Set to my previous standards, it had
already been a bad week. It was
Tuesday morning, my depression was already in full gear and now my phone was
ringing. I looked at the clock; it
said 9:05 am, who in the world was calling me at this hour.
Then again, who knew I was home. Stranded
by a broken down car, struck by a physical sense of just wanting to be alone,
wanting a do-over in life, disappointed, frustrated and angry, now someone was
calling me at an hour I considered to be early.
Groggily, I looked at the Caller ID; it was Jeff, wonderful, what did he
want this early. Was there another
UFO confirmation news conference? Had they discovered a taped confession from
Jimmy Hoffa about his role in the JFK assassination? With him, it could be
anything. Reluctantly, I answered
the phone. . When he told me to
turn on the TV, I balked at first because of the hour, but something in his
voice was different. The urgency and tone made me switch on the television..and
subsequently drop the phone. From
that moment on, my life, and no one else’s, would be the same.
I remember staring blankly at the events
as they unfolded. My senses became
numb to shock, the phrase “what could happen next” left my vocabulary
forever. My words were gone, my sense of communication, something I’ve always
prided myself on, had been sucker punched away.
The emotions both flooded and evacuated.
I could not move. I knew
that I was now an unfortunate, reluctant, part of history.
I had become a witness to our new “Day of Infamy”, the impact of
which cannot be measured on any scale. The
initial hours were nothing short of horrifying. I kept rubbing my eyes, shaking my head, wishing it was all a
bad dream. Being a movie fan, I
felt like I was watching something straight of Hollywood.
Then I realized that even they, in their infinitely unoriginal, yet
painfully creative way, could come up with something like this.
It was an immeasurable shock to the system.
As things began unfolding, unraveling and changing forever, I still sat in stunned disbelief, and anger. The phrase “what the fuck” left my mouth more than once that morning and in the subsequent hours afterwards. The Pentagon was hit, the plane crashing in Pennsylvania, the towers collapse, the airlines shut down, the president shuttled to and fro across the nation, it was all happening at such an unbelievably dizzying pace, my brain, my mind, my entire body and soul could not take it all in, digest it and fathom it. And yet..I began to think to about the expansive impact of it all, the loss, the tragedy, the victims, the inhumane incomprehensible span of it all. And I started to cry. As a man, as an American, as a human being, I cried. This could not happen, not in my country, not in my world. But it was, and it did. Why, who, it doesn’t matter. It happened, and nothing will ever be the same again.
Has really been 365 days?
The time has passed by so quickly and the details may have faded, but the
impact of what happened will not. The
images, the emotion, the shock, the anger, the resurgence; be it 1 year, or 365
years, the events of that fateful Tuesday morning will never be forgotten. We
have been forced to redefine our definition of several words.
Normal, Evil, Impossible, Fanaticism, will never mean the same after what
we as a country of been through. The
individuals who struck a steel dagger through the heart of a nation may have
wounded our spirit, but cannot touch our faith and the depths of our soul. Like the phoenix, we have risen, and will continue to rise as
the days turn into years. The
presence of the patriotism may fade, but will never die.
Just because the flags aren’t as prevalent, does not mean we are any
less American. I have struggled, as
many in my field have, to come up the words to reflect on the events.
365 days have not changed that, nor will 365 years. As David Letterman so eloquently said “will it ever make
any damn sense”? No Dave, it will
not. But the question is no longer
who, why or when will it happen again. The
question should be where do we go from here.
As we continue to define our new semblance of normal, we learn more
everyday about the multi-layered effect that Sept 11th has had, and
will have. Experts will scrutinize,
politicians will lobby, religious men will justify actions based on faith,
children will be curious, adults will be vengeful, and yet, we are all driven by
the same desire. The want to be
united, be proud and be American.
I traveled to New York just two months
afterwards, and it was truly and eerie, touching, powerful experience. The kindness of these people who I’d heard so many rude
things about, the silence that seemed to emanate in the largest crowds of rush
hour, the emptiness that although I’d never seen, was still so prevalent when
looking where the towers once stood, the voice of a native telling me “I
can’t believe they got my towers”, it overwhelmed me and still resonates
deep in the farthest reaches of my soul. I
am a patriotic man, I have served my country, but I am no greater or better than
the farmer who plows his fields each day for food, the teacher who gives his
time and energy to mold, shape and form the future, the ministers who offer
solace, comfort and seek to find peace amidst the madness and confusion, the
frustrated driver in rush hour traffic who yells out of anger, the homeless man
who stares into the darkness in hopes of salvation falling into his lap, the
thousands of unemployed people who don’t know where their next meal is coming
from, we are all separate, yet all equal. As
one, we are Americans, the melting pot of the world, the greatest country in the
world, and nothing will ever change that. You
can knock down our towers, but we’ll rise back again. You can burn our flags, but we’ll raise them higher.
You can curse our existence, but we’ll just smile and pray for your
ignorance. We are..Americans, and
this is our new definition of normal. In that moment, and the days, weeks and
months to follow, we all became New Yorkers, we as a nation became galvanized in
a myriad of emotions. 9-11 became a
hesitant, tragic and painful part of our new vocabulary.
But it also became a symbol, a rallying cry, a beacon and a platform for
a rebirth and reawakening.
Now, one year later, we still seek
answers to the questions that we don’t wholly understand.
But there aren’t really any answers, so we scream inside, we cry and
mourn, we ache and sympathize, but we also stand just a bit taller and prouder.
Our ways of life may have changed forever, our perspective on what is
important may be adjusted to where it should have been, but in striking back at
us, you have only, as Emperor Tito said, awakened a sleeping giant.
The reason we are the greatest nation in the world is not just because we
have more firepower, more technology or more influence, but it’s because of
our greatest resource. Our people,
the Americans. We are built of an
unbreakable fiber, strike at one, and ten will strike back.
Try to tear us down, and we’ll come back a million times stronger.
In the past year, America has rediscovered a long lost resolve that our
forefathers infused us with, but that may have been misplaced amidst the selfish
capitalistic nature of our majority. But
no more. Although it may not be seen every day, although we may not
scream it as loudly as we did in the days and weeks prior to Sept 11th,
do not mistake silence for ambivalence. To
the heartless bastards who planned, funded, executed or are in anyway connected
to these events, your time is coming. For
we are a strong and patient nation, but also a vengeful one.
Make no mistake, this country will never forget what you’ve done, but
you will not prevent us from living the lives that most countries envy us for.
We mourned, we regrouped, we refocused, and now, we retaliate.
There’s no denying that we as a
society view everything differently now, as we have had our priorities
reawakened by these madmen. Nowhere
is this more prevalent than in the entertainment world.
There were movies that were delayed (Collateral Damage, Big Trouble, The
Tuxedo), movies that were altered (Sidewalks of New York, The Time Machine, Men
In Black II) and movies that were outright shelved or cancelled. But in keeping with our resilient nature, Hollywood paid its
respects then proceeded forward with a newfound resurgence, by releasing films
to play on the renewed sense of patriotism (Behind Enemy Lines, Black Hawk
Down). These films, combined with
the return to something close to where we used to be, showed that we may be
down, but we’re by no means out. Hollywood
echoed the sentiments of a nation in bowing down, but by no means bowing out.
Remember the heroes, please America, they have earned it, and their survivors deserve it. Remember the 342 firefighters who gave their lives trying to save others, while doing something they loved. Remember the policeman, following their motto to serve and protect, to help save so many others in their attempt to shield us from the evil. Remember Todd Beamer, whose “Let’s Roll” comment has become a rallying cry from football coaches to the President. Remember all of the other innocent victims who boarded flights for varying reasons; to get home early to a loved one, to beat the rush of later flights, to visit somewhere the first time, or return home one more time. Remember the patrons and employees of the towers, who awoke as they usually did, and had just began their daily routine when the horror hit.. Remember those who gave in any way they could to help out. From the celebrities who gave up their time for an unprecedented concert, to the millions who opened their pocketbooks for donations, regardless of social status or income and most notably, to the workers of the cleanup of Ground Zero. Driven by emotion, overcome by the vast monstrosity of it all, pushed on by a varying range of reasons, they persisted to do all they could, with all they had, for those who gave their lives much too soon.
Our way of life is undoubtedly different
now than it was 12 months ago. An
economic slump, corrupt companies rattling an already fragile nation, added
concerns about our own safety as well as those now defending our beliefs, have
altered our nations way of being, but we have readjusted.
I still see flags, red white and blue everywhere, sporting events still
honoring the heroes, concerts, songs and an underlying sense of patriotism in
every aspect of what we do. Even
though there may be times when we get upset, angry, feel disheartened or
frustrated with things, somewhere inside we think back to those 2,819 souls who
were robbed from experiencing what we are now, and we breathe a bit easier and
realize the blessing of life, the power of freedom, and the beauty of a united
faith.
Where do we go from here? From every year forward, we will grow stronger, our wounds will heal that much more, this day will become a day of remembrance synonymous with the pain that was felt, but also as a reminder of our pride as a country. This has been a year of eye-opening, a year to find once again what is most important to us, the love of family, the love of self, the appreciation of the gifts that we have, a year to deal with the loss, to try and understand why, and prevent it from happening again, and as the years go by, these will only grow stronger. So on this infamous, dark anniversary, everyone stop for a moment in your busy lives, take a quiet a moment and say a prayer, show your pride as an American, and never forget the innocence lost, the heroes who gave their lives for something they live, the heroes who exist around us everyday, and hold those you love just a bit closer and make sure they know it. This is a day to remember, to honor, to appreciate, to love and to show through our strength why this is the greatest country in the world.
Ultimately, my words here, in all their confused rambling form, are little more than dots on a monitor, or ink on a page. They may be repetitive, they may sound clichéd, tired or unoriginal, but they are the unedited, pure excess of what has flowed out my head in a vain attempt to try and relay my feelings on all this. They cannot even begin to express or convey the myriad of emotions elicited by remembrance of the events of Sept 11th, but there is one question that I think begs to be asked. How far have we come in the last 365 days? Are we any smarter, are we any safer, have we learned anything? Well, that’s hard to say. I could give the clichéd answer of only time will tell, which is true, but is not sufficient enough really. It is obvious that no one’s life will be the same, in numerous way, ranging from grand to minute. But I hearken back to the words of George Santayana, in closing. “Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it”. We must carry on this emotion-fueled fervor within every fiber of our being. We must maintain the patriotism, we must honor the fallen and we must respect the precautions and decisions of those appointed to make them. But most of all, we must not forget. Do not forget the evil that possessed these cowards, does not spread to innocents who are associated by religion or relation. Do not forget the fallen victims, their families, and their loved ones, those whose lives they touched and would have touched. Do not forget the wake-up call that this gave us, snapping us out of our capitalistic, greedy slumber. But most of all, do not forget, that we are Americans, we are strong, we are proud and together, we can overcome anything. Thank you.
