(°u°)-A grin at BALDNESS-(*ü*)


The hat is the preferred means to hide the bald head. It hides the baldness while giving off an illusion of hair, because where the cap ends the hair begins. The hat is fashionable too. The bald headed cowboy has the Stetson. It reminds me of a large fruit basket turned over; minus the fruit. Scientists are still trying to figure out how it stays on the head while a horse runs at a full gallop. It breaks all the laws of aerodynamics. The bald headed sport fiends have the baseball cap which is imprinted with their favorite sport team logo. The bald headed business man has a host of hats to choose from, but my choice is the 1930's Elliot Ness gangster hat. With this hat and a Thompson sub-machine gun in my hand, who's going to be wondering whether or not I'm hiding a bald head?


The toupee, (pronounced TO-PAY) is a bad attempt to make the bald head look as though one had a full mound of hair. It's a shaggy rug that is either glued, taped, or clipped on to any existing hair. I'm not sure how it's done, but I'll probably find out in about five years. The big problem with the toupee is soon as someone knows your wearing one he/she stares at it while you talk, as if its' alive, there eyes are fixated on it convinced they saw it move.


The flap. My favorite. This is where the creative genius of man is revealed. The bald headed man intentionally lets one side of his hair grow out about eight inches past his ear. He then takes a can of hair spray to be used as an adhesive and sprays the flap, then he takes the hair and flaps it over to the other side; BINGO no more bald head. The big problem with the flap is wind. Wind can take the flap and lift it straight in the air, giving the well groomed business man the mohawk look. And when the wind is blowing in gusts the flap can appear to be waving at people as they go by. I once stopped in a parking lot thinking a man was trying to flag me down, but upon getting closer, I realized it was only the flap; it then waved me on.


The bald head isn't that bad. If in another five years the angel of baldness should visit me I'll accept it gladly, because given the choices I'd take a bald head over child bearing without question. Just the thought of a bald headed Marlyn Monroe or Michelle Pfeiffer makes me glad that men go bald and women have babies.

© Mike Huggins