I'm no a coal miner, an engineer nor an inventor.
I dinnae live south of Hadrians wa',
I dinnae eat Yorkshire Pudding and
I dinnae ca' ma Mither "Mummy".
I dinnae ken Angus, Duncan, Hamish or Malcolm fae Aberdeen, tho' I'm sure they are very angry people.
I drink ale for breakfast and Scotch for dinner.
I wear nought unner ma kilt except for ma socks and shoes.
I believe in cash bars, as long as you're paying.
I pronounce it Scotsman, NOT Scatch-Man.
I proudly smash ma countries flag oe'r anywans heed during the World Cup.
"Mince and tatties" are meat and potatoes.
"Nips and neeps" is a wee dram o' Scotch and a spoonfu' o' mashed turnips, and the contents of Haggis are nae any mair disgusting than the organ YOU had in YOUR mooth last night. And Blood Puddin' could be worse.. it could be YOUR blood!!!! A Glasgow Kiss is a painful heedbutt,
a "sgian dhu" is a wee knife kept in the sock of a Scotsman ( or the back of an Englishman ), and the Romans could never conquer the blue-faced, tattooed oatmeal eating savages fae the Highlands in ancient times.....

My name is Jimmy MacDonald!

AND I AM SCOTTISH !