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Gas Tank Removal

This is info for anyone who has never taken a gas tank out. Mine came out without TOO much bitching, but again, it will vary. Some of you jerks* out there with rust free cars in Arizona will have nothing to worry about. Cars like mine are held together with rust and are impossible to dismantle without using Sawzall's, impact wrenches, and propane torches.

Step 1. Remove as much fuel from the tank as you can. This can be done a few ways. The cheapest (and best, in my opinion) is to go to Ace, True-Value, Fart & Fleet, etc. and get yourself what is called a "Jackrabbit" pump. I think this is the name brand, not sure. Anyway, it beats the tar / piss out of the traditional Suck and Spit method (would rather leave that to the ladies, wink-wink nudge-nudge). Now, here is the clever part: unbolt or cut the rubber hose that connects the gas tank's nozzle to the fuel line, and while you are in that neighborhood, cut the vapor lines (right next to eachother) for a total of 3 hose connections. Attach the included hoses of the "Jackrabbiit" (they slip on perfectly) to their respective places - "intake" to gas tank nozzle and "exhaust" to a good safe fuel can. Also, while you are at it, do the same for the fuel line.

Step 2. Disconnect the filler neck. I have heard that the filler neck detaches somehow, but even with the tank out, I couldn't wrench it out. It's not a big deal anyway, just unbolt the single, solitary 1/2" bolt that hangs the neck up. Next, take your "utility" (beat) flat head screwdriver - everyone should have one - and slide the business end into that little 3 sided-upside-down-trabezoid crimp (go look at it, that's what it is). A good 2 or three turns or prys should loosen the strap enough to allow the neck hanger to be pulled out. Now, when you go to pull the tank, the filler neck just slides out.

Step 3. If your car has been sitting around for a year + like mine has, ditch the gas. Although this is ESPECIALLY hard to do here in Chicago (I threw about $10 away today), its not a good idea to run your car on bad gas. Save it for the lawn-mower (or Honda) and you will be able to cut grass (or drive your Honda) for about 6 years. I hate Hondas.

Step 4. Now for the fun stuff. Look to the front of the tank (closest to the axle housing) and follow the two straps up to where they meet with the body. See those bolts? Dollars to doughnuts says those are rusted pretty bad. Anyway, get something to hold the gas tank up after the bolts are cut (in my case, a small floor jack and a patio furniture table) and place it under there. Get the Sawzall fired up (or simply unbolt, you Arizona bastards) and slice those two bolts. The straps should just fall down. Now, take out all of your anger (from getting immense amounts of crap in your eyes - SAFETY GOGGLES are good) on the straps by yanking the crap out of them at the other end (bumper side). Seriously, if you are going to keep them, be patient and wrestle them out. They come to a T at the filler end, so they must be angled to come out, no biggie there.

Step 5: Since your tank is supported, just lower it down and out, keeping in mind that the filler neck is still probably in the hole. And, since the gas tank will still have about a quarter gallon of un-siphoned gas, just turn it upside down and empty it out into your container - using a funnel is a big plus. An empty gas tank is really not that heavy at all and can be managed by even the biggest of wussies (like me). But as we all know, there are no wussies that drive C-bodies. I mean, pushing 4,000+ lbs when the bitch breaks keeps our muscles big and strong! Ha ha ha.

* = Ok, so you aren't jerks, I'm just pissed and jealous that your cars are rust free. Seriously, I have relatives in AZ. Sorry your basketball team sucks though!