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HEAL MY TEARS Mr. Carter I have some bad news.” The doctor said coming out of Nick Carter’s girlfriends room at Tampa General in FL. “Yes?” Nick asked as his heart sank thinking of the boat accident. “We’re sorry Nick but you’re girlfriend, Sindra has about 5 minutes to live if you hurry you can say goodbye.” The doctor said as Nick registered his thoughts and a rush of hurt and pain ran over him and he tried to think of what he did. “Go.” The doctor said. Nick rushed in the room to see Sindra laying on the bed taking her last breaths, thinking her last thoughts and dreaming her last dream. “Sindra, it’s Nicky.” Nick said talking her hand and kissing it. “Hi Nicky.” Sinda said outa breath. “I love you, but can you do something for me?” She said struggling to breath. “Anything huney.” Nick said kissing her head and lips. “Move on, take Court on a date.” She said breathlessly. “She had a major thing for you.” Sinda said kissing him. “I love you Nicky.” She whispered as her head tilted and she passed on leaving Nick confused. He knew me, I was his and Sindra’s good friend. “Nick?” I said as I entered the room with a tear stained face and hurt in my blue eyes. Nick got up and hugged me as I hugged back. I let Nick cry into my shoulder as I comforted him. “Shhh It’ll be ok Nick.” I said rubbing his back and stroking his blonde hair.“Shhh..let it out Nicky.” I whispered. As he let out all his pain he dropped to his knees and cried. “Oh God Nick, are you ok?” I asked as he fell. He looked up at me and I helped him up and to the car. “Courty?” Nick asked in a whisper whipping some tears away. “Yeah Nick?” I asked concentrating on the road driving Nick home. “Will you stay with me today, at our house..” He asked whipping more tears away I handed him a tissue. “Sure Nick I’ll take my room.” I said laughing coz I had a room in his house. “Thanks Courty.” Nick said as we pulled into his house and went to see his parents. “Hi Jane.” I said hugging her as she was crying about Sindra too. “Hi Court, thanks for staying I think Nick isn’t gonna be too good.” She said as I got a drink outa the fridge. “It’s cool I mean how could I leave Nicky hangin.” I said whipping a tear from my eye. Nick walked in looking terrible, he was white and sulking. “Nick you look sick hun.” I said walking over to him and putting my hands on his face. He just looked at me and cried more. “Oooh Nicky.”I said hugging him and patting his blonde locks. “Court, I wanna die.” He said burring his face in my neck. “No Nick!” I practically yelled. “I can’t loose you too.” I said starting to cry as he did. We stood there as bestfriends holding each other tight trying to let out all the pain. I walked him into his room, took off this socks, shirt,and pants. Then I pulled the covers around him. “It’ll be ok Nick.” I said kissing his head. “Night.” He said. “Night Nicky.” I said turning off the light and leaving the room. The next morning I woke up and went down stairs. Jane, Nick’s mom, was the only one up. “Hi Jane.” I said grabbing a cup of coffee. “Hi dear how’d you sleep?” She asked with a smile. “I slept ok I just miss Sindra I guess, she was one of my best friends. But I’ll have to cope.” I said sighing as Jane agreed. Nick walked down looking worse then before. He sat next to me and slumped in his chair. “Thanks for takin care of me last night Courty.” Nick said smiling. “It’s cool.” I said kissing his head. “Nick are you ok?” I asked slinging an arm around him. “No.” He said looking as he was going to throw up. “No Nick not the carpet.” I said covering his mouth and taking him to the sink as he threw up. I rubbed his back as his mom gave me a thankful look. I just smiled back as Nick got up and I got a napkin to whipe his mouth. I hugged him and he went limp. “Oh my god!” I yelled as he fell to the floor. “Oh god.” Was all I could say. Nick mom panicked as we drug him to his room and I put him in bed with a wet towel on his head. I fell asleep on this bed next to him after a while. He woke up and looked at me. He slightly shook me away. “Huh? Oh hi Nicky are you ok?” I asked as he nodded and smiled. “That’s good.” I said in a drained voice looking at him as he cried again. “Nicky, huney, you have to cope, I know it was yesterday but this isn’t good for you.” I said as he stopped crying and got an angered look on his face. “Courtney, just because you don’t care that she died doesn’t mean that I have not care about her too!” He yelled jumping up. “N..Nick I care very much that she died ok??” I asked and dropped to my knees, “I was trying to deal with her death and not cry 24/7 you know how hard that is?” I asked again and cried harder then ever. He just looked at me and knelt next to me. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and cried more. He embraced me and I cried against his chest. Listening to his heartbeat calmed me down and I just hugged him. I rested my head in the crook of his neck and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry Nicky.” I said against his neck. “I didn’t want to cry, I was trying to be strong for you.” I said sitting up and whipping away the tears. “Courty, don’t be strong for me. I’m sorry I yelled before.” He said in a hush tone and whipped away the extra tears on my face. We sat in a weird silence just stairing into space. I went behind Nick and started to play with his soft blonde hair. He smiled as I raked my fingers threw it and put my face up to it. I always did this when I was younger, I loved his hair. “Your hair is so soft.” running my fingers in it again. “I want it.” I said playfully tugging at his blonde locks of hair. “Ow Courty stop.” He said in a serious tone. “That hurts.” “Sorry Nicky.” I said kissing his cheek. “S’ok.” he said smiling. BJ entered the room and sat on Nick’s bed. “I dickhead you ok?” BJ asked motioning toward Nick. “Yeah I’m fine asswhipe.” Nick said looking at BJ. “I can feel the love in this room.” I said as BJ got up and left. The whole day we spent talking in Nick’s room we also played some N64, which I was happy Nick was becoming the normal him again. I turned into Night fast. “Nicky lets go swimming.” I said. “Everyones asleep they wont mind.” I said as I looked at the clock turning 1:24 am. “Ok Courty.” He said following me to the pool. I took off my shirt then pants followed by my bra and panties. Nick’s eyes popped out of him head as I jumped in the pool. “C’mon Nicky, we’re best friends it’s ok.” I said swimming around and splashing him. “Are you coming or do I have to come up there and take your clothes off?” I said laughing and swimming around as a naked Nick got in the pool. I looked at him and smiled knowing he was my best friend, and his girlfriend, and one of my friends, just died I’d take it easy on him and try to not touch him. I splashed him and he just stood there looking at me. “God Nicky loosen up I’m your best friend I’m not gonna do anything.” I said swimming over to him and dunking him under. “Ok you’re gonna get it.” He said chasing me around the pool. He finally caught me and he was outa breath so he rested his head on my shoulder. I turned around and hugged him he intook a sharp breath. “Oops sorry I forgot bout that.” I said blushing and pulling away. “It’s ok.” Nick said softly and he sat on the edge of the pool. I giggled as he tried to hide his dick. “It’s ok Nick I’ve seen one before.” I said laughing as he blushed and removed his hands. I jumped up and sat next to him. He glanced over at me and tried not to look totally. “Courty.” Nick said looking the other direction. “Nick if you wanna look you can I wont slap you.” I said as his head turned and studied me from head to toe. He smiled and I smiled back. “ So what do you think?” I asked as he looked at me. “Did I change since you last saw me naked?” I asked as he blushed. “Let’s see I last saw you naked when we were two and took baths together. So yeah you changed a little. You look good.” He said smiling at me and slinging an arm around me. I was happy he loosened up. “You look great, you kept your muscles up I see.” I said running my fingers around his six pack. “Well we better get to bed.” I said putting my clothes on and going to my room and shutting the door for a nights sleep. Nick did the same. The next morning I went downstairs to find Nick sitting at the table starring at the pool. I giggled. I covered his eyes. “Guess who?” I asked. “Madonna.” Nick said. “You wish Nicky.” I said uncovering his eyes and sitting on his lap. Like a reaction Nick put his arms around my waist. “I broke up with Bret this morning when I called and his “other girlfriend” answered.” I said quietly whipping away tears before Nick could see. “I’m sorry.” Nick said kissing my cheek. “Yeah.” I said looking out the window. “So..did you like the swim?” I asked not looking at him. “Yeah I had fun.” He said smiling and rubbing my back. “I miss Sindra.” I said softly leaning back on him. “Sorry, for bringing it up.” “I miss her too.” He said and I whiped away a single tear from his eye. I wanted to help Nick, but I didn’t know what to do. We got up and walked into the living room and I turned the radio on. Mine and Nick’s song was heard coming from the speakers. “Care to dance Nick?” I asked laughing as he got up and walked over to me. He put his hands firmly on my waist and I draped my arms around his neck. As the song went on Nick had pulled me right up to him, I laid my head on his chest and he put his head on mine. The song ended, we pulled apart and sat on the couch. I fiddled with my fingers as Nick sat back. “Nick I think it’s time I go home now I can’t keep staying here.” I said heading up to get my stuff. “But Courty..” Nick said looking at me. “I have house too Nick. I can’t live here.” I said bringing my stuff back down and heading to my car and to home. When I got home there was a message from Brian asking me to go on tour with them. I called him back excited and said I could go. “Calm yourself!” Brian laughed into the phone. “Why you’re so sweet I love you !” I said loudly and hung up. I went upstairs and packed all my clothes because we were leaving tomorrow. ~on the tour bus~ “Yay!!! Hi guys!!” I yelled and hugged them all as they entered the bus. “Hi Courty.” Nick said quietly. “Hi Nicky.” I said and hugged him. “Hi Kev, Howie, Bri, Aj.” I said really fast. “Whao this is a small bus.” I observed. “Only five bunks.” Kev reported. “You get to stay with Nicky boy here.” He said patting Nick’s back. “Ok. That’s fine.” I said and looked around. “C’mon Nicky show me where we sleep.” I said walking ahead. “Geez Court wait up.” Nick said catching up to me. “Here’s our bunk there should be enough room if not I’ll sleep on the couch.” He said matter-of-factily. “Nah we’ll fit if I have to sleep on top of you.” I said laughing and going to find the other guys. I was so hyper everyone was laughing. “Let’s play truth or dare!” I yelled sitting down. All the guys groaned and then agreed. “Brian, truth or dare?” I asked looking at him. “Truth.” He said and smiled. “Grr.. you’re a whimp. ok have you ever thought of Nick as anything other then a friend?” I asked as the guys cracked up. “Once.” he said in a low whisper turning red I almost passed out laughing. “Oh my god when?” I asked looking at him. “Whisper it to me.” I said as he leaned over the guys laughing so hard they weren’t paying attention. “Ok it was a few weeks ago when we were wrestling and Nick pinned me and was sitting on my chest, he had a boner.” Brian whispered as I cracked up laughing and rolling on the floor. “Oh my god, breath! ok I’m ok” I said sitting down everyone laughing at me. “Courtney Truth or dare?” Brian asked looking at me grinning. “Dare, gimme your best Mr. Littrell.” I said in a snotty tone. “Kiss Mr. Carter over there for 2 minutes and give your tounges a work out.” He said as he saw the tears form in my eyes and I ran out of the room. Everyone looked at Nick and then Brian. “I’ll be right back.” Brian said getting up to find me. “Court what happened there?” Brian asked approching me. “It’s it’s Sindra it was only a couple days ago and I’d feel like I’m taking Nicky.” I said crying. “I’m sure Nick needs this kiss.” Brian said laughing. “He’s bummed and I think you’re the only one he trusts.” Brian said looking in my eyes. “That’s why I don’t wanna do this Brian, I’m I’m...” I was cut off by Brian’s lips. In suprise I kissed back. I broke apart and looked at him and at Nick standing in the door way with tears running down his cheeks. “Oh my god Nicky.” I said going over to him. He backed away from me and I looked at Brian and to Nick again. “Brian this was a mistake.” I said looking at him. “I know, Nick please don’t blame her.” Brian said looking at me and Nick then leaving. I looked down at me feet then sat on the floor. Nick sat next to me and rested him head on my shoulder. I looked at him. “I’m so sorry Nicky.” I said brushing the hair out of his eyes. “It’s ok Courty, I just..well..you’re the only one that I feel Sindra would want me with, she told me in the hospital.” Nick said tears streaming out of his eyes. “But I just wanna stay very close friends right now.” He said as I whipped the tears away. “I understand Nicky.” I said as I hugged him. He burried his face im my neck and I giggled. “What?” He asked looking up at me. “Your hair tickles.” I said running a hand threw it. He pulled me on his lap. We decided to go to the others We walked in the room with the guys and I sat by AJ. “Hi Aj! “ I said smiling at him. “Hi Courty..what were you on?” He asked looking at me weirdly. “Nick.” I mummbled. “What was that?” AJ asked. “I said nothing.” I said and announced it was time for me to go to bed. “Me too.” Nick brian and AJ said. “Nick you can get it first you’ll need more room.” I said telling him to get in and I jumped in next to him. we had little space but I cuddled up to him and he stroked my hair till I fell asleep. The next mornng I woke up and Nick was sleeping next to me and I layed my head on his chest and kissed his cheek. He woke up and looked at me. “Morning.” He whispered softly. “Morning Nicky.” I said leaning for a kiss. my lips brushed his and then connected. We kissed like that for about 30 seconds then we parted. “Sorry Nick I had to..” I whispered looking away. “It’s ok I liked it.” He smiled. I layed back down and then got outa bed to find Kev sitting on the couch watching TV. “Hi Kev.” I said sitting next to him. “Hi Courty.” He said looking at me and smiling as Nick entered the room. “I’m sooo tired.” Nick said as he ploped on the couch and put his head in my lap. “Get up you lug you slept all night.” I said pushing him off of me and onto the floor. “Boom.” He said as he hit the floor. “Nick get up.” I said going into the kitchen to make breakfast. “Uh..Nick do you want this picture?” I asked handing him a pic of him and Sindra kissing. Tears flooded Nick’s eyes as he left the room. I sat at the table and put my head in my hands as AJ and Brian walked in. “Court something wrong?” AJ asked pulling me over to him. “It’s just Nick, I feel bad about Sindra and all.” I said burring my face in the crook of his neck. “It’s ok he’ll be fine.” Aj said kissing my cheek and hugging me. “You’re the big bro I never had.” I said and hugged him. “That’s cool.” He said smiling as Nick walked in. I got up and walked over to Nick and wrapped my arms around his waist. “You gonna be ok Nicky?” I asked kissing his cheek. “Yeah, I think so.” He said kissing my forehead. I ran my hand threw his hair and smiled at him. “Nick..I..” I started to say then stopped. “I?” He said. “I love you Nick.” I said very softly, looking at him and blushing. “Sorry.” I said after. “It’s ok Courty, I love you too.” He said as he hugged me close to him, I could smell the gravity on him and hugged tight. We broke apart and I told Nick I wanted to go SHOPPING. “Ok we’ll go shopping.” Nick said as the bus parked at the mall and me Nick and the rest got off. I took Nick’s hand and he smiled. I linked our fingers not wanting to let go. “Nick look it’s Victoria Secrets!” I said as I drug him into the store with all the guys laughing at him. “I need a new night gown” I said looking threw all the little night gowns they had till I pulled out one that came right above mid thigh and was lepord print. I bought it. Nick looked at me. “You’re gonna wear that around the bus?” He asked as we shopped around in other stores. “Yeah why not?” I asked as we left the mall and got back on the bus. “No reason.” He said sitting on the couch. I went to try it on to see how it fit. It rested on my chest and came above my mid thigh and was a little see through but covered what it needed too. I walked out to show Nick. “Do you like it?” I asked spinning around. Nick got a little nervous and knodded. “Something wrong?” I asked sitting next to him. “No.” He said looking down. ~later that night~ “Court it’s cold cover up.” AJ said in a big brother tone. “I’m not cold AJ.” I said sitting on Nick’s lap. I felt something under me and then looked at Nick. “Are you happy too see me?” I whispered in his ear. He blushed and went in the back and he layed in his bunk. “Guys I think Nick doesn’t feel comfortable with me. Maybe I should leave the tour.” I said looking at all of them. I didn’t know Nick was listening in the back. “Court can you come here?” Nick said loudly so I could hear him in the back. “Yeah Nicky?” I asked sitting on the bunk. “Please don’t leave the tour I wouldn’t be able to preform.” He whispered and I moved closer and took his hand. He kissed me longingly and I kissed back knowing it was the right thing. I ran my hands over his chest and felt the muscles under his shirt. We pulled apart and looked at eachother. “I want you so bad.” He said kissing my neck. “N..Nick no!” I said as I pushed him away a little. “Courty..what did I do?” He asked looking at me for an answer. “Not now ok?” I said and looked at him and saw a hurt expression on his face. “I’m sorry!” I said looking at him again. “It’s ok, I guess I made an ass outa myself.” He said putting his hands over his face. “No you didn’t Nick.” I said and kissed his cheek as we climbed into bed for a nights rest. I woke up in the middle of the night and looked over at Nick sleeping, I wanted him so bad but I didn’t know if that was the right thing. I reached over and pushed some hair out of his eyes and he shifted and wrapped his arms around me and pulled me right by him. I just cuddled up and fell asleep in his arms feeling safe and happy. Nick woke up before me the next morning and kissed my cheek. I woke up and looked at him. Then I burried my head on his bare chest. I nibbled on his nipple. “Hey, don’t.” Nick said laughing and pulled me off. “How would you like if I chew on your nipple?” He asked and laughed. I just smiled and kissed him he kissed back and we got out and went to see who was up. I walked in with Nick carring my I had my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck. “Some one’s tired.” Kev observed and tickled me. “ahhhmmwwwaaahh.” I mummbled and clung to Nick tighter. Nick sat down with me still like that and it didn’t look too good. AJ laughed. “Shut-up AJ.” Nick said kissing my neck. I lifted my head and looked at him. I smiled and kissed all around his neck. Nick just smiled and realized I gave him a hicky. “Oh my god.” Nick said. “How am I gonna cover this for the conserts?” He asked looking at me with an angry expression. “I..I’m sorry Nick.” I said hugging him to me. “It’s ok..” He sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I love you.” he said outa no where. “Love you too.” I said kissing his cheeks and then his soft pinkish lips. I smiled on his lips an AJ coughed. “What AJ?” I asked looking at him. “Go be lovey dovey someplace else.” He said as we both blushed, “So you two are finially going out?” Kev asked smiling at us. “No..” I said quietly, looking at Nick. “Courty..I’m not really ready..” He whispered in my ear as I nodded. I hugged him and fell asleep. Nick fell asleep too. The guys took a picture of us sleeping and shifted a little. Nick woke up and put his arms around me.I woke up then and got up to go potty. I walked back out in tight biker shorts and a tube top. “Sup guys?” I asked and sat by Nick. “Nothin just layin arouns like usual.” Nick said kissing my neck and shoulder. “Can I lay with you Nick?” I asked and laughed as did the other guys. “You can lay with me anytime you want.” he said nipping at my neck. “Nicky that tickles.” I said laughing. “Nicky that tickled teehee.” Brian said mimicing me. ~Two Weeks later~ I was walking around the lobby of the hotel being boerd as usual when I saw Nick totally kiss this girl, I felt the lump in my throut and ran up to my room. Nick must have saw me and started walking to my room, I slammed the door. I threw myself on the bed thinking of what just happened I began to cry and pack all my stuff planning to go home. I walked out and saw Nick. “Cou..” Nick started. “Save your breath.” I said threw tears and walked out side trying to flag a taxi. “Bye Nick.” I said as I got in the cab and headed for the airport. I got my airplane ticket and headed toward my flight. I turned around and saw Nick standing there. “Look, Nick leave me alone.” I said tears streaming out of my eyes “Flight 346 boarding now.” I walked to the gate and got on the plane never looking back once. I looked out the plane window to see Nick in the airport window looking at me. I sunk back in my chair. “Courtney?!” A girl in the seat next to me said suprised. “Julie?!” I asked and gave her a sisterly hug. “Oh my god I haven’t seen you for a while!” She exclaimed. “Yeah I WAS touring with Nick and the guys until now.” I said quietly and hinted not to talk about it. We talked about everything till we got to Florida. “So Julz where u stayin? With your parents?” I asked. “Nah..in a hotel.” She said as we picket up out bag age. “You can stay with me.” I said since I had a huge house with no one in it. “ok.” She answered. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~At the same time~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick got out of the cab and walked back into the hotel trying to whipe away the tears but they kept comming. He slowly got on the elevator and walked to his room but was stopped by Brian. “Nick, what’s wrong.” Brian said acting as his big brother. “She left..” Nick said in a whisper. “Wait? Who left?” Brian asked Nick. “Courty, she left..I kissed a girl in the lobby and then Courty left.” Nick said breaking into sobs. Brian wrapped his arms around Nick and gave him a comforting Big brother hug and let Nick cry. “Thanx Rok.” Nick said as he left Brian and went to his room. “No probs Nicky.” Brian said returning to his own room. Nick sat down on the floor in a corner of his room, He cried and felt a guilty pain in his stomach. He sat there till the next day when the AJ came to get him for the consert. “Hey Nick!” He yelled threw the door. When he got no answer he opened the door and saw Nick whimpering on the floor. “Nick? What’s wrong buddy?” AJ asked as Nick just looked at the floor and cried. “Where’s Courty?” AJ asked as Nick started sobbing. “S..she..l..left...m..mm...mee.” Nick finially got out and started crying more. “It’s ok Nick lets go to the consert.” AJ said helping Nick up who just fell back down again. “I..I c.c..an’t A.jj...” Nick said covering his face not able to look up. AJ ran and got the others. “Guys he’s really bad.” AJ said as he talked to the others before entering the room. They sorrounded Nick and Nick just curled up and whimpered. “Get up Nickolas!” Kevin yelled as Nick broke out into sobs again. “Kevin knock it off.” Brian said hitting his cousin. “Nick can you sing?” Brian asked his ‘lil’ brother’. “N..n..o B..B..Brian.” Nick stumbled and sat there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Back with me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “Cool house!” julie said running upstairs to find a room. “You’re as weird as ever.” I said as she walked into Nick’s room ~Yes he had a room in my house too~ “I want this one.” She said looking at all the green stuff. “No..not this one how about that one?” I asked pointing to a room with blue walls. “Yeah okies.” Julie said unpacking into the drawrs. “Did you know the bsb are commin out with another CD?” Julie asked as I nodded. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Nick~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ “OK Nick you can stay here. ~2 days later~ Nick hasn’t moved except to go to the bathroom. He hasn’t slept eaten or preformed. “I’m calling her.” Brian said dialing my phone #. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~Ring Ri..~ “Hello?” I asked into the phone. “Courty!” Brian exclaimed. “Hi Brian what can I do for you?” I asked Brian. “It’s Nick...He hasn’t eaten, slept, or done any conserts since you left. He can’t even talk anymore and he’s scaring me.” Brian blurted into the phone.I could tell he was crying. “I’ll be right out Bri.” I said throwing some things in a bag and getting me and Julie on a plain. ~At The hotel~ I ran up to Nick’s room and knocked, Brian answered. “you’re here.” Brian said hugging me and I hugged back. “Yeah wheres Nick?” I asked as Brian pointed to a person that’s face was white with blood shot eyes. “Nick? “I whispered as he looked up. “Oh god Nicky.” I said and hugged the limp figure. Brian and Julie watched as Nick hugged me and cried. “Nick it’s ok I’m here now, it’s ok huney.” I said rocking back and forth. “I..love...you...” He breathed out. “Oh, I love you too.” I said kissing his lips and pulling away because he didn’t have the strength. Me and Brian put him in bed and I layed next to him. “You guys can leave” I said to Bri and Julz. I layed by Nick and stroked his still soft hair as he fell asleep. I snuggled up to him and kissed his cheek. Julie and Brian walked out of the room and down the hall to the lounge. “I feel bad for Nick.” Brian said in a saddened tone. “He’ll be ok she’s here now.” Julie said looking at Brian. “By the way I’m Julie.” She said and laughed. “:I’m Brian.” He said taking her hand and kissing it.Julie blushed and ordered a Sprite. “So hows the tour goin brian?” Julie asked. “It was ok until the Nick thing.” He said looking around. Nick lay asleep peacefully and quietly he woke up when I got off the bed and headed for the door. “Need something Nick?” I asked looking at him. He nodded at me. “What do you need?” I asked nicely. “Y..you..” He breathed out. “ I.I n..need y..you to s.stay here w.with m.m.me.” He said falling back on his pillow. Brian and Julie opened the dootr as I sat on the bed next to Nick. “Bri order a pizza for Nicky here.” I said to brian as I ran my hands threw Nick’s hair and put a hand on his face. He leaned his head over and kissed my fingers. I smiled and leaned down and kissed his lips. He kissed back with all the strength he had. After we parted he fell back on his pillow breathing hard. “I..I l..love y..you C.Coourty..” Nick said as the pizza guy arrived. “Foods here Nick.” I said handing him a piece of pizza which he ate slowly. AJ walked in and saw me helping Nick eat. “Hi AJ.” I said as he walked over to me. “Finially you came, we were worried about Nicky here.” AJ said ruffling Nick’s hair. Nick just looked at him and slowly ate another piece of pizza. “You’re gonna make a great mom Courty.” AJ said as he laughed. “I just hope my babies arn’t this big.” I laughed and kissed Nick’s cheek. Nick smiled and tried to sit up with mine and AJ’s help. I sat next to him so he could lean on me. Brian and Julie were talking and giggling and kissing. “Nick you gonna be ok the rest of the tour when I’m not here?” I asked as AJ and Brian shot up. Nick eyes welled with tears and he hugged me. “Nick I....” I started but stoped myself. “Fine..I’ll stay.” I said in a saddened tone. Brian, Julie, and AJ looked at me, I just shugged. I helped Nick over to the bathroom coz he had to pee. ~lol DUH~ I had to hold onto his hips while he went to the bathroom beacuse he couldn’t standon his own. “Courty you really are an angel.” Brian said as I helped Nick out. I smiled. “I just love Nick and hate seeing him like this.” I said kissing Nick’s head. Nick looked at me and then smiled. “C.Courty th..thank y..you.” He said and closed his eyes and drifted to sleep. “Brian?” I asked looking at him. “Yeah Courty?” He asked back. “I wanna go home..I miss home.” I said sadly looking at Nick. “If you must.” Bian said. “Go then.” He continued and looked at Nick. “I’ll just tell Nick you had to go..I guess he’ll be ok.” Brian said softly. “Brian what if he isn’t what if he gets really sick? I can’t keep up with this he’s like a two year old!” I said loudly and Nick woke up. “What’s happening?” Nick asked looking at me. “Nick I wanna go home.” I said softly not wanting to look him in the eyes. “Oh.” He said looking at the ground. “If you really want to, go ahead.” He said looking away and holding back the crying again. “I’ll stay 2 weeks and thats it Nick ok?” I said as he turned and smiled at me. ~2 days later~ We were all on the tour bus and Julie and Bri got together. They were cuddled on the couch while me and Nick were on the chair. “Courty?” Nick asked. “Yeah?” I asked back. “Be my girlfriend.” He said as it suprised me. “Sure Nicky.” I said smiling from ear to ear. Brian and the guys clapped as I kissed Nick we broke apart and I smiled. “What’s goin on?” Howie asked cluelessly as he walked into the room. We were playing truth or dare. “Nick I dare you to kiss Julie.” Kev said as my face fell and Nick wrapped his arms around Julie as they both kissed with force and broke apart. He leaned in again an kissed her trailing down her neck. She smiled and kissed his mouth again. I looked on as tears were brought to my eyes. He kept kissing her and holding her tight as I ran outa the room crying, Nick not even noticing. AJ came in the back to find me crying and sat next to me. “How Could He?!!?!?” I yelled in a fit of sobs. “Courty, calm down it was a dare.” AJ said. “If he really loved me it woulda been a fast little kiss not a whole make out session.” I said furious. Nick walked back outa breath and looked at me. “It was a dare!” He yelled looking at me crying. “Dare my ass Nickolas.” I said yelling back. “Well, well...Uhg!” He yelled and stomped off to his bunk. “I hate you Nick Carter you did this once and now that I came back for you, you think you can just fool around like that?” I asked fallowing him into the bunks. Nick just turned around and slapped me as hard as he could and I fell to the floor. I started crying and holding my cheek. AJ was standing there looking at Nick as though he could kill him at anytime. “NICK WHAT IN HOLY HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” AJ screamed. “GO GET!” AJ yelled as Nick walked to the back. AJ knelt next to me and hugged me as the bruse already started to become blue. AJ hugged me as I cried to him. “I loved him so much..so so much.” I said threw tears. “I know you did.” AJ said rocking me back and forth. Back with Brian and julie “Julie what was that??” Brian yelled. “I’m sorry Bri I really am I guess I got carried away.” Julie said crying. “I love you.” She said. “Julie..y..w..UHG!” Brian said and hugged her. “I can’t stay mad at my baby.” He said and kissed her. Brian thought how he could kill Nick. “I hate that basterd.” Brian said aloud. “Bri..” Julie trailed off. Nick paced back and forth thinking of his mistake. He looked at his hand, the one that smacked his girlfriend or rather ex girlfriend. Brian and AJ both walked into the room Nick was in and started beating the crap out of him. AJ gave a blow to the ribs and a punch to his face. Brian kicked him in th nuts and snapped his ankle. The both of them left saying “Don’t start anymore shit Nick!” Nick started crying and holding his stomach. He coughed and some blood dribbled out of his mouth. “Ah!” Nick screamed and passed out. I was putting ice on my face and went to sit in the other room with everyone I sat next to brian and see him frowning. “What B?” I asked. “Nothing..” He trailed as Julie got up to het a drink. “AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” She screamed and looked down at Nick’s body and the blood oh the blood. “BRIAN! AJ! GET IN HERE NOW!” She yelled as the three of us went in there. “OH GOD!” I screamed. “Julie I’m sorry!” Brian said as I knelt next to Nick. “He’s ok guys he’s breathing.” I said putting my mouth over his bloody lips and started doing CPR as he coughed up more blood. he opened his eyes and started crying and holding his stomach. Julie knelt next to him too. “Nick?” I asked lifting his shirt and pushing on his rib cage. “UHHHAHHOWW!” Nick screamed as I felt around finding 4 broken ribs and a giant bruse. “Guys? Explain why you acted like 12 year olds?” I said looking at them. “Sorry.” They both said as I helped Nick to a chair. “Oh god Nick your ankle is broked.” I said feeling it. We got Nick to a hospital and I explained what happened and they asked Nick if he wanted to press charges. “N..no.” Nick said looking at the guys. “Thanks Nick.” AJ said. “I’m so sorry.” AJ appologized. “s’ok AJ.” Nick said smiling alittle “ I did wrong too ya know?” He said. “I’m sorry too Nick.” Brian said threw tears. “Brian it’s ok geez.” Nick said as Brian tried to hug Julie but she stepped back. “ Julie?” Brian asked looking down and walking to the little chapel in the hospital. He knelt down intfront of the cross. “Please God here me, I hope that Nick gets well, I have done very wrong and would switch places with him in a second, and if you have it in your heart to give Julie back to me..please do..thank you lord for listening.” Brian said softly. He got up and turned around to see Julie run into his arms and kiss him. “Thank you.” Brian said smiling to the cross. Julie smiled. I sat next to Nick’s hospital bed. “Courty?” Nick asked as I looked at him. “You’re still mad arn’t you?” He asked. “Coz if you are you can punch me or somethin.” He said looking at me. “I’m not like that Nick.” I whispered. “I hate violence, and yeah I’m still a little mad.” “Oh, and I’m really sorry..it’s just..I dunno.” He said as I ran a hand over his cheek stopping at his lips. I took my finger and ran it over the cut on his lip and he winced. “Sorry.” I said softly as he looked at me. ~The Next Week~ I decided to stay for the rest of the tour and Nick is all better except for his leg being in a cast. I’ve still not fully forgiven him but we’re on the verge of getting there. ~Ring Ri.~ “Hello” I answered my hotel room phone. “Hi Courty, it’s Nick.” He said into the phone. “Hi. can I help you.” I asked waiting for his answer. “Yeah can you come to my room.” He asked nervous. “Sure. I’ll be right over.” I said hanging the phone and going to his room. I opened the door to see the lights dim and candels lit all around a table with a great looking pasta dinner on it. I walked in and fallowed the rose petals till I got to the table where Nick walked out of the bathroom in a pair of khakis and a green shirt. “Dinner is served m’lady.” Nick said pulling out the chair as I sat down still amazed. I looked at the bed and it had rose petals all over it and I smiled thinking of what could happen. “Nick..I” I started to say as he hushed me and we ate in silence. After we ate he picked me up and carried me to the bed and layed over me. “I want tonight to be special.” Nick whispered and he kissed me and I kissed back. We carried on threw the night both loosing something ,our virginity, it was special and I’ll never forget it. I woke up and looked at a naked Nick in my bed and kissed him. He looked at me. “I forgive you.” I said and smiled. He smiled and got up to strech. I threw my clothes on as he did and we walked out to find the guys in the hall way. I had my arm around Nick’s waist smiling. The guys looked at us and smiled. “I love you Nick.” I whispered. “Love you too.” He said picking me up. I thought about that night and smiled he was so nice I thought. A couple of weeks after that the tour was over and I moved all my stuff into a room in Nick’s house. I felt a pain in my stomach and darted for the bathroom. I kneeled over the toilet and vomited. I got up and saw Nick in the doorway, and I threw up again. I washed off my mouth and went over to Nick. “Nick did u use a condom that one night.” I asked vaugly. “N..no why?” He asked as I hit the toilet again. “I think I’m pregnant.” I said crying and throwing up. “Oh God.” I groaned as Nick looked horrified. I went over to the counter and picked up my pregnancy test. “Shit!” I yelled looking at the positive sign on the test. “I hate life.” I mummbled as I looked at Nick. “Courty, it’ll be ok.” He whispered softly swallowing. I walked outa the room and layed on my bed. Nick sat next to me and stroked my hair. “Love you.” He said smiling. “Love you too.” I answered. ~2 months~ I had a little bit of a stomach. Brian had proposed to Julie and were now gonna get marriend in 6 months. I sat down eating bag of potato chips and a bowl or ice cream w/cheereos in it. The guys looked at me weird and Julie started laughing. “What?!” I asked looking at them. “Nothing honey.” Nick said smiling and resting is head on mine. “Want some?” I asked holding a potato chip w/ice cream and cheereos on it up to nick. “No thanx huney.” He said backing away. “Whatever, it’s good food.” I said eating it. “Yeah, if you say so huney.” Nick said kissing me. “So what we gonna name the baby?” Nick asked. “Well for a boy it’d be Nickolas Gene Carter JR, and a girl Nicole Jean Carter.” I said smiling as Nick smiled at me and liked the names. ~3 months from then~ I’m now 5 months pregnant with a pretty big belly and I love Nick so much, I want to get married, but he hasn’t even thought of marrage yet, I’m beginging to worry. Julie is now also pregnant with a little girl and me with a little boy. “Courty I love you and all but I don’t think this will work between us.” Nick said. “With the group and all, me traveling.” He said softly and looked away. “Nick..the baby..I” I started to say and ran off crying. “Oh god how can I..I can’t do this alone.” AJ walked into the room sencing I was in pain.“Courty what’s wrong?” He asked. “Nick..he..he broke up with me.” I said crying on AJ’s chest. “God I love him so much.” I said as AJ hugged me. “It hurts.” I said once again. “I’ll be right back Courty.” AJ said looking for Nick. “Nick!” AJ yelled looking around. “Oh God.” Nick whispered as AJ stormed into the room and looked at Nick with a death glare. “Why?” AJ asked quietly. “I’m scared AJ I don’t want a baby!” Nick yelled and cried. “I’m so scared AJ.” Nick said sitting on the floor hugging his knees. “What? Do you think she’s not scared Nick, she needs you, she wants you.” AJ whispered pulling Nick for a brotherly hug. “Nick don’t do this to her.” AJ said sending Nick my way. “Courty?” Nick asked quietly walking into my room as I looked at him and cried. “I didn’t mean to break up with you I’m just so scared.” Nick said pulling me for a hug and I hugged him back. “Are we together again?” I asked sniffiling. “Yeah, ofcourse honey.” Nick said kissing me. “I’m scared too Nick.” I said as the baby kicked I giggled and Nick put a hand on my stomach. He smiled feeling his son kicking. Julie walked in, and laughed at us. “Am I suposed to puke every 5 seconds Court?” Julie asked holding her stomach. “Yeah I did.” I laughed as she ran for the toilet. I kissed Nick again and we just layed there talking the whole day, I was happy. ~2 months~ It’s one month until Julie and Brian get marrried and I’m 7 months pregnant and julie is 2 months. Nick still hasn’t asked me to marry him, I hope he does one day but oh well. We’re all sitting around. “Owie my tummy.” I said holding my stomach. “Huney are you ok?” Nick asked. “No, Nick get me to a hospital.” I said as we got in the car. “Huney it’s only 7 months.” Nick said wide eyed. “I can’t help it.” I said as we pulled outa the drive way. We got to the hospital and Nick was in the dilivery room with me while I gave birth to Nickolas Gene Carter JR. “Nick he’s not crying!” I yelled lokling at my baby. “What’s wrong?” I asked yelling. “Everything’ll be fine Miss.” The nurce said as Nick kissed me to calm me down. They took the baby to an incubator because he was premature. “Nick I want my baby.” I said crying. “I hope he’s ok.” “He’ll be fine huney.” Nick said stroking my hair outa my face. I layd there till the doctor came in and told me my babys alright and that he’ll be in the incubator untill he’s full grown. “Thank you doctor.” I said smiling and so did Nick. Everyone else entered the room. “Hi Guys.” I said smiling. “Hi whaeres the baby?” Brian asked. “He was born to early he’s in an incubartor.” I answered his question. “oh, is he ok?” Brian asked. “Yeah he’s fine.” I said smiling. “Good.” ~2 months later~ “Miss Heart and Mr. Carter?” Some one asked. “Yeah that’s us.” I said standing up. “You may take Nickolas home now.” The doctor said smiling. I hugged Nick and went to get my baby. I picked him up and looked at his blonde head of hair. I brought him home for everyone to see. “Awww!” Brian said attaching me as soon as I walked threw the door. “I wanna hold him I wanna!” Brian said bouncing around. “Ok Geez.” Isaid handing Brian the baby. “He’s soo cute look at daaby aww your soo cute.” Brian said in a baby voice. “I swear to god he’s gay.” I said laughing at Brian. “I REALLY hope not.” Julie said. “The last thing I need to hear before our wedding is ‘huney I’m gay’” I went and sat next to nick on the couch and kissed him. “I love you.” I whispered in his ear. “Love you too.” He said and smiled. ~That night~ “Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh Waaaaahhhhh!!!!” The baby cried and I got up to get him. “Shhhhhh.” I said hushing the baby while feeding him. Nick walked in and smiled at me, as I smiled back. Nick sat on the rocking chair and I sat on his lap with the baby. All three of us fell asleep. Julie walked in and took the baby downstairs with out waking us up. It was 1 pm and she walked down with the baby in her arms and Brian took him. “Heeeeeeeeeeey!” Julie yelled as we walked down the stairs. “Where’s my baby?” I asked in panic. “Shh. geez he’s with Brian.” Julie said. ~That week~ “God I’m sooo nervous.” Julie said stnding in her wedding dress. “As your maid of honor I have to say. You couldn’t have picked a better man.” I said smiling and Julie rubbed her little tummy. “ok thanx Courty.” Julie said hugging me. Me and Nick walked down the isle with Julie and her dad behinde us. Me and Nick parted and Julie stepped over to Brian. They looked at eachother and smiled. I was holding baby Nicki and he was sleeping. ~The reception!~ Me and Nick were danceing and I was breathing his cologn thinking how much I wanted a wedding and Nick be my husband but it seemed it was never gonna happen. I kissed him and he kissed back. He looked at me and saw something was wrong so we walked outside. “What’s wrong Courty?” Nick asked looking at me. “I..I want a wedding like this. it’s so pretty and I’ll be a bride someday.” I said spinning around in my dress thinking of it. Nick looked at me and then looked down. She wants a wedding. I’m soo not ready for anything like this I didn’t even want a baby. Nick thought to himself. “Wouldn’t you love to get married to some one on a night like this?” I asked looking at him as tears rimmed his eyes. “Courty...” He whispered. “I’m soo not ready for marrage.” He said hugging me. I started to cry. “When Nick?” I asked looking in his eyes and holding his face. “We have a kid and a house.” I said tears running down. “I love you so much it hurts.” I said kissing him. This time he didn’t kiss back he just walked off leaving me there. alone and confused on weather he loved me or not. I walked back in and danced with AJ telling him the whole story. “He doen’t love me enogh.” I said. “He does.” AJ replied “I know for a fact.” He said smiling and kising me on the cheek.I just smiled and looked over at Nick when he walked in. His eyes were red and puffy. “Brian they’re gonna fight at our wedding?!” Julie asked nervously. “Noppers, not if I can help it.” Brian said walking over to Nick. “Nick don’t ruin this wedding by fighting with Courty.” Brian said as Nick looked at him not saying a word. “She wants to get maried.” Nick whispered. “I don’t.” He finished. Brian just looked at him knowing Nick never wanted to really grow up but with a baby and a loving g/f he would have to faster then most people. “Don’t worry about it Nick.” Brian said as me and Julie were talking. “This is the bast day of my life sept I wanted a purple dress.” Julie laughed. “How about at my wedding, if I ever have one, I make the maid oh honor dress purple?” I asked giggling. Julie laughed, “Tha’d work, why arn’t you and Nick engaged yet?” She asked not knowing. “He doesn’t want to get married yet.” I explained. looking away at Nick sitting at a table. Our song came on. I walked over to Nick and he led me to the dance floor where we danced close to eachother, enjoying to feeling. ~Nicki’s 2nd b-day~ Me and Nick are Still not married but are still strongly in love our son nicki is two and Julie’s daughter Destiny is 1 1/2. “Happy birthday huney.” I said hugging my son. “Tanks mommy.” Nicki said smiling as he opened his thousands upon thousands of presents. I looked at Nick. “What?” He asked. “Nothing.” I said ~Later That Night~ Nicki had a rough day so he was already in bed and we were all sitting around. Julie had just come down from putting Destiny to sleep. I was sleeping on Nick’s lap. “Nick she really loves you.” Brian said as Nick played with my hair. “I know she does.” Nick said softly. “I love her too.” Brian looked at Nick and knew what he ment but Nick still wasn’t ready so Brian dropped it. I woke up and kissed Nick’s neck. He smiled as I hugged him and closed my eyes again. “Want me to carry you to bed huney?” Nick asked smiling. I knodded and Nick took me upstairs put me in bed and put the covers around me. “I’ll be up in a bit.” He whispered. “K I love you.” I said as he smiled. “Love you too.” Nick walked back downstairs and sat next to Brian and Julie. He ran his fingers threw his hair and sat back. “Ya look stressed Nick.” Brian said. “Yeah, I guess. Don’t we have a tour comming up?” Nick asked looking around at the guys. They all nodded and Nick groaned. “I so don’t wanna go.” Nick said burring his head in his hands. The guys looked at eachother and Brian put a hand on Nick’s shoulder. Nick turned around to show the tears running down his face. “You gonna be ok nick?” Howie asked. “Yeah D I’ll be fine, just need a little time alone.” Nick said as he went and sat on the dock by the lake outside. Nick looked out at the darkness and felt someone sit next to him. “Hi daddy.” Nicki whispered. “Hi Nicki.” Nick said putting a arm around his son. “What are you doing up?” Nick asked. “I wanted to see you more since you’re gonna be on tour.” Nicki said whipping his eyes. “I’m gonna miss you daddy.” Nicki cried as Nick picked him up and hugged him. “I’ll miss you too Nicki, but I’ll write and call.” Nick said reassuring his son. “Mommy doesn’t want you to go.” Nick isaid whipping away tears. “Where’d you hear that?” Nick asked. “She was talking to unkle Kev and she said that she’s gonna miss you and she doesn’t want you to go and she wants to get married.” Nicki blurted out and hugged Nick. “Nicki, go back to bed ok?” Nick asked as he took Nicki up to his room. Nicki fell asleep. Nick came into my room and undressed and climbed into bed waking me up. I kissed Nick and he kissed me back noticing my tears. “Huney?” Nick asked. “Do go Nick, I can’t stay 7 months with out you.” I said tears streaming down my face and onto his chest. He just looked at me and hugged me. “I don’t wanna go either but huney I have to for the guys.” Nick whispered and kissed me. Brian over heard and knocked. “Come in.” I yelled as Brian walked in the room. “Nick I kinda over heard you and I feel the same way I don’t wanna go and leave Juliwe with Desy.” Brian said looking at us. “Well lets tell Kev.” Nick whispered. The two men walked out of the room and to find Kev. “Kev?” nick asked. “What Nick.” “Me and Bri kinda have some bad news.” Nick said in a whisper. “Yeah coz it’s too much we have families.” Brian said. “Guys what are you saying?”Kev asked confused. “We don’t wanna be in the BSB anymore.” They said in unison. “Oh.” Kev said. “Well we better tell the others.” “AJ, Howie.”Kev called. “Yeah.” Huh?” AJ asked. “The Backstreet Boys have come to an end.” Nick choked up and ran up to our room. “Yeah, poor kid, well Nick and I have families and we decided that we’re gonna make the best of it.” Brian continued as AJ let a few tears run off his cheeks. They all agreed in the end and went to look for Nick. They opened out door to see Nick sleeping with me rubbing his back. I felt bad for him. He’s 21 and has a child and just gave up his career. “Hi guys.” I whispered. “Hi, is he ok?” AJ sked as he looked at him. “He’ll live.” I said as they left and I fell asleep next to Nick. The next morning I woke up to see Nick crying. He was sobbing into his pillow and when I touched him he’sd shrug me off. “Nick..” I whispered as he looked at me. I wrapped my arms around him and he cried into my shoulder. I rubbed his back and kissed his cheek. “Shhh, Nick it’ll be ok.” I said hugging him to me. I had a good singing voice so I started singing “I’ll Will Be There” By Britney Spears softly in his ear. His cries calmed down and he settled into a sleep. I smiled and a couple of tears ran down my cheeks. I walked downstairs singing “I Will Be There” Brian was standing outside the door that morning so he heard me singing to Nick. “Courty, you are Nick’s angel.” He said looking at me. I gave him a questioning look. “You know how to heal his tears when none of us do.” Brian said as I smiled. “I just love him so much Brian, it hurts me to see him like that.” I said as Brian gave me a comforting hug. I hugged back and Nick walked down. “Nick huney are you ok now?” I asked running over to him. He looked at me and hugged me. He cried into my shoulder. I patted his back and kissed his cheeks. ~Ring Ri.~ “Hello?” Brian asked into the phone. “Is a Miss Heart there?” Dr. Drew asked. “Yes hold please.” Brian said. “Courty it’s for you!” Brian said as I got on the phone. “Hello?” I asked. “Yeas Miss Heart, I’m deeply sorry to tell you your son has cancer and a little over two weeks to live.” the doctor said as I broke out into sobs. “Thank you doctor.” I said hanging up the phone and crying onto Nick telling him everything. Nicki walked downstairs. ~Two Weeks later~ Nicki got really sick and was put in the hospital me and Nick where there everyday with him. He seemed so strong for a two year old. He looked at us both. “Mommy, Daddy, I..I gotta go.” Nicki said breathlessly. “Go go where?” I asked as Nicki looked at me. “Bye I love you both.” Nicki said as his head rolled to the side and he was gone he flat lined. “ Nooo!!!!” I screamed and me and Nick started crying I ran out of the hospital and yelled for all life was worth. ~A week after that.~ “We are gathered here to pronounce two tragic deaths of Courtney Carter and Nicki Carter.” The prist said. I had married Nick two days after Nicki’s death and then shot myself to be with my son. Nick was at home not wanting to go to the funeral. He took the same gun I had and held it up to his head. “This is for you Courty.” Nick said as he pulled the trigger and died instenly. ~Ending~ Everyone is living their liveds with the three tragic deaths and everyone is trying to make the best. THE END ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~comments please e-mail me!!!! or sign my guest book!~ ~By Courty~