Ruth's Quotes

  • "Bro!"
  • "Damn, Jake, it's like chocolate with muffin on the side!"
  • "God damn it, I wanted that pony!"
  • " Look at Scott's coaster hair!"
  • "I think I'm having a Bee Gees weekend."
  • "Do it for the lady."
  • "Anyone by the name of Qualls is not worthy of my time."
  • "Monkey pox! Monkey pox!"
  • "I'll go over there and bust a can on his ass."
  • "I'm not used to this much estrogen."
  • "God, this show is BRIMMING with hot men. I'd marry Stanford. I'd marry a gay guy, definitely."
  • "I'd develop an eating disorder to make her feel like she did it."
  • "We're going to have to teach you about girls' fashion."
  • "I remember when I was little, my mom never bought me any from the truck. They always bought big boxes of those Goddamn ice cream sandwiches which I will never eat again."
  • "Jake, the God you don't believe in is shining on you."
  • "And damn, those vibrators are loud. It's like Jake's cell phone, only louder."
  • "No woman likes a tardy wooer."
  • "I don't want you to bite my ass for misquoting you."
  • "Don't forget your keychain!"
  • "It was nice talking sex with you."
  • "4 times 4 is 24."
  • "Jake is taking a SHIT in my house."
  • "I'm gonna need a new page for myself pretty soon. I've had the same one since the move from the KRSS quote page to the D-3 quote page."
  • "I'm supposed to be your 8.2 friend."
  • "You were like boyfriend boot camp."
  • "Come on, Jake, I'm only allowed three pinkies a week."
  • "Damn, that's a lot of church."
  • "Farmer Jack has lobsters, Jake...LOBSTERS!"
  • "From what I heard, we no longer have woodchips on our lawn, but instead in our driveway."
  • "I'm at a loss."
  • "Pop is wonderful."
  • (sings)"But it's okaaaay..."
  • "I'm putting the diaper of punk rock on you. Then we'll move to the pull ups."
  • "Getting your tongue pierced and wisdom teeth pulled in the same week. How bad would that be? Your mouth would be the size of Texas."
  • "Scott loves the little children."
  • "Lucky bastard. You're so smart."
  • "This is my moron face."
  • "Jake, I didn't put that picture in the movie because it's that same face you give me when you're looking at me like I'm stupid."
  • "Wife beater!"
  • "Good Lord."
  • "Aw FUCKERS!"
  • "I went in there and some woman is moaning while she's putting in her tampon!"
  • "See, your attack mechanism is when someone hits below the belt, you kick them hard in the shins."
  • "Here's the million dollar question..."
  • "I dreamt about Mountain Dew."
  • "HOED STAMP!"
  • "'I'm not talking to you because you won't watch the Oscars'? Sounds like a bad Ricki Lake show."
  • "Oh my God I NEED POP!!!"
  • "Saying grace and passing food around the table, what the hell is that?"
  • "That's cheap."
  • "Not the 'Head Of State' commercial again! AHHHH!"
  • "Jake's versatile, like Vin Diesel. He can be whatever race or sexual orientation he wants."
  • "That's dynamite."
  • "Fuckers, fuckers, fuckers."
  • "Scott, step one is removing the underwear out of your ass. Step two is then to talk."
  • "You do owe me a lot of making-out sessions. Your IOU checks can be sent to the following address..."
  • "That's a bit (raises pinky)"
  • "Don't talk to me like I'm your mother!"
  • "We'll go find her and pull a Tonya Harding, club her knees."
  • "Who was her decorator, Satan Stewart?"
  • "I need that new spray they sell, what's that called, oh yeah, Bitch B'Gone."
  • "You and I are the only people that can carry on a conversation about two entirely different things."
  • "I'm dying of lungs."
  • “I just wanted to pinch their CHEEKS!”
  • “You know from ‘Jerry Maguire’, how she's like 'You had me at hello?' With you, you had me that one day, freshman year in the library, 'Well, Ruth, I'm running for Sophomore Class Treasurer and I was wondering if you'd vote for me. Here's a flyer.'”
  • “Hell, let us resort to barbaric rituals! We've got too many people on this earth anyway!”
  • “I think yesterday was the 50th time someone met me and said 'Oh that's my grandmother/great aunt's name. She's dead now...'”
  • “Hey, did you relate to ‘Evelyn’ well? You and your BLACK IRISH people.”
  • “She looks like she worships Spongebob.”
  • “You're going to be one of those people who goes up to random little kids and say 'Santa Claus isn't real' just to ruin the fun.”
  • “My equivalent to coughing is, 'Has your period been regular? Have you had any discomfort?'”
  • “Jake...I care about you. But not all of you. Your intestinal tract, for one.”
  • “Back then it was bad for me. I was like a bit chunkier then and I had to take off my glasses so I spent all of pool class, 'Kelly, is that you?' Countless times smacking my head against the cemented sides because I seriously didn't see them.”
  • "I think about Tracy and that twig whore buttmunch ass."
  • "He nearly threw me out a window."
  • "Cuuuuuute."
  • "I've been going to bed like at 2am and it's like I have to go back to going to bed at midnight again."
  • "It's one of those days that I'm glad I'm NOT a licensed driver."
  • "Your hair would make a great wig."
  • "They're all 'Hey, let's be happy and gay!' So the parents have the happy part and the kids have the gay part down."
  • "Solaris was swiss cheese, okay? It smelled bad but tasted good with mayo."
  • "You'll be so potent that you'll have to double bag it and girls will still be nervous that you slipped one past the goalie."
  • "For the rest of your life, do not ever announce your intestinal schedule, because I really don't want to hear about it. I want to stress that fact. Unless you have explosive diarrhea and you're losing five pounds every hour while doing it and I have to take you to the hospital with a bucket and towels because you ate some really rancid beef, I don't want to know."
  • "Driving illegally, it's like being a kleptomaniac. You get what you want, but you feel bad doing it and it's becoming a habit."
  • "We're just that damn good."
  • "Did your dad have anything else to say besides sex? Like 'Good for you, son. You're not gay'?"
  • "Ringy dingy on Ruth's ringy ringy."
  • "I've come to the conclusion that you're either:
    A) blind as a bat,
    B) not in love with me,
    or c) gay. Jake, if you're gay, you can tell me."
  • "You're about as positive as the flat side of a battery."
  • "You know how people put cameras down their pants?"
  • "I don't feel like dying of radiation poisoning today."
  • "The mamas."
  • "Damn Forrest Gump...Just at the end, when Jenny dies, he's all crying. And then I'm all crying."
  • "Jake, let me know when you can remotely control my life."
  • "She looked SU FLY!"
  • "You gotta REEL that monster in!"
  • "YOUR THINGAMAJIG!"
  • "Because he's a bleeping bleep-ass."
  • "That's it. I'm cutting my boobs off!"
  • "Holy mother of cheese!"
  • "I was still in R.E.M."
  • "Clad in his 'Bing Bling' red suspenders."
  • "My brain is a raisin."
  • "Me as your president. Come on, even I'd move to Canada."
  • "Having relations with your hand."
  • "Forget Viagra! I've got ice cubes!"
  • "Date rape? Scott wouldn't try anything and Jake knows I can kick his ass. I'd probably rape him."
  • "It's the season of giving, not the season of my budget."
  • "And, yes, that does rhyme with testes."
  • "I can tell on the inside, you're greener than lettuce over that."
  • "So she's gonna shoot him down like planes over Iraq?"
  • "The one has that one song on it."
  • "Jake, I hate you! Go to hell!"
  • "It was the start of Jake and the Jake's-an-ass era."
  • "I would take Jake on a desert island. We'd talk for about two days straight. We'd get bored, have sex and then I'd pull a black widow on him, eat him and never have to eat again."
  • "God did something weird when He made sex organs. Men have these huge sex drives but they can only go once every couple hours. Women are usually dormant as hell and we go on and on."
  • "Man, I have a strange hankering for a Whopper. I'm turning into Jake. Strong food urges at 11:35 at night."
  • "Do you think in twenty years, you'll have the Billy Crystal balding pattern?"
  • "I can just see this webpage turning out to be 'The Man Show Online'."
  • "Jake...You annoy me to tears. I want to rip your lungs out and eat them for breakfast."
  • "In an apartment all by myself, pulling a Jake. Turn the disco all the way up and strip all the way down!"
  • "Jake wants to BLEEP you! He wants your SEX, Sally! He's got that nickname for you and he wanted to sit with you at lunch and he likes your lips. Both sets!"
  • "Tobey Maguire is delicious."
  • "That's one downside of internet conversation: you don't get to see their faces. The choices of smiley faces just don't do it for me."
  • "Who invented this? Some Greek guy named Assholius."
  • "One of these days, out of the blue, he's going to say 'Sally Luoto like Pluto without the P, I want your sexy without the Y.'"
  • "I was shocked to hell."
  • "If you're going to say someone is good in bed, do you use ser or estar?"
  • "It's like me asking Jake to join the MAC club."
  • "When are these kids gonna learn? Don't tell your boss to suck their dicks!"
  • "Shit, I'd be on him like Dobermans on a steak!"
  • "When I'm at work, in the bathroom, I think of you because we have a paper towel dispenser with the brand SCOTT in big letters."
  • "You like it when I call you Jacob, wearing glasses, with my hair up, in pj pants in bed?"
  • "This is me. This is me caring."
  • "Pulling an April, I see? No particular reason to look super snazzy?"
  • "Just chicken!"
  • "I'm about to die of a heart attack as I devour this whole bag of snack size Nutragious."
  • "You know what this calls for? Marvin Gaye sing-a-long. (sings)I've been really trying baby. Trying to hold back this feeling for so long. And if you feel like I feel baby, then come on, oh, come on, OOH, let's get it on...HEY! DON'T DISRESPECT THE GAYE MAN!"
  • "Everyone and their long-term relationships...and then there's me and Jake. We probably will become a couple eventually...but there are times even now that I still wonder if he's gay. Jake and I are really close and I know that he really isn't gay but sometimes, when I get really mad at him, it's like 'Ruth, are you sure he doesn't like dick?'"
  • "You have no balls. You are mentally castrated."
  • "And then this year for Homecoming, it was attack of the big people."
  • "Scott's sweater wasn't doing it for anybody."
  • "That's why we're not having sex, Scott. No babies. That and because it's illegal and because we're friends and about 1005 other reasons."
  • "Because you may never know when you're gonna need a phone jack."
  • "I apologize for my sister."
  • "And here's Scott, looking dead once again."
  • "I just saw the corniest AOL commercial ever. 'I want to make sure she's safe because she's my baby...' 'Stronger parental controls, now on AOL 8.0' Where's my paper bag?"
  • "Small box for a big gift."
  • "I want to beat the shit out of her. I want to see her nose bleed. I want to crack her glasses into the cement. I want her on the ground, crying. I want to sit on her stomach and jump up and down until she throws up. I want her face purple with bruises. I want her to move to Brazil and then get raped by strange Brazilian men, then thrown in the Amazon River to rot in the jungle and no one find out about it so she can know what it feels like to live utterly alone and die utterly alone. Stupid bitch."
  • "Ye-eah."
  • "I don't even need to look at your face to see the expression you're making."
  • "Mary needs to go to hell and build a condo there."
  • "Oh, my God, it's Matt Damon!"
  • "We need to stop subconsciously having children."
  • "LONNIE!"
  • "Scott, you're dancing with your hands on my ass."
  • "Just like in 'The Faculty'."
  • "God, April, you really do hate me."
  • (singing)"I'm an American Badass!"
  • "I heart you!"
  • (eating chips) "That'f fo awefome."
  • "There are some days I just wanna come home and have sex."
  • "The Dumbass Club of America."
  • "I thought you succumbed to the biggest waste of time in the whole Homecoming shindig called float building."
  • "Tennis...what a snob sport."
  • "GO HOME!"
  • "Posthumus is so uptight. He looks like someone shoved a fishing pole up his ass. WITH hooks."
  • "Have a cow, Jake. In fact, have a couple cows and start a barbeque."
  • "You know what's bothersome? 37% of women find men with hairy backs to be a turn off. It's like that's it? It should be more like 99% and the one percent that gets turned are messed up individuals."
  • "Oh, that should be interesting to the 80th power."
  • "April and I, when we get together, we are ROWDY KIDS."
  • "Does Scott's dad ever wear pants?"
  • "I'm the only girl who really knows and likes the real Slim Sproully."
  • "Jake, red is not your color. You look like a Tommy tomato."
  • "Scott, what would you like for Christmas besides me, naked in a cake?"
  • "I am having a serious allergy attack. It's like I stuffed a dusty cat up my nose."
  • "Cuz I'm a crazy ass muthafffff."
  • "I would know this because: a) I'm Republican, b) I care about the government and c) all of the above."
  • "Lot more of Scott I just discovered."
  • "You know how sperm banks are always looking for donations? What about teenagers? All that stuff going to waste when infertile couples around the world need that."
  • "Having a Scott Baio moment?"
  • "Baby cuz I'm a dumbass!"
  • "All I can think about is, 'Scott wants her to rape him.'"
  • "TOM GEORGE! HIS NAME IS TWO FIRST NAMES! THAT'S SO AWESOME!"
  • "Look! I can do the Harlem Shake!"
  • "He seems like the serial rapist type, like he just wants sex from anyone and everything, even sheep."
  • "You know who my hoes are. Jake and Scott...yummy."
  • "Look at me! Look at me! I'm a High School Celebrity! Not broadcasted from all around the nation, but yo, yo, yo, I'm a pop sensation!"
  • "When Jake calls me a hooch, bitch, slut, etc, he explained that these are his terms of endearment. 'I love you' or 'You're awesome' would be a normal person's term of endearment. Jake's is 'You're so loose, your vagina flaps in the wind.' Mine is 'Jake, shut the fuck up, you asshole. We're romantic."
  • "Nice discovery, Columbus."
  • "Scott, you're too responsible to have sex in the first place. I think that's a complement."
  • "Your sexual future is just blowing me away, no pun intended."
  • "The Commons Room."
  • "Jake and I do get along, contrary to popular belief."
  • "So yes, another perfect example of Ruth-Gets-None. lol. But not really 'lol'. Sarcastic ha ha."
  • "I can't tell you what I'm wearing in Spanish, but I know how to say 'Fuck you'!"
  • "They have leper communes where they all go so they can have their flesh eaten off together. 'It ate your face too? What's your name?'"
  • "I think you should try duct-taping your penis to your leg. Then, if you get excited, it'll start to rip the skin off and eventually, seeing other girls will trigger pain and you won't like them anymore. Worked with Kristy. She said annoying phrases and told us to hit her any time she said one. Two weeks later, she was fine."
  • "Homecoming's gonna be a fucking hoot. It's a dance. Hence the name, dance. We're not going to the Homecoming Stand."
  • “We got time.”
  • “Uber-bitchy.”
  • “We do not listen to Incubus in my car.”
  • “It’s a Pink Niemeyer!”
  • “Kibbles ‘n’ Bitch.”
  • “I don't like it when guys are like, ‘Blah, blah, blah, cars, this is a V8 engine with the…’ I DON’T CARE.”
  • “Kick them in the head various times!”
  • “I see him with the Afro-Americans a lot.”
  • “I have my interior sad clown.”
  • “You know what's bad about Faygo's Rock n Rye? Everything.”
  • “In the words of ‘Toy Story’, though, April, you got a friend in me. (sings along) You got a friend in me. When the world gets cold and the...damn, forgot the words.”
  • “Sara's sleeping with the enemy. Hopefully not literally.”
  • “Don't want to talk to people? Turn the messenger systems OFF.”
  • “That's gayer than Richard Simmons right there.”
  • “I swear, at lunch, I wanted to cry. Everyone left my table halfway through and didn't invite me. So I roamed the halls with my orange lunchbox and stood by myself. It was pathetic. That was my low point of the day.”
  • “Well, it's not like you can make an Oreo by smashing the cookies and cream together. You'll just crumble everything.”
  • “So live it up with your metal piece now because you're gonna have two belly buttons eventually.”
  • “You know, he's a senior and he's still a paper boy? 'Sometimes I make 100 bucks a month!' Like it’s an accomplishment.”
  • “Nice guy, yes, but Mr. Bingamon is an ex-surfer, I swear. Either that or Bill from ‘Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure’.
  • “AP Spanish. It's so bad because you realize firsthand how much you really didn't learn in Spanish 3.”
  • "I could never write erotica stories. I can't talk dirty worth crap. See, I'm not a dirty sex person. I'm a normal sex person. I just want a lot of it."
  • "You know what, though, Jake? You know how a lot of couples make out in theaters? You and your girlfriend could never do that because you would honestly go to the movies to see the movie."
  • "Did you not see my dazzling array of pimples? Because I can just FEEL them having sex on my head. It's two days before pictures and I'm breaking out like Mary."
  • "They have condoms on sale. A big box for 10.99 at CVS."
  • "Yeah, this is making tons of sense. Next topic."
  • "If I was out of underwear, including a bra...might be a problem when the wind picks up."
  • "I'm going to tell you something that will make you say to yourself, 'I could give a shit' but to me, 'Congrats.' I successfully fit into a size 10 today."
  • "Man, have you ever had that feeling that your face is so dirty but you washed it and it's still all fffffff all over? I guess that's what you get when you drink 11 cans of pop in three days."
  • "I think I can presumably say that this one could be in the bag. You are in the check out line at the grocery store with this head of lettuce!"
  • "In the words of Ruth A. Sable: FUCK THAT SHIT."
  • "Cheaper than a bunch of baby chicks."
  • "Honey, I'm home?"
  • "Sara's seriously stirring up a pot of shit and the three of us are gonna pour it on her if she keeps going and it gets too hot."
  • "Is that your Mack Daddy face?"
  • "I can use that to my advantage and she can STAY THE FUCK AWAY."
  • "In due time, I'm sure after Sara's the sidekick in decorating a couple of trucks and realizing that she's best friends with a fuck-up, she'll understand what we tried to get at after all these years."
  • "Yeah, Ryan, rollin' in your Escalade with your GLASSES ON."
  • "I wouldn't touch a McRib sandwich. That's McNasty."
  • "The only days I really like school are the first day of school, Homecoming Friday, last day before Christmas break, last day before spring break and the last day."
  • "'Why are you taking away my prized pig?!' What will she do when there's no one to fall back on because they've all been stepped on or sold at the county fair?"
  • "What would you do, Adam Cooke...blingy?"
  • "Yeah, well, not everyone in the world can roll around town in Escapes and Navigators, okay? Some have to live with the Aerostars and Tracers."
  • "It's nice to know I have that effect on a man...but NO DETAILS. I don't wanna hear about his penis!"
  • "Your wife's up there, giving birth and you're standing there with a tent in your pants. That turns you on? 'Ooh, a woman having a baby.' (ZZZZZIP) That's wrong."
  • "That would totally fuck everything up, no pun intended."
  • "Nobody with a penis could top you."
  • "Big Sal...Big Roo. We need a name for Kristy, one that we'll actually use. It's gotta be 'Big' something. Big K? No, copyright rules...Big Kris? Big Kit? Big Isty? Big Shoo? Big Shook? Big Laverne? Big Verne!"
  • "Underneath your sex drive, you have a mind that I'd love to pick."
  • "Yeah, next time I talk to Jake, flat out. 'Jake, we need to make out.' 'WHAT?!' He'd ask why. I respond, 'To let out all the tension and to move on with our lives.' It's a risk, a risk I'd be willing to take. He could:
    A) Say, 'WHAT THE HELL, NO' and we'd laugh it off.
    B) Go along with it and be like all like, 'Wow, that was weird,' and never speak to each other again.
    C) Go along with it and be like all like, 'Wow, that was weird. So about those movies…'
    D) Go along with it and be like all like, 'Wow, that was weird. Wanna fuck?'
    E) Go along with it and be like all like, 'Wow, that was weird. Wanna go out?'
    Quite the predicament I'm in."
  • "Ryan, you are lovely today."
  • "Mu mu mu mu MY SHARONA!"
  • "Come on, it's me. Big Hooters Ruthie."
  • "That's spectacular."
  • "Are you ready for the grossest thing in the history of mankind that will put a dent in your psyche?"
  • "Welcome back to the show."
  • "I love that ass! It's my ass!"
  • "Scott, that's OBSCENE!"
  • "Kristy, you were about to go all pale scrawny guys on me again."
  • "The most grotesque video I've seen is 'Hot In Herre' by Nelly. A bunch of sweaty black people in a room, having sex with clothes on standing up."
  • "Hey, Sally, I've got four words for you that will make you say OMG. Cheryl, time for dinner!"
  • "It's getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes, but in the literal sense. It took me a while to understand the other sense of that song. I was like, 'Well, if you're so hot, why don't you put on the ac?'"
  • "She's the cutest thing on wheels."
  • "Suicide is not cool. It's not brave. It's not a trend. It's bad. And selfish. And wrong. And depressing. To think I actually wanted to do that."
  • "So I was talking to Ryan…yeah, Kristy, go ahead and make that face."
  • "It's like 'Hello…ew.'"
  • "Say, 'No' to crack, sex and Faffy & BAH."
  • "Rogers farted."
  • "Stupid fetus."
  • "Cowboy style."
  • "It hurts, doesn't it? Just a little pin prick to the heart? To me, it was a fucking cleaver."
  • "I LOVE being Kristy's doormat! I LOVE the fact that she cannot hang out with us for more than six hours before she wants us to go home. I LOVE that she can hang out with Matt for ten straight hours every weekend but not with us! I guess I can't be her boyfriend."
  • "I need to go to a shooting range and bust a couple caps in a fake person."
  • "Oh, my mom would be like, 'NOT IN YOUR BEDROOM. IN THE BASEMENT...SO I CAN GO GET THE LAUNDRY EVERY FIVE MINUTES.'"
  • "What's a culo? And if it's what I think it is, then she needs to stop getting that dog so sexually involved!"
  • "MUDERFUDDER."
  • "Pizza-face, four eyed, tin grin fat ass."
  • "The running of the bulls…WHO CARES?!?!?!?!?!"
  • "Oh God, guys being nice. That sucks, man."
  • (in thick Mexican accent) "Hola, Pepito. My name es Kinky Shasta."
  • "Love ya'll s'much! Don't stick your finger up your NOOOOOOOO!"
  • "What was Mary doing at the party with her two grapes and veggies? 'I can't eat too much because that celery will go straight to my hips!'"
  • "We're gonna go through AP hell with a bitchy attitude and a smile on our faces."
  • "From far away and close up and in any other dimension...it's not happening."
  • "Sara's gonna be on the freeway. Sally, I would tell you to say the Rosary but you're not Catholic."
  • "Amanda, you thought Franklin was scary ghetto...Thurston takes the cake and eats it until it has indigestion."
  • "AH, FUCK IT!"
  • "Bitches…all three of them."
  • "Kristy, you're choking! Do you need me to do the Heimlech?"
  • "There's one word that could never lose its meaning because it's so funny: penis."
  • "Really dumb people can drive better than really smart people."
  • "Look! Lesbian Chat!"
  • "Yesterday, he hit the ass mark and kept going through my intestinal tract."
  • "I think you should get on the ball, not like that."
  • "You'll cum around."
  • "I got what it takes to rock the mike."
  • "My doctor said I have earwax problems."
  • "Kristy, I left my sunglasses and keys there. And you have my check. These three things are essential to my survival. If you have a chance tomorrow, be a Ruth Sable and drop them off in my mailbox."
  • "Not like we listen to Pennywise and their grandmas all day."
  • "I feel like Sara ripped out my soul and ate it for breakfast. It's like I don't feel like crying but my chest feels heavy. Well, it always does. I mean, the inside of it."
  • "I like being at Kristy's, not serving a purpose."
  • "Mary and Pokie, that's not kosher."
  • "Yeah, he's a bit explosive with his flaming."
  • "It was pretty? Flowers are pretty. This poem should invigorate you. It should enlighten you. It should swell your manhood with pride. It's not pretty."
  • "I'm feeling cards the next time we hang out."
  • "What what....ABSOLUTELY NOT."
  • "Sex happens."
  • "I went into a State of Damn, where I said nothing but 'Damn' for about a minute."
  • "Katie and I drifted apart. Sara was like 'Bitch, go!'"
  • "Yeah, that's older than George Washington's grandma."
  • "Do you know what I have in my pocket?"
  • "He's probably still holding on. To his penis, that is."
  • "Since the whole Sara thing started, my mouth has been out of control. I think it's anger coming out in random 'fuck's."
  • "Yeah, the water running and the soaping...so much to remember. 'Did I lather, rinse, repeat?'"
  • "Man, when you get married, they say 'Break a bed' instead of 'Break a leg.' But damn, they'd break two legs and the bed."
  • "For real, talk to Jamison for me. Tell him I'm sexier than before and...well, you know me well enough. Lie if you have to. Say I'm rich...oh, wait, I live in Redford. Nevermind."
  • "Shit, I like The Calling."
  • "MTV2 is hella better than MTV, none of that TRL and shit."
  • "In the words of Craig Hale, gotta tax that ass...what does that mean?"
  • "Scott, just remember tomorrow when you're doing what you're doing and it's all manly and football...think of me, playing basketball. A guaranteed pick-me-up."
  • "We were all standing around. Mary says, 'Skip this shit.' Her and Sara walk off. Tracy was talking to Kristy at the time, when Kristy yelled, “Mary, DIE!” Mary yells, 'At least I'm not afraid to die.' So Sara and Mary walked off with me and Sally screaming 'Fuck you!' about eight times. And as we drove past them down Schoolcraft, because they were walking, we rolled down the windows, put on blasting music, honked at them and everyone in the car flicked them off out the window, screaming, “BITCHES!” It was a beautiful release of two months' containment of anger and hurt and frustration, all coming out in random 'FUCK YOU's and 'DIE's.”
    "Sandwiches and sleeping and cuddly kittens.
    Bitch-slapping Mary with soft fleecy mittens.
    Basketball and soccer are sports that are tight.
    These are a few things I think are all right."

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