Timothy Dumouchel of West Bend wants $5,000 or three computers, and a lifetime supply of free Internet service from Charter Communications to settle what he says will be a small claims suit.

Dumouchel blames Charter for his TV addiction, his wife’s 50-pound weight gain and his children’s being “lazy channel surfers,” according to a Fond du Lac police report.

Value My Love, When I Love You With Values -- Posted by Sharkey @ 5:54 PM
[ Get 63% Off Any PC Game, Maybe Other Stuff Too @ Target ] - for those of you too lazy to actually click a damned link, here's the skinny:

As I posted earlier, Target is selling Madden 2k4 (PC) for 14.88, originally priced at 39.99. If the target store is out of this game, most dont carry a large number, you can get a rain check that can be used to purchase any other pc game. This would mean you would get the 63% off any other game in stock!

I can verify by my $16 copy of Call Of Duty that it does indeed work. I've got two rainchecks, I'm going to see if they work for console games in the morning.

Have fun, Madden goes off the sale rack on Saturday.

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Tuesday January 6, 2004

A Wise Investment, Like A Solid Gold Car -- Posted by Sharkey @ 1:02 AM
Anyone out there remember me linking to Giveboobs.com, where the lil' asian chick wanted everyone to fund her funbag enhancements? I was wandering around the web tonight, and somebody mentioned that Save Karyn chick and I suddenly remembered that there was someone out there who I actually, for one fleeting moment, gave a damn about. So I quickly googled it and found Giveboobs to be open, and the mission was accomplished. The results were... lackluster at best.

If you ever gave to that girl, you should feel a little bit of shame right now. Never, ever pitch in for a titty bill unless you get to see, taste, or put your head between them. Matter of fact, that's a good rule of thumb that you fellas should adopt towards all women. Our wallets should be like a bank, and the titties are the down payment.

Actually, a better banking analogy would be that women are your lender, marriage is a variable rate mortgage, and sex is the free toaster they throw in at the beginning. An attractive incentive for the first time buyer, and probably at a reasonable cost. But sooner or later that toaster is going to go on the fritz, and you're stuck at 15% wondering why you wanted the dump in the first place.

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I Lost My Car Keys Once, So I Know How She Feels -- Posted by Sharkey @ 12:20 AM
[ Woman Loses $162 Million Winning Lottery Ticket ]

That's a Goddamned shame. But the compassion of her neighbors kind of gives me the warm fuzzies:

After news of Battle's police report spread Monday night, several people wielding flashlights walked through snow and braved frigid temperatures to try to find the ticket in the store parking lot.

"I decided to come back to see if I could find the winning ticket," said LaVerne Coleman, 57, who says she would keep the winnings if she found the ticket.

If I were her, I'd be sitting in that store parking lot, gun in hand, waiting for the person to find it.

...actually, that idea's not half bad for just about anyone. Just make sure there aren't any witnesses, and dump the body in the ocean. It's nature's paper shredder, kids!

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Monday January 5, 2004

Slice Of The Day: Alyssa Milano -- Posted by Sharkey @ 10:14 AM
Poor Alyssa Milano. She was the original "don't post my pics or I'll sue" girl. And of course, nobody listened. Ignore her with me, won't you?



I finally got all of my old hard drives installed in my current system. I'm running a lovely 5 hard drives right now, for a grand total of somewhere near 300 Gigs. I know I could get that much with 1 hard drive, but then what the hell would I do with the old ones?

Anyway, the point is that I found all of my old long-lost bamf files, that I thought were destroyed in a massive crash a couple years back. So I'll be updating certain sections and eliminating broken links when I can. I started with the funstuff section, because the boo-yah page has been broken for something like 2 years. I figured it was about due.

It's odd looking back and seeing what qualified as "fun" stuff in the late 90's. But then again, it was a world without Goatse, more innocent and a tad more sublime. Oh, and you couldn't walk down the street without an online advertiser slapping you in the face with a sack full of cash.

Yep. Glad those days are over. I'll be at the bottom of a bottle if you need me.

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BTW... -- Posted by Sharkey @ 2:15 AM
If you're looking for slices of the day, why not go bug solo and ask him to fix the site. I actually uncovered a nice treasure trove of missing slices the other day, that I myself collected. Imagine that!

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Just Pretend You Didn't Hear About It Yet -- Posted by Sharkey @ 2:10 AM
You think that the asshole who got himself hitched to the world's naughtiest "innocent" girl, Britney Spears, is kicking himself for letting her sober up/talk to her publicist/whatever it is that led to their annullment? Because as I'm sure we're all thinking, tapping that ass would be nice, but tapping into a divorce settlement against her would be like a kick in the teeth with God's steeltoed boots of monetary divinity.

Honestly, how can they even type the words "childhood friend" and "Britney Spears" in the same sentence? Newsflash braniac, she doesn't have childhood friends. She has guys that want to fuck her and take her money, or girls that secretly loathe her, wish to scratch her eyes out, and of course, take her money. Lucky for Britney, she grew up in a trailer park. So most of her "friendly" adversaries are either too drunk, knocked up, shoeless, or a combination of the three to inflict any harm.

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