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The Road To Somewhere
Chapter 5

(Fair Warning: nothing graphic-but the terms used may make people uncomfortable.)

November 2002

"I can't see any reason why you would have a hard time conceiving. Everything is clear in your cycle and his sperm count looks good as well." Dr. Amos said. Elise and Chris sat on the other side of his desk. They had set up an appointment with Elise's doctor to make sure everything was alright to start trying to conceive.

"Well that's good." Elise breathed a sigh of relief. Chris squeezed her hand from where it rested on his lap. "Do you have any suggestions? Like when is it best to try?"

"You can get pregnant by making love on ovulation day. But I do not suggest doing it only on that day. You improve your chances by making love regularly during the four to five days leading up to the day of ovulation. Sperm takes 12 hours to get ready. So making love too late is less likely to be successful," The doctor said.

"Since you start ovulation on the 18th of every month," He paused to cough, "Excuse me. Think about making love around the 13th. Like I've said," Dr. Amos cleared his throat and reached for his bottle of water. "Most studies show that making love two to three times a week or more improves your chances of conceiving. If, in addition to that, you want to make love daily during the four to five fertile days and the day of ovulation, then you probably have done the best thing."

"Okay." Elise nodded.

"Do you have any other questions?" The doctor asked. Elise looked over at Chris to see if he had any since she had no more. Elise shook her head no. "Well if that is all, then we are done for the day." He stood up. "If you have any questions or concerns feel free to call, or make an appointment. I will be happy to help."

"Thank you." Chris said as he and Elise stood up. He shook the doctor's hand as the man showed them out. They checked out at the front desk. Chris led Elise out to their vehicle and opened the door for her. She smiled as she climbed in.

"Well that seems easy enough." Elise said once Chris was in his seat. She watched as he started the SUV.

"Yeah," Chris agreed. "So when should we start?" He looked over at her with a wicked grin on his face. Elise laughed as he unbuckled his seatbelt and practically jumped across the center console to kiss her.

His lips moved over hers automatically. She licked her lips, while his were still on hers. Elise increased the pressure for a minute before pulling away from him.

"We better get home first at least." Elise shrugged. Chris smiled and gave her one last kiss. He buckled his seatbelt and put the car in reverse to back out of the spot.

"Well than let's get there fast." Chris grinned and directed the car out of the busy parking lot.


April 2003

"Chris I want to get a job." Elise said as they sat down at the kitchen table for dinner. Their dinner of choice was a chicken and rice casserole. "I'm getting restless after just sitting around since Fuman was shut down (it had already been just over a year). I need to get out." She reached for the spoon after Chris served his own plate.

"What's stopping you?" Chris asked he took a bite of the chicken. "Hot …" He waved his hand in front of his mouth.

"I just thought …" Elise paused, "Since we're trying to … and all that."

"Elise, get a job." He started, "If that's what you want to do. Do it. I know you aren't happy just sitting around the house waiting for me every day."

"When I left Foley's my boss said that I was welcome back anytime." Elise said. She scooped up some rice and a piece of chicken onto her fork. They talked about that for a few more minutes before Chris changed the topic.

"So what should we do for our anniversary?" He asked. Chris stood up to take his plate to the sink. He rinsed his plate off and put it in the dishwasher. After he finished, Chris walked back over to the table and stood behind her chair. "What do you think?"

He put his hands on her shoulders and as he leaned down his hand's moved down her arms. They stopped at her elbows, and he kissed her neck.

"Can I finish eating and then think?" Elise asked. She smiled at him. Chris sat back down while Elise finished her dinner. "What are you thinking?" When she was done, Chris watched her clean off her plate. He picked up the dish, with the casserole in it, and put it in the fridge.

"A nice weekend away," Chris suggested. "We can go south or north. Whatever you want will be fine with me."

"Surprise me." She said and walked out of the kitchen. Elise sat down on the couch in the family room and turned the television on. Chris followed.

"So tonight?" He asked.

"Not tonight." She shook her head and yawned, "I'm tired." Elise rested her head on the back of the couch and focused on the show they were watching.


May 2003

"What do you think?" Chris asked Elise. He thanked the teenager who had brought their bags up to the room. For their anniversary, Chris had picked a high end hotel in South Florida for them to stay in.

"It's so pretty." Elise answered. She pulled open the door that led out to the balcony, and stepped out onto it. She looked down at the beach from their eighth floor room. After looking over the edge for a few minutes, Elise turned around and smiled when she saw Chris watching her.

"Happy Anniversary, Lis." Chris opened his arms when she stepped towards him. Elise wrapped her arms around him and rested her head against his chest. "So what should we do first?" Elise looked up and pressed her lips against his.

"This is so hard sometimes." Elise started after he pulled away. "Six months and nothing; I'm getting tired of trying." She looked down at the carpeted floor.

"I know." He kissed her forehead. "You know it can take awhile." They stood there for a minute in silence, just listening to the noises drifting up the beach. Chris was the first to speak up. "How about, we don't think about it, at all this weekend. Let's put it in the back of our mind, and enjoy ourselves."

"How does that sound?" He asked.

"Like a dream." Elise smiled when she looked back up. Chris didn't hesitate after that to kiss her. His arms pulled her closer and he deepened their contact. His hands slipped down to her hips, and his fingers slipped under her shirt to rest on her skin. Elise moved her hands up to his neck and played with his hair.

Chris' lips moved to her neck and she tilted her head slightly. "What is that? I like it." He sniffed and Elise giggled.

"It's that strawberry crap you bought me." She answered.

"We'll I'm glad I bought it then." Chris stated with a smile. His lips met hers again. Elise started to push him back towards the bed. Her lips moved on to his neck as the back of his knees hit the bed. Chris pulled her down with him.


November 2003

"It's fuckin' negative," Elise threw the pregnancy test into the bathroom garbage and walked out of the small room. Chris watched her, from where he stood, come near the living room and his face fell.

"We can keep trying." Chris tried to stay positive.

"I'm so sick of this Chris," Elise yelled. "One year and nothing." She was standing in the doorway to the breakfast room and he stood near the couch.

"Well shit Lis," He paused. "What am I supposed to do about it?" Chris' voice lowered when he saw the sad look on her face.

"I don't know." Her voice didn't change at all. Elise wiped the tears off of her cheek.

"It's not my fault you can't get pregnant." Chris pointed to himself.

"I can't do anything either." Elise walked out of the room. Her footsteps echoed across the hardwood floors as she walked to the staircase. He heard her go up the stairs, and their bedroom door slam. Chris sat down on the couch to give Elise time to herself.

Elise lay down on their bed and cried.

An hour later, she heard the door open and a soft knock followed.

"Elise?" Chris asked softly.

"Go away." She said quietly, and stuffed her face in the pillow.

"Sweetie, we have to talk about this." Chris stepped into the room. He watched her for a minute and then moved to sit down on the edge of the bed.

"I don't want to." Elise pouted into the pillow.

"We can't not talk about it," He started, "You know that." Elise rolled over onto her back with a sigh. She looked up at him.

"I'm sorry I can't give you want you want." She said sadly. Her hand reached up to wipe at her cheeks again. "I feel like I'm letting you down. We've been trying for a year, Chris. One year."

"I know." Chris nodded.

"It's so frustrating." Elise cried. Chris climbed over her and lay down next to her. Elise rolled over to face him. "I'm so tired. I'm tired of all of it." He was quiet as he thought about what to say to her.

"We'll take a break, and in January we can go to your doctor and see what he says." Chris suggested, "How does that sound?" Elise nodded and scooted closer to him. He put his arm around her waist and smiled when she yawned. "Get some sleep." After watching her fall asleep, Chris closed his eyes and fell asleep too.


January 2004

"Go ahead and sit down." Dr. Amos said as he held the door open. Chris and Elise walked into the office and sat down in the seats. Dr. Amos walked around his desk and sat down as well. He cleared his throat. He discussed with them everything that he had come up with in his evaluations.

"I want you," He looked at Elise, "to take your basal body temperature each morning before you get out of bed and to record the results over five months. We will look at the results and be able to tell for sure when and if you are ovulating." The doctor explained the rest of the process to Elise and what she needed to do.

"Can we keep trying to conceive?" Elise asked.

"Definitely," He nodded.


May 2004

"All right," Dr. Amos started as he took his seat. "Let's take a look at what you charted." Elise handed him the folder with her temperatures that she took. He looked them over for a few minutes, while Elise waited. Chris was unable to come to the appointment that day, so she was their by herself.

"Well it seems that you are not ovulating regularly," He said. "What I want to do is prescribe you a drug called clomiphene, or clomid. It is used for five consecutive days early in the menstrual cycle, for three to six monthly cycles. It may take several cycles to find the right dose to stimulate your ovulation.

"But once that dose is determined, you will take the drug for at least three more cycles. If you don't become pregnant after six cycles, it is unlikely that further clomiphene treatment will be successful."

"Okay," Elise nodded, "What are the chances that I will get pregnant if I use this drug?"

"Only 40% of women, on this drug, will become pregnant. Per cycle it is only a 20% to 25% chance that you will become pregnant." He answered. "I don't think that you would have any problem conceiving on this drug." Dr. Amos explained a little more about the drug and what was required of her for it to work. He wrote her a prescription and led her to the counter to check out.

"I want to see you in three months and keep taking your temperature every morning." Dr. Amos said and handed the nurse her file.

"Thanks." Elise smiled. The doctor nodded and went back to his office. Elise set up an appointment three months away. She walked out into the waiting room, digging through her purse to find her keys. When Elise looked up, she smiled at the few women who where waiting for their appointment.


Elise jumped when a coral orange rose crossed her vision. She grabbed it from his hands, and turned around to face a smiling Chris.

"So how'd it go?" Chris asked. His fingers looped through the belt loops on her jeans and pulled her closer to his body. Chris' lips met hers for a quick kiss. Elise wrapped her arms around his waist with the flower still in her hands.

"He gave me a prescription for clomid. It's to help stimulate ovulation." Elise explained, "I printed some things off the internet regarding it and he gave me some stuff to read too." She waved over at the counter where the papers were sitting.

Chris let go of her belt loops when her arms dropped from around his waist. He walked over to where the papers were and sat down on a stool. Elise turned back to the stove where she was working on dinner.

"How was your meeting … or whatever it was that you did today?" Elise asked forgetting what he was supposed to do that day. She poured some frozen corn into the silver pot and turned the burner on.

"It was long." He answered, "They want to go back out on tour in the fall. I'm thinking of saying 'no.'" Chris glanced over the different articles about the medication and looked up at her. He watched her put the corn back in the freezer and open the refrigerator door and grab a can of soda.

She put some ice in a glass and poured the soda. Elise walked over to where he was sitting and set the glass down in front of him.

"Thanks," He smiled. Elise got out a vase from the cabinet and filled it with water before putting the flower in it. She walked over to the kitchen table and set it down in the center. "So there's only like a 40% chance?" Chris asked disappointment laced in his voice.

"The least we can do is try it and pray for the best." Elise shrugged moving to check on the corn. "At least it is something." She checked the other pots on the stove.


December 2004

"What are we here for today?" Dr. Amos asked. Elise pulled herself up on the exam table and sat back.

"Just to make sure that the clomid is working." Elise answered with a shrug, "I guess."

"Have there been any problems?" The doctor asked.

"Uh-uh." She shook her head. "I am a week late."

"Well that could be a good sign."

They made small talk while he checked to make sure that everything was looking good. The doctor ran a few tests and left Elise alone in the room for a few minutes. When he came back into the room, there was a smile on his face.

"The clomid has done its job well," Dr. Amos said with a smile. "You are just at five weeks in your pregnancy. Congratulations."

"Are you sure?" Elise asked cautiously, but couldn't help the giddy smile that crossed her lips.

"100%," He nodded. "I am going to do an ultrasound to see how far along you are. You won't really be able to see anything now because you aren't that far along. But this will help determine a due date."

"Okay." Elise sat back. The doctor went through the thirty minute procedure explaining it the entire way, and pointing a few things out to her.

"You are just at five weeks," Dr. Amos said. "I am going to set your due date at August 11th."

Elise nodded.

"I want to see you back here in one month," He started. "And you need to start -" Her doctor rattled off all of the precautions she needed to take, before having her set up another appointment with him.

Elise stopped at a Target on her way home, where she picked out a little sleeper with puppies on it as well as small stuffed dog. She grabbed some food for dinner. Elise got home with an hour before Chris was supposed to be home.

She put the food in the oven to keep it warm. After finding a box to put the sleeper and stuffed animal in, Elise wrapped it in Christmas paper. Elise set the dining room table for dinner that night, and set the gift near Chris' plate.

"Hi Lis," Chris said when he walked into the kitchen about fifteen minutes later. He walked into the dining room when he saw that she was in there.

"We're eating in here tonight," Elise said, "So sit down." He sat down at the table as Elise walked out of the room and pulled out the Chinese food she had bought for dinner.

"What's this?" He asked. She peaked into the room. He had the wrapped gift in his hands.

"Open it." Elise said and then disappeared back into the kitchen.

"There's still a week before Christmas." Chris said. She could hear him rip into the paper anyway.

"I know, but I couldn't wait." Elise walked back into the room with a plate in each hand. She set one down at her chair and the other in front of him. Elise watched as pulled the lid of the box and smiled when he pulled out the two objects.

"Are we pregnant?" He asked looking up at where she was standing.

"Yes," Elise answered. "Five weeks." Chris stood up from his seat and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her. "I'm due August 11th."

"This is wonderful." Chris smiled. They kissed again before Elise pulled away.


March 2005

"Chris," Elise whined in pain. Her right hand went to her back and she gripped at her lower back. The sharp pains had become unbearable now.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked. He was scared as soon as he saw the pain in her face.

"Something is wrong," She said quietly and sat down on the kitchen chair. Her voice was laced with fear and Chris felt it too. "Call my doctor." Elise watched him pick up the phone and dial after finding the number in the drawer below the phone.

"I need to talk to Dr. Amos," Chris said quickly, "It's an emergency … yeah … Elise what is going on?" He asked quickly and covered the mouthpiece with his hand.

"Sharp pains …" Elise hissed, "Back, and some bleeding as well." She wiped her tear filled eyes and moved her hand down to her tummy. Chris told the doctor what was going on and his face fell with the news. He nodded into the phone and said a few more things before hanging up.

"We are supposed to go to the hospital and he's going to meet us there," He said as calmly as he could. Inside his head was a mess.

"What'd he say?" Elise asked but inside she already knew the answer. She stood up with Chris' help and wrapped her arm around him for support. He hugged her close and picked up his keys on the way out the door.

"He said …" Chris stopped and started again, "a miscarriage probably." Chris couldn't keep his eyes from watering and letting a few tears slip away. Elise nodded. He helped her into the SUV and made sure she was okay before getting in himself.

The drive to the hospital seemed to last forever, but it was only a few minutes with the way Chris drove. Chris checked in at the desk and the nurses got Elise settled in a private room before Dr. Amos came in.

"Hello." Dr. Amos said as he walked into the room. He flipped through the chart that had already been written on about Elise's status and set it down. "Let's go ahead and check you out. When did the bleeding start? Put your knees up sweetie."

"It wasn't much this morning, but it's gotten heavier." Elise answered and did as she was asked. Chris had a chair pulled up as close to the bed as he could get, and was sitting there. Elise's hand was in his.

"Okay," He nodded. It was quiet in the room for the next ten minutes. Elise jumped slightly when the doctor cleared his throat. "I'm sorry," Dr. Amos said sadly. Chris and Elise didn't even have to ask what that meant. "Your body has rejected the fetus.

"It's cleaning itself out now. I am going to let it finish doing it naturally and I will come back in a little while to check up on you. I'm going to give you some time to yourselves. I'm sorry," He smiled sadly.

"Thanks." Chris tried to smile but was already looking over at Elise. He stood up and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. When he wrapped his arms around her, Elise moved closer to him. Her head rested against his chest, and one of his hands reached up to cup her cheek. He rested his cheek on her head, and cried with her.

"I'm so sorry," Elise cried quietly. "It took so long … I- I can't go through this again. I can't Chris."

"I know," He said into her hair. "I know." They stayed there, just like that, for the longest time. Both were praying and crying for their loss.


August 2005

Chris watched Elise as she got ready for bed that night. In their minds they both knew that this would have been the big day if Elise hadn't of lost the baby. They had talked about everything that had happened regularly and were moving on with their lives.

He rolled over onto his back when Elise climbed into their bed. She turned out the light and moved closer to him. Elise's head rested on his chest and her arm was across his stomach. Chris pulled the covers up and tucked them in.

"Are you okay?" Chris asked quietly. He felt Elise nod against his chest and kissed her head.

"I just …" She paused and shrugged.

"I know," He reached for her hand and squeezed it.

"What if we adopted?" Elise asked him. Her voice was quiet.

(Much thanks to for all of the information.)