Hello all I recently dumped my journal so let me give you the gist for all you new comers I have 4 siblings my 1/2 brother Glenn and my 1/2 sister rachel and my sister Sylvia. my life was pretty normal I made good grades had some friends and was happy, then when I was 11 yrs. old my sister rachel had a fight with my father over college she didn't want to go so he said "as long as you live here you will go to college" that said she ran away the next day to live with my parents friend and accused my parents of abuse, there were many bad things said and done she never came home I have seen her twice since eventually we moved to Deltona  I was twelve then and I just stopped caring about school. My grades suffered greatly and that never changed I always felt bored at school  I never did home work or class work but I  never got below a b on a test.

A few months before I turned 13 my farther got a sore throat but it didn't get better he went to the doctor and was told he had throat cancer it was the start of hell. he kept working until he could barely talk money got tight real tight we moved to Deland with my father friend as land lords, I transferred to a new school. We lived there for two years I never really made any friends and had no one to talk to but my sister because my brother joined the air force. What I remember most is coming home afraid to go inside because I knew that my father could be lying there dead and it was just better not to know. almost two years had past when my father caught the house on fire by smoking near his oxy unit half the house went down in flames and we moved in to a hotel my grandfather came down to help with the house. two days latter my father slipped in to a comma and was expected to pass at any time I was painting the house and wanted to see my dad at the hospital so I asked my grand father to take me his responded by saying no painting the house was more productive (I to this day have not forgiven him for that) I got a ride form my sister and her boyfriend so we stayed at the hospital it was strange seeing him like that but what I see in my night mares is when he started to bleed through his mouth it just filled his oxy mask I was pulled out of the room by my sister and brother who came home from the air force when we were in the hall Jessica (my sisters friend but we all loved her) said we shouldn't cry my father wouldn't want it so we should just laugh there was a strange mixture of laughing and sobbing. since that day I have only shed a few tears. After the wake and xmas we moved to Palatka. Once there my sister got married and moved out. I went to school only every other day at most and my grand father moved in I hated him when ever I did something wrong  I was called stupid idiot dumb crazy I hated him so much I still do and I have no plans to give him a chance to hurt me. I met people when I went to church joined the youth group and liked most of them I fell in love and was as close to happy as I have been since he died. over the next two years I had bad times and not as bad time then I got word that one of my friends from Deltona committed suicide not the first person I've know to do that but it hurt a lot he was like a brother to me but I got over I guess by this time me and jessi were talking about marring some day we loved each other . my other friend Tabitha was dating a guy named brain I got to know him pretty well we talked in school and hung out she dumped him after two months a week later this five foot six guy hung him self from five foot fence with his belt every one who knew him missed him but eventually we all moved on. me and Jessie broke up and decided we were just going to have sex. My mother started to listen in on my convos with her so I made her think I was an alcoholic instead of ever talking to me she sent me to live with my brother where I was throne out of school alienated his wife and kids I was hated I soon as I passed the ged they sent me home I got a job and have been working ever since the fist was hardees which after a ruff beginning I liked it  or more to the point my bosses  Kamberly and Misty I got high with kam and fucked misty in the office then hardees closed for good I went to popeyes it was ok. while working there I got to know bumb and hoe  pretty well we hung and did shit no big. she had a kid angel who was my nice. me and dumb both worked a krstals we lived together an this was smooth sailing for a while I went to work at sonic with beau. I liked I moved up fell for my co manager Mickey never got a chance with her she was married after he tried to kill her she moved out of town I burned out at sonic and was fired I worked for msn for six months where I met angel and crazy we had good time his brother stupid too but things went to shit crazy went crazy angel moved away and I was left with no but bumd for friend I went back to sonic as crew leader where I work with junior, pimp, les, viper, is, caramel, perfect, and every one in three days I am having a house party. latter   



I'm getting ready for work hoping like hell its a smooth night and that I don't get asked to move up again. but other wise nothing to say yet........just got home from work witch went well, I had fun at least the only thing that kind of sucked was when viper said she was taking me home then changed her mind because I had to find a way home on short notice .


talked to hot today she is getting back with her b/f witch so I missed my chance again she's the one I want to try for but I cant spit it out even though she would have said yes.

nothing interesting at work just a lot of shit got bored went home



Well today is the party but I have a felling it is going to suck right now I just got off work after being called in we have way to much booze now just making sure the house is ready..................well I'm drunk as hell every one has left viper is staying here and is a sleep well in bed any way. dumb passed out so now I am drinking alone never a good idea. the party did suck the best part was talking to a few people like April  who was blazed all night but it was nice to just talk to her we were never friend exactly but I remember having a few personal conversations. Finally got to see a side of viper that really has opinions and ideals witch was different I suppose it had to do with the amount she drank but still it is good to know she is not as shallow as I thought. I hate drinking because I always remember the past and realize that I have nothing left but pipe dreams and bad writing.


Well it is Monday my day off When I woke up Kyla was sitting there hitting me on my head with her toy hammer I spent most of the day playing video games. I drank a lot of hunch punch and went to sonic where junior told me all about what was going on with viper and rob well apparently viper was grabbing his dick and slept in his car with him so he thought after being dared he would grab her tit she got upset and mentioned it to pimp who made her fill out a report now all hell is breaking lose viper is being called a slut rob may get fired and no one knows what the hell really happened latter. 


Nothing going on I just generally have lost all respect for any one who meant a damn to me now I just don't care