The Way I Was

I ate in restaurants, I bought sex, I was healthy and strong, clean and well dressed, When I was young I lived in excess. My chest was full of self-pride, I was popular but lonely, I had no ties. I never cared about others Or trouble in the news, I was dead in the water. I used to be so angry, so arrogant and loud. I was mean tempered and ornery, I lived under a dark cloud. I’d put people in their place nearly every day, I’d make people lose face just to get my way. Whoever I had to walk on, that was their fate. If I couldn’t get in, I’d slip in under the gate. Get ahead of the next guy was the name of the game. Exploit every opportunity, always pass blame. I indulged in indulgences, every day was the same. I didn’t know what I wanted, I’d take what I could claim. I thought I was great, I didn’t know I was vain. Lost and confused, I never believed in an eternal flame. When I’d hear of tragedy I was numbed and shocked, I was helpless and sorry, my foundation was rocked. My heart would pound, I’d fight back the thought, I’d never speak, it’s better them than me. If someone had to suffer, I selfishly hoped, not me. So afraid, I’d forget to offer Anything other than sympathy. I was finally beat down, One bad turn after another Till I was flat on the ground. With my face in the dirt I laid there in sorrow. When I got on my feet, I was grateful and humble. Felt like a thousand pounds, taken off my shoulders. Whatever happens, didn’t matter, All I could hear was peoples endless chatter. I forgive everyone For everything they might have done. I hope everyone forgives me For all the things I have done. I don’t want to spend anymore time or energy Caught up in a fight, I only want to be turning wrongs into rights. Lazy Afternoon A Vow to My Heart Rooted in My Heart Time For Softness index