000```DiLberT's RUlEs""•))


(Submitted by Jennifer Weithaus)

1. I can only please one person per day.   Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.

  2. I love deadlines. I especially like the   wooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

  3. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you   how to get along without it.

  4. Accept that somedays you are the       pigeon and somedays the statue.

  5. Needing someone is like needing a       parachute. If they aren't there the first   time, chances are you won't be needing them again.

  6. I don't have an attitude problem, you     have a perception problem.

  7. Last night I lay in bed looking up at       the stars in the sky and I thought to           myself, where did my ceiling go?

  8. You are slower than a herd of turtles     stampeding through peanut butter.

  9. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.

10. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.

11. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters away from a kick in the behind.

12. After a salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

13. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

14. You don't find life worth living, you make it that way.

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