Part 1

Still Home




My name’s Tori, and for school, we are required to keep a diary. I don’t want to, but the teacher wants me to, so I guess I have to. I only write because it flows so easily. Writing just kind of pours from my veins, and it is the only way I can truly express myself. Most people don’t know me too well. I’m just that quiet girl in class, who can never shut up after class. I kind of come off as preppy, in a first impression, shallow even. I’m not; I’m a very deep person. I often write poetry, and I keep a diary, and I’m writing a book. The poetry is about only my feelings, as for the diary, well, I just write about everything in my day and how I feel about it, and then, the book, basically just to entertain myself. I need something to escape myself. For some people, it’s T.V., but television is so overrated. I’ll write my diary entries here, but promise not to laugh. This is my diary at school, so I guess I’ll copy the last entry from my diary at home, and I won’t write dates in this diary, it’s not a document. The teacher wanted us to, so I won’t.

“February 23, 2003

Dear Diary,

Life sucks. Well, not completely, I still have my boyfriend, Kevan, and to think I almost lost him too. I don’t really feel like explaining that now, though. Kevan Trevor Lakes is one of the few good things in life I have. I didn’t appreciate him, until I almost lost him. I wrote him an e-mail, after keeping my feelings of confusion and suspicion inside for way too long, saying I thought we should break up. He loves me, and forgave me, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t. That day, he lost a beloved relative, and went to a funeral, after getting my message. I feel horrible for inflicting that pain upon him. He loves me so much, though, and we’ll spend even more time together this summer. I hope we’ll get to see eachother a lot. No matter what, we will.
The only good thing in my life is the Sisterhood, which I feel is falling apart. Lei Alexa, and I are part of it. There are seven of us, though four we haven’t yet found. We’re like best friends, and stuff. I can’t really talk about it here, though incase someone were to find this.
Life sucks. All As and one B in P.E. That dumb ass bitch, Mrs., Fucker made me get a B+, because I missed running the mile. Great, not honor roll…at least I’m not perfect. I wish it weren’t P.E…I wish it were in like Science or something.
You know why else life sucks? Danika and Catherine are bitches to me, like they were in 6th grade. They call me a girly girl, even though I hardly ever wear skirts unless I can’t help it. I haven’t been shopping in a while, because my mom has been working a lot, so I don’t have much clothes now. I’m forced to wear skirts.
My piano recital was shit. I sucked completely, and might as well have been playing with my feet. Actually it was my feet’s fault. I kept my foot on the pedal and never raised it, so the whole piece sounded like a crappy mess. I got home and I played the song over and over perfectly each time, but for some reason I couldn’t at the recital.
The book I am writing is now one hundred and ten pages, which I’m proud of.”

Now, my book is actually one hundred and fifteen. Well, anyways, my life is screwed up, and I still feel that way. Everything is falling apart. I haven’t heard from Kevan for a long time. Actually, I hadn’t heard from him after something happened. I guess I can describe it here. She said she wouldn’t read these diaries (the teacher, I mean) so I guess it’s safe. I’ve wanted to write it.
You see, Kevan is twenty-one and I’m fourteen. He expects a lot from me. Yesterday, he picked me up after school. He’s in college so we went to his dorm. I’m kind of confused about how it happened, but I guess I have to tell you. You see, we went to a dance club. I got really drunk, wine, it was and I wanted to impress him, so I had five tall glasses. He slowly started removing my clothes, and I was aware of it, but what could I do. By then, he’d completely undressed me.
“Bend over, slut!” he exclaimed, “And spread your ass!”
So I did. I didn’t know what else to do. Then, he grabbed it, and started touching me all over.
He ripped his clothes off, and stuck his dick up my pussy.
“Come on, bitch!” he exclaimed, “Fuck me good!”
So, I layed on the bed. He made me spread my legs, and stuck his dick into me.

Email: torianne@redwall.net