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Only in Canada
Submitted by Vengeance

1. Only in Canada...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in Canada...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7.. Only in we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in we buy hot dogs in packages of twelve and buns in packages of eight.
9.. Only in we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10.. Only in they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
You Know You're Canadian When...
Submitted by Vengeance

1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
3. The mosquitoes have landing lights.
4.. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
5. You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
6.. Canadian Tire on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
7. You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
8. You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
9. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
10. You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel 'nightie' with only 8 buttons.
11. You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
12. At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
13. The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
14. Your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.
15. You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
16. You head south to go to your cottage.
17. You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
18. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
19. The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo it's sausage making.
20. You find -40C a little chilly.
21. The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freeze.
22. You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
23. You can play road hockey on skates.
24. You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and road construction.
25. The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
26. You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
27. You perk up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
28. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Canadian friends.