Some Rambling by Shadowspawn

Communication is the key. Without it you cannot relate, if you cannot relate there is no relationship. Listen to me though, god. What am I some sort of philosopher giving advice designed to enlighten you. :)

I mean me, I just talk about shit. Analyzing humans, mixing with them, part of them yet isolated. Looking at my life I really have no room to talk. There is a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. Like I think I'm some sort of intellect, or artist of sorts, or some sort of thinker.
But to accomplish what? Nothing. Almost nothing. I give advice to so many people. And it starts to get to me, but I don't know what else to say. Wish I could just be stupid, or talk. Like a normal person does. But then what is normal? Just a setting on your washing machine. And if common sense is so common how come no one has any? Almost like I get some sort of vendication, redemption or something for helping someone else, instead of myself. Giving, giving. The selfish son. I don't know, you know. I really don't know, everything is too complicated. Life is too complicated. If before I was born, I just didn't exist, and after I die I will no longer exist...Isn't life just an interuption from nonexistance? Can you relate?
Can anyone relate? Is it that the way I see things is the way everyone sees things, they are just smarter than me and avoid the core of the issues. Because you don't live by thinking of death. Death is not a bad word either like so many use it. It has a beauty all of its own. Everything has a beauty. Even as little as I see it, maybe I do too. But then what is beauty just a flash of the eye. Do you realize how many people looked up at the same sun, the same moon at different times, even before humans. Everything one, yet its all divided. God I wish I had a piece of mind. Just a little fraction. And listen to me. I'm full of shit. I'm just so confused myself. I promised myself I wouldn't break and ramble like I did above. But I have.

And I'm not going to page up and delete it. Because maybe it needs to be said. Maybe it needs to be said out loud. I don't know. I really don't.

Getting out on your own is a good thing. you get more smoothed out inside. To know me before I could take care of myself was not a good sight. I think too much. I did massive amounts of hardcore things, not to socialize like all my friends but to seperate. It got me no where. And I'm still getting no where fast. As long as I have a pack of cigarettes, and some noodles, I'm just fine. Bare essentials. I can look back on my breif little period of life and see no good for myself. Sure but I have been there for so many souls. Its painful to know that not a one would, and even if they wanted could be here for me. I like single serving friends. They never really know me.
Really know the core. So lost. Dragging hands over a barren mother earth.
Don't quote me on anything I say. As soon as you place a theory on reality, the theory changes the reality it describes.
Can I trust my own observations. Maybe always being in a relationship is good. How should I know? I don't. I don't have the answers.
I hope you understand what I have been saying and don't run away from my friendship. I'm just as confused as you, maybe more so. Because the more you analyze the more confused you become. And I have been analyzing to deep all my life. If you analyze a grain of sand, you never see the beach.

Wish I could be there to party. Sorry if my message is not understandable. This is why sometimes I cannot talk.
Because I guess somethings are better left unsaid. I don't know. Maybe I should not have just spouted so much.
But maybe I should have. Oh well whatever nevermind...

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