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"Two Cats and a Tangerine"
a play
Starring “PG-13”
by; Christine, Lauren and Laura.

(*WARNING* This play is extremely cheesy. And you won't get most of it, b/c a lot of it is stupid inside jokes with me and my friends. But it's funny to say the least.)

Christine (Chris)- Bassist
Laura- Rhythm Guitarist
Lauren- Lead Guitarist
Tamara- Drummer

Plot: The up & coming band, PG-13, gets stranded in Bermuda during a freak snowstorm. Their rental car has stalled on a deserted street, which is about three blocks from the hotel that their manager, Joe, has promised to make reservations at. PG-13 enters the lobby.

TAMARA (frozen and angry): What made you think that Billy-bob’s car rental was a good place to rent a car?

CHRIS (annoyed and frozen as well): It was the shiny picture in the brochure.

TAMARA (turns to Lauren): And what on earth possessed you to reserve a room at "Purple Haze" Hotel?

LAUREN: You don’t understand the significance behind this hotel do you? Does Jimi Hendrix ring a bell?

TAMARA: I’m a drummer, what does that have to do with me?

LAURA: Maybe our hit song “Two Cats and a Tangerine” will be as successful for us as “Purple Haze” was for Jimi.

TAMARA: Forget Jimi, we won’t be successful with frozen instruments in the car.

LAURA: Well how are we supposed to know there would be a freak snowstorm in Bermuda.

CHRIS: "Hey Joe"…our manager…reserved a room for us, right?

LAURA: I wish the receptionist was here. My bladder’s thawed out now.

TAMARA: Don’t get your guitar strings in a wad. (Picks up a random key off the counter) Here’s our key.

LAUREN (takes key from Tamara): There’s no number on the key.

LAURA: Maybe they’re color-coded.

CHRIS (points): Let’s try this room.

LAUREN: That’s stupid no one would stay in a purple room.

TAMARA: Well we are staying at "Purple Haze."

LAURA: I have to go to the bathroom.

LAUREN (puts key in the first door she comes to and it works): Hey it works.

(Laura runs past the three. Chris walks in and looks at the floor.)

CHRIS: Ewww…what is that on the floor?

TAMARA: Ugh…God…it smells like someone died in here.

LAURA (walks out of the bathroom): What’s going on? I’m hungry.

LAUREN (opens window): Let’s go eat and let the room air out.

CHRIS: Hey there’s an IHOP across the street.

(Group walks out of the hotel and to the IHOP. They sit down at a table.)

CHRIS: I’m kind of nervous about the gig tomorrow night.

LAURA: We only have 3 ½ songs.

LAUREN: We have a half?

(Tamara drums on the table and Chris reaches across and stops her.)

~Half Hour Later~

TAMARA: I wish the waiter would get his butt over here. I’m starved…Hey look at the fine guy there.

LAURA: I’m not really sure about our band’s name. People read the flyer and it says “PG-13.” What about our 3-year old fans who can’t come to our concert because their parents think it’s 13 and up.

LAUREN: Well you didn’t like the “Fruit Loops.”

LAURA: Do I look like Toucan Sam? Wait…don’t answer that.

(Waiter comes and takes orders. He comes back five minutes later with their food.)

CHRIS: Pass the syrup.

LAUREN: Maple, Strawberry, Blueberry, or Boisen Berry?

LAURA: What does a boisen berry look like? (Holds up the syrup).

TAMARA (eats her pancake and pulls out a nickel from her mouth. All laugh): A nickel…Hey this is a silver dollar pancake. You owe me 95 cents.

LAUREN: That’s it we can call our band “Nickel Trauma.”

(Everyone looks at Lauren oddly).

~15 Minutes Later~

TAMARA: I’m afraid I am going to choke on a quarter. Let’s get out of here.

(Everyone leaves and walks back towards the "Purple Haze" Hotel).

CHRIS (shudders): Man, it’s brutal out here.

(Walks into hotel and then into the room).

CHRIS: Who left the shower running?

(All look at Laura).

LAURA: I didn’t do it.

TAMARA (opens bathroom and peeks in. She closes the door quickly.): There’s a really hot guy in there.

LAUREN (looks around): Hey look there’s luggage in the closet.

LAURA: Speaking of which, where’s our luggage.

CHRIS: Three blocks in our car.


LAUREN: We weren’t about to carry all of YOUR luggage 3 blocks.

LAURA: We should get out of here before the guy comes out.

(Shower turns off. All drag Tamara out before he comes out).

TAMARA (whines): No…guy…towel…really cute.

(Door slams)

LAUREN: I know “Wrong Hotel Room” for our bands name.

(Everyone groans. All walk to reservation desk, to get right room key.)

TAMARA (picks up reservation book and looks): "Hey Joe"…never made a reservation.

EVERYONE: You’re kidding right?

TAMARA: Unfortunately, no. Let’s go back to the car.

(All leave and walk through a random alley.

LAURA: Hey a cat!

TAMARA: Another cat!

CHRIS: A rat!

LAUREN: That’s carrying a tangerine.

CHRIS: Let’s just stick with PG-13.