She stood far away - in a corner; watching. Her eyes were trained upon me as if I were of some importance, some royalty that had given her the great pleasure of being seen. It had been so long since the end - since everything. Still she looked at me with the same intensity; the same love I had known; the same love that she thought no longer existed. I caught her gaze, and the world stopped, the dancing, the lights, the music; even the dregs of alcohol stopped affecting my being. In that moment, I alone existed to her; she alone existed to me.

I held on to that moment; breathed her air; pumped her blood. Slowly I drifted to her, as a boat silently slips across a haze-covered lake in the still of the night. We gazed at each other intently for centuries; we did not need to speak. Slowly we grew closer, as if our bodies had wills of their own. I bent my face close to hers; our lips grew so close that our breath mingled in a dance only true love could ever produce. Our hearts pounded silently, like drums in the distant mountains in the fog-covered morning. Blood coursed through out veins in anticipation of what was to come, of what had always been the epitome of our lives. Her eyes gazed at me with a love I had not known for a very long time, with a peace, with an understanding, with an apology. I didn't need to say it, but I asked anyways. "Do you want to get out of here?" I didn't need an answer; I took her by the hand lead her out into the crisp cool air of a night born into existence by the rapture of love.

The silence of that night only added to the splendor. It seemed as if all the world had turned its eyes upon us, to watch us in our beauty, in the only beauty that could possibly exist.

The winds stopped rustling the leaves, the symphony of crickets took an intermission as we passed, and when we could no longer hear them, played the music that elated our souls that night.

The stars twinkled above and the moon smiled upon us, as if the world were ours and ours alone. Souls oft will go wither they will, taking their bodies along held captive in the rapture of a beautiful moment. Thus we walked to a place where once, long ago, we had whiled away the hours, sitting silently in the solitude of our souls - here we were alone in the world - here there was naught but she and I.

I sang to her that night, a song I had written long after she decided our paths should not be walked so near to each other:

Together we sat under the deep blue night, under the dancing stars. Watching the world go by, watching ourselves sinking slowly, sweetly, back into what had been the best years of our lives, and into what could be greater years ahead. We knew everything was going to be all right - if we were together, nothing - not even death - could ever take us away from each other again.

We sat in total silence, speaking without uttering a word, there never had been words needed between us, words only ever confused what was otherwise perfect communication. We were built for each other in mind, body, and soul, and we understood each other with the clarity and purity of spring water. There was nothing else in the world for us, and had there been, we would have been unwilling to accept it.

Slowly, as if they had wills of their own, our bodies moved together, our heads leaned toward one another. We sat again in that interminable eternity, breathing the other air, two hearts beating as if they were one. They pounded like tympani's sounding out the rhythm of life and love, they pounded like the thunderous waves of eternity crashing in around our secluded spot deep in the middle of nothing and everything. There we sat, knowing, hoping, afraid to move lest this ecstatic anticipation crumble like a building with no foundation. There we sat, and knew, that this love was real, that this love had always been more real than anything we had ever known. There we sat reveling in a reality we knew would not ever be fractured. 

Our heads leaned closer together, our lips flushed in expectation, our bodies spoke silently of the bliss they would give to each other, and I awoke to the morning light, tears filling my eyes, and magnifying the sun in the remembrance of love.

***

The birds sang dirges that morning. Bright high notes blighted by the loss of their hatchlings, or the father of their hatchlings. The sky was blue, cold and alone, no clouds drifted lazily about, no angels danced upon the breeze - there was not even breeze to dance upon - and the sun hung looking for a companion to help it pass through rush of days.

I lay in bed, the dream still fresh in my memory, hoping that perhaps even a moment of it held some truth that would lend some satisfaction to my aching heart. A lonely rain of thoughts, memories, of the sweet bliss that only she could provide silently fell upon me, rivulets of sadness washed through my soul. The looked upon me in sympathetic mockery, as if to say "I am alone, but I have a purpose."

I lay in bed, wondering how I had come to this. For weeks I had been happy. Spring arrived in the fullest splendor, unfurled it robe of green upon the earth and nourished life the life that had been hibernating far too long. It revitalized existence; it revitalized my love for her.

Spring blossomed, and I wilted. The exuberance of life was dampened by the lack of love she held for me. We remained friends, I wanted nothing else, but I also felt her drifting away, slowly like a piece of the most beautiful wood upon the ocean, soon it would be out of reach, out of sight, never out of mind. I knew that day, a day of celebration, would be filled with me watching the happiness of others, and the sadness that brightness made me feel. I knew I would not see her, and I was to leave that night on a journey. All I wanted was to feel her embrace, and all she had said to me that day was, "he is so great, I really wish I could see him today." All I could say was "it hurts when you can't see the one you love on a holiday." 

And it did.

I spent that morning wander aimlessly about my abode, about my life. Even taking a walk to the shore to watch all the elements of life in perfect harmony, only elicited a pain so deep that my soul was wont to rent asunder to end the agony. If I could see her for a moment, just look into her eyes, I knew I would be well, that I would feel some happiness, that I would leave on my journey as I had intended, in the love of life that I have always known. Just a glimpse for her eyes that day would have made everything somehow right in the world, would make even her absence somehow wonderful. It hurt all the more to know it would not come.

I retired again to my abode, and laid myself to rest in the drawing room. I laid not watching anything, trying to sleep, trying to depart from the world, trying to escape that feeling for just a little while, trying to find something that I had lost, something that I could rejoice in.

I heard, then, my door open, and shut. My heart leapt, and for the first time, what I had hoped was. She asked, "is he here?" "Yes, I think he's in his room," they answered. I sat up and said, "hello; I didn't expect to see you today."

She said nothing, simply smiled benevolently, lovingly at me, and I knew that she could not have stayed away; I knew that she loved me, knew our friendship would always be more sacred than anything. She held me close, the way she used to, my head clutched to her chest in possessive protection, and I could not stop the rain of tears, and I did not have to say why. She did not stay for long, I did not ask her to stay longer than she could. We rested together, she slept upon my chest, and I held her tight, held her against all the heartache and troubles of the world, held her like it was her soul that was in anguish, and mine that went through the days with the careless frivolity of a child. I held her hoping I would never have to let her go, knowing I that in a few moments, I would not see her for many months.

Away into the distance she rode, slowly, as if she wished to stay with her friend forever, knowing how much I needed her - how much I still need her. In that love of friendship, in the knowledge that she would never drift from me, I was happy - am happy. I began my journey that night as planned, but the anguish that had filled my morning, had filled the last few months of my existence was replaced, replaced with a fervor I could not understand, a love of life I did not think I would ever feel again.