Disclaimer:What makes a good humor story? Exaggeration, of course! So, remember: Nick isn't really that stupid (keyword: that), AJ isn't that much of a womanizer, Brian isn't that religious, Howie isn't that gay, and Kevin's eyebrows aren't that big. Wait. Kevin's eyebrows are that big. Alright. Kevin doesn't really talk that slow. Or not. Nevermind. Okay, so Kevin isn't that much of an anal, tree-hugging, hippie. Damn, nevermind on that one too. Forget the whole 'exaggeration' thing for Kevin. His character is true to life. =-D
Oh, and of course I know the Backstreet Boys, so don't ask.
I also used to live in the jungle with a lost African Warrior, where we ate monkey for dinner as we talked in Swedish. Then, after a couple of years, we were rescued by Prince William, who then took me to Buckingham Palace and married me, making me the Queen of England.
For the not-so-bright ones…I don't know them, or anyone even remotely associated with them. Don't ask. The End.
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Part One: Nick + Hungry = Always
“I’m hungry!” Nick whined as he was changing out of his stage clothes.
“Nick, bro, you’re always hungry.” AJ snickered as he flipped through the latest issue of Playboy.
“Am not.” Nick sat down next to AJ on the couch, reaching down in between the cushions, pulling out a half-eaten Milky Way. He munched on it happily for a second, until it was gone. “I’m still hungry!” He whined again.
AJ rolled his eyes, looking over at Nick. He shook his head, sighing. “Dude. You’ve got your shoes on the wrong feet again.”
Nick looked down at his feet, giggling. “Oops!” He said as he took them off. He looked at the shoes in his hands, then looked back at AJ with a perplexed look. “I’m confused, now, AJ! Which shoe goes on which feet?”
“Foot…Nick! Foot! ‘Feet’…is plur…al!” Kevin yelled from the bathroom.
Nick giggled again. “Plural?”
AJ put down the Playboy, rolling his eyes. He put Nick’s shoes in front of the feet they were supposed to go on. “There. Put them on now.” He looked up at Nick, who was mouthing the word ‘plural’ repeatedly.
AJ sighed, picking up the Playboy again, opening it to the centerfold. He let out a low whistle. “Nice tits, baby! I would so fuck that!”
Nick looked at AJ, giggling. “What are…tits?”
AJ shook his head. “I’ll tell ya when you’re older, kid.”
Nick crossed his arms, pouting.
Brian walked into the room, carrying his Bible under his arm. He had his eyes closed, mumbling a prayer under his breath.
“Brian!” Nick squealed, jumping up and hugging his friend, almost knocking him over in the process.
“Nick, how many times have I told you? Please don’t disturb me when I’m praying. It is my one-on-one time with God, and I cherish it deeply.” He said, sitting down next to AJ, where Nick had been sitting moments ago.
“What does ‘cherish’ mean? Is it like ‘cherry’?” Nick asked as he sat on the floor in front of Brian.
Brian smiled, shaking his head. “Yes, Nick. That’s what it means.”
Nick clapped his hands gleefully, squealing with joy. He suddenly stopped, tilting his head to the side. “Cherries remind me of food. I’m hungry.”
AJ growled, hitting Nick on the back of the head with the Playboy.
Nick rubbed his head. “Owwwie!”
“Apo…logi…ze, A…J!” Yelled Kevin as he slowly walked into the room.
“No!”
“Alex…an…der!” Kevin pointed a finger at him. “Apo…logi…ze to…Nick!”
AJ sighed. “Fine. Sorry, Nick.” He mumbled, rolling his eyes.
Kevin went over to the small table in the corner of the dressing room, where the stereo was sitting. He put a CD in and pressed play. The ‘sounds of the mountain’ filled the room.
“Kevin! I don’t wanna listen to this shit!” AJ whined.
“Stop cussing! The ‘sh’-word is not in the Bible!” Brian said.
“A BIRD! I HEAR A BIRD!” Nick said, jumping up, and running over to the stereo. He stood there with his ear to the speaker until the bird sound came on again, then he started dancing.
“Stop, Nick. You’re…going…to…bust…an…ear…drum.” Kevin said as he stared at Nick, blinking slowly.
Nick sighed and went back to his spot on the floor. “I just wanted to hear the birdies…” He mumbled, crossing his arms and pouting.
“Guys, which shirt should I wear?” Howie asked as he came in the room, holding a purple sleeveless sweatshirt in one hand, and a hot pink tank top in the other. “It has to look good with these pants.” He said, pointing to the black leather women’s pants he had on.
AJ lowered his sunglasses to the tip of his nose, staring at Howie over them. “Dude. The one that makes you look less gay.”
Howie looked at the shirts in his hands, shaking his head. “Neither makes me look gay.” He looked back at AJ, who was raising an eyebrow at him. “Right, AJ? Neither one makes me look gay?” AJ coughed and turned back to his Playboy.
Howie felt his eyes start to tear up. “Guys? Do I look gay, really? Do you think the fans know?” He said as he started pacing the room. “Is that why I have more guy fans than all of you?” He asked. When a few coughs and a giggling Nick only answered him, he stopped his pacing. He looked at all of them, tears in his eyes. “Is that why no one likes me?” He looked around, finding no answer from anyone. He fled the room, sobbing.
AJ coughed. “That was informative.”
Nick giggled. “Howie likes boys! Oh, yeah, yeah! Howie likes boys!” He clapped his hands, singing his new song. He suddenly stopped, putting his hands over his growling stomach. “I’m hungry!” He whined.
AJ groaned, throwing the magazine at Nick, hitting him in the head. AJ grabbed what was left of his receding hair and pulled on it, banging his head against the wall behind him. “Why me?” He shouted, looking up to the heavens. “Why, God? WHY ME?”
“God has a reason for everything, Alex.” Brian soothed, patting AJ on the shoulder. AJ screamed. He bent over next to Nick, who was curled up in a fetal position, rubbing his head, muttering ‘owie’ over and over again, and picked up his magazine again. He opened it to the centerfold, shoving it in Brian’s face. “Get away, Brian, or I’ll force you to look at more!”
It was Brian’s turn to scream. He jumped up, grabbing the cross from around his neck, holding it out towards the magazine. “Sin! It’s SIN!” He yelped.
AJ laughed maniacally. “That’s right, Brian! Sin! Get away!”
Kevin, who had been walking slowly across the room towards AJ ever since Howie entered the room, slowly took the magazine from AJ. “Sit…down…A...J. Cuz,” He said, looking over at Brian, “It’s…o...kay. The…mag…a…zine…is…gone…now. Come…sit…back…down.”
Brian looked at Kevin, then AJ. He sat down shakily, casting wary glances towards AJ, who just smirked at him in response.
Nick had now recovered from the ‘blow’ to the head, and was sitting up, watching AJ and Brian intently. Or so one thought. “I’m hungry.”
AJ sighed. “Can we please go get some fucking food so the boy will shut his fucking mouth?”
Kevin nodded slowly. “I’ll…go…see…if…Howie…wants…to…come.”
AJ shook his head. “Dude, no. I’ll go get him. It’ll take you an hour to get there, and another hour to ask him.” He got up, going towards Howie’s dressing room, which was across the hall.
He knocked on the door, waiting. It finally opened to reveal a puffy-eyed Howie. AJ rolled his eyes. “Do you wanna go get something to eat with us?” He asked, tapping his foot impatiently.
Howie’s bottom lip quivered as he held up the same two shirts he had showed them before. “What should I wear?”
AJ sighed, pointing at the purple sleeveless sweatshirt.
Howie grinned, suddenly happy. “Okay! I’ll be ready in, like, 10 minutes! I have to fix my hair! And my face! Oh, dear!” He yelled as he ran around his dressing room, grabbing bottles of mousse, gel, and hairspray.
AJ shook his head and closed the door, going back across the hall. “Give him about 10 minutes to get pretty.” He rolled his eyes again.
“Yay! Food!” Nick giggled, jumping up. “Where’re we going?” He shouted loudly, unable to mask his excitement.
AJ’s face was taken over by a shit-eating grin. “How about Hooters, Nicky?” He said, glancing at the younger man.
“What kind of food?” He asked, gleefully.
“Hmm.” AJ rubbed his chin. “They have buffalo wings.” He knew that would get him.
“BUFFALO WINGS!!!” Nick yelled, jumping up and down. “Nicky loves buffalo wings! Oh, yeah, yeah! Nicky loves buffalo wings!” He said, singing his song.
“Hooters?” Brian stated, incredulously. “It’s a sin to go there, I tell you! A sin!” He said, slowly backing away from AJ.
“We’ll blindfold ya, man. No harm.” AJ grinned as Howie walked into the room.
“I’m ready!”
Nick walked up to Howie, examining his lips. “Oooh, Howie! Your lips are all shiny and glittery!” He said, moving to touch them. Howie swatted his hand away. “Don’t touch, Nicky!”
Nick immediately grabbed his hand. “Sorry…” He mumbled.
“On to Hooters!” AJ yelled, nearly running out the door.
Nick followed gleefully. Howie, Kevin, and a very reluctant Brian followed.
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