of so many forces,
we
were powerless to affect change, although anyone sincere there did
long
for the real thing. I think of COBU as a sect, more than a cult.
It
did become its own culture; but people honestly experienced God there,
as opposed to something weird like Children of God or the Koresh thing.
If Stewart had been a real pastor, loving us instead of using us, it
could have been so wonderful. I gather the Second in command
in your
account is Jimmy Griener. Since we left before a lot of that
stuff
happened, we only heard about it second hand. I liked Stewart's
kids
basically, they seemed needy emotionally. They liked Jim &
I. I think
looking back on it that Jim & I had something special that many
others
were jealous of, but jealousy wasn't talked about. I took delight
in
telling brothers that I loved Jim, because I remember their eyes
lighting up to think that a sister might actually feel that way about
a
brother...was it actually possible? I remember arguing with a
sister
who told me "You're not acting like a sister!" And saying, "that's
true,
I don't want to play that game." I remember reminding sisters
that
Sabina Wurmbrandt told us we should love people just as they are, (not
waiting until they came up to some standard we created), and sisters
being incredulous that anyone could hold that view about brothers.
We
were so works oriented and conditional! How aptly you describe
the
many, many obligations we had to meet to be accepted, when Jesus takes
us gladly "just as I am" which we delighted to sing. How foolishly
the
zeal of these dear brethren who were willing to die so valiantly to
self, to give up all, including life itself in defense of one another
in
these terrible neighborhoods, was spent on the inner turmoils of the
group due to terrible exploitive leadership. What suffering we
were all
put through psychologically when we could never, ever meet up to the
demands placed upon us, that were never truly put upon us by God.
How
much we wanted to find His will, and be seen as "pleasing" to Him,
only
to never be pleasing to the leadership. How we were taught to
judge and
exploit and impose the same unreachable expectations on one another.
But we wanted good, and since our desire was so sincere, we couldn't
believe it could go so bad. We tried so many ways to fix it.
Jim
remembers the brothers taking vows to keep the "100 Rules" which Jim
declined to do, and they derided him. He told them not to take
vows to
God rashly, and they had in effect put themselves under another system
of the Law. But they all strived so hard.
For wonderful memories, Jim remembers guarding an outside sister's
meeting in NYC in the Loft parking lot. He remembers how all
the
sisters praying outside together sounded like water running over the
rocks in a stream. To this day, camping and hiking, we remember
the
sound of the sisters' corporate prayer. well, more tonight.
gotta get
back to work.
God Bless You.
