Chapter 14
He kissed her again and she allowed him to deepen it this time.
Both their heads swirled with thoughts. Jody’s head swirled with what was happening at the moment. Taylor’s mind went somewhere along the lines of pure instinct. He wanted to make her feel as good as she made him feel.
Before too long, they were messing around on the couch. Taylor’s head was rested in the crook of her neck and was planting soft kisses all over her. Jody loved the rush of it all and she reciprocated whenever he would let her.
He reached for the bottom of her shirt. His touch was so warm that it made her tingle all over.
“Taylor wait,” she said breathlessly as she felt his hands creep up to her stomach.
“What?” he asked, his hair falling in his face as he lingered above her.
Her insides were telling her to keep going, but her head said otherwise.
“I just...” She wished she could just say what she was thinking. “We should probably take this slow.”
His face twisted in confusion, begging her to continue.
“Can we take this slow?” she asked nervously as she bit her lip and looked up at him.
Taylor sighed and hung his head. “Yeah.” He truly sounded disappointed. “You OK?”
Jody nodded. “I just... I don’t want to rush things.”
He sensed that there was more to the story than she was letting on.
“You wanna tell me about it?”
“Not really.”
“Come on,” Taylor said as he sat up and pulled her with him so that they were sitting face to face. He put his forehead to hers and looked at her. “I don’t want to force you into anything you’re not comfortable with.”
Jody bit her lip, once again nervous about what she was going to say. “Don’t take offense to this Taylor, but I’ve heard that before.”
Taylor’s face dropped in surprise. He was at a loss for what to say. “Does that mean you've been forced to...?”
Jody nodded. “You’re not the only one with baggage Taylor.”
He pulled her close to him. “Jode, I had no idea.”
“It’s not exactly something I like to brag about.”
Taylor’s mind spun in a million different directions at once. He really wanted to know what happened, but he didn’t know how to approach the subject.
“If you ever need somebody, you know, I’m here.”
Jody smiled as he held her. “Thank you. That really means a lot.”
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” he tried to explain.
“And same for you. If you want to know something, ask.” She wiped a stray tear from her eye. “I just wish I didn’t have to go through this every time.”
He held her closer. He couldn’t begin to imagine what she had been through.
Jody pulled away a little bit and really looked at Taylor. “Please don’t take this whole thing the wrong way. I really like you Taylor and it’s not that I don’t want to fool around, it’s just that I’m very, very scared.”
Taylor could only nod. What could he say? He was sure that she had heard it all before, so there were no words left to console her. Still, he was a little more than disappointed. He wanted so desperately to make her to feel special. It had been along time since he had been with a woman, and seeing Jody walk toward him today in the bus terminal looking more beautiful than ever was all the inspiration he needed to want to make love to her.
The truth of the matter was, was that Taylor was falling for Jody a little faster and a little harder than he had planned. She had inspired him to pick up his guitar and write again- something he hadn’t done since things with Natalie started turning sour. There was no fighting with Jody- she was reasonable on just about everything, the exception- of course- being baseball.
In the days and weeks that followed Christmas, Taylor and Jody were nearly inseparable. Taylor would pick Jody up from work and, depending on whether or not Ezra was around or if Jody had to work the morning shift, they would walk around town or watch a movie on the couch. They often swapped stories about growing up or their philosophies of life depending on their respective moods.
The couch incident was nearly forgotten and neither one of them brought the topic up again until a few weeks later when Taylor decided to play a song he had written for Jody.
“Can I play something for you?” Taylor questioned as he picked up his guitar.
“Sure,” Jody said as she wrapped her hands around the warm mug of hot chocolate. Her hands had acted up and the warmth of the mug was soothing to her aching hands.
“I don’t have any lyrics yet and it’s just a rough instrumental,” he claimed as he picked up a pick and started tuning the acoustic guitar. After a few adjustments, the guitar was “close enough” according to Taylor and he started to play.
The sounds that Taylor produced from the instrument amazed Jody. It sounded like he had been playing his whole life. With his eyes closed in concentration and his body hunched over the guitar, it was more than apparent that the man sitting on the other end of the couch was born to play music.
When Taylor struck the last chord, Jody was agog. She always had a feeling he was more talented than he let on, and what she had just heard had confirmed her suspicions.
He nervously looked to her for a reaction. “What do you think?”
Jody’s mouth moved but no sound came out. After a moment or two she was able to form words. “Taylor, that was beautiful.”
He blushed slightly as he put the guitar back down on its stand. “Thanks.”
Jody took another sip of cocoa. “What inspired you to write that?”
“You.” They looked at each other and laughed a little. “That was so cliche...”
“Yeah it was,” she replied with a chuckle.
There was a small silence. “Really Jode. I wrote that song about you.”
“But it was so sad.”
“I wrote it the day you came home from Christmas and we were on the couch.” He checked her reaction. Just as he had suspected, she had averted her eyes. He noticed that she looked like she was going to speak, so he motioned for her to stay silent and to let him finish. “And I wrote it about what you said. The thought of anybody hurting you... It just made me so angry that I had to write.” He looked at her again. “The look on your face hurt me so much...”
“Taylor, I’m not after pity.”
“Just listen.” He waited for her to be silent. She reluctantly complied. “I didn’t write it out of pity. I wrote it because I think you’re a strong person. Most people would have crumbles under something like that.” He could see the wheels turning in her head. She was silent, so he continued tentatively, carefully bringing in the new topic. “The band booked a show and I want to play this song. I’d like you to be there for the debut.”
She looked up at him again and stopped fiddling with her fingers.
“Do you really want me there?”
“It’s only fair isn’t it?”
Jody smiled. “Yeah, um. I’ll be there. When’s the show.”
Taylor shrugged. “Next week sometime.”
“When next week?”
“Thursday.”
“I’ll talk to Horace. I’ll be there.”
He leaned over and kissed her gently. “Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me?” she questioned. “I’m happy to go.”
He kissed her again with more passion than before. His lips were pressed against hers with such a crushing intensity that Jody’s breath escaped her for a moment. Kissing Taylor was easy. Knowing when to stop was a different issue.
“Mmm,” Jody hummed contentedly as the two parted. “What was that for?”
“Just for making things easy,” he said as he kissed her softly.
“Did you really think I wouldn’t go to your show?” she asked.
Taylor shrugged.
His reaction nearly screamed that the topic was sensitive.
“I didn’t know what you’d do.”
“I’m going no matter what,” she said with a grin. “You’re stuck with me.”
“Lucky me,” Taylor said while returning the smile. His fears about Jody not wanting to go to the show were quieted as she lay quietly in his arms. His world was very at ease at that particular moment. He had his music and he had his girl. For Taylor, it didn’t get much better.
But something was bothering him.
“Hey Jode, you said that if I ever wanted to ask something I should just ask, right?”
She nodded. “Yeah.”
“What happened?”
She squinted her eyes at him.”What happened with what?”
Taylor shifted. He was obviously uncomfortable. “Why you freaked out when we were messing around the other day.”
Jody took a deep breath. “Do you want the Cliff Notes or the long-winded version?”
Taylor shrugged. “Whichever one you feel like telling.”
“Well,” Jody said as she sat up and tried to figure out where to begin, “I was taken advantage of as a child.” She checked his reaction. “From there I had a warped vision of what love and sex and the whole nine was like. Um... The first ‘real’ boyfriend was a drug dealer. I wasn’t into that but I thought I was at the time because I wanted to get rid of the pristine image I had at school.” Taylor was listening closely. “Things didn’t get much better from there. I dated here and there, but I was too quirky with theater and too knowledgeable about baseball to keep anybody around for longer than a month. Blah, blah blah. Went to college in Orlando. Only hooked up with someone once, got used, got hurt. Rebounded with someone I thought I loved. Got used, got hurt, repeat. Fast forward past a few more boyfriends who, in essence, were all the same person. Went back to Orlando for my sophomore year, dated a guy, got curious about sex, lost my virginity.” She re-checked to see how he was handling it. “Then I got used, got hurt, same thing. Swore off men, pledged my allegiance to being a lesbian.” Taylor immediately looked at her strangely. Jody motioned for him to be quiet. “Five minutes later I was seeing another guy because I couldn’t deal with girls. Fell for him but wouldn’t let him touch me at all because I was so scared about the other guy and about being used and whatever. We split when I decided to come up here to be close to home, we continued to speak twice a week or so until I went to Five Towns when I got drunk off my ass and made a round of phone calls.” Jody grimaced. “Sorry, that comes later. Let me backtrack. Before Five Towns but after splitting with the guy, I was taking summer classes and developed what I thought was a harmless crush on some guy who looking like he belonged in a boy-band or something.” Jody took a deep breath and tried to organize her thoughts. “Cut to the two of us sleeping together and things getting really bad.” She became shaky just thinking about it. “Was verbally abused, told I was no good, etc, etc, etc, and felt like a whore for continuing to sleep with him.”
“Then why’d you do it in the first place?”
Jody shrugged. “I was still hurting very much from the guy I fell for. I needed to feel like I was worth something, so I used sex to fool myself into thinking that I was over him.” She sighed. “That backfired. Factor in a big pregnancy scare and a few other things and my self-image was shot to hell. I swore up and down that I’d never have sex again until marriage. Time lapse a year and a half when I finally get to go to school and have some structure in my life and I got drunk off my ass and screwed things up with Alex, the guy who I fell in...” She paused. “The guy I fell for,” she corrected herself. “He found out about the other guy after him and things were in a tailspin.” She thought back until she found her next thought. “I learned a lot and I learned it the hard way. It was one of the hardest lessons that I’ve ever had to learn, but I did it and I made it through and I’ve become a very guarded person because of it.” Jody looked back at Taylor and quickly lowered her eyes and began to fidget again. “I’ll bet you’re glad you asked, right?”
He ran a hand through his hair and let out a deep breath. “That’s quite a story.”
“Yeah.” Neither said anything for a moment. “I won’t blame you if you want to get as far away from me as possible. It wouldn’t be the first time it’s happened. I’ve heard it all, so if you’re gonna do this, just be honest and tell me that I’ve got too much baggage that you can’t deal with.”
“Jody, you’ve seen my baggage. You didn’t bail on me, so why should I bail on you?” He put his hand on top of her fidgeting ones. “And besides, I never would have known if you hadn’t told me. You keep it well hidden.”
“Everyone’s got their secrets, right? Mine just happens to flash back every single time I even remotely think about being the least bit intimate with someone.”
So she has thought about it, Taylor thought to himself.
“Can I ask why you freaked out then?”
Jody shrugged. “I thought it was pretty obvious by now.” She sent a fleeting glance his way. “I’m absolutely terrified of having an emotional attachment to someone and being physical with them. If anything happened, it would mean something and I’m not sure I’m really ready for those emotions.”
“That’s a very mature standpoint.”
“I didn’t have a choice, did I? It was either continue with the cycle or break it. The only way I know not to get hurt is to take the physical aspect out of a relationship. That way I get to keep what little self-esteem I have left and I don’t feel like a tramp the next morning.” Taylor sat there thinking. “Say something. I’m out of things to tell you.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Taylor said thoughtfully. “It’s a lot to take in all at once.” She waited for him to continue as he was obviously measuring his words. “I’m a little overwhelmed.”
“About anything in particular, or...?”
“The whole thing pretty much.” Jody nodded. The both paused. “I just don’t get it.”
“Get what?”
“Why you keep falling for people like that.”
“The big joke back home was that when people asked what my ‘type’ was, I’d answer asshole.”
“Sounds like it.” He looked at her and really felt bad that a girl such a Jody had to go through something so terrible. “I still don’t get it though.”
Jody shrugged. “Me neither, but I guess what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“That’s,” he looked at her, “that’s one hell of a way to look at it.”
Jody looked down and fidgeted again. “Does that settle a lot of your questions?”
Taylor nodded. “Yeah, it does.” Both of them were quiet for a moment. “I’m glad you told me.”
“Me too.”
“Come on,” Taylor said as he stood and pulled Jody up as well. “Those days are over,” he said as he looked into her eyes. “You don’t have to worry about them any more.”
“I know,” Jody said as she moved in and hugged Taylor. “Thank you.”
Chapter 15
Index
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