Unpolished Toes.
Good day! Welcome to Unpolished Toes: an informal exploration of a developing poetic mind. Everything on here is in its original form (free of any editing whatsoever)... After you've gone through these I'd love to hear what you think of them, so let me know at DancingKow@aol.com, and don't be afraid to criticize. So I'll guess I'll just jump right into it...
Crow. (5.21.03)
The big, black crow soars overhead
Stalking.
Those big, black eyes stab me in the chest
And twist the knife.
My soft, feathery wings attempt to pull me up off
The ground.
But they’ve been clipped.
I get a little hop into the air, then fall back
Down.
He glides toward me, inching closer to the ground and I
Cower happily.
But right as he is about to brush by me, about to touch me, about to recognize
My existence
He soars back up to his other big, black crow friends.
They laugh at their big, loud jokes and playfully crash into one another,
And leave the little baby doves clipped on the ground.
I’m stuck with my quiet, baby dove jokes and my quiet, baby dove
Manners.
I want to soar with the crows and enjoy myself.
I want to soar with him and not the other baby doves, but my soft, white wings won’t allow it.
Because everybody knows that doves and crows simply don’t
Hook up.
Delectable Neck.
You smell so good.
Damn Calvin Klein for masking your disgusting
Personality
With a delicious scent that
I must admit
Turns me on.
Those eyes of yours turn me
Off
So quickly, screaming
YOU ARE NOTHING.
But your cologne whispers
You are the world.
And of course, being the ignorant little
Girl
That I am, I opt for the whispered lies.
But two steps back, you are once again a
Jerk
And I just want to slap your handsome face.
But to do so I would have to enter the
Personal
Bubble
And therefore catch a whiff of that
Damned cologne
And my hand would fall to my side,
And I’m back under your obnoxious
Egotistical
Self-absorbed
Shallow
Stare.
Once again, I am NOTHING.
And you are the world.
Curling. (You know who you are...)
Each bouncing curl
Like the sweetest little springs.
Twisted around my finger
Coiling close.
The colors streak
Golden brown, one giant
Palette.
The colors mix and blend
And smear together
Perfectly.
And I let that lonely curl
Uncurl.
And it jumps back to life
Dancing in the light
Alone.
But free.
Desperation.
I pine for want long for desiderate covet fancy crave lust for burn for
Someone.
It doesn’t really matter who.
As long as he wants longs for desiderates covets fancies craves lusts for burns for
Moi.
I take that back.
As long as he tolerates allows indulges concedes condones endures bears stomachs
Moi.
I take that back.
As long as he holds me.
I don’t give a shit about
Personality.
I want a pair of muscular arms wrapped around me.
That’s all.
Talk about
Desperation.
I'm only 14.
God, I feel so old.
Those eyes.
That nose.
Those lips.
The jewelry.
Flaunting it all.
I love it.
But I hate what comes of it.
The looks.
The stares.
The comments.
Those stupid grins.
I want to slap them off their grimy faces.
But I can’t, because I’m just
Flaunting it all.
I’m just a stupid hypocrite.
I love being the center of attention.
But I hate getting attention.
I want boys to notice me.
But I hate being noticed by boys.
By men.
That look in their eyes.
So aggressive.
So flirtatious.
For God’s sakes, I’m 14 years old.
Give me a break.
Pay attention to me, but don’t be a jerk.
Please?
I’m only 14.
Catch You Up, Quick.
There are so many things I haven’t told you.
It’s been, what, a week?
Two?
Three?
One two three too many.
How about that practice?
How about that rehearsal?
How about that comment
That question
That boy
That sale
That girl with the mismatched clothes?
There are so many things I haven’t told you.
I need to catch you up, quick, before you fall too far
Behind.
Because once you’re behind, it’s hell coming back.
Especially since the fan club is stealing my time.
With petty conflicts and more doses of the
Silent
Treatment
Than I can endure.
So, let’s catch you up right away
Before the fan club steals my time with you too.
They didn’t love me until you did too.
Strange how their stupid little minds work, isn’t it.
Oh well.
Let’s catch you up quick, before you fall too far
behind.
Before you fall behind at all.
You’re the number one.
But she’s taking your place.
Are you gonna let her do that?
Am I gonna let her do that?
I hope you won’t.
I hope I won’t.
No, I won’t.
We’re all good now, honey, don’t worry your cute
little self about it.
We caught you up, quick, before you fell too far
behind.
Daddy's Little Girl.
Why can’t you just get off your stupid
Pedestal?
I know Daddy built it up for you,
But someday somebody’s gonna send it flying
Out from under you.
And if Daddy’s not there to catch you,
Where will you be?
Yes, that’s right.
Down.
So do yourself a favor and just get off it before somebody
Forces you off.
He can’t do everything for you.
I’m sorry honey, but he can’t.
Someday you’re just gonna have stand up and do something
Yourself.
God forbid.
So why not just get used to it now?
The transition won’t be as devastating now.
Why do I even bother?
It’s not like you’re hearing these words.
It’s not like they make any sense to you.
Every word that comes out of my mouth
Is a waste of breath if it isn’t
You’re Right, I’m Wrong.
And I’m never gonna say that to you.
So why should I even bother?
Maybe I’ll just save the syllables for somebody
Who cares.
And lately, that person isn’t you.
I'm Not Any Better.
Do I intimidate you?
Do I make you uncomfortable?
Is it because I look older?
Is it because I act older?
Or is it just because you hate me?
You’re always sending mixed signals.
I’m not 25, believe me.
We’re in the same boat, honey.
I’m not as confident as you think.
God, I’m the most insecure person you’ll meet.
But I guess it’s those years of theatre…
Am I convincing?
I guess I had you going for a while.
I guess I made you believe I was above that.
But believe me, I’m not.
Really.
We’re in the same boat, honey.
Can’t we just enjoy the ride?
Impossibilities.
No matter how hard I try
Hard I push
Calories I burn
You'll never know.
Or care, for that matter.
You may give me a
Glance. A
Look. A
Delicious second of recognition.
But then you're back into your solid shell and you've
Kicked
Me
Out.
I want that moment to last just a little while longer.
Just give me a chance.
One damned chance. It won't kill you to put a bit of
Effort
Into your life.
But you don't give a shit, so neither do I.
Go ahead. Lock yourself up.
I'll let myself out.
Separate from you.
I don't need you or your recognition or your pathetic
Strut
Through your Gucci life.
So I won't try anymore. Or push anymore. Or burn anymore.
Until I see you again and smell you again and watch you watch her.
Then I'm back to the trying and the pushing and burning until
Next summer.
Email: DancingKow@aol.com
