S I T E
webmistress: Christi
since: Jan 4, 2003

D I S C L A I M E R
These are my poems, my useless thoughts and ramblings. If you know me, they may be about you. They may not be. Many times they are based on real people and real situations. Other times they are not. Other times they are about you, but they are so exagerated that they aren't about you anymore. Deal with it. They capture whatever is going on in my mind at the current moment. If you can't take that then go the hell away. And don't start fights with me about what you see here. No one said it was about you anyway, did they?

M A K E - M E - S M I L E
if you want to make me smile, tell me what you think. IM me or e-mail me and let me know what you think.

C O N T A C T
Email Me: ditzachinoflrt09@yahoo.com
AIM: ditzachinoflrt09
Thanks: blogger




Wednesday, October 26, 2005

she looked over her old thoughts
all those dreams that they would be together forever
but she noticed something different
as she read over her past life
she realized she saw the end
before it ever came
months in advance even
and even though she had been prepared
when the end finally came to reality
she hadn't been ready for the pain
she hadn't been ready for the harsh things
he said in the weeks before hand
she never expected him to be like that
but as time went on she knew
she would learn to trust again
she would learn to watch herself more careful
and maybe next time
she would learn to read in between the lines
to stop her heart from breaking
before it ever really began

christi wasted more thoughts 8:35 PM


Monday, February 28, 2005

She loved him.
She loved him more than she ever thought it was possible to love someone.
But one day there was a fight.
Words were said that were never meant and he was gone.
Out into the cold, dark night she walked.
Contemplating his words, considering her actions.
Letting the tears freeze to her face as the snow fell around her.
She followed the footprints back to her home and noticed that his walked away in a direction she could never follow.

Years later she started her career.
A popular deejay on the local radio station.
She grew in fame and met many bands, always wondering if she'd see him again.
And everyone offered to set her up on this date and that.
But they never felt right to her becuase the dates were never with him.

And then one day he appeared.
The guitarist for the new local band.
She interviewed them and remained cool, barely giving him a look of recognition.
And as he walked away for the second time, she felt her heart sink.
Another member said "Join us at the party tonight" and she started to decline.
But she saw the look in his eyes as she started her denial and offered to rearrange plans.
She left work in a hurry and dressed herself up right.
She went to the party and smiled politiely as his family hugged her.
She went to the bar as the band began to play and she felt his eyes on her as the vocalist sang.

"You were the first girl I ever cared for/ And you're the one I always wanted to be ther for/
And when those words were said and done/ I wished we could go back to day one/
I never wanted to spend a day without you by my side/ Every day I've been without you I have sat and cried
It wasn't over then and I still isn't over for me/ So won't you take me back, baby, please?"

And she looked into his eyes and saw the pain.
And she put her hand to her cheek to feel where the tears had left their permanent stain.
She whispered "yes" and she saw him grin.
And for the first time in years she felt complete again.
And they left the party, his arms around her once more, and picked up where they were once before.
And from that day forward, they never did part.
And they lived happily ever after, with their fresh new start.

christi wasted more thoughts 11:38 PM


Sunday, February 27, 2005

it's hard to understand you at times
no, i shouldn't say that
it's hard to understand me
i understand you perfectly

you tell me to do things,
not in a "this is an order" way,
but you tell me things to protect me
from being hurt over and over again

and yet time and time again i choose
to ignore you and risk my heart again
i don't know why i do it
or why i get angry at you when i do

i know you don't like to see me hurt
but i don't like to see others in pain either
and i can't just ignore them when they're hurting
i don't know why i'm making excuses though

because i know you're right all along
i don't know what i'm saying anymore
i've gone and confused myself again
and that's why i love you in my life

you make everything make sense

christi wasted more thoughts 12:39 PM




hold me close
don't let me go
i'm scared you know
to be alone

i can't stay away
i need you to be near
don't let in lonliness
for that's what i fear

i can't take a moment
thinking you odn't care
that's just to much
for this frail girl to bear

so please don't reject me
make sure you'll never leave
because if you ever did
i'd give up the world to grieve

and i don't want to waste my life
crying tears over you
that's why you should stay with me
please, it's the only thing i ask of you

christi wasted more thoughts 12:25 PM




i want to be with you
to hear you breathing next to me
to feel your arms around me
to receive a kiss on the cheek

i need to be near you
so i can find my "happy place"
so i can relieve this stress
so i can finally be calm again

christi wasted more thoughts 12:19 PM


Friday, December 31, 2004

another year ending
a new one about to begin
my second new year with him
and my second new year as a college kid
my nineteenth new year alive

so much has happened this year
so many relationships have changed
so many people have shifted
so many many things different
than all the years before

and next year will be the same
while everything is completely different
new experiencs, new ideas
new paths for us to take every day
new lives for us to lead

and maybe this new year will be better
or maybe it will be worse
no one can say for sure right now
it's starting off on a sour note
but that can change quickly

so here's a toast for the nights to come
and a toast to the nights that have passed
a wish on a star for all good things
and as the clock countsdown
i wish for you that this year be amazing


christi wasted more thoughts 1:21 AM


Saturday, November 20, 2004

jealousy
that green-eyed monster
that ruins relationships of all kinds
it's the only explanation
for the dirty looks and nasty glares
at least the only one i can think of
i've found a new friend
and you don't want to be replaced
but if you keep up this way you will be
not because of her, because of you
because you are driving me insane
and i can only speculate it's because you're jealous
but even if it's not
could you at least talk to me
and let me know what the hell is going on?

christi wasted more thoughts 4:35 PM




i'm much calmer now than i was at 1 am
but it doesn't change the way i feel



i cannot live with this anymore
you're nasty to me and i don't know you



you make me feel like i'm such a bitch
when i can't figure out what i did wrong



you tell me things are fine and things feel like last year
only to be shattered in moments when your next mood swing occurs



i don't know what you want me to do anymore
you're stressed out i understand that, i have been too



but i don't sit here giving you dirty looks for making small talk
i don't sit here by myself, refusing to have fun when people go out



i'm enjoying my time here and i'm making new friends
maybe that's what this problem is.... jealousy



but i guess i'll never know
because you'll just sit there and glare at me and never say a word

christi wasted more thoughts 4:30 PM




ok i think i've got it this time
clear-cut and concise...

your attitude - unbearable
your mood swings - annoying
listening to you bitch about a mess you didn't clean - ridiculous
trying to talk to you just to be glared at - upsetting
having fun times like last year - amazing
enjoying ourselves and having fun again - awesome
feeling guilty about bitching to everyone - bad
dealing with your bad attitudes and mood swings - stressful
wondering what i did to make you hate me constantly - upsetting
discovering your hypocrises - frusturating

but how long is it going to be until you grow up and talk to someone about these problems?
how much longer until we find a solution that works?
because i'll tell you now, i'm not leaving the suite that my lottery number got us with the suitemates i picked out for us
i'm having fun here, if you don't like that go fuck yourself
i'm not going to give up my good times for you
but i do want you to drop your attitude, it's not wanted or needed
and if you have a problem with me tell me to my face
i'm sick of your bullshit
and i don't want to stress myself out anymore
my stress is over
and if you don't like that
go live somewhere else.

christi wasted more thoughts 1:47 AM




another sleepless night
stressing over this crap
i can't believe someone who is supposed to be my friend
would put me through all of this
how am i supposed to enjoy my life
when i have you acting like a bitch all the time?
you're not a morning person and you have bad days constantly
you're always stressed out and don't do anything about it
you drive people crazy with your mood swings and attitudes
ok, so it's mainly me you drive crazy
but it's completely unfair to me!
why do i have to be subjected to this?
and don't say i'm your roommate, i'll just have to deal
no i don't and i don't want to anymore
if it wasn't so close to break i'd kick you out
find someone else to deal with you because i won't take it anymore
i can tell you right now if this attitude isn't gone by january
i will be calling RAs and getting you moved
i found us suitemates and my lottery number got us the room
i like where i am i just don't like your attitudes
and i'm not going to leave my friends because of your
fucked up whiny little bitch excuses
because i'm sorry but you can't flip out about the mess on the floor
unless you were the one sitting on your ass cleaning it up
and you weren't
I WAS
so get the fuck over it already!!!!!!!!!!!!

christi wasted more thoughts 1:39 AM




it seems you're all i think about lately
and i don't mean that as a compliment
you're stressing me out and it's not fair
because all i've ever done is try to make
your life easier or better for you
i've tried to be a friend
i've tried being quiet when i know it's your day
to sleep in late and not have classes
but i can't deal with this attitude anymore
it seems all i do is piss you off
and you don't want to hate me
but i'm sick of being the friend who gets shit on
and that's how i feel
i've told you in the past i'll be here if you need me
but all you need me for is a punching bag
and i don't appreciate this crap
you're a fucking hypocrit
yelling when people don't clean up
after themselves in the suite of eight girls
but then you leave your crap around anyway
you freak out over little stupid things
that you don't even take care of in the end
yes that mess has been sitting there for a while
but i cleaned it up today, not you
i'm the one who sat on the floor for five minutes
with a bottle of windex and paper towels
wiping until the spot was clean
you just bitched about it for three weeks
and then threatened to throw it in someone's bed
if it ever happened again
it's happened twice so far this year, that's not too bad
when you have eight girls plus friends and boyfriends
things get messy at times, it sucks but it happens
i don't know what else you want me to say
but i'm tired of your bullshit
and i'm tired that it's always directed at me
it's not fair
grow the fuck up already



christi wasted more thoughts 1:30 AM


Sunday, October 31, 2004

why am i even wasting my time?
trying to get you to join the fun
when you'd obviously rather not
it seems like you enjoy being alone
even though we all want you to join us
if it's about drinking, don't worry
yes, we'll probably try to convince you
to have a beer with us
but if you really don't want to
we'll stop harassing you soon
because we know how you act
but honestly i'm sick of these games
i don't know what i've done wrong
is it because my mom came up
while you weren't here
and took everyone to the mall?
is it because i'm having fun this year?
because i'm not afraid to go out and party
and to laugh and to drink and
to enjoy living with my new suitemates
everyone can see how upset you are
but no one knows how to approach you
i don't know what i've done wrong
and i feel like this is all my fault somehow
but i know deep down that it has
absolutely nothing to do with me
it's all you and your problems
i just get them taken out on me i guess
but there's not much more i can do
i've already held your hand through
a simple task like talking to the registrar
about taking your extra classes
and i try to include you when we as a suite
try to do something together
but apparently you don't want that
you'd rather get mad at those of us
who go out and have fun
then join the crowd and enjoy yourself
and it's not like you've never
gone out drinking with friends before
you pass yourself off as someone
who goes out drinking all the time
with your school and camp friends
but i don't know how to handle this
so i'm just going to say i'm here
if you want to talk instead of get mad at me
and if your problem is me just say it
we'll work things out like friends do
but i'm not going to let you drag me down
i'm not going to let you treat me this way
it won't happen anymore
i refuse
and that's that

christi wasted more thoughts 9:29 AM


Sunday, October 03, 2004

i'm so sorry for everything i said and did
whatever it was that upset you i apologize for ten-fold
i never want to feel this way again
so upset i could cry even though i don't know what to be upset about
so scared that something bad is goingto come out of this,
that everything will be my fault

christi wasted more thoughts 9:32 AM




i'm scared of a lot of things
i'm scared of what could have happened last night
i'm scared of what you may have done
i'm scared of why you did it
i'm scared of what's happening to you
i'm scared that something bad is going to happen
because as i see it, no good can come of this
i'm so scared that i could lose you
either from your stupidity or mine
i'm so scared that something bad is going to happen
please God just tell me he's okay
and that we'll be okay
because all I really want
is to spend the rest of my life with him in his arms
and now i'm scared
that it's not going to happen

christi wasted more thoughts 8:43 AM




sick to my stomach
my minds in a daze
can't concentrate on anything
all my thoughts are you
so confused by what's happening
just waiting for your call
i need to know what's going on
so i'll sit here and wait
for as long as it takes
but i'll let you know
i'm getting impatient

christi wasted more thoughts 8:38 AM




have you ever been so scared
that you could barely sleep at night?

have you ever been so worried about someone
that you just wanted to break down and cry?

have you ever just wanted to know
what the hell went on when i wasn't there?

have you ever been so terrified
that you lost what you thought you had forever?

christi wasted more thoughts 8:19 AM




and i try to do my work
to distract me of thoughts of you
but it's not going to work
you're all i think about
every moment, every hour, every day
you are the best thing to ever happen to me
and i'm terrified at what happened last night
i'm just so scared to lose you...



i love you

christi wasted more thoughts 8:17 AM




i don't know if i'm shaking because of the cold
or because i don't know what's happening anymore
all of my dreams feel like they're crashing down
and running out the back door
and i don't want this to be the end
of what i believed would be longer than forever
but i'm so scared that we're hurting ourselves
like cancer, slowly killing ourselves from the inside
and i don't want to just back down
and give up without a fight
but i'm so tired from staying up a
nd thinking about what's going wrong
i'm so scared something happened
that i'm not going to want to hear
and the part that pisses me off is that you didn't want me
to do what you ended up doing
take your own advice you asshole
but see, now i feel bad
i don't want to be mad at you, but i don't know what to feel right now
i'm so confused, so torn apart, i can't wait for you to call
i'm angry and sad, upset and hurt, i want to cry and scream
but it's only eight in the morning and the rest of the suite is asleep
so i can't do any of that now. i'll just have to settle for sitting in the lounge
typing out my heart onto my stupid little webpage
waiting for you to call me
and break my heart with what you say

christi wasted more thoughts 8:03 AM


Site hosted by Angelfire.com: Build your free website today!