An Undying Love

Memories

• Wanting, but never getting to play with your hat at Finley
• The first time we ever held hands and how it still gives me chills
• You wanting to kiss me but being too shy so i had to kiss you on the cheek first
• Standing on the bridge at Yough Glades and our mutral surprise and fear
• Going to your softball games and meeting your parents for the first time -- and your homerun that I wouldn't have seen if I hadn't fought with my parents
• At Morgantown - eating oranges and celery and surprising us both
• Walking through the water at Swallow Falls and carrying our clothes on our shoulders
• Broadford in the rain - and how we always said that we could get married in the rain because of those memories
• Showing up at Frostburg on a half day to surprise you
• Sitting on the carpet in the living room waiting for lines to show up on a piece of plastic and worring about the consequences
• All of the dances and being your "Angel"
• You bringing me a coloring book and crayons (and lots of candy) when I hurt my knee - and then being my personal trainer to get me back into shape
• Teaching you to cross-country ski and sled-riding together (crashing into the drifts on Vincent's driveway
• You signing "I love you" at my band concert while I was up on stage...making me so happy and teary-eyed I couldn't play
• Going downhill skiing and being so proud of you when you could make it without falling (much...)
• Biking at OhioPile, putting our feet in the water... and ohh... that chipmunk!
• The agonizing days and nights when we coudn't be together and we drempt of our "Someday"
• Sneaking off every chance we got so we could be alone
• Studying biology together - you helped so much and it was so sweet
• Driving all the way from Frostburg to be my soccer coach, hoping for a few stolen moments
• "Wow" kisses and our movie kisses
• My parents finally coming around and approving of us
• The valentine cards I made you and that hat that you always defend
• Camping together... making food, a fire, and so much more
• Trying not to kiss eachother when we're sick so as not to spred it, but not being able to resist
• Being clingy
• My beautiful and precious necklace and ring
• Playing tennis - and making you kiss me whenever I got discouraged
• The basketball game at Northern; holding hands behind folded arms so noone saw - and stupid Bethany who flirted with you
• Breaking your car and lots of footprints
• The journal you gave me before I went to France... and those flowers... oh my god those flowers
• Playing in my stream and "following it" until my parents came looking for us
• Making breakfast together - I've never had such wierd sausage
• Planning the perfect wedding that merged both our religions
• Staying up until 2 am talking on ICQ when my parents were away - and sneaking over!
• Dancing on your bed, so sweet I cried
• Sitting by the water at Yough Glades deciding that my parents could never break us up
• Finally being able to stay the night and waking up in your arms
• Spit
• Sticking my finger up your nose and making you bleed
• Carrying me when my knee was hurt and we were going ramping
• Playing a mean trick on me - and having it backfire when I tossed the pepper over the railing at UNOs
• "I could go on... so many things I miss now that you're gone, your love, oh yes, I always liked that best..."

  These past few years have been the best of my life. We've had our ups and our downs - we've laughed and cried, but through it all we've both always known that it wasn't the end - that it would never be the end. And I think we both know that now. Your presense has kept me strong and happy - I want to do the same for you. Please accept my appology and my promice to fill the rest of your life with smiles not tears and with love sweet love until the end of our days.

Listen to me

Bon Jovi- Next 100 Years

Ben Folds - The Luckiest

Westlife - Queen of my Heart

Stevie Wonder - I just called to say I love you

Thoughts

If I had to write a poem to save my love would the words come out right?

Or would they crumble as they escaped my eager lips?

Can words discribe emotions... not base emotions, but pure, coverless, full...

"I wish I had the words to say I love you..." I wrote a poem about that when I was really young - maybe elementary school. It was called "The Three Hardest Things to Say" I only remember two... "I love you." "I'm sorry." Funny how that works out. It was a horrible poem... but maybe I knew something back then.

Whispers. Dreams.

I remember other times when the words would flow... I think back to my favorite poems I've written... so many poems about you. Good and Bad. You inspire me.

If I could write the perfect poem would it rhyme? Would it have to?

Would it have to contain words? Can I describe?...

I wait for a computerized ding/singing/ring/bell. Is that a pathetic existance? Is any existance pathetic if it contains a hope of a continued life with you?

What if it never comes? Can I wait forever? Love goes on forever.

Our love was susposed to. We fight, but I never doubted. Why? People say you don't marry your first love. People can be wrong. I hope... I get up to check for the absent ding.

I am falling apart.

The sun sets, but it can not possibly set on our relationship.

If a poem could save our love,--- I would dedicate every second to its making.--- I look for inspiration from above,--- And relief from our mutral aching.

If words could express my pain,--- If they could but mend yours--- Apart, this wound will never heal.--- Stranded - a boat without oars---

Rhymes do not show Truth. Words, Poems do not create Truth. Truth is. Can Truth be captured? Can Love, Life be captured?

Truth... I love you. I'm sorry.

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I remember now... the three hardest words to say... "I love you," "I'm sorry," ..... "Good-bye"

I wish I could tell you how much I miss you. I feel so empty and alone, a shell. I want to call you this instant and run into your arms crying. I want you to wrap me up in your arms and hold me as only you know how. I want things to go back to the way they were. But I know that these wishes are in vain. If that were to happen, nothing would change. We would go back to being the way we are, uncomfortable and unappreciative of eachother. We need this time. We need the time to think. To get to know ourselves as we are apart and then see how we fit into eachother's lives. We need to decide if we're willing to change, if we're willing to give more. We need to decide if love is enough. I don't know where this will lead us. But I want you to know, in case I don't get to tell you again, that I love you. That I haven't stopped. That I will never stop. No matter where you are in life, think of me, and know that I'm loving you. Be strong Steve.

Sometimes I feel funny about this whole thing. I look at it from a distance. I think things have changed, but I hope they have changed in a good way - a way that will keep us together and keep us strong. Something I wanted to tell you but never get a moment - a wierd thought - sometimes before I think I never considered breaking up because it would be too complicated - telling everyone, dealing with being apart. But after this, I'm less afraid of it. And it brings a wierd feeling in. Because I know that we could break up, and I realize a very simple thing - I don't want to. I'm happy staying with you, working through the problems and the pain. coming through the muck and finding paradice together. I want to stay with you not because it makes sense (although it does) or because it's easy (although it is) but because I love you.