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1/25/00: The next step (?)

Call me childish, nerdy, and a big loser, or whatever, but making a webpage that pisses people off is still funny to me. Is it a waste of time? Probably. But is it fun? Yes. So would you say that watching (funny) SNL or going to (fun) Great America are wastes of time too? I doubt it.

To date, I've "scored" another Honda-Whore conversation, this time with a bit of closure. It's been about 2 weeks since the "scandal" exploded onto the pathetic Des Plaines scene, and as you may know by now, absolutely NOTHING has happened. I haven't been brought to court by Maine West or anyone else, the DP Anal-Explorers haven't come after me, nor will they.

Back to closure: Although the kid I spoke with is only about a 3 in terms of Honda Whorishness (1 being lowest, 10 being highest), I still had a spot of fun with him. Read on!

First, I'm Skantron3, and the other kid's name is withheld. I heard a strongly backed rumor that this kid literally beats on girls, which added to my being pissed about his gay ass car. So I start the convo off, and he replies with the usual threat:

Skantron 2: whats up wifebeater
(Name withheld): FUCK OFF I'LL BEAT YOU ASS
Skantron 2: fuck off, beat my ass??
Skantron 2: come on man, why you gotta play me like that
Skantron 2: sorry dude, you're right
Skantron 2: but its ok, i remain faithful that you are able to beat my ass, since you've kicked so much girl ass already
Skantron 2: gotcha

(Ok, I'm already inside this guy's head by now.)

Skantron 2: oh, whatever happened to mr police explorer homo and his faggy brigade?
Skantron 2: anything?
Skantron 2: im sorry you guys couldnt pin anything on me
Skantron 2: it would have been smooth
(Name withheld): IM NOT
Skantron 2: you're not sorry?
(Name withheld): NO

(He's not sorry? Look what he adds next:)

(Name withheld): YOUR A LOSER

(This is all he could resort to)

Skantron 2: yeah, i am
Skantron 2: i knew that already
Skantron 2: whats your point?
Skantron 2: i see
(Name withheld): IT DIDNT BOTHER ME

(I'm sure it didn't.)

Skantron 2: well, you certainly want to beat my ass
Skantron 2: therefore you care about me
Skantron 2: and i care about you too, baby
Skantron 2: we dont have to fight like this
Skantron 2: come back to bed
(Name withheld): YOUR TURNIG ME ON!!!!!!!!

(I must be doing something right.)

Skantron 2: wow, neat
(Name withheld): YEP
Skantron 2: so, what else turns you on
(Name withheld): BEATING YOUR ASS

(Another threat.)

Skantron 2: is that a fact
Skantron 2: moving on to a sex that can defend themselves? big man
Skantron 2: btw, you're like 90 - 100 lbs of pure muscle, right?

(This kid really does only weigh 100 lbs)

Skantron 2: thats ok, your low body weight lowers your honda's race weight right?
(Name withheld): hell yea
(Name withheld): you know everything
Skantron 2: i know man
(Name withheld): honda love

(By now, he's releived that I've changed the subject from his scrawniness (and "beating my ass") to Honda's

Skantron 2: american love
Skantron 2: rear wheel drive love
(Name withheld): having fun in the snow
(Name withheld): rear wheel drive and all
Skantron 2: heyo yeah, donut power
(Name withheld): its fun to dis hondas isnt it
Skantron 2: hondas, as purely transportation vehicles, are great enigneered machines
Skantron 2: when fags like you make them into "race cars" they become shitty
(Name withheld): fag huh
(Name withheld): shitty huh
Skantron 2: yes, and, wait, no, yes
Skantron 2: so, do you think you're pulling maybe 100 hp at the wheels?
Skantron 2: i mean, the eyebrow adds 30 horses
(Name withheld): the eyebrow is not for power

(The eyebrow is not for power. Like I didn't already know that.)

(Name withheld): your just jelous a honda race ready car could kick a american race ready cars ass

(Here's where it really starts)

Skantron 2: umm, i dont understand.....the fastest honda does MAYBE tens, the fastest american doorslammer runs high 7's
Skantron 2: you will never be able to afford even a 13 second honda
(Name withheld): ok
(Name withheld): im not poor

(Poor or not, I don't think even mommy or daddy would spend the $30,000 it costs to make a real Honda race machine (if you can call it that), with a full Chromo-tube frame and a WELL-BUILT motor. These are the guys that really do run Hondas in the 10's and actually have a motor left over after the 600 Horsepower Nitrous Boost)

Skantron 2: meanwhile, my 30 year old american car runs 14s now
Skantron 2: i paid $1000 for it
(Name withheld): good and it is still a piece of shit
Skantron 2: hey it looks like a Pos, but itll smoke your ass

(My car has bad paint, but it's WAY fast; the total opposite of Hondas)

(Name withheld): all moter!
Skantron 2: getting a honda into the 13s costs about $5000
Skantron 2: depending on how you do it
Skantron 2: but, at the same time, you are ruining your motor
Skantron 2: btw motor is spelled with an "o"
(Name withheld): how
Skantron 2: umm, any sort of induction other than natural prematurely wrecks the engine
(Name withheld): no turbos, on nos
Skantron 2: yeah, my car has neither of those things, and it's still faster than yours
(Name withheld): integra type R moter with bolt ons
(Name withheld): my car will run 13s easy
Skantron 2: and how much is that?
Skantron 2: because, with that $5000 i could be running 12s no problem
Skantron 2: and my motor will last 150,000 miles
(Name withheld): $3300
(Name withheld): so will mine
(Name withheld): honda motors last longe than yours
Skantron 2: you are probably right, a brand new honda 4 cylinder will go 200k miles, if you dont nitrous or turbo it
(Name withheld): i know
Skantron 2: on 4 cylinders, id be impressed if your car went high 15s
Skantron 2: naturally aspirated
(Name withheld): ok
(Name withheld): you know everything

(Obviously he's being sarcastic. If this kid knows ANYTHING, then he knows that what I'm telling him is the sad truth: There are no 13 second normally aspirated, streetable 4-cylinder ANYTHINGS!

Skantron 2: some guy spent $17000 on his civic in Car and Driver, and it ran mid 15s
Skantron 2: i have the article
Skantron 2: and i laughed my ass off when i saw it
Skantron 2: and he actually races it
Skantron 2: then i laughed more
Skantron 2: because he didnt spend it all on effects or a stereo or fart caps or neon lights or spoilers or gay body kits

(Pulling out the big guns. This is actually a true story, right out of the pages of Car and Driver. I'm not sure what month it was, but when I find it, look for it here on the site!)

(Name withheld): thats actually funny
Skantron 2: how, its all true
(Name withheld): seriously

("Seriously, dude?? Totally dumbfounded)

Skantron 2: yeah, no bullshit
Skantron 2: read the last moths issue of C&D

(Now I really go in for the kill)

Skantron 2: $17,000 gets an american car into low 11's / high tens street legally, on pump gas, and reliably
Skantron 2: there are no street legal 10 or 11 second hondas
Skantron 2: and reliable
(Name withheld): true
Skantron 2: ok, now you see my point

(He folds! But read on; it gets worse!)

(Name withheld): the thing is i like american cars and imports, my thing is imports right know
(Name withheld): im not a die hard honda freak like the (King Honda WHORES of DP)
(Name withheld): i bought my car cheap and for relyability

(This is not made up...Beaten by the fact that his car is not fast and will never be fast, he then somehow claims to not be a die-hard Honda kid anymore. What a spineless bitch)

Skantron 2: we cant stand it when kids take hondas and put all kinds of gay shit on them....if you spent your money on actually making it fast and had it look 100% stock with no stickers, id respect that
Skantron 2: all that gay crap added to it makes people laugh at it
Skantron 2: if your car ran 11s and had no gay stickers, spoilers, fog lights, fart caps, or anything, id respect it

(I would respect a total stock looking "sleeper" honda that ran 11s.)

(Name withheld): stickers are for the purpose of showing off what parts i use
Skantron 2: thats fine too, but gay japanese stickers are stupid

(Technically, smaller stickers with name brands are ok...look at any muscle car with stickers on it like "JEGS," "MOROSO," etc.)

(Name withheld): yeah i know
(Name withheld): the chinese symbols
(Name withheld): what the fuck is that

(Wow! He agrees on that too!)

Then it goes on, yadda yadda yadda, and this is long enough anyway, so I'll just end here: This kid went from being diehard Honda to accepting Honda's non-speed shittiness. So maybe my webpage wasn't a total waste of time, if I've showed a kid that Honda's aren't fast. Also, the idea of breaking up the convo was Brian's of the Rice Boy Page.