25 Weeks gestation
In January 2001 I was late for my period and that was most unexpected as I had a blood clot in my lung in march 2001 and couldn't take the pill anymore so we thought we used good timing methods.
We learnt that we were going to be parents again it was a lot of mixed emotions as I was 37 and my hubby Ian was 38 soon to be 39 and our live son is 9. We were unsure excited down happy you name it we went through it.
I had the sore breast straight away and got morning sickness from about 9 weeks and it was to wake me every night at around 3am, by this time we were nothing but over joyed with the future with our new baby in it and our live son Ryan was so happy he was to be a big brother.
I had been out shopping for all the new baby gear as I had nothing left from Ryan so I put a heap of things on lay by. At 19 weeks I was to learn our baby was a boy and I was so happy so to let my husband know I bought a blue Singlet and put it on his pillow. That night he came home and saw the blue Singlet and said "really" I replied yes. A few weeks later I had gone and got a cot, pram, change table bassinet and picked up the lay bys, and boy was I having fun going through all the cute things I had bought.
At 24 weeks and 2 days I was woken at 245 am as I felt my waters had broke but felt no concern really well not like I was to find out. We rang the ambulance and I was taken to hospital and given the most wonderful care. The midwife went to listen for bubby's heart beat but could not find it but I said to her Not to worry as he always hides as I had never got to hear it so she went and got a portable scanner to check and then she said I'll just go get the doctor, I still didn't think anything was wrong. So within a minute or two the doctor Jacki was in there and went all over bubby's body and did it again. She then looked at me with a really glum face and said " I'm sorry Ruth there is no heart beat" I said ' don't you tell me that" And that is when my life changed.
I was alone at the time as my husband Ian was waiting for a friend to come stay with Ryan. I just went numb and cried I didn't believe it there was no way my son was dead . There was no reason at my 19 week scan he was perfect, almost straight away I had the social worker the Chaplin and midwives all there I couldn't believe it. How could this have happened, told me I had to wait until am to have a full scan so I asked if there was any chance he was alive and the doc said no I don't think so. My god I remember it as if were yesterday it's still all so clear.
This was all on the 19th of May 2002 the day before my live son's birthday. I remember being so tired as I had cried and knew my son was dead in me and there was nothing I could do to help him or change anything and being Ryan's b'day the next day I thought how unfair on him as well.
My hubby got to the hospital and we just cried and cried and held each other and spoke of disbelief. Ian went and got Ryan and bought him up to see me and he to was crying and said how unfair it was why was bubby Rhys dead, it broke my heart to see him so upset as well all I wanted to do was die and if it weren't for Ryan I really wish I had have so he is my saviour. I had spoken to the doctors and they said Rhys had been dead about a week so they put me on antibiotics straight away and spoke to me of how to deliver Rhys but I had told them that the next day it was Ryan's b'day so I didn't want it wrecked anymore so they were not taking Rhys until after the 20th may 2002, they let me out for a few hours on the 20th to spend a bit of time with Ryan but had to go back after only 3 hours with him.
They were thinking I might go into natural labour but it didn't happen so they had arranged for me to be induced on the morning of the 21st may 2002 , I was taken about 8 am and had the drip placed in but nothing happened at all I didn't dilate no pains no nothing I just thought my son didn't want to leave his mummy. So they booked me in for a c- section and I think it was around 7pm. I had to stay awake for it as I had been sick but I didn't want to as I knew what the outcome was going to be. The midwife that took my son who weighed only 320grams was a beautiful person and a strong one as it had also happened to her .
Sally, the midwife, took him and dressed him for me took his photo, took his foot and hand prints for me and was so wonderful. After I came out of recovery and had feeling back in my legs she asked if I wanted to see him I will admit I was scared so I asked is he ok she replied he is beautiful but she did tell me his blood had gone off so he was discoloured. I remember when she bought him in to me it was amazing I couldn't imagine a real little person being so small but so perfect. I cried and asked if I could hold him so. Sally got him out of the crib for me and I held him I cried I wanted him to open his eyes to hold my finger to make a funny face to make a little noise but nothing, but my sleeping baby. I remember his mouth was open and his tiny tongue was perfect his lips were just so kissable so I kissed my baby.
My husband had gone home with Ryan by now and at about 10.30pm the most beautiful Chaplin lady Gemma came up and baptized my son RHYS IAN CALE born 21st may 2002 died 21st may 2002 she gave the white hanky she had to me to keep as part of a reminder of his baptism. The next day Ian and Ryan came up and we had Rhys bought up from the morgue so they could see him and hold him I was down stairs at the time as I didn't know if I could handle seeing him again. But later that day when a good friend came up I got him again and I held him and had a photo taken with Rhys 1 single photo by this time he had deteriorated allot already but was still my sleeping baby and he was cold from the morgue so I wrapped him up some more. We hadn't done anything about his funeral yet and I was told may be I should as it helps the grieving so the next day I rang the funeral people and got my husband to get them to come up to the hospital so they did Ryan had bought Rhys a Thomas the tank and Ian had bought him a white teddy and he was to be buried with them.
I hated being in the hospital not knowing if they had taken him or was he still there with me I didn't know. Rhys Ian Cale was buried on the 27th may 2002 in a very small funeral service with a tiny white coffin and we had tears in heaven played at the chapel and now rests peacefully at Pinnaroo resting lawn Aspley Brisbane.
I really need and want to thank a few special people:
If you would like to contact me to maybe share your story or just for someone to talk to I would glady love to listen and help you in any way with your grief.
click on the bear to email Ruth personally
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