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Poetry from the inside |
There isn't one day that goes by
Where I haven't thought about you
I know you will never feel
The same for me
But the feelings I have
When we are together
Are better than feeling
Nothing at all
So I will take
Whatever time you are will to share
Cus I am learning
Some thing new everyday
And your friendship
Means more to me than anything
If I thought it would make a difference
I would tell you how I feel
I would tell you how much you mean to me
and how I miss you a great deal.
If I thought it would make a difference
I would tell you not to go
I would tell you to stay in my life
and not take no as no.
If I thought it would make a difference
I would call you on the phone
I would tell you that I love you
and not feel so alone.
If I thought it would make a difference
I would take you by the arm
I would tell you how much I care for you
and protect you from the harm.
If I thought it would make a difference
I would look you in the eye
I would share with you my deepest thoughts
and you'd see I can not lie.
If you wanted to make a difference
You would be my friend
You would show me that you care
and my heart would mend.
If you wanted to make a difference
You would give a hug
You would bring a smile to my face
and make me feel all snug.
If you wanted to make a difference
You would love me to the end
You would say it's not like it was
But you'll still be my friend.
I don’t get this “pour me?act you’re playing
Think of all you have
A company of your own
Your own apartment
Friends who try to help you find a date
From what I can tell
A family life that was not bad
You have the sweetest personality
And a heart of gold
I could go on and on
But if the girls you like can’t see that
Then it’s there loss
I know you won't settle for just anyone
And I do admire that
Don’t let anyone tell you
You’re not worth anything
Not even yourself
Because you are special
And you don’t need me to tell you that
I want you
The whole package
Nothing more
Nothing less
The good
The bad
An experience like never before
You are my happiness
When I am feeling sad
You hold the key to my heart
If you choose to open it
Don't be scared
It's okay
Love will teach us the way
Got in my car today
Took it to the movie theater
Stood in line
Got my ticket
Sat in that jam packed theater
By myself
An interesting experience
The movies are alone
No one to hold your hand
Put there arm around you
Or even just to tell
Hey that preview looks interesting
Or man that movie is gonna suck
I laughed and cried with the crowd
However the funny thing
I wasn't sad that I was alone
I was sad at the people
Wondering if I was alone
And feeling sad for me
He is like a drug I am addicted to
When I am around him I am so high
Everything feels so good
I crave for him in my life
No matter how much time I spend with him
It is not long enough
For as soon as he walks away
I start to crash
All I can think about is
When am I going to get my next dose
He takes my confidence
And flushes it down the toilet
As my dignity crumbles in front of him
All hope it lost
And I am left to find a new drug
I can feel the energy building up inside
"I want to feel myself inside you"
It is what you told me
Before I could tell you
That is what I wanted too
And we wanted to so badly
But we didn't have anything
He had told me that he wasn't ready for a kid
Neither am I
But he wanted to fuck me contraception free
He told me it was my body and my decision
Naked I hoovered over his body
And he tried
His tip touched me
I couldn't do it
I wanted him to push me over
Fuck me like he has never fucked anyone before
I could see it in his eyes
But he wouldn't do anything to hurt me
And even though it was killing us both we stopped
I wanted it. He wanted it
Someday will come
And we will attack eachother
It will be the most amazing time
You should of loved me
when you had me
We were once years ago
I was there with you gladly
Now I can't, I say sadly
But your friend I stay so
I can't be with you always
I will be with you those days
Just call me and I'll go
Take my friendship
Don't regret it
Even though we are not mean't to be
You went your way
I went my way
But it's okay
There's a place
For you and me
Your lazy
Your messy
You clothes are certainly
not dressy
You talk about the hot chicks
Inspire your roomate
with my new flick
You like jazz and rap
and laugh at my country crap
You have beautiful eyes
and a bashful smile
And it's just nice
to hang out for awhile
You listen to my stories
and give some advice
And having you as a friend
is just kind of nice
At night when I am sleeping
I picture you
I want to put my hands on your skin
Press your body against mine
Hold your gaze
Savoring every minute
Knowing one day
This will be reality
And I won't lose you
When I awake
Unconciously thinking about you
Constantly drawn to the
Area of town right down
The street from your house
Before I knew it was there
Coincidents or not?
Do things happen for a reason?
Or do we embellish our thoughts?
Words, visions, signs
That don't mean anything
At the time
But after the fact
Smack you in the face
Some so bluntly odvious
And others far fetched
I have had feelings for you
For quite some time now
But then again
Most girls do
It make you
A little cocky knowing it
So I have cracked a lot of gay jokes
To release some steam
My reasoning being if you are gay
Then you are not going to love me
You claim to like girls
Yet I have never seen you with one
And it's not like you don't
Have any opportunities
So what's the deal?
I am honestly scared
Of letting someone new
Into my life
I do keep people at a distance
And what if I could
Actually make you mine
I fear breaking down
And not being confident
All I really want you to do
Is be there for me
With loving arms
And to be able to stop
Hiding my feelings for you
My secret is I think I like Brian
He is a guy that works
In the Engineering dept. at my work
I think he is really funny
He has a great personality
And just a pinch of crazy
When it comes to women
His confidence is not so high
He would attempt just about anything
You would ask him to do
Recently he has liked two different people
Whom both said they are not interested
I don't know how he feels about me
When others ask me about him
I blow them off
Like I am not interested
But this is because I know
How fast rumors start
I would reather keep my feelings to myself
Until I know for sure how I feel
I would not want to hurt him
In the process of figuring it out
Sometimes I wonder if I really like him
Or if it is because he is available
I do know he likes kareoki
And to dance naked
On table tops at weddings (don't ask)
It's fun to watch him try to dance
When we are working together
I'm a little nervous
And a little scared
But really calm as well
I have a hard time trusting someone else
However with boyfriends
I have always treated them like gold
Never expecting much in return
I don't want to be a lead weight
And I don't want him to be one to me
I'm looking to make changes
Which can only happen
When I am willing to let someone new in
Don't tell me your past
And I will love you as is
Tell me your past
And I might hold it against you
When I don't know
Anything about you
How will I know?
What if you have changed
And I miss the opportunity
What if you haven't
And I stay
I follow my heart
And I love you
I follow my head
And I miss you
I cannot get you out of my head
I just want you to look me in the eyes
And tell me you are feeling the same way
You have a great personality
When I met you all I could say was insults
I found out you and I are the same age
And I told you that you looked older
I am sure that makes you feel attracted to me
But you have no idea what you mean to me
The more I find out about you
The more I fall in love
You have black hair and warm brown eyes
And when you look at me I just want to hold you
You have a crooked smile that shows your shy side
But you love to perform and I can tell that you have talent
I feel all these emotions that I do not know what to feel
One minute I am happy and the next I am sad
I feel like I am going to burst
If I don't tell you soon
I want to ask you to go to all these places
Like volleyball, kareoki, laser tag, and rock climbing
I want to be around you
I don't know what to feel and I don't know what to do
Cus you are right there
Sometimes I feel I have to tell you
But I don't know how you are going to react
I am falling for you more and more
Each moment you step into my life
And I don't know what to do
I cannot get enough of you
You pick me up when I am down
You are my best friend
A burst of adrenaline
When wrapped in your arms
I feel so protected
But when you're away
You are all I can think about
When you are unhappy
So am I
You make me feel really good
Even though I may question everything
You are by my side
You are my everything
And I am completely devoted to you
Some days I can't even look at your face
Most days I can't wait to see it
You may know my feelings
You will never know my thoughts
When you look at me with disscust
I look at you with pleasure
Until it runs its course...
Crush, I'm sorry...I love you
I don't like the term "dating"
It implies that you can see
More than one person
When I like someone
It is all about them
I believe if you are dating
More than one person
You don't strongly love either of them
So why waste your time?
I hate the dating game
My plan has always been
You are a friend
Or we are going out
There is not middle ground
He is my date
Has no significant meaning
If I like someone
I go for them
And only them
I expect the same from you
Some days
I want to dress up
Want guys to look
Other days
I like to wear sweats
Be a tomboy
And not care what others think
One day
Nail bitting
Next day
Nail polish
Exercise, one week
Fast food, the next
I want you to want me
Maybe I don't
Do I confuse you?
Yeah I confuse myself
Know exactly what I want
One day
And not having a clue
The next
Like being singe today
Looking for a boyfriend tomorrow
Maybe I will go out
Maybe I'll stay in
Passionate about everything
One day
Don't care
The next
Just taking things
One day at a time
Cus one day
There may not be a next
I want to talk about it
And I want you not to feel bad for me
I want your help
I want you to understand
And I want you to listen
I am so confused
The more I learn
The more I realized
There's a lot I don't know
And you can't help me
Without me telling you
What I have learned so far
So while some are hiding
Because they are afraid
You will treat them differently
Friends and Family
I am diabetic
And when you are ready
I am here to talk
I am conflicted
On letting you know
Because my fantasy world
Is something I don't show
Maybe you've already noticed
Or maybe you have no clue
But that something I am hiding
Is a love life shared with you
I don't know if I am
Willing to take that fall
Because this way is better
Than no having you at all
While I'm trying to get
You to notice me
Feeling very vulnerable and that's
Something I don't want you to see
However having you in my life
Would be better than anything
I could imagine
When there is so much to say
Anything could happen
Like a dead corpse
Waiting for someone to
Breathe life into me
Nights spent crying silent tears
Hands and feet cold like icicles
Lips cracking
And every breathe
Drying the moisture in my mouth
Heart throbbing with so much love to give
Isolated by my own stubborness
Top
Love is a feeling
Deep within your heart
A path you can follow
If you know where to start
Love can destroy you
And leave you in the rain
But finding that special someone
Can take away the pain
Hidden within your eyes
Lies a special place
Which only can be seen
When love is in this case
When emotions get all scrambled
And time flashes by
Don't worry cuz tomorrow
You will still be my guy
Like fire I could burn you
But you are the air that sparks my flames
So hot are passion burns
The earth's wood of desire
Roasting under the skin
Your energy breathes life into me
But I am scared you might be water
And I don't want to make you my kinling
Once lit my light isn't easily put out
You brighten my life with each burst of wind
Hoping to glide along this journey forever
It's all about Ed
All about his smile
That draws you in
I trust him
He feeds off my akwardness
By making me squirm
When his car rolls backwards on hills
Or forcing me to look him in the eyes
He gets me to talk
About personal things
I usually would never tell
He puts himself out there
By belting kareoki lyrics
And he knows just how to make people laugh
How much $$$ to lick the train pole
So when I tell you I miss him
It shouldn't be that big a surprise
Cus if you could share
Just a little of what we have
Then you would miss him too
When we are together
I come alive
And I don't know how
To express it to most people
He has funny habits
Like eating food equally
But we are so much alike
Farscape, Video games, Books
A general interest in anaylizing
And figuring things out
I want so badly to take care of him
And to let him take care of me
To stroke his hair
Hold his hand
And hug him
I picture him in my head
Baseball cap backwards
Black Tool shirt on
Looking kinda scruffy
Yet cute beyond words
And I see us in his car
Roof down belting lyrics
Having a good time
Are relationship can be scary
But I keep getting drawn to his charm
It's funny
Cus we want to run from each other
But neither of us would let that happen
When I get scared
I think about him
And the trusting look in his eyes
How nice it is just to cuddle
Then like he knows
He will call or text me
Or he will just look at me
And I will ask "what?"
He will say "you know"
And I know no matter what it is
He loves me
And I love him
Someone I can trust
Who is a phone call away
You are a good laugh
When I have had a bad day
When in need of a hug
Your arms are open wide
A shoulder to cry on
You are by my side
You have seen the good and the bad
Been there through the happy and the sad
Together we have seen the end
And yet I can still count on you ex-boyfriend
Rather than go after you myself
I would give you to my friend
You don't even notice me anyway
You hang out when she is there
Last night you didn't even tell me goodnight
It's like I don't even exist
What the hell?
What am I doing?
Once again I let you get away
I'm an expert in losing you
It is funny
I am entering the stage
Where I question
What I saw in him
I am beginning to see
How much of a pig
He is towards women
He is trying to get a married women
To have a one night stand with him
Cus he thinks he is Brad Pitt
And can get anyone
So why don't you have a girlfriend?
A part of wonders if he would go through with it
He also claims to hate myspace
But is on everyday probably looking at porn
He can somehow manage
To pull off a big ego
With low confidence
He overworks and wonders why
He is always tired
And does not feel well
He just mopes through everyday
The only life outside of work
Is spend with his sister and her son
Or occasionally with other co-workers for a beer
He wonders why everybody picks on him
And takes advantage of him
It is because he lets them
And I say all this knowing a part of me
Still want this man in my life
Why?
Because I love him
And all his faults
When you walk in the room
You make an hour
Go by like a minute
Words are a lost cause
Even when I have so much to say
Even when my eyes
Are not on you
I am watching you
I know what your body looks like
Even though I have never seen you naked
My body quivers
I don't know anything about you
Except that I am immensly drawn to you
Once you leave
I can breath again and I miss you
If I knew what I wanted
I would go for it
But since I do not
This is me
Living in the moment
Until opportunity
Takes me on another adventure
Life is full of directions
And lots of choices
Which I will figure it all out
At my own pace
Why do I have to know
What I want
At this precise moment?
We are all looking
For strong roots
Planted in the firm ground
So we can flourish
into a full grown tree
Freedom
To express myself
To not care what others think
Knowing who I am
The good
The bad
And everything in between
Loving and hugging
Friends
A sense of joy
Laughing and crying
And the times
When you feel so much
You don't know
What to feel
Knowing that even when you tryed to hide
A friend would be by your side
You can't have freedom
Without having a good support group
The best time of my life
Expanded over four years
It was at a place called Fitchburg State
It brought freedom and friends
In a way I have never experienced before
Freedom from living with my parents
Being able to do what I wanted
Whenever I wanted to
Friends that were around 24/7
Which meant that you knew
Eachother's good side
As well as there bad
Most times were really good
However there was always
Someone there to help you
Through the bad
It was a learning experience
Both in the classroom
And out of the classroom
Gemini you have stolen my heart
You have been the air
That keeps my fire burning
And while my insides
Are getting hotter and hotter
I'm watching you
Flow in and out of my life
You don't even realize
What you are doing
I have fallen in love
It's the only time
I truely feel anything
Joy and pain at the same time
There you are calm and cool
How will I ever tell you?
If yesterday was the last time we talked or text.
I would rewind the conversations
and mentally play them so many times.
But honestly not talking to you
would burn in my core.
If yesterday was the only time we held each other.
I would remember how warm, loving, and
protected you made me feel.
But honestly I would want nothing more
but for you to walk back to my arms
and back in my door.
If yesterday were the only kisses
we ever shared.
I would close my eyes and
remember what they felt like.
But honestly after kissing you
I wouldn’t want to open my eyes.
Unless you were here
my heart would be soar.
If yesterday was the only time we had together.
I would be happy we at least had this.
But honestly sad we couldn’t have more.
I have my heart set on him
And I cannot even tell him
It is making me so uncomfortable
The more I find out about him
The more I end up liking him
However I have been
Told it is better for him
To make the first move
Than it is for me
But I don't know how much longer
I will be able to take this
As I sat and watched
I saw a well known friend
Puffing his life away
What is he proving?
What are his thoughts?
He's hurt
He's depressed
He told me god was drifting
Away from him by doing this
But he can't stop
He told me it is not peer pressure
Or because of his love or best friends
So why?
I wish to help but don't know how
So I sit helplessly listening
One day hoping he will stop
Along with the pain and sorrow
He holds inside
Tears rolling down my face.
Something here is out of place.
I look around and something is gone.
Now I know that something is wrong.
The friends who I love so dear,
Now I realize that they are not going to be here.
None of us what we used to be.
In fact, we can not be more different.
Each of us going are own ways.
We leave behind what was once
So strong, so loving, so innocent.
We move in different directions.
Taking different paths,
Not knowing what to expect
Or what to forget.
But I want you to remember
The fun we had.
Forget the pain and tears.
For sometime in the future,
When we all meet again,
We will think of all the fun we have shared
And how we were back then!
Thinking straight is not an option.
I don't know what I am doing.
Everything is horribly right
And wonderfully wrong.
Where did these feelings come from?
My heart is telling me it's ok.
When my brain is screaming..NO!!
If I don't think about it
I could get myself in trouble.
And thinking about it
Makes me stiff and unrelaxed.
Am I giving you mixed signals? Of course
But it is only a reflection
Of what's happening inside of me.
If I could make a decision
That would make you feel better
When all I can offer is "I don't know".
Right now I am just scared.
It came out of the blue but I still care.
Sometimes I panic
Other times I am ok with it.
I don't know if I trust you.
Time will tell if I should.
But stick around
The best things happen
When the walls come crashing down.
And maybe we can talk
About the things not easily said.
A conclusion will be released
And the "I don't knows" will end.
Sometimes I can be
Such a bitch
I'm sorry
If you only knew
My real fustration
than you would know
Why I am taking
It out on you
When you enter the room
My emotions are all
Over the place
I don't know if
I am happy or sad
If I am going to be sick
Or if I can keep my cool
When my insides
Are screaming I love you
My outsides
are saying insults
And you just walk away
I forgot to say I'm sorry
And it's to late
For just one look
In my eyes
And you would see that
I am not a strong
As you may think
You told me you were still in love with me
I was not ready to love you again
You sent me a note asking me out
When all I was ready to give you was friendship
We shared a dance on my birthday
It brought back the memories
Of the times toghether we shared
When you tried to kiss me
I would avoid it
Then the night we went out with some friends
The four of us went back to your apartment
We were all playing around
The next thing I knew
Our friends were gone
We kissed that night
I let myselft fall back in love with you
I thought everything will be ok and work out
Then instead of going after me
You didn't call me for a week
You showed up one night
And thought everything was ok
I want to forgive you
I want to love you
But you are too much trama
You called me everyday for a couple weeks
After I yelled at you for not
It was really nice
However it was not to hangout
Everytime you called
It was somewhere between 10pm and 1am
It would either be a five minute call
Or you would already have plans
You made me love you
Why would you do that?
Was it some kind of challenge for you?
I know you are busy
And so am I
But if you love me as much as you claim to
You would find the time and the ways to show it
Actions speak louder than words my friend
Now I don't want to even try
You called me the other day
I didn't answer the phone
Your message said that you are graduating soon
I am so happy for you
So proud I would have gone to your graduation
But so mad at you
Because I love you and know I will forgive you
And right now you don't deserve to be forgiven
I would rather have suffered
The pain of loving someone
Than to have never have loved at all
I trust that the rareview mirror
Is a reflextion of the lessons love holds
And I can only learn these lessons
If I am willing to love
The deeper the love
The deeper the cut
But woons heal
Internal scars are the reminders
Of why my love left
Until I find the one
Who doesn't break my heart
I wish to look into your eyes
But looking into your eyes
Will make me want to kiss your lips
And kissing your lips
Will make me want to grab your hand
Holding your hand
Would make me want to know what’s under your shirt
Knowing what’s under your shirt
Would make me want to know what’s down your pants
Knowing what’s down your pants
Would make me want to do it all over again
So I wonder
If I look into your eyes
Would you look into mine?
I remember snuggling with you as we fell asleep
I remember the times up at your parents cottage
When they didn't want us to share a bed
I remember you coming to my house
Having already bought a coffee the way I like it
I remember driving the streets
Early in the morning and kissing at Sandy beach
I remember you and Mini Mike leaving messages
On my dorm in the middle of the night
I remember driving in your maxima
And how it was your baby
I remember our pemiquid camping trip
And the "oh you guys" man
I remember how it feels
To have your arms wrapped around me
And not want to let go
I remember the way we used to kiss
And how nothing else mattered
I remember what I love you
Felt like without you having to tell me
I remember our song "louder than words"
And the look in your eyes whenever it played
I remember being your everything
I remember...
And I miss it
What once was nothing
Got me thinking
I feel nervous
and I'm shaking
I can't breathe
I can't eat
Can't sit still
in this seat
Wishing to lock eyes
for awhile
Or just to capture
that wonderful smile
Looking for protection
Or some kind of connection
When you're not around
wanting to see you
But wanting more
when I am near you
So if you're my someone
Please let me know
Before it's too late
and I have to go
Just wanted to know
Because I've been thinking
Is it just me
Or is there some thing?
I wish I could find the words
That would speak exactly how I feel
It is so confusing
I want a man in my life
And I want him to be you
I don't know if you know
I try to act like you don't mean anything to me
So maybe I won't tense up
But it's getting harder and harder
I am not looking for anything major right way
I have been trying to get you to come out
With me and have fun
Sometimes I think you may
Have already crossed me off your list
But you haven't even given me a chance
I feel like I don't even know you
But I miss you
I thank you for giving me
Even the smallest amout of happiness
Just by being you
So you know
Now what?
Not I get really depressed
And mope around
I am so sick of this cycle
How do I get out of it?
I still love him
Now he can't stand to be around me
I wish I could say
I am sorry
But I don't know what for
For loving him
That's ridiculous
All of these emotions
I keep bottled up
Vulnerability is not a side I prefer to show
Watching sappy love movies just to get a taste
Of what it feels like to be in love
Only to take a lonely car ride home
Balling my eyes out
Asking myself
Where can I find you?
And will I be able to let you
Into my heart when I do?
I am so angry
Angry my friends are getting married
Angry they are now having kids
Angry that I am almost 30
And still living with my parents
Angry at myself
Cus I am the only one I can blame
I want to find you
But where do I start?
I mean how can I try?
When will I get the opportunity?
Where did I go wrong?
I have learned a lot from my past relationships
Make sure there is good communication
Men and women both have a say
None greater than the other
Make sure you reall love each other
And it is no a person using you
Make sure you can trust each other
And at the very least
What starts with friendship
Ends with friendship
(To all my ex's: Thanks for the memories
To my future husband: Have a little faith in me.
Patience does wonders!!)
Goodbye is not an easy thing to say
So I hope today is not that day
I enjoyed working with you
and would like to think that you did too
Fun days spent showing you
Photoshop, After effects, and Final cut 3
And you oppinions on my projects really helped me
It's the little things that you do
Singing/dancing to the radio, having lunch, or small convo.
They put a smile on my face
Whenever you enter this place
Maybe sober I am just a "pot head"
Wish you thought I was something else instead
Cuz you're goofy, honest, and you keep things real
And your friendship to me means a great deal
It may only take a moment to remember someone
But a lifetime to forget that fun
So let me say thank you
For you being you
And if today happens to be the last day I see you
I just want you to know it was nice to meet you
Hope you have a wonderful holiday season
Feel free to call me for any reason
It may only take a moment to remember someone
But a lifetime to forget that fun
Goodbye is not an easy thing to say
So let’s hope today is not that day
Tears rolling down our faces
Think of us when you enter your new phases
Everyone enjoyed working with you
and we know that you did too
You made sure there was a smile on everyone’s face
Whenever you entered this place
You are goofy, honest, and you keep things real
And your friendship to us means a great deal
Now we’ll look around and know you’re gone
You will be missed but things will go on
If today happens to be the last day we all see you
Each of us want you to know it was a pleasure to meet you
Eventually we will all go are own ways
But we will keep in mind our Marriot days
We will remember the boss who we loved so dear
And the good times we had when we were all here
It's funny how you never know
When you are with someone
This will be the last time you see them
This time will be your last kiss
Your last sexual encounter with them
You look back and think
Would I have held on to that moment
Just a little longer if I knew?
Or would that moment
Have never even happened?
It makes me really sad to know that
That particular moment has past
And I will never see you
Or feel you again
I was in the mall
When I came across your scent
Back came the memories
Of the times together we spent
Cool spring was the name of your cologne
And I had to smell it before I went home
I remembered the way love used to be
When I loved you and you loved me
I am grateful for the wonderful thoughts
Just a sniff of your cologne has brought
The memories will always last
Of the good times spent in the past
I'm scared
Scared of rejection
Scared to show you who I am
To let you in
Need someone to care for
To care for me
So hard to trust
When everyone has run away
Body isn't the same as it used to be
What was once fairly balanced
Now comes with a tilt
But I am fighting to
Stand on two feet
Fighting to let you in
Fighting to open up
And hoping you'll be there
So please don't give up
Love is like a game
That no one knows
Exactly how to play
It can draw you
Very close
Or push you far away
You know the best
What is right
Even if you feel
Scarce tonight
Trust your heart
From the start
Love is what we
Make it
Either take it
Or break it
It's eating me alive
I don't know what to do
How can I express
These feelings I have for you?
If I don't tell you soon
I will make myself sick
But if I do I wonder
What would you think?
I don't even trust myself
I've hid it so well
I am worried about
What would happen
I am not ready for farwell
It's getting harder and harder
To look you in the eyes
I don't want to become
A person you dispies
What If I tell you
And you feel the same way?
I will never know for sure
Until that special day
I fell in love with you
Or more the idea of you
In my eyes I saw you as everything I was looking for
Now I think I am just holding on to the adrenalin rush
You may surround yourself with women
But you and I go home to empty beds
Maybe it is your time to shine and maybe it is mine to fail
But know that you are no better off then I am
Although my love for you is slowly fading
Maybe one day someone won't make me feel like a pompus ass
Just for loving them
Sometimes I trick my mind
Into thinking that you love me
You walk by the door
And for a moment
Just one moment
I see you look at me
I think that you
Are doing it on purpose
Each time you go by we lock eyes
And I sid here hoping
That you'll say you love me
Because your eyes speak to me
In reality I really don't act like I like you
In fact I give you the impression
That I hate you
Except for those moments
When you walk by
And all I can think of
Is having you in my life
Which is why I reflect
My anger when you are not
I want to be your teacher
and to learn the things you'll teach me
about life and love and happiness
and everything else there is
I will show you my world
If you will show me yours
From America to Germany
And all around the world
I can make your life calmer
If you can make mine crazier
and somewhere in the middle
We'll meet mutually happier
I want to be near you
I want to call you
I don't want to be
Anywhere were I can't
Hear your voice
I miss you
I miss your touch
Hardly even know you
And yet feel like I have forever
Love the look in your eyes
The curve of your lips
The electricity that flows
From our finger tips
Pouty lips
Fantasies of kissing them
Touching you
Your sexy body
Our eyes locking
But we look away
Only to find them
Watching one another moments later
Afraid of what one thinks of the other
Thoughs beautiful eyes
Make my dreams come true
I want to be around my man
Because he makes me feel so good
I never want him to let go of me
When we look into each other's eyes
It's like time freezes
Or when 3hrs with him
Goes by like a minute
His effection is something
I crave and I miss when he is not there
I get an adrenaline rush
When I hear his name
He makes me feel light as a feather
Completely happy
If only he were in my life
I don't want to be alone
Tired of it
Afraid of my own self
Need someone to
Care for me so badly
Don't want to come
Off as obsessive
So lately I only trust myself
Been doing everything alone
Cus I don't know how to ask for help
Miss human contact
Know how to love
But don't know how to let myself be loved
I want the chance to get to know you better
A moment to look you in the eyes
To let you see what I've been holding back
I think we would be so wonderful together
Maybe right now you know how I feel
But I don't know what to feel
I do know that time stops when you are around
I want to show you the world
Like you have never seen it before
I would like to get lost in your eyes
And cradled in your arms
But the one thing I would absolutely love
Is to have you beside me
When the ball drops on New Year's
Be you my friend or boyfriend
It would mean a lot
If not I do wish you the best in life
I don't want it to be
But it might be over
And yet last night
I thought things went well
Am I just teasing myself
I don't know what to feel
I've got it so bad for you
And I am marked off
For reasons unknown
You are telling everybody one thing
And showing me something different
Kind of sounds like me
Show me what I have to do
Or not to do
But don't mark me off
Without a reason
That is not good enough
For you or for me
I was so giddy that looking at him
Made me smile, turn red, and almost drop to the floor.
I literally did a double take.
I kept noticing how funny he is and his gorgeous blue eyes.
How he is quite but also knows how to have a good time.
I am so happy when he is there and so disappointed when he is not.
Thinking about him all the time.
Maybe he does like me but I am so blind.
I think about that.
What would it feel like if we kissed?
I can picture his bashful smile and his curious eyes.
But I wonder where, when, and if it will ever happen.
Just wish we didn’t have to play these games.
It makes me wonder if he feels the same about me.
One time I put my hand on top of his which was holding the mouse.
For that brief moment I just wanted to hold it.
I guess I want to know someone will be there no matter what happens.
I have started to convince myself to find ways of not liking him.
For instance, he likes to gamble.
Will he be bad with money?
He still lives with his parents.
But I just moved out a year ago.
He plays fantasy football.
Is he a dork?
Yet who’s to say I’m not.
Honestly I am just coming up with things so I won’t get hurt again.
A part of me is really scared.
You know I want to get married and have kids someday.
But I have also realized that may never happen.
I know I am going to go out and have fun no matter what.
But I am just saying it would be nice.
He has been on my mind and in my heart.
And I need to know if I am in his.
This not knowing is really torturous
I don't think I see you for a couple days
I need to know
Can we start a relationship?
Or should I move on?
Part of me cannot wait to see you
And part of me is nauciously nervous
It would really mean the world to me
To have someone special in my life
I miss you tons!!
How do I know I love you
Whenever you enter the room
My heart beats like I ran a marathon
I have to remind myself to breathe
Every moment spent thinking about
What it would be like if you were here
I miss you when you head for the door
Or anywhere out of hearing range
Every day learning something new
From hiking, to theatre, to tap dancing
You are so intriguing
Desiring more of you like a drug
Never quite knowing how you feel
You are a secret eating away at me
But I want you to know
You are worth every minute of this agony
Love isn't supposed to be easy
I want to thank you for entering my life
And opening my heart
I hope one day I can do the same for you
My life is dragging
Always hesitating
Knowone to confide
Knowbody on my side
He drained my heart
And tore me apart
I started to slack
but now I am back
Pulling my life together
So I can go on forever
Away from the stealing
Away from the drinks
My heart is healing
From all thoughs old links
Wipe the drained look off my face
Give back the beauty and the grace
Clear the puffines from my skin
You are the only one I let in
Stained glass eyes of bright red
And a throbbing pain in my head
What can I say or do
Just to hear the words
I love you
Every morning
When I wake up I have a panic attack
My mind is one huge wreck
Thinking that you've done me wrong
I don't know what's going on
Wondering what it is that triggered it
Is this even a relationship?
By afternoon
I've calmed down
Wishing you would be around
Everything is okay
Wondering what you are doing today
Thinking about calling you
Not knowing what we would do
Sun sets
You are here
I don't know how to act when you're there
I just want to hug and hold you close
That is what I miss the most
When you do my heart is free
I really do miss you and me
Late night is here
Now it's time for you to go
We'll see each other soon I know
It's time to share a goodnight kiss
When you leave it's you I miss
You are gaining my trust day by day
Untill these panic attacks go away
I can’t wait to see you again.
I’ve spent every minute away from you thinking about you.
My stomach is in knots.
It is literally growling as I type this.
I really liked our time together recently.
I had no idea it would turn out this way.
I’m honestly shocked that you like me.
I wonder sometimes if you are playing me though.
Then I think “why would you play your best friends sister”?
I don’t really trust you cus I think at any moment you are going to walk out of my life.
In fact I am really scared of that.
I really don’t know how you feel.
I think that is the worst part.
When I don’t think about it everything is fine.
Yeah I am concerned about how my brother feels.
Seeing as he is your best friend.
I know you are concerned too.
I do feel weird when he is right there.
I know I am gonna feel the same way once my parents know as well.
But at the same time it is good to know that they all like you already.
Everybody likes you.
Even my friends said right off the bat you are great.
I have so many mixed feelings about this.
I just need to know you’re there.
I’m not one for labels but I really want to be your girlfriend.
I want everyone to know that you are mine.
I wish we could spend some time together with out anyone around.
No pressure.
I keep hearing phrases in my head from the other night,
“tell it whose boss” and “If you want me to stop I will”.
I wish I could touch you right now.
Everything just stops when I’m close to you.
I can’t get enough of you.
It makes me feel very vulnerable.
I don’t like that feeling.
It makes me want to push you away.
Burying my face into you close by your neck
I breath you in and in doing so I drift away
Your body warm, your hands gently on my back
I am in a world with just you
Your scent, your touch, your warmth,
Our cloud, my happiness, my protection,
And nothing else can interfere
You are leaving my world
But I would like to see you
One last time before you go
So you can see how beautiful it is
And know that you are always welcome in it
No matter how far away you are
In a little ball
Head resting on my lap
So sweet, so innocent
Eyes closed, relaxed
I could have watched you all night
Something so peaceful about you
You take away everything that is stressful
Which makes it hard to leave
Your body warm
One hand lying along your side
And the other held with yours
Fighting the urge to play with your hair
And leave you at peace
Everybody runs
Just want someone to be there
To reach out
To care
Just one person
Who doesn't have to love me
But wants to
One person
Who wonders if I am alive
Don't know how
To connect with anyone
But have so much
Love for them
If they try to love me
I don't trust them
I put up a wall
So I am the one
That is running
And they don't see
How much they mean to me
Someone to love
to love me
to buy me a rose
to take me dancing
Someone to take me for a drink
or just to hang out for the evening
Someone to walk hand and hand
as were walking in the sand
Someone with gorgous eyes
who will make me feel special
and not tell me lies
Her hair is whispy
and different shades of blond
Her body thin
and so beautiful
Always wearing low cut pants
of light or white color
Her blue shirts
Occasionally showing belly
A little self-conscious
she tugs them down
Her face is like that
Similar to a pug
It is all scrunched up
But cute as a button
Looking at her hands
you can see her bones
Her gentle touch
brings comfort to all
Her stories suck you in
Her laugh is contagious
Not far off in age
She is someone I admire
You don't know the real me
I'm deep in frustration
That you can't see
You're taking me down
A path that is broken
You only know me
When no words
Have to be spoken
You've guided me further
Than ever before
But I can't see if things
Are special anymore
Like a train wreak waiting to happen
Only having my illusions to rely on
Although I have fallen
searching for hope
I will not lay on these tracks
Like fire strong, bright,
searching for more wood
to hitch onto then it rains
but my light althought dim
is still there
Like an abandond kitten
searching for love
not knowing which road to take
even though I may take
the wrong way
there are many roads out there
and I will keep looking
for the right one
Thought of you
before I went to bed
Had an image
in my head
It may have just been
a glare, glimse, or smile
But it will remain with me
For a little while
I am scared screaming in bed
My parents come running in wondering what I said
I wake up to my mom feeding me tablets
Cus it's sugar and I need to have it
My levels went low in the middle of the night
In order to wake up
My subconscious give me a fright
I am lying there covered in sweat
Just wondering what was going
Through my head
I will tell them that I am fine
But I am scared of these nightmares of mine
Don't ever remember what they are about
But I get so scared in real life I shout
If this didn't happen
I'd still be napping
I thank my body for doing what it could
Otherwise the consequences would not be good
I feel my life is not going
The way I want it to
But I don't know how to change it
Really the only thing that is missing
Is a man to share it with
Then everything else
Will fall into place
I feel like my life is a waste
The sad part is these are my prime years
They are just drifting by
Don't get me wrong
I am gratefull for what I have
Look at me
I want to be seen
I want to be loved
Breath life back into me
Cus I am suffocating
In this world
It is survival of the fittest
Mocking is a must
And giving it back
Is the way to stay on top
However love is what fucks everything up
Go with your instincts
You are chopped liver
Served on a platter
For your loved one to dive into
But if they feel the same
Who is the one left embarressed?
You will never know unless you take a chance
with the person you have not met but you want to
and it is hard to put your heart on the line
when he may not even be single
but he made you feel good
without even knowing
go say hi take a chance
or you may regret that last glance
So true to the Aries spirit
I sadly recognize
I fall for you
You fall for me
The chase is over
So isn't the relationship
New challenge
How long can I keep you
Before you see through my disguise
And leave me
Am I fooling you
Or am I fooling myself?
At first my heart beats
Then my temperature rises
I get really hot
And start to ramble
Through it all
I am trying to keep my cool
Inside I am beating
On myself
While outside
I am taking mental snapshots
Everyday loving something
Else about you
But knowing
You will never feel
The same for me
What I need is a crutch
Someone to depend on
Who can enjoy the good times
And knows how to handle the bad
Will you be the one to hold me?
And tell me everything is alright
Will you be the one
To anwser my call
In the middle of the night?
Will you be the one
Who walks by my side?
Will you be the one
That I can confide?
Will you be the one
To notice when I have cried?
Standing in the center of the stage
I wait for your spot light to shine down on me
My performance isn't worth a dime if no one can see me
You shine a light on my life like no other
I would do anything to grab your attention
But often I am left in the shadows of others
I come to this place often
To clear the thoughts in my head
It over looks the lake in Wakefield
It is usually very quiet
Except for a few birds and scattered people
It is very calming
There are times when I need a place to cry
Or just a place to escape to
And I've found myself coming here
Whether the sun is comforting me
With its warm blanket of heat
Or the rain is crying along the side of me
I know at that moment
Nothing really is that bad
There are some days in my life
When I miss having a man
Lately those days are becoming
More frequent and I don't understand
How can you walk into my life
And make everything change?
I was doing ok being single
But now everything has been rearranged
You don't seem to know how I feel
If you do you haven't made it a big deal
Lately you are in my mind so much
I don't know what to do
Nothing in life has had any meaning
Except the little times spent with you
Finding it harder and harder
To show you I care
Feeling worried and vulnerable
What would you do if I dared?
When I look in your eyes
I know you are the one I want to hold and kiss
Stomaches in knots
Wondering how long I can take this
This is the secret I have been holding
And it is hard to say
Because I would rather your friendship
Than have you go away
It's too bad that when you fall in love
It is hard to tell the other person
It's funny cus I start making
Bets with myself
Which 99 percent of the time become true
Ever since I saw a picture of you two days ago
I cannot get you out of my head
I am dying to get you to come out with me
I want to spend time together
You are makeing me feel
Things that I have not felt in years
We have so much in common
I do not know if you see it
The more I think of you
And what you could be
The more I fall in love with you
I do not think you are even aware
But I do know you are single
I am going to try
If I knew that you have the slightest
Sliver of an interest in me
I could let you know how I feel
I wonder what your lips
Would feel like against mine
What does your cheek feel like
If I touched it
What would happen
If we looked each other in the eyes
You are all I think about lately
You are all I care about
In the end
I am glad to feel this way
That feeling
The one you get just thinking about someone
The tingling
That sends a shiver threw your body
The pulse
Of your heart beating so hard
Trying to jump out of your body
The energy and excitement it brings
The craving
For more moments of intense sensation
Brought on
By just the thought of your presence
What I would give
To look you in the eye
And let all the emotions I feel
Come pouring out
I wait for the time
When someone tells me
That it is okay to love them
That is is okay to have feelings for them
I don't want to have to keep holding back
Sometimes I feel
Like I have no way to release it
I just want to stop feeling this way
But I don't know how
Even though I can look and act okay
Deep down nothing I do is pleasureable
And that's sad
Untill eventually it fades away
And I wonder how many times
I have to go through this
Before I find someone
Notebooks, diaries, or journals
Of the times we shared
Letters and memories of good times
With boyfriends who cared
Charicatures and photos
Held close to my heart
It's all I have left
Now that we are part
They help me get through
When time I feel lonely
A safety net to turn to
When I needed someone to hold me
But I lost you all
In a flash flood
It hurts as much
As breaking up could
These messages of love
Can never be replaced
Unfortunately it is something
Hard for me to face
Little trinkets didn't know
How much you mean
Until I had to throw you away
Never again to be seen
Never hide who you are
to often people do
and they do not get the chance
to know the real you
open up
if they do not like you for you
say goodbye
otherwise you are living a lie
only to get hurt in the end
by the person you thought was your friend
I can't stop thinking about you
Every moment replays in my head
Like a bad movie
Every word analized to pieces
Always wanting more
Never recieving enough
A feeling that you are this almighty creature
I will never be able to touch
But I know is there
It is killing me inside
I carry a picture of you in my wallet
Hidden from the world to see
Every time I notice it
It brings a smile to my face
I have really fallen for you
What would you do if you saw these words?
It's been years
Since I've felt a man's touch
I want to stop pretending or imagining
What you would be like
Just one look longer than the rest
Pent up emotion
Watching people close to half my age
Marrying and having kids
I am only asking for a boyfriend
Settling for a night of friendly flirting
Finding lately that I only attract
The married and the old
You are so god damn cute
And you don't even realize it
You don't even realize that I
Want you in my life
So bad I would carry a picture of you
Just to have you with me
I know it's pathetic
And it is nothing compared to the real thing
How will I get you to notice
Until the turning of a new page
The beginning of the next
Unwritten chapter of my life
I am holding off for the inevidible
The time when you break my heart
When you look me dead in the eyes
And crush the last bit of dignity left within me
And know that the only thing
I ever did to you was love you
Until that time comes
I will act like you don't mean
As much as you do to me
An act that I am sure
You can see right through
Everytime I am around you
You make me feel like I am an idiot
When you are not around
I want you to be
When you are around me
I want you to go away
I don't understand you
I don't understand myself
Where the hell did confident independant me go?
I don't even like depressed lonely me
How could I expect you to?
I miss you more than I can even describe
You were the best relationship I ever had
It is something I will cherish forever
Your family was like my own
To think that we almost got back
Together again kills me inside
Cus I know we can never get back what we had
But we both tried
I don't see us being any more than friends
It hurts so much
The fact that I want you in my life
There is a lump in my throat
Cus I know that I could never
Look you in the eyes and tell you this
And that is I love you
If we can't be in each other's lives
It breaks my heart
You could take our friendship
And walk away forever
I really want you to be happy
I want you to know that
But I know this relationship will never work
So I will walk away
Knowing both of us have changed
Reaching out and hoping
I haven't lost your friendship
What do I truely want?
A man in my life
Right now that man is Brian
If it works out it will be like
Dating for the first time again
It's gotten so bad that I can't
Express my feelings to his face
I think about him all the time
He is even in my dreams
I pretend that I am falling
Asleep in his arms every night
I don't want just a boyfriend
I want a man
Who will truely be there for me
I want a husband
I want a life with this person
I want them to see
My good side as well as my bad
I want kids
And a house of our own
I don't allow myself
To be with just anyone
I am really scared
I love the feeling of being in love
But hate it when they don't feel the same
I am kicking myself
Cus I swear the other night
You looked me dead in the eyes
And I got nervous and say "what"
You smiled and looked away
Replying "nothing"
Oh...
That was my opportunity to tell you
Or I could have just let you watch me
But no I had to go and say something
Telling myself you were looking passed me
But what if you weren't?
What if you actually care?
What if you actually see me?
And I am not one of those people
Who passes in and out of your life
I want to know all about you
I need you to tell me it's alright
To have these feelings for you
I sit here in front of you
Listening to how depressed you are
About not having a girlfriend
I think to myself
What about me?
You asked two people out at work
And they both shot you down
What about me?
You have no time for someone else
Yet you sit there wondering
How to get someone
Just open your eyes
And think about me
I wonder what you think
How would I bring it up?
And what would be like doing kareoi? (hehehe)
Everytime I see you
I make you do a dance
Or something silly
But nothing would satisfy me more
Than if you would date me
I don't fall in love easily
And I don't just kiss anyone
What kills me is
I know you have feelings for me
You looked me in the eyes
And said you like me
You pretty much go after me
And then take it all back
I didn't go after you
Cause I thought you were to young
Not because I didn't like you back
I thought you were going to ask me out
Instead you asked me to be your friend
If friendship is all I can have
That's what I will take
But I wonder how that's going to work
Now that I love you
I'm pretty sure
That you still have feelings for me
So now I daydream
About the times we had together
I still see you
Standing in my doorway
Just after we first kissed
Like a kid in a candy store
I won't forget that look
So amazed and shocked
Squinty eyes and a smile
On your lips
I miss you!
I'll keep the memories
Of our short time together
And wonder what
We could have had.
I can tell you who I was
But I can't tell you
Who I am
This is only something
That you can discover with time
Lost in self-discovery
Has been somewhat a misery
I feel like I have been
Falling through the air
And I am only looking
For someone who cares
I need to rediscover
Who I was
In order to figure out
Who I may be
Will I ever find a man
Who will be there for me
And wish we were
Together for eternity
Will I ever find a man
Who won't think "She's too quiet"
And marks me off his list
Before he would try it
Will I ever find a man
Where he just makes my day
And telling him I love you
Would be okay
I'm a indoor rock climber
A yoga, dance, and exerciser
I'm a honda civic driver
A candle, beach, and cat lover
I'm a reiki practicioner
A crystal, rune, and tarot reader
I'm a fitchburg stater
A videographer, DJ, and a still shot taker
I'm a renaissance participater
A music, archade playing, bead bag maker
I'm a card player
A nintendo, sega, gameboy, and x-box video gamer
I'm a concert goer
A Tv watching and movie viewer
I'm a color guard twirler
A violin, french horn, and guitar player
I'm a 20 mile walker for hunger
A diabetic, cancer, and blood donater
I'm a sky diver
A roller coaster and water slide rider
I'm a kareoki club singer
A mikes, smirnoff, and malibu bay breeze drinker
I'm a skier
A roller blade, walk, run, and sometimes bike rider
I'm a camper
A fire builder, canoer, and white water rafter
I'm a co-worker
A friend, daughter, sister, your ex-lover?
I'm a joker
A pool, bowl, and mini golfer
I'm a trip taker
scotland, germany, I'll see you later
I feel akward around you
Don't know if I should look at you
Don't really understand
How you feel
You know how I feel
I want to be around you
To have you touch my hand
Fix my coat or push back my hair
And to look you in the eyes
And to love that you are near
I just want to put my arms around you
Touch...Something I miss so much
And a simple kiss
Pressed softly against my lips
Damn Damn Damn
I hate slow
Take it slow
That's what they say
When I just want to tell you
Everything today
I hate secrets
But I'd hate even more
To scare you away
Three words cheaply written or spoken
Never describing exactly how one feels
Not even close
Infact the best words written or spoken
Are the one's you don't say
They are the emotions you feel
Some think love is all pleasure
Love is the hardest sacrifice a person can make
Most people think you pick love
I think love finds you
The best thing you can do is wait
When you do find that love
Treasure it
Be careful
You never know what the future will bring
Remember love has little to do with sex
If that is your relationship
It is not real
It doesn't matter where that person goes
Or what they may do
Love is hope
And hope can be painful
I've realized that being blunt
To a person will push them away
But what should you do?
I see a guy I like very often
He doesn't know my feelings
What would happen if he did?
What would happen if you knew
There was someone in this world
That thinks fondly of you?
Since I haven't been with anyone
In about three years
I haven't the slightest clue
But I am here
Watching you from a distance
Hoping one day I could
Look you in the eyes
And tell you how I feel
Praying that you feel the same way
She breaths the words
Only you were mean't to hear
And feels the arms
Of your care
She hears the love
In every glance
And eats the pain
Of last chance
She touches the face
Of thin air
And cries the silent
Of all tears
He holds the hole
In her heart
And she fills it with hope
When they are apart
You are out there
What I would give to touch you
Feel you in my arms
Look you in the eyes
Have you hold me when I am scared and never let go
I have been betrayed by so many before you
But I know you are out there
I have kissed your lips
Felt your heart beat
Watched you fall asleep
I just wish I knew which direction to look
I have loved and been dumped
Loved and didn’t realize I fell out of love
I have come on strongly
Or maybe I didn’t come on to you at all
I just watched you
Until I found out you were not the one
I have tried the internet
Those were interesting times
But none will be as breathe taking
As the time when I meet you
Each relationship is guiding me
They teach me what I need you to have
And what I don’t necessarily want you to have
Right now I am searching for that spark
The one the makes you giddy when your name is mentioned
Someone that makes me scared, vulnerable, and nervous
But in the end satisfied, happy, and loved
Until that time I guess
You can only be an image in my mind
An image that will be nothing
Compared to the time when I meet you
Love...
The game of should I
Or shouldn't I
I love the challenge
You keep me on my feet
Want to show you everything
And need to show you more
How is that?
That the images in my head
Make me tingle
Just the sound of your voice
Makes me happy
The craving for you in my life
I want it
I need it
The unexplainable joy
The torture of being apart
All the more worthwild
At what point did I stop
Wanting you in my life
And start needing you in it?
It was the point when I realized
I love you
In you, I see the passion
It is often in your touch
Or deep within your eyes
You lightly push the hair
Out of my way
I can feel your fingers
As they stroke my neck
Our eyes lock as I Glance up at you
My nervous invisible wall
Breaks down and draws us closer
I feel the numb wet tickle
Of your soft gentle lips
Smiling and laughing
At how bad but romantic we are
You hold me I feel
warm, protected, and cared for
I trust you
Hearing you kiss me on the head
Smelling your sentual scent
For one more time
Before college takes you away
You know I really wanted this to work
You said that you love me
And that you have since
We broke up 2 years ago
But your actions tell me otherwise
I thought about it awhile
Told you I couldn't be
Your girlfriend right away
And tried not to kiss you
You were all into me
Until that night we kissed
I haven't seen much of you since
Now that I may actually love you
I'm thinking I have to let you go
To atleast keep the friendship
Between you and me
Your eyes make contact with mine
I do not want to look away
But when I do you are still watching
Do I dare venture into the world with you?
It feels so secure
It is amazing how everything else dissappears
The energy pulls us closer
Protecting and comforting
Do not look away
I am obsessed with your eyes
Until I am your girl
I think about your family often
The way your mom told
Your sister, her boyfriend, you, and I
"This could be our family"
I miss going to the cottage
With your family
Watching your sister's plays
Being able to feel comfortable
Going to your family's house
When you were not there
I loved watching your Dad's
Latest random video he taped
I miss baking them cookies
At christmas time
They were the only family
Other than my own
I ever got close to
Now that we broke up
I don't feel like
I will ever be able
To tell them
How much they mean to me
I may be your exgirlfriend
but I'm also your friend
Look in the mirror
and what do you see
Certainly not the man
you used to be
You have pushed everything
you used to love
Out the door with a shove
You may have fooled your new aquintances
and perhaps the old ones too
But no one really knows you like I do
The pain is written in your eyes
and the alcohol is not a good disguise
I'm sure you have smoked a cigarette
Like the time in April I will never forget
Your pride and joy was "DJ"ing
Now it is disinigrating
You say your time is spent studying
But I know that's a lie your playing
Distance has pulled us far away
and I know that you haven't been okay
So I just want you to know
That I am always here for you
Because as your friend
I care about you
Maybe my instinct is totally wrong
But I have been told somethings
that are going on
I'll be here if you call me til the end
Signed with love
Your friend
Copyright Sandra Pfeil 2004-2007