|Coming soon, the Pokémon scandals they didn't want you to know! From late night keggers to all night orgies, these cute and cuddly creatures aren't what you think they are! Below are just a few examples of the things that go on in the world of Pokémon that Nintedo doesn't want you to know about. Some are innocent, like the love between two young teenagers, while others are sick and disgusting. I suggest that you don't go on any further if you have a weak stomach.|
Just what do Pokémon get up to in their spare time? Do they sing? Dance? Maybe they draw or read a book... if you guessed one of those, well you're sadly mistaken.
Pokémon are sick and twisted little creatures when not on camera or playing in your video games. They will stop at nothing to have a good time. Sex, drugs, you name it.. these creatures will try it, and love it.
Case in point, the secret midnight Pokémon orgie get together. A haven for the sex starved Pokémon that only come outside at night. Just what does it take to get into one of these little sexcapades? A little inside info, and a buddy named Pikachu on the inside. Litteraly.
Our undercover photographer, dressed as a Mr. Mime was invited to one of these Pokémon orgies by our inside Pokémon, and the sights he saw were enough to kill a man.
"I thought that maybe we'd all join hands and sing around a campfire, or Charmander's tail," our photograpgher reported, "I had no idea what was in store for me. Pikachu led me down a dark hallway where I could hear the cries of Oddish and Lapras. I knew that something wasn't right, but I went along anyway. I mean, I had a job to do. I couldn't abandon my post, not now! Not ever.
"It was just so disturbing. I knew I was going to see some sights that day, but I wasn't informed that I was going to the biggest Pokémon orgy. I thought maybe to one of the little ones, the ones that Proffesor Oak throws when his assistants are on vacations and he wants to get friendly with all the Pokémon at his lab, but this was just beyong a Prof. Oak Pokémon Orgy... this was HUGE!"
Huge indeed. Almost all 251 of the little animals were there for the orgy. Mewtwo lead the whole thing, sitting atop his golden throne, while Jynx and Clefable pleasured him in every way possible. Mew was there, with her boyfriend Shandshrew (see picture above) but it wasn't a totally monogamous relationship for the two.
"At first I thought it was cute that Mew was getting along so well with that little Sandshrew, but suddenly she just flew up and landed on Mewtwo's lap, and... boy, I don't even wanna get into what they got up to" our photographer told us, close to puking, "it was just sick. I mean, Meowth was licking his own tail! HIS OWN TAIL!! I feel sick just thinking about it. And I don't even want to get into what Eevee was doing. She is a little slut.
"There were just so many different types of Pokémon and they all were just so into their own thing. It's hard to believe that children play with those things. I mean, Farfetch'd, he had his piece of celery stuck right up his butt! Right up there! I know your Pokédex will tell ya that they use those things to build nests and to defend themselves, but it's a lie! It's just a sex-toy!"
But not all Pokémon wanted to be there. "Oddish... I could tell that she didn't like what was going on, yet her boyfriend Butterfree didn't care. It was so sad... he was all over the little turnip head. I wanted to cry... then I looked back at Meowth and wanted to puke again, so it kinda canceled itself out."
So now the whole world knows just what goes on at these little "Pokémon orgies" and maybe you'll all think twice before you tuck that Pikachu doll into bed with your three year old at bedtime. We're not trying to say that all Pokémon are sex-craving lunatics... but it's gotta be hard not to think of sex when you don't have any genitals.
Maybe the people over at GAMEFREAK took things a little too far when they introduced Pokémon breeding in Gold and Silver. It seems that the Pokémon have taken a liking to the love making... and are now doing it every possible chance.
|Story coming soon|
|Story coming soon|