What Went Wrong?

i looked around
but you weren't there
the only thing i found
was your faded memory in the air

the price i had paid
was an awful one - i've learned
but a new life i've made
and your heart - i have yearned

i left you at last
the nightmare is finally through
i cannot abandon the past
i need to know what to do

i had looked at you with admiration
and my heart skipped a beat
but there was no time for reconciliation
in that long summer heat

although i should be proud
that i am finally free
my thoughts are a big cloud
all tangled inside me

i was in love with you madly
and i was ready to forgive and forget
that you had hurt me badly
with many a backhand hit

i know the memories will forever last
but the scratches and bruises are gone
i still have dreams of my past
during which i question myself, "what went wrong?"

guilt - why do i feel like this?
was it something i said or something i did?
your good side is what i miss
and from your bad side, i always hid

some years have gone by
rumor has it, you're dead
but i see the question, "why?"
is still stuck in my head

the rumor was all just talk
you're alive as much as you could be
i'm scared to even take a walk
because you might be searching for me

i have to be brace and strong
no more running away
and no more questions of, "what went wrong?"
i have to either leave or stay

i decided not to leave
i had to face my fear
forever was too long a time to grieve
and i sensed you were near

we had spoken on the phone
i even talked to you on the road
once you came to my home
but outside - i never showed

will you come again?
i don't really know
i'll hold it up high - my chin
and my fears will no longer grow

i looked around
but you weren't there
the only thing i found
was your faded memory in the air

1995