It's been 2 hours....
I've been awake for about 2 hrs now...I keep saying that I'm going to work out but...I haven't lifted my big ass off of this chair. I'm in my work out clothes though...*Two cheers...YEAY!!!*
Yup, it's about that time that I pick it up again. I used to be pretty solid. But now...well...I'll spare the details.
I think I got caught up in trying to edit my BlackPlanet page. I'm trying to make it look fun. Yoshi just happened to be online so I asked him to make it look good. I'm like...yeah, put a picture of Ginuwine up there as my background. I think I want some music up there too.
When B comes on later I'm going to ask him if I can post his pic up there. He'll probably say no. LOL. Hmmm, I wonder why. I think it wold make more since if I had a picture of us TOGETHER don't you think?
Anyway, I woke up with the worst stomach ache this morning. I'm probably pregnant...no lemme stop, that's not even funny. I think I ate too much lastnite.
Dione came over. I had fun. I'm glad she came since Boogie didn't get the chance.
We took a ride down WestBroad...it was pretty fun. Somehow we got on the subject of Hispanic guys...
after that I couldn't stop talking about B...I'm dumb as hell. *OMG my baby is soooo fiiine and he's such a sweetheart....!!!*
Dione was like...*Isn't he the one with baby momma drama???*
I was like, yeah... but it's alright I guess. I mean...when you REALLY love someone...you'll stick by no matter what. He's going through a tough time right now. Lastnite we were talking and he finally told me why he hasn't been able to see me...everything just came out, which was a huge relief for me because for a while....I didn't know what tha fuck was going on. I thought he was some fake or something and he was just...giving me the run around...I dunno. he says he doesn't have his *shit straight* I'm all-too-familiar with this term. He says I wouldn't understand. but I beg to differ. Everything that he's going through right now either I've been through it with an ex or with my brother. The fighting...the drugs...all that.
I admit when I first met him I didn't think he was about any of that...but now all of a sudden it's back in the picture. It's a bit scary because...I want him to be careful...but yet I mean....he has this dude that's looking for him. I don't know what could happen to him..well, actually I DO know what could happen but I really don't want to think about it.
Dione says that I should give him his space since he's going through all of this.
I mean, he just doesn't have time for me. But I don't really wanna give up that easy.
I don't know the whole story...there's a few things that he's not telling me and I'm sure of that. I told him that he should be able to tell me anything.
I guess I don't want him to think that I don't love him because I DO with all my heart...I want nothing more than to be this guy.
It's so strange...loving someone like this...ppl think I'm crzy. Whatever.
I think my real fear is that...if we take a break...you know, until he gets himself together...that he'll fall in love with someone else. I mean...no one can help who they fall in love with. I just don't want to lose him.
But I also don't want some drug-dealing gang-banger boyfriend. No. I'm through with all of that. I can do better than that...and I know he can too. He seems like a strong man...he takes really good care of his kids and I love that about him. It's crazy but...it kinda makes me wish I had kids with him, but Shhhh * Don't tell anyone*
I just know he's stronger than all that. I just hope that he's very careful. I just don't want to be a hassle for him.
I just think it's messed up that he goes everywhere else but to see me....
I wish there was something I could to do help him. But I know there isn't...I can't fix everything.
I asked him to come and stay with me until all this mess blows over....or atleast come over whenever he felt...you know....threatened or something.
He was like, *na, I don't wanna bring that around you*
PLEASE! Like something's going to happen to ME! He obviously doesn't know WHO I am and WHO my mother is. But that's ok. I'm not about to tell.
I think the reason why I want him over here is because...well, I'm lonely...I really don't like living here...alone. It's a bit scary. I don't do much...it's not like I have to work...although I know I should.
Eh...I'm going to stop writing now...I'm going to go and do my Tae-Bo. Then I'm going to stuff my face.