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Intentions
By Evan McBride



1: You ever get the feeling youíre being watched?
2: Huh?
1: By me?
2: What?!
1: In the shower?
2: No!
1: Oh. Good.
2: I donít even know you!
1: Right, never seen you before in my life. Almost forgot.
2: Um...
1: In fact, very often even I donít recognize myself.
2: Uh... you donít really... um... you donít, right?
1: What, recognize myself? Well, it really depends upon what Iím wearing, actually.
2: No, watch me in the shower!
1: Youíre inviting me to? All right! Bouya!
2: No, I most definitely donít want you to watch me in the shower!
1: Ah, geez, you get my hopes up and then BAM, three-sixty!
2: What?
1: BAM, three-sixty!
2: Oh.
1: Right.
2: Um... you were just kidding about watching me in the shower, right?
1: About wanting to or about having done it?
2: Both.
1: What if both have different answers?
2: Do they?
1: No.
2: So were you kidding?
1: Yes. If youíll excuse me, I have to go pick up my binoculars and tree climbing equipment.
2: Ha ha. Very funny.
1: What?
2: Binoculars and tree climbing equiptment?
1: Iím a bird watcher..
2: Seriously? Or are you kidding again?
1: I think so, but youíre starting to confuse me.
2: Iím starting to confuse you?!
1: What? Starting to confuse me? Yes, I suppose you are. Funny question to ask, though.
2: Iím asking funny...
1: Iím almost certain.
2: But you just asked me... at least I thought...
1: Now you seem confused.
2: Damn straight Iím confused!
1: I noticed.
2: And itís all your fault!
1: Yes. Yes. Here, let me help you find your way home.
2: I am home.
1: Oh?
2: I just stepped out to... um...
1: Get the newspaper?
2: I was going to say that! Are you implying that Iíd forgotten why...
1: Of course not.
2: Oh. Good. Now, if you wouldnít mind, uh, leaving, um, I was about to take a shower.
1: Damn! What a time to have forgotten my binoculars and tree climbing equiptment!
2: Oh, fuck you!
1: Whatís your problem? I just spotted a cardinal.
2: I donít see any cardinal!
1: It flew off. They tend to be spooked by loud obscenities.
2: Oh. Sorry.
1: So, are you going inside, or do you plan to stand out here scaring the birds all day?
2: You donít need to tell me to... itís my house.... I was going in anyway!
1: Of course.
2: Good day!
1: (sigh) The trouble I go to to steal a newspaper.