Don't feed me your false truths
and your cowardly actions
and your jerkish behavior.
Do I look "blonde" to you?
Do I look like I have a heart of stone,
and empty feelings and no tears to shed?
I've cried you an ocean - isn't that enough?
My heart is in a thousand pieces - isn't that enough?
I'm really a brunette - I'm smarter than you think.
Once the shock of the pain,
and tears and heartache and sorrow
had become something
I was familiar with
and something I could hide away
and bear the burden of -
I was smart enough to realize that all your loving, caring, sexy, dramatic,
mature words were all lies... at the time you said them they weren't, but when
you told me you didn't love me anymore - your words and feelings and maturity
and honesty and character and everything else I knew and loved about you fell on
deaf ears. You weren't a man anymore - you were a coward and a jerk. A coward
for the way you let me go so easily. We were away from eachother a while and
you let that get to us. A jerk: for when you did it and how cold you were to
me. Your voice was once filled with happiness and promise and love and
confidence. That sweet sound was gone. You were nothing but a cold, unloving,
uncaring empty soul.
My heart was in your hands the day I met you. I don't give it away freely, but you
were different - your soul matched mine and I wanted to spend the rest of my
life with you. I wanted to grow with you. I wanted to be yours until my dying
days and beyond the grave.
My heart felt safe in your hands - comfortable, warm, familiar, loved. And then
one day you loosened your grasp and didn't bother to try to keep holding on -
you just plain gave up. You didn't try and my heart fell - never hitting the
floor completely, just suspended in space and time - hurting, aching, crying,
never totally getting over the fact that we were not one anymore, that we were
not going to be trying to make a future together, marriage, kids, house and
home, growing old together, hearing your laughter and sweet voice until the I
passed from the world into a new one when I would wait for you so we could
reunite.
My heart still even while being suspended in memory and pain. Little bits of my
love for you floating around - lost, angry, scared, depressed, and every other
horrible feeling.
I should write more, but I'm too sad.
You will never be able to understand the pain you've caused me. I hope you
never have to experience this kind of anguish - for I wouldn't even wish it upon
my worst enemy.